FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Do you “Settle”

Do you “Settle”

By *ohnPaul17 OP Man over a year ago

south Manchester

Serious question.......

A couple of years ago I met an amazing woman, we connected immediately and got very close. The problem was she was already attached. For a variety of reasons she couldn’t or wouldn’t leave him. Although we did have a very passionate affair for about a year.

Since then I have not been able to get her out of my mind or the feelings I got from her. Since then I have dated a few women but usually cool things off when I don’t get the same level of feeling I had for this other woman. Now I actually don’t think I will find that with anybody else.

So that leads me to the question. Should I settle for being with somebody else where my feelings are not as strong?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *issmorganWoman over a year ago

Calderdale innit

No be on your own ,have meets and dates until you meet someone who makes you feel the way she did.

Its not fair on the other person if you feel as if you are settling and you wouldn't be happy.

I've always been of the opinion that i'd rather be alone,than be with someone for the sake.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Serious question.......

So that leads me to the question. Should I settle for being with somebody else where my feelings are not as strong? "

You had a bite from the forbidden fruit , keep it as a memory for what it was I guarantee you will find someone else one day who surpasses

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"No be on your own ,have meets and dates until you meet someone who makes you feel the way she did.

Its not fair on the other person if you feel as if you are settling and you wouldn't be happy.

I've always been of the opinion that i'd rather be alone,than be with someone for the sake."

This

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Are you saying that you walk away from relationships that offer you the same level of feeling and are considering entering one where you feel less for the other person? If so give yourself time to heal but don't settle for Lambrini if you know you can have champagne.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ohnPaul17 OP Man over a year ago

south Manchester

I didn’t walk away from it no. She basically said no matter how well we got along andhow amazing the sex was because of other reasons (Family) she couldn’t leave her partner. In the end she ended the affair not me.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *arlo82Woman over a year ago

the gym and random places

Personally I don't think you should settle in any aspect of life but least of all in matters of the heart.

If I want to be with someone now they'd have to tick all the boxes. Tried settling and it didn't work.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"No be on your own ,have meets and dates until you meet someone who makes you feel the way she did.

Its not fair on the other person if you feel as if you are settling and you wouldn't be happy.

I've always been of the opinion that i'd rather be alone,than be with someone for the sake."
this is why I think I will now always be by myself. As don't think it's fair on someone else when my heart belongs to someone else

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *elshsunsWoman over a year ago

Flintshire

Never settle for anything second best in life ...., amazing things happen I can vouch for it ...

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don’t think anyone should settle, you’ll never be truly happy and you’ll always be looking for the next best thing to fill that void.

I also wouldn’t like to know that a guy I’m dating is trying to compare me or see if I match up to a previous encounter he had, it feels like second best.

Be on your own, by all means go on dates but don’t think too much into them, take them as they are and if you don’t have a good feeling, don’t waste your time on that date again.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There are times when I do think I would settle. I'm hardly a model and I carry plenty baggage. Someone who i feel comfortable with, who wants me and will cut the grass on a Sunday would be better than nothing. Better even than the great sex but half arsed intimacy i get at the moment.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There are times when I do think I would settle. I'm hardly a model and I carry plenty baggage. Someone who i feel comfortable with, who wants me and will cut the grass on a Sunday would be better than nothing. Better even than the great sex but half arsed intimacy i get at the moment.

So change your lot then

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So change your lot then"

Some habits i enjoy too much to give up

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *elshsunsWoman over a year ago

Flintshire

"I don’t think anyone should settle, you’ll never be truly happy and you’ll always be looking for the next best thing to fill that void.

I also wouldn’t like to know that a guy I’m dating is trying to compare me or see if I match up to a previous encounter he had, it feels like second best.

Be on your own, by all means go on dates but

don’t think too much into them, take them as

they are and if you don’t have a good feeling,

don’t waste your time on that date again. "

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So change your lot then

Some habits i enjoy too much to give up

Why sound so miserable then?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ohnPaul17 OP Man over a year ago

south Manchester

" this is why I think I will now always be by myself. As don't think it's fair on someone else when my heart belongs to someone else "

That’s exactly how I feel. I believe she was my “one” and I won’t find that again

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *elshsunsWoman over a year ago

Flintshire

Never do this your putting out with your vibe that you will settle for less .. always aim high

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Serious question.......

So that leads me to the question. Should I settle for being with somebody else where my feelings are not as strong? "

ok.

if you still feel that strong, maybe you should tell her, then if its mutual GREAT if not you can have closure and move on with your life as this isnt good for you.

and NO one should ever settle, if they dont tick your boxes, make you smile 1st thing and last thing and when you think of that person smile and feel happy, then stay single, better to be single and than with someone for the sake of it, as you may hurt the other person in the long run.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"I didn’t walk away from it no. She basically said no matter how well we got along andhow amazing the sex was because of other reasons (Family) she couldn’t leave her partner. In the end she ended the affair not me. "

Yes, sorry I misunderstood your post. How soon are you walking away? Sometimes deep feelings take some time to develop.

