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Would you say that to a man/woman?
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With my kids getting older I've become ever more aware of sexist tropes and attitudes that are prevalent in society, and which I myself hold - gasp! - it's hard to escape your lifetime biases.
I've started questioning myself and others - would you say that to a man? Or think it? Or vice versa? I've really surprised myself at times. What about you? Is this on your radar? How do you approach it with your kids?
I realise this doesn't include non-binary folks, that's a whole other thread...
Mrs TMN x
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
I'll know it when I find it. |
I love your lingerie set Op! That colour. 
Playful Promises yeah? My aim is to be featured on their Instagram, going to get a disgruntled pug to take some snaps of me.
So, let's see. No. There's not a difference. A few years ago I used to be quite erm... snobby? Judgemental of a particular feature/lack of in people. But it wasn't gendered. I have a strong dislike of the need for women to put other women down, on a physicality level in a way they perhaps wouldn't do with men. Actually they wouldn't. |
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Yeah having daughters does really change how you speak and even think about women.
Although now mine are much older, they clearly take after me , I had to put my fingers in my ears one night when we were out for dinner & they were discussing the taste of come with one of my FWB’s |
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My kids made me think long and hard about that sort of thing when they were younger. I still find myself saying things to one gender that I wouldn't to another but our daughter pulls me up on it quick sharp.
I'm definitely gentler on women. |
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"I love your lingerie set Op! That colour.
Playful Promises yeah? My aim is to be featured on their Instagram, going to get a disgruntled pug to take some snaps of me.
So, let's see. No. There's not a difference. A few years ago I used to be quite erm... snobby? Judgemental of a particular feature/lack of in people. But it wasn't gendered. I have a strong dislike of the need for women to put other women down, on a physicality level in a way they perhaps wouldn't do with men. Actually they wouldn't. "
That's the kind of thing I mean. Would I be thinking that about a man, or saying it? Probably not. Trying to check myself on it.
And yes, playful promises. They had the bras on sale yesterday but none in my size  |
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"My kids made me think long and hard about that sort of thing when they were younger. I still find myself saying things to one gender that I wouldn't to another but our daughter pulls me up on it quick sharp.
I'm definitely gentler on women. "
Interesting! I think I may be the other way. |
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"Yeah having daughters does really change how you speak and even think about women.
Although now mine are much older, they clearly take after me , I had to put my fingers in my ears one night when we were out for dinner & they were discussing the taste of come with one of my FWB’s "
Excellent dinner table chat!  |
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"I mean, there's genitalia specific things I'd say to one and not the other in a certain context.
But generally someone's gender doesn't define how I view or speak to them."
Genitalia specific things - what a tremendous phrase  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a funny thing I have boys and they are now older. They don't have any male influence in their lives and haven't for many years .
I think it shows in the way they look at women in comparison to the way their friends do.
They don't seem to hold the same gender stereotypes.
However equally I'm aware that they may also be missing out on some vital man stuff. |
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"My kids made me think long and hard about that sort of thing when they were younger. I still find myself saying things to one gender that I wouldn't to another but our daughter pulls me up on it quick sharp.
I'm definitely gentler on women.
Interesting! I think I may be the other way. "
I consciously try not to be but... |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
I'll know it when I find it. |
"I love your lingerie set Op! That colour.
Playful Promises yeah? My aim is to be featured on their Instagram, going to get a disgruntled pug to take some snaps of me.
So, let's see. No. There's not a difference. A few years ago I used to be quite erm... snobby? Judgemental of a particular feature/lack of in people. But it wasn't gendered. I have a strong dislike of the need for women to put other women down, on a physicality level in a way they perhaps wouldn't do with men. Actually they wouldn't.
That's the kind of thing I mean. Would I be thinking that about a man, or saying it? Probably not. Trying to check myself on it.
And yes, playful promises. They had the bras on sale yesterday but none in my size "
Ah yes I saw that! £20 was such a good price. I almost got a set but I'm buying a Bluebella set for a club night and trying to be sensible.
I notice it in conversations with some people - that berating women for some physical "flaw" even though it's not relevant to their character, how they are towards another. Like some how the woman is an object to be picked apart physically but if a man's a dick, it's because he's a dick. Receding hairlines/wonky noses* don't get mentioned.
I don't particularly enjoy those conversations and will waffle on to another topic.
*I'm trying to describe men in the same awfully twunty way women are picked apart.
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It's a strange one, we have kids of both genders in the house. But I don't think I treat them differently due to gender but their personalities/issues. But those things can be quite gendered because of their environment, if that makes sense? Like my eldest son, I've had to have a conversation about porn, and explaining how it's made etc. I've tried as best I can to be quite open and frank even though we're opposite genders. And I hope I talk to them the same regardless of their genders.
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By *red333Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"I'm a polite speaker anyway so guess i never have to think about it 
I wasn't really thinking about rudeness, more about attitude and expectations. "
well yes but same would apply surely, as a gent i would never intentionally word something to offend certainly not in person and i never expect anything especially here. |
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"Yeah having daughters does really change how you speak and even think about women.
Although now mine are much older, they clearly take after me , I had to put my fingers in my ears one night when we were out for dinner & they were discussing the taste of come with one of my FWB’s "
Fuck me ! Seriously ? That's not a discussion for public places in my world. |
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"Yeah having daughters does really change how you speak and even think about women.
