FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Club Discussion > Discrimination?
Discrimination?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm looking for some feedback please.
Last month, me and a good friend of mine, tried going down to a club. We were told by the woman who runs it we were OK to get in, but to come in separately. Now, on the night in question my friend (who has a medical condition that affects his speech and balance, not massively, but noticable) got denied entry as he was talking to a group of lads outside and the woman who runs it (trying not to name names here) said he was d*unk and was part of the group. I explained his condition and that he was with me, not them. That we had discussed it earlier that day. She wouldn't budge. We left is as bad luck and left on good terms with her saying he/we were welcome to come back any other night.
We did.
We tried again last week, after confirming it was him that was coming with me again, we were again told entry wouldn't be an issue and set off on the 3hr round trip, only for her to say he was d*unk again.
Again, I explained I don't touch alcohol anymore and he's not had a drink this year due to his medical conditions.
He was banned for life on the basis "she doesn't get a good vibe from him" but I was welcome to leave him outside and come in. An offer I declined on both occasions.
I posted a review, obviously negative, after the event. I've subsequently been blocked and (I assume) banned.
My friend in question is an outstanding bloke, honest, hilarious, life and soul of the party, not a bad bone in his body. She just took a dislike on, what seems to me, his medical condition... discrimination? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wow! Sounds like discrimination to me especially as you’ve explained the situation. Shocking! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Worked out which club it is and I definitely will be avoiding. It was actually a club I intended to attend as they do fetish nights but there are other suitable clubs. |
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By *S2004Man
over a year ago
Bromsgrove |
Clearly from the OP this is blatant discrimination. Not sure about the rules however for a private members club.
Of course there is always the possibility that there is of course another side to the story but on what is posted here this is certainly not a club I would wish to visit. The fact that the OP hasn’t named it suggests it has more veracity than most |
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |
"I'm looking for some feedback please.
Last month, me and a good friend of mine, tried going down to a club. We were told by the woman who runs it we were OK to get in, but to come in separately. Now, on the night in question my friend (who has a medical condition that affects his speech and balance, not massively, but noticable) got denied entry as he was talking to a group of lads outside and the woman who runs it (trying not to name names here) said he was d*unk and was part of the group. I explained his condition and that he was with me, not them. That we had discussed it earlier that day. She wouldn't budge. We left is as bad luck and left on good terms with her saying he/we were welcome to come back any other night.
We did.
We tried again last week, after confirming it was him that was coming with me again, we were again told entry wouldn't be an issue and set off on the 3hr round trip, only for her to say he was d*unk again.
Again, I explained I don't touch alcohol anymore and he's not had a drink this year due to his medical conditions.
He was banned for life on the basis "she doesn't get a good vibe from him" but I was welcome to leave him outside and come in. An offer I declined on both occasions.
I posted a review, obviously negative, after the event. I've subsequently been blocked and (I assume) banned.
My friend in question is an outstanding bloke, honest, hilarious, life and soul of the party, not a bad bone in his body. She just took a dislike on, what seems to me, his medical condition... discrimination? "
very much so  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The way it was handled was shocking. Communicated everything, throughout both efforts. Messages on here,phone calls directly to the club etc. Its a shame as I was looking forward to trying the club but, management are appalling and I'm not the type to just ditch a friend. I gave the situation the benefit of doubt on the first occasion but, second time round was a complete farce. Its been playing on my mind that maybe my review was harsh but, seems not.
I'd love the person in question to post their side, as all I've been told so far is "can't risk it". Though, when I questioned what it was she felt she was risking, all I kept being told was "bad vibe" not one single legitimate reason. I explained neither of us had, or would be drinking. That he was a kind, funny, outgoing guy... that they had nothing to be concerned about. They'd then circle back to "can't chance it"
I'm still wondering what they/she felt they were chancing.
To make matters worse, a couple also commented on the club review stating he had turned up hammered, which, while untrue, is also ironic as, the couple in question went to his house for a meet... and she turned up absolutely smashed!
It all just seems a bit odd to me
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Bump |
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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago
Stoke area |
It definitely sounds like discrimination from the club owner to me. Maybe she'd had issues with single men recently and was being extra cautious to ensure others in the club weren't put off attending, but it's awful to have explained your friends medical status and him being rejected because of a "bad vibe".
Very unfair. At least you know not to bother going there again and I hope you find another club that welcomes you both. |
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That is understandable on your first visit. We have a freind we meet in a pub. His speech was slurred and his walk and ballence was all over the place. We assumed he was steaming. Until he walked to the toilet and his girlfriend explained he was like this due to an accident. Seemed steaming to us and we did wonder why the bar served him. But we now know he's a regular and the staff know him and his condition. He is a drinker like us but the people who know him can tell when he's d*unk and when he's not.
