Quirky blonde seeks…..

Woman in Lichfield, West Midlands, UK

... "Soaking wet Sunday here ;)". Sunday

Joined: over a year ago
Last on: 1 hour ago

* Only meet from fabswingers not other sites you may find my username on and follow me. *

Hi and thank you for visiting me, please have a read of my profile, this will save my time and yours. I know it’s long but it’s also funny x

1. Attach a recent and clear face pic to prevent me from deleting your ass unread, not a 2018 wearing sunglasses, a hat and standing 500’ from the camera. I don’t care what’s in your message, what the headline is or how close you are, if there isn’t a pic attached I’ll just delete it every time

2. Don’t attach a cock pic, this makes you look extremely stupid, look around you, they all look the same. Also if you have a pic of your cock on your profile with a sky remote next to it presume you’re not for me.

3. Be local, I have enough trouble getting guys to show up who live in the next street so messaging me to tell me I’m amazing from 100 miles away will get you deleted, I’m not chasing compliments, I honestly don’t care if you like me or not.

4. “Want to chat” when you’re the other end of the country = please talk dirty so I can wank…..move on.

5. “Hey I’m local, let’s meet “ when you look like you live under a bridge is only going to end one way and it’s not going to be with me getting undressed.

6. Contact Moonpig, I simply don’t care if it’s your birthday.

7. Calling me a bitch, saying I’m rude or something similar because I deleted your messages or said “no” is funny, this makes me laugh and gives me a warm feeling inside and shows how desperate you are for my attention.

8. I’m not trip advisor so asking me for feedback is only going to end in tears for you.

9. “I know you, I saw you yesterday, we spoke before, do you remember me, hey stranger, it’s been a while, long time no speak, were you in Asda yesterday, I’m in your area, I’m your way on business next week,” Isn’t going to work, you just made yourself look a knob, plus I’m not that gullible and will have me shouting over to my husband “I’ve got another twat here who says he knows us from Tesco and a guy in a hoodie in the area on business next month away” this is when he mumbles “block the twat”.

10. Presume I’m fine, no that’s not wine, no I don’t want to borrow your husband, no I don’t want to see your cock and no I don’t want to watch you on cam.

11. If you send me your number saying “wuu2 bay, you is lush” I will presume you’re currently having a stroke and need medical attention, I’ll also pass your number on to the next 10 guys who want phone sex so don’t complain when Bill and Bigcockfrank75 call you and start heavy breathing 15 times an hour.

12. Stop putting hmmm, mmmm, he he, ha ha at the end of your message, “I want to fuck you mmm” makes you sound like Benny Hill and “I want to fuck you he he” is just plain creepy.

13. Remember attraction is my choice, never ever yours.

14. If you’re upset I don’t reply…I don’t care, I can’t stress enough how insignificant your good opinion of me is, simply move on, it’s not rude to not reply, it is rude to keep messaging when I’m obviously deleting you because I don’t like you.

15. If I delete your first message, the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th etc are not going to help you, you still look the same.

16. I don’t do cyber, if you’re talking to a girl who’s into cyber, chances are excellent that girl is called Dave.

17. Telling me what you want to do to me is boring, all you will have achieved is making me throw up in my mouth a little and put me off my breakfast.

18. Yes I’m a bitch, even the devil says “oh shit she’s awake” when I get up.

19. Yes I’m bisexual-putting that out there on the rare chance it’s not only me that’s real on here. (Fems you’re worse than the guys)

20. No I won’t meet you alone, no fun for me, I like more than one guy

21. Groups-yes please, if you want a quick blow job in the back of a car that girl went a while ago.

22. “Can I ask you a question?” ….nope

23. Things I don’t want to do with you, watch you wank, talk on SC or Skype and I don’t care if WhatsApp is easier for you.

24 “Please give me a chance, I have a wonderful personality, I’m a laugh, but I really like you” is not going to help you, I’m shallow, I’m looking for looks and body, if you think that’s harsh you’re on the wrong site.

25 Telling me I’m not your type and I have a big ass after I said no to your “omg I want you bad” message makes you look 12 and makes me laugh at you, out loud and for real.

26 “I wish I was closer” well you’re not so don’t send a pointless message

27 “male half here, my wife is just out, at work, in bed, not around, would you meet me?” Get divorced and find a new wife…”female half here, will you let my husband meet you without me?”…..my mother didn’t raise stupid children, if you honestly find a female that falls for that she needs special help and attention from trained people.