Although now mine are much older, they clearly take after me , I had to put my fingers in my ears one night when we were out for dinner & they were discussing the taste of come with one of my FWB’s
Excellent dinner table chat! "
During which course was this? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"… What about you? Is this on your radar? How do you approach it with your kids?
I
Mrs TMN x
"
No, I don’t need to approach anything, I raised them and taught them not be be idiots. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a funny thing I have boys and they are now older. They don't have any male influence in their lives and haven't for many years .
I think it shows in the way they look at women in comparison to the way their friends do.
They don't seem to hold the same gender stereotypes.
However equally I'm aware that they may also be missing out on some vital man stuff. "
I was the first male born into my family for over thirty years, and was predominantly surrounded by women and girls, other than my grandad.
As a result, most of my friends are women and my closest friends are.
Also, both my partner and my former partner have both joked that I'm the mum in our b relationship |
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"I love your lingerie set Op! That colour.
Playful Promises yeah? My aim is to be featured on their Instagram, going to get a disgruntled pug to take some snaps of me.
So, let's see. No. There's not a difference. A few years ago I used to be quite erm... snobby? Judgemental of a particular feature/lack of in people. But it wasn't gendered. I have a strong dislike of the need for women to put other women down, on a physicality level in a way they perhaps wouldn't do with men. Actually they wouldn't.
That's the kind of thing I mean. Would I be thinking that about a man, or saying it? Probably not. Trying to check myself on it.
And yes, playful promises. They had the bras on sale yesterday but none in my size
Ah yes I saw that! £20 was such a good price. I almost got a set but I'm buying a Bluebella set for a club night and trying to be sensible.
I notice it in conversations with some people - that berating women for some physical "flaw" even though it's not relevant to their character, how they are towards another. Like some how the woman is an object to be picked apart physically but if a man's a dick, it's because he's a dick. Receding hairlines/wonky noses* don't get mentioned.
I don't particularly enjoy those conversations and will waffle on to another topic.
*I'm trying to describe men in the same awfully twunty way women are picked apart.
"
Yes, defo a thing. Female politicians I find it particularly noticeable. Ooh, Bluebella, fancy! |
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"It's a funny thing I have boys and they are now older. They don't have any male influence in their lives and haven't for many years .
I think it shows in the way they look at women in comparison to the way their friends do.
They don't seem to hold the same gender stereotypes.
However equally I'm aware that they may also be missing out on some vital man stuff. "
Interesting. What kind of vital man stuff do you mean? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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At parents night last week the teacher said my daughter had leadership skills, she said we don't call girls bossy anymore as we wouldn't say it about a boy. To be fair, she is pretty bossy...and a leader  |
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"It's a strange one, we have kids of both genders in the house. But I don't think I treat them differently due to gender but their personalities/issues. But those things can be quite gendered because of their environment, if that makes sense? Like my eldest son, I've had to have a conversation about porn, and explaining how it's made etc. I've tried as best I can to be quite open and frank even though we're opposite genders. And I hope I talk to them the same regardless of their genders.
"
Hello, stranger!
Yes, I know what you mean about the environment. That's partly what I was getting at, those subtle things that are part of our culture but which we take for granted - e.g. I'm more likely to check with my daughter than with my son before buying clothes for them. Have I understood you correctly?
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"At parents night last week the teacher said my daughter had leadership skills, she said we don't call girls bossy anymore as we wouldn't say it about a boy. To be fair, she is pretty bossy...and a leader "
Nice work that teacher! |
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"… What about you? Is this on your radar? How do you approach it with your kids?
I
Mrs TMN x
No, I don’t need to approach anything, I raised them and taught them not be be idiots. "
Can you explain a bit more, please?
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Hmmmmm. I THINK we've treated our children equitably so far (as far as one can, when they are 20 and 6!)
Despite me being exceptionally non-girly and not in the least bit fussed with my appearance, don't wear makeup etc, our daughter is turning out to be very girly indeed. We're trying hard to teach her that her value is not in whether she looks nice in a dress, but in the substance of her character, brain etc.
Our son is a self professed feminist. He's very hot on equity and equality issues....... |
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"It's a strange one, we have kids of both genders in the house. But I don't think I treat them differently due to gender but their personalities/issues. But those things can be quite gendered because of their environment, if that makes sense? Like my eldest son, I've had to have a conversation about porn, and explaining how it's made etc. I've tried as best I can to be quite open and frank even though we're opposite genders. And I hope I talk to them the same regardless of their genders.
Hello, stranger!
Yes, I know what you mean about the environment. That's partly what I was getting at, those subtle things that are part of our culture but which we take for granted - e.g. I'm more likely to check with my daughter than with my son before buying clothes for them. Have I understood you correctly?
"
Hello!!
Kind of yeah, the kids will pick up things from else where despite what we do at home. My youngest son's favourite colour was pink, he had pink wellies and fleece tops etc. Then he went to primary school and now it's not, secretly is so he buys me pink things even though I hate pink and he's definitely the fussiest about clothes too.
I don't think we can change their environment but can open their eyes to bias that exists in the world.
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