I don't think anyone should settle, if nothing else it's unfair on the person you've settled for, not to say insulting.

I do think though that if you continually compare one relationship or person to another you will always find shortcomings.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Go see your gp sounds like you need some advice about falling in love and broken hearts... Fab surgery open

That's the thing with people playing with fire you will get burnt. I have read it and seen it before.

Most never leave the partner

It might have been great

Time to move away

If you can't move on from you past you will never find anything

You can't though think everyone is going to be like what you had.

You need to move on and forget hard but you will never move on if you live in the past.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

My guess is that you have her on some pedastal. You only saw the best bits you didnt do all the boring stuff couples do or argue or see her in her scruffy indoor clothes. What you saw was her always at her best and as it was an affair im assuming the sex was amazing and she never "not wanted it at times that happens in normal relationships. I could be totally off the mark but thats my guess

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Slough

"Serious question.......

So that leads me to the question. Should I settle for being with somebody else where my feelings are not as strong? "

Yes, in the way you've posed the question. You make the logical error of thinking that strong passion at the start of a relationship, will be a solid foundation for one in the long run. I'd strongly disagree. The couples that are posting the most " Oh my boyfriend is so amazing" shit on Facebook are the first to divorce because such energy could never sustain itself long term.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Slough

Seconded

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Totally agree that it is better to be alone than 'settle', and that it is insulting to the person being settled for. Start living in the moment OP, let go of what might have been. Affairs, however long, are very adrenaline driven by the 'forbidden fruit' already mentioned, same as one offs, lots of fab sex is adrenaline based. Ongoing fabbing can build the feeling of connection, but it's not the same as love. Real love and commitment works via a whole host of hormones creating longevity. If that's what you want, wait for it, and keep working on it when you find it. Cherish the memories of Miss Nearly-Right, but live today.

Mrs.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"No be on your own ,have meets and dates until you meet someone who makes you feel the way she did.

Its not fair on the other person if you feel as if you are settling and you wouldn't be happy.

I've always been of the opinion that i'd rather be alone,than be with someone for the sake."

Spot on!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Afraid to say she was right to do it OP. Sex isn't the only part of a long-term relationship. She may have been going through a rough patch and taking time out with you but always knew her existing relationship was for the long-term.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’m going to play devils advocate here and say that by being with someone who was attached you did settle, you were number two, you are worth more and you will find someone for who you are number one. It takes a long time to get over someone when you’ve been in that situation, have some fun while your heart mends, don’t think of commitments just try and enjoy the moment. Time is a healer.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Slough

Firstly, there's no such thing as "the one". Secondly, the idea that people with unrealistic expectations of the world maintain a higher standard of happiness by failing to adjust their expectations, is patently false.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *khot1Couple over a year ago

somewhere over the rainbow

"Serious question.......

So that leads me to the question. Should I settle for being with somebody else where my feelings are not as strong? "

Would it have been so amazing if you had actually entered a proper relationship with this woman. You tasted the forebidden fruit and hold this woman so high on a pedestal that how could anyone else possibly compete.

That being said u should never settle everyone deserves the right to be truely happy x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ynecplCouple over a year ago

Manchester (till 10th Jun)

No you should not settle, it would unfair on both of you, you would never be happy and it would most likely end in disaster. Keep looking you never know the next person you meet might give you the feeling you are searching for.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ohnPaul17 OP Man over a year ago

south Manchester

Thank you everyone for the advice. Some posts do hit home, it’s Avery complicated situation but has dragged on for 2 years ago now. All replies much appreciated.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Maybe the feelings you had for her were enhanced because you couldnt have her but not really fair on any other woman having to be judged .

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *awtymarkyMan over a year ago

chester

I know how you feel OP as had a same dilemma and it’s very hard to find that connection with another person as we are all different.

Unfortunately I won’t like to offer any advice apart from you need to decide what’s right for you and how you feel.

Sometimes feelings get the better of us and rule our mind but try to take time out from the norm and think long and hard what you want.

Also maybe worth discussing it with someone professionally as they might help your mind.

If we didn’t have feelings then we wouldn’t be human.

Hope you find what you want.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *igertigerCouple (MM) over a year ago

cc hotel

"Serious question.......

I'd say you need to re evaluate your prior relationship. Another relationship may be a slow burn and it may not be a case of settling for second best. Affairs can be exciting because perhaps you get the see the best of the other person....just some food for thought.

So that leads me to the question. Should I settle for being with somebody else where my feelings are not as strong? "

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *bonynivoryCouple over a year ago

market harborough

"Serious question.......

So that leads me to the question. Should I settle for being with somebody else where my feelings are not as strong? "

Absolutely not. Went through something similar and now with somebody equally perfect for me. But with major advantages.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

» Add a new message to this topic