28 “I don’t want a reply etc I just wanted to say you look great”…..five minutes later…”not your type?? Why no reply??”

29 If your first message to me is meant as an insult then please understand I won’t care in the slightest , if in doubt please see item 14 on my list, this will honestly make me laugh and I guarantee you will fall into this category, you will be borderline ugly, not ugly but borderline, you won’t ever have been good with girls, at least one of your pics will feature you in a high vis jacket or posing at a gym in grey pants looking like you need a shit, you will live in a rented flat, you will have one or less veri that will have come from Tracy on “the estate” and you will be used to window shopping in the bargain section of fabs, I however will have taken great joy from your message, in my mind you have walked into Mercedes and saw that new AMG that you want so so badly, realising you simply fall short in every way you will have left the dealership slating the Mercedes AMG and trying to convince yourself you never wanted it and it has terrible wheels. Consider this a teachable moment, it’s obvious it’s my attention you seek, unfortunately no one will remember you.

30. “Is this your first time on a swinging site? I can help you, do you want to discuss any kind of fantasy with me?”…are you all programmed to ask the same shit?? I’ve been here for 8 years, this is my 4th account and do I look fucking shy???

31 “Have to say I didn’t read your profile but would you b”. …..guess what I did

32. “Do you like a man in uniform?” What a dumb ass question, if you’re ugly, clothes ain’t going to save you?? You didn’t suddenly look different did you??

33. If I ask for something in particular on my status don’t waste my time messaging me to say “I wish I was…” or “it’s a pity I’m not…” if I’m asking for a certain age range why the fuck message and say “yea I’m not that age but….” You just make yourself look a knob.

34. I will squeeze your bollocks with the same pressure as you squeeze my tits so guess which one of us will be doubled over in pain first?

oh and to Sydney University and its partners…..crack on guys, I don’t give a shit.

Love and kisses

Lou x

Louise

50 years old, Bisexual

5'6" 168cm
Athletic
Non smoker
Social drinker
No tattoos
No piercings

Looking For

Couples (MF) Couples (MM) Couples (FF) Men Women
Aged from 18 to 49 only
Will meet smokers

Meeting

Can accommodate
Cannot travel

Interests

Adult Parties, Anal, Blindfolds, Dogging, DP, Gangbangs, Group Sex, Making Videos, Oral, Rimming, Role Play, Safe Sex, Same Room Swapping, Spanking, Swingers Clubs, Taking Photos, Threesomes, Toys, Voyeurism, Watersports, Webcams

Showing first 11 of 37 public images (see all 37)

26 more images on their public gallery

Verified Genuine Profile

*ust for funabc (30), Man on 22 March 2024 by Meeting in person:
met Louise no messing about a few messages and I find her on a bench playing with herself we went into the woods and carried on the naughty fun ; ) if you get the chance to meet this sexy lady don't mess her about thanks for making my day month year haha x

*omsubcouple1996 (26), Couple on 5 November 2023 by Meeting in person:
Well what can I say about this absolute stunner. This was my first hotwife meet without Mr A and it did not disappoint. I met Louise and another gorgeous woman for a very hot threesome and we had a lot of fun. Louise has the most unreal figure and her pussy is delicious. She knew exactly how to make my legs shake and her tongue left me dripping. Thank you for making this experience so amazing and I can’t wait to meet you again soon. Mrs A xx

*defun (50), Man on 29 September 2023 by Meeting in person:
Met this super sexy women at chams, apart from being gorgeous looking with a near as possible perfect body (private joke sorry) and mind blowing oral skills. She is so down to earth doesn’t actually realise how stunning she is with a lovely personality and a smile that just makes you melt. A truly wonderful afternoon thank you so much hopefully we can meet again sometime so I can be your bodyguard again. Gents if you get the chance to meet up with her, you will definitely will not be disappointed. Thanks L xxx

*arel (46), Man on 12 September 2023 by Webcam:
When you see pics and random videos it’s hard to get a feel of how someone is. Well after just seeing Louise on cam I can say she’s really down to earth, beautiful and sexy. She has such a good vibe about her. Thanks for the lunch time cam show. You’re gorgeous. Take care and chat soon.xx

*otukm1lf (37), Couple on 14 August 2023 by Meeting in person:
Wow what a night with Louise and her fella. Louise is absolutely gorgeous, even more stunning than in her pictures but not only that so chilled and friendly too. . We had a night of giggles, funny stories and when the naughty fun started she blew both our minds. Some very naughty firsts for us which we are still talking about and can’t wait to meet up again soon to push some more boundaries. Big kisses S and J xx

*BC 1 (43), Man on 30 July 2023 by Meeting in person:
Met this sexy lady at Chameleons. She's absolutely gorgeous. Firm, fit body, juicy pussy great tits and fucks like a porn star. Her pics don't lie. She's very attractive with eyes you could get lost in. I couldn't get enough of her. And I think she knew it too :-) So much so, that when I was invited back to her home the next night, I eagerly accepted. Hubby is a great guy who really made me feel welcome. Make sure that you have plenty of energy because you'll certainly need it. Definitely not to be missed. You will not be dissapointed X

*ew-Exp-2021 (41), Couple on 15 May 2023 by Meeting in person:
How do we start? We was lucky enough to meet this gorgeous blonde bombshell for spontaneous and deliciously mind-blowing naughty night fun. Louise is stunning, with an amazing figure and a lovely smile. What a bundle of sexy fun and a lovely person too. We can see from her profile pics that this lady is hot but we been lucky enough to meet her in person, we can tell you that she is SUPER SUPER HOT!! A world class sexy stunner!! We had an amazing time which we will never forget and we really hope we can meet again soon Xxx

*xxLandNxxx (40), Couple on 5 May 2023 by Meeting in person:
Wonderful afternoon spent with this amazing lady. Very easy going and lots of fun hope to keep in touch and see you again soon L and N x x x

*lackindulgence (50), Man on 4 April 2023 by Meeting in person:
This lady is the opposite of how I thought she would be. Although mouthwatering, She has manners, is respectful and has a lovely warm down to earth easygoing personality which makes all the more attractive!

*tockings and heels lover (35), Man on 10 February 2023 by Meeting in person:
So I think it's time I write a veri about the super beautiful Louise. Lou and I connected a few years ago and has always dressed to impress smells to impress and everything she does to impress. Last night was the pick of the bunch where I let myself in to find Lou on the stairs bent over wearing stockings and heels. I then poured oil over Lou's perfect ass and omg the view was to die for and the rest is history. Guys/girls if you get the chance to meet Louise do not waste it she is sexy but also a genuine nice person who won't take been messed around. Till next time. Thank you x

*assionandplay (41), Man on 5 September 2022 by Meeting in person:
Wow wow wow.... Louise has been on my radar for some time as being one of the hottest women on fab, I could not believe my luck when I got a message from her asking to meet! After talking we soon released we had a mutual kink for feet, she offered to meet and give me a foot job. 30 minutes later Louise true to her word turned up exactly on time, looking and smelling gorgeous, wearing beautiful stockings. wow she's better in the flesh! Amazing kisser, amazing tits, unbelievable pussy, she wanked my cock with her feet and finished by giving me an amazing blowjob, all the time we were filming it for her hubby. Hands down the best looking lady I've ever met on fab and hopefully we can meet often! Xxx

*ixen-X (50), Woman on 19 August 2022 by Meeting in person:
Words cannot begin to describe what an absolutely amazing sexy minx this one truly is and oh so very nawty too ... met a few times and our freindship was made ... a beautiful gorgeous woman who gives the best kisses ever I could never get enough....cant wait to see you again soon beautiful lots of love Vixen xxxx

*ing-vik-Ing (41), Couple on 22 July 2022 by Webcam:
Well we finally had the chance to speak to this gorgeous lady tonight via cam. It was an illuminating experience! What a treat! It’s put us in the mood for a road trip south of the wall to pay her a visit and keep to our promise of tearing her out of her dress ;-) Let’s be making plans! I&K xxxxx

*uietlyWorking (29), Man on 16 May 2022 by Meeting in person:
I met Lou on a number of occasions, each as fantastically sexy as the next! We gangbanged, we had a late night flurry and we teased her husband in the front room. She is so incredibly beautiful, knows exactly how to please a man and take all the dick you can give her. Play nice though, she does not suffer fools lightly!

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