Viewing tax, now you’ve looked it’s at least one message

Man in High Wycombe, South East, UK

Joined: over a year ago
Last on: 3 weeks ago

Right seems a fashionable thing to do so here goes with expectations, rules, epiphanies, kinda mission statement thing

Verifications: must be decent up to date at least three paragraphs long and details a ladies talents.... it’s like the ultimate in window shopping.. a someone else has tried before you buy!!

Personal Hygiene must be top notch... you know smelling like an Angel but with mind of a sinner that kinda vibe

Distance, you must be no more than three bus journeys away... not that i have caught a bus in the last 20 years but that should rule out a few... bonus points for being in the same block of Flats except if you’re Moany Karen in Flat 6.... you can jog on Karen even if Brad Pitt did give you the best verification write up in the history of verifications...

Experience... ideally you’ve dropped your learner plates but happy to help you with your sexual pass plus (P-Plates) I don’t think you can ever have to much practise reversing into a tight space that’s the innuendo version not the sexist female driver in case i have to explain...

Size: Tricky one... smaller than an peak Joe Brand but bigger than Kaia Gerber having a ‘feeling fat’ day... basically think a Gwyneth Paltrow in Shallow Hal... best attitude in the world no matter your size... in a nut shell i’m not Hal!

Messages... please don’t start with Hey... Hun, babe, sweet heart, luv, sweetie pie, princess, treacle... or split-arse as i’ll know you’ve accidentally messaged me

under no circumstances do I want to see any Vulvarine / Bearded Clam / Meat Curtains / Flower / Furburger / Upright Wink / Muff / Fish lips / Taco / Love Button / Honey Pot / Beaver / French Fry Drip / Pink Canoe / Hippos Yawn / Vajayjay pictures in my inbox you will automatically get blocked however cute you think it looks... UPDATE... i’ve already had to block 2491 of you ladies for not taking the advice, it is a strict no pussy pic policy

Face pic; of course it’s only fair i demand a face pic (repeat Not a Vagina pic) on your first message... i don’t have any pics of my face but it’s only a rational expectation that i get to judge (you) a book by it’s cover straight from the off!

Arty pics welcome.. something sexy about a black and white naked photo of a lady... although if it was taken at the time by someone standing behind a tripod holding a flash in hand and black & white were the only options available... then i’ll give it a swerve.

I see some peoples profiles insist on BBC... i pay my license fee like the best of them but don’t want to limit myself to one channel.... so BBW (Big Beautiful Women), SBW (Skinny Beautiful Women), LBW, (Leg Before Wicket), HBW (Hot Beautiful Women), PAWG (Phat Arse White Girls), PAACG (Phat Arse Any Colour Girls). NWC (New White Cuties) NBC (National Broadcasting Company, great for catching illegal streams of Footie on)

So if you got this far and want to know a bit more from me then please put ‘Cockwomble’ in the message subject header... no real reason why.. the word just makes me laugh when ever i read it...

p.s. please ignore all of the above..... but I tip my hat to you for reading it and finding it interesting enough to still keep reading it to even finally get to this point and think to yourself he’s either a complete wank-puffin or he just might not be one of those wrongen’s that normally message me

p.p.s. I think it is important to add when weighing up potential sexual partner comparability.... I have never, I repeat never ever ever worn my socks during sex... no socks were harmed in the taking off when horny!

Louis or Mr King

44 years old, Straight

5'11" 180cm
Average
Non smoker
Social drinker
No tattoos
No piercings

Looking For

Not looking for single guys
Couples (FF) Women
Aged from 25 to 66
Won't meet smokers

Meeting

Can accommodate
Can travel

Interests

Anal, Blindfolds, Oral, Phone Sex, Role Play, Safe Sex, Separate Room Swapping, Taking Photos, Threesomes, Toys, Voyeurism, Webcams

Verified Genuine Profile

*milyXXX (55), Woman on 21 January 2024 by Meeting in person:
Yum, an articulate man that goes the extra mile..had me wet before we had met.i can be full on, intensely intimate and a little filthy..he matched me and took sensual touch & kissing to moaning messy dirty sex the kind I desire.Great body and stamina, I let him up for air after 3 hours and I'm kinda hoping he will be back, there's more to explore..do I wanna share him hell no, but that's just greedy.enjoy x