So I understand the clubs error and although genuine in your case clubs, pubs and bouncers hear all sorts of tales from less d*unk mates why their steaming mate should get in. And a lot of people don't have awareness of these conditions. So when you run a business where excessively d*unk people may be dangerous (a swinging club being a prime example) and may result in you losing permission to run your business you can understand where the owners thinking is. However it seems sad that the owners has down the line adopted this line when you have gone to great efforts to explain the situation and clear things up. Frustrating as it must be I don't blame the owners on the first night. But with the following correspondence they seem not to want to clear the matter up which does come across discriminatory. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It definitely sounds like discrimination from the club owner to me. Maybe she'd had issues with single men recently and was being extra cautious to ensure others in the club weren't put off attending, but it's awful to have explained your friends medical status and him being rejected because of a "bad vibe".
Very unfair. At least you know not to bother going there again and I hope you find another club that welcomes you both. "
Thankyou lizzy |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"That is understandable on your first visit. We have a freind we meet in a pub. His speech was slurred and his walk and ballence was all over the place. We assumed he was steaming. Until he walked to the toilet and his girlfriend explained he was like this due to an accident. Seemed steaming to us and we did wonder why the bar served him. But we now know he's a regular and the staff know him and his condition. He is a drinker like us but the people who know him can tell when he's d*unk and when he's not.
So I understand the clubs error and although genuine in your case clubs, pubs and bouncers hear all sorts of tales from less d*unk mates why their steaming mate should get in. And a lot of people don't have awareness of these conditions. So when you run a business where excessively d*unk people may be dangerous (a swinging club being a prime example) and may result in you losing permission to run your business you can understand where the owners thinking is. However it seems sad that the owners has down the line adopted this line when you have gone to great efforts to explain the situation and clear things up. Frustrating as it must be I don't blame the owners on the first night. But with the following correspondence they seem not to want to clear the matter up which does come across discriminatory. "
I agree entirely, the first occasion we both just brushed off.
The second one really affected his confidence though. Thankfully we've been invited to a different club this weekend.
Alls well, that ends well  |
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"That is understandable on your first visit. We have a freind we meet in a pub. His speech was slurred and his walk and ballence was all over the place. We assumed he was steaming. Until he walked to the toilet and his girlfriend explained he was like this due to an accident. Seemed steaming to us and we did wonder why the bar served him. But we now know he's a regular and the staff know him and his condition. He is a drinker like us but the people who know him can tell when he's d*unk and when he's not.
So I understand the clubs error and although genuine in your case clubs, pubs and bouncers hear all sorts of tales from less d*unk mates why their steaming mate should get in. And a lot of people don't have awareness of these conditions. So when you run a business where excessively d*unk people may be dangerous (a swinging club being a prime example) and may result in you losing permission to run your business you can understand where the owners thinking is. However it seems sad that the owners has down the line adopted this line when you have gone to great efforts to explain the situation and clear things up. Frustrating as it must be I don't blame the owners on the first night. But with the following correspondence they seem not to want to clear the matter up which does come across discriminatory.
I agree entirely, the first occasion we both just brushed off.
The second one really affected his confidence though. Thankfully we've been invited to a different club this weekend.
Alls well, that ends well "
I can imagine how that effects your confidence. Even when you are aware of the natural reaction your condition gets its a kick in the teeth. Especially when a place doesn't seem to want to give you the time of day.
Hopefully you both have a great time at the club especially. It has a difference knowing your welcome and the club understands. I would say their is a clear advantage to a place that hopefully with get to know you and your freind well. And of course its that clubs gain over the other clubs loss, especially seeing how highly you talk of your freind. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Glad you've found a different club. Hope you have a good time. Unfortunately some clubs and the people that run them are incredibly *bleep*.
Funny how the clubs let women get steaming d*unk and the menfolk still fuck them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm looking for some feedback please.
Last month, me and a good friend of mine, tried going down to a club. We were told by the woman who runs it we were OK to get in, but to come in separately. Now, on the night in question my friend (who has a medical condition that affects his speech and balance, not massively, but noticable) got denied entry as he was talking to a group of lads outside and the woman who runs it (trying not to name names here) said he was d*unk and was part of the group. I explained his condition and that he was with me, not them. That we had discussed it earlier that day. She wouldn't budge. We left is as bad luck and left on good terms with her saying he/we were welcome to come back any other night.
Absolutely discrimination - but I wonder if the ban can be uplifted (not that you might want to go after) if he got a letter from his doctor that he could keep as evidence of his medical condition and how it makes him seen to others. I’d imagine in his home area locals know him, (pub landlords etc) and don’t have an issue letting him in. But to people who run a business where it says in the rules that you cannot be intoxicated upon entry, is difficult to know the difference, and some people just point blank refuse to believe it.
We did.
We tried again last week, after confirming it was him that was coming with me again, we were again told entry wouldn't be an issue and set off on the 3hr round trip, only for her to say he was d*unk again.
Again, I explained I don't touch alcohol anymore and he's not had a drink this year due to his medical conditions.
He was banned for life on the basis "she doesn't get a good vibe from him" but I was welcome to leave him outside and come in. An offer I declined on both occasions.
I posted a review, obviously negