pleasures of the flesh, or cheesecake.

Couple in Milton Keynes, South East, UK

Joined: over a year ago
Last on: 2 days ago

#update 2021# We now live in central France and the move has kept us too busy for each other let alone anything else! We’ll see what happens in the future, once things settle down, but the husband is always looking albeit half-arsedly.

Single guys, we’ll come looking if we need you thanks :)

We've been married for 23 years and over the (many) years, have had one too many bags of Haribo Starmix in front of the telly. With sedentary jobs, 3 children, all the wrong diet choices and middle age arriving with a thud, we've paid the price physically.

However, we did get fed up with what those "delights" had done to our appearance, so we worked on it; unfortunately the damage was done. So set your expectations to "completely average", prepare for moobs, muffin tops, battle scars and constant "sucking it in" and you won't be disappointed. Indeed, if my double chin is particularly prominent i may sport facial fuzz to hide it, although rest assured the wife doesn't use that tactic. Think of two well dressed bags of King Edwards potatoes and you’re there. There's certainly a lot to be said for squidgy bits, so we're generally unfussed by appearance in others--just be well groomed, hygienic and smelling nice!!

As the memes have said, you can tell we work out but that we never turn down free cake...

We have the usual set of demanding kids, jobs, and other crap, so free time is precious! We’re early risers and have two jobs. Come the weekend it's difficult to raise enthusiasm for anything, let alone bonking. Ironing to catch- up tv can be such a passion killer, yet it's often a highlight of the week.

We used to go to Liberty's before finding something closer and often went to Vanilla Alternative but now tend to favour Jaydees because a) it's cheaper and b) our hit rate seems to be better!

We don't have the luxury of time or the ability to stay awake going at things like young rascawy rabbits, so tend to leave about 1am so we’re usually early starters xD

Unfortunately we’re very shy so don’t usually indulge in the ‘social side’ of swinging, and when we do go to a club it can be quite fun to just be anonymous, also if something doesn't work out we can move on to the next couple. There's a lot to be said for not listening to yet more people's troubles. We prefer to get on with things and do rather enjoy the orgy bed once the "shall we touch them?" terror has been resolved.

We haven’t done social meetings in pubs or gone to any parties as it would leave us mortified if we did not click with somebody and have to waste the evening or make excuses--that may sound selfish, but it's a "bang for buck" thing; cash and time-wise!! We have enough vanilla friends :) But we’re always open to ours minds being changed. So if you reckon we might be interested please invite us along. We’ll probably stand at the back scared to make the first move...

We prefer to think of this as light entertainment, we've got enough baggage of our own and carry the bags of family and friends without adding anything elseheavy to the load! It might sound selfish to the younger ones on here, but we've reached a stage in our lives where we're tired of other people's shit, don't need it, so don't take it. And if I hear anymore banal opinions on politics or reality tv I’m gonna get testy...Simples :)

Oh and Bisexuality or any other non-straight label doesn't frighten us, we could be labelled as heteroflexible (!). It’s no deal breaker how you describe yourself or what boundaries you may have. Ours have certainly changed over our years of marriage and we’re a lot more experimental. We’ve certainly both touched/been touched, slurped/been slurped, rogered/been rogered without any adverse effects--but it is a chemistry/mood/atmosphere thing. If they're wrong we won't be interested. We might be thought of as Trisexual--we'll try anything. Well apart from or goats. That shit is just nasty. Basically once we’re horny anything goes. We’re not precious. We just like orgasms, however they arrive...we both love being rimmed/arse worship so if that’s your bag you go to the top of the list. If not no worries, we’ll enjoy tasting other parts of the buffet!

Basically if you’re up for it, we probably are too. See? No dramas.

As you can see from our pics, we used to love going on a "day out", generally when the kids were at school, finding a nice secluded spot where we won't offend anyone/get arrested and then getting jiggy with it. We arranged meets for invited guests and sometimes, when they showed up, it's was all rather spiffing...Other times we may as well have stayed at home in the garden, given the no-shows, but there you go, perhaps the "picnic" doesn't look edible enough. We also don’t really have the time to do it anymore, the desire to deal with midge bites or the poor return on time investment, so we’ll probably just go clubbing hereon in.

Oh and if you contact us, seriously give the text speech a rest. U wud not b3lieve wht passes 4 comms skillz, & trust us,itza sure fire way ov bean deleted innit. If you can't be erudite or prosaic in your approach, you're not likely to get in my knickers, let alone hers, so please try and put some effort in. #shudder #ugh

Furthermore please don't send us friend requests or "look at my profile" tags if there's sod all on your profile. There's about 8 billion humans on the planet, half of which are guys who think they’re god’s gift—you'd either have to be Brad Pitt or Einstein to separate yourself from the herd, so if you're neither you're going to have to put just a little bit of effort in. Seriously, we have plenty of horny fuckers interested in playing, so you need to stand out and catch our interest--if you can't be arsed neither can we.

If any of this offends you or comes across as high handed, please feel free to block/delete/move along as we're sure there's plenty more people available on here to tickle your fancy and we're bored with snowflakes and time wasters.

Right, i'm off to put a washload on and clean the toilet

stay safe T&D

52 years old, Straight

6'0" 183cm
Average
Non smoker
Social drinker
Some tattoos
No piercings

55 years old, Straight

5'10" 178cm
Average
Non smoker
Social drinker
No tattoos
No piercings

Looking For

Couples (MF)
Aged from 25 to 60
Won't meet smokers

Meeting

Cannot accommodate
Can travel

Interests

Adult Parties, Anal, Cuckolding, Dogging, DP, Gangbangs, Group Sex, Making Videos, Oral, Rimming, Safe Sex, Same Room Swapping, Soft Swing, Swingers Clubs, Taking Photos, Threesomes, Toys, Voyeurism

Showing first 11 of 25 public images (see all 25)

14 more images on their public gallery

Verified Genuine Profile

*azman007 (49), Man on 23 December 2019 by Meeting in person:
What a fabulous couple, warm charming and very welcoming. I had the pleasure of their company and must say he is a gent and she was a delight to behold! A sexy hot and very horny lady you could ever want to meet. I certainly would welcome another opportunity:-) as I feel I’ve have so much unfinished business! :-) xx my fingers are crossed xxx Once again thank you

*iger666 (64), Couple on 14 May 2019 by Meeting in person:
Well what can we say... Met the lovely people in JDs... What a beautiful surprise.. Very erotic guys.. Could have played for ever.. Both very sexy bodies, really turned on with them.. Hope we can meet again... Don't miss them if you get the chance... Best night in a club for us.. Xx

*ariejames69 (61), Couple on 11 February 2018 by Meeting in person:
We met D&T last weekend at Jaydees and had a fun time with them both. Would meet up again as they are both so easy going, honest and fun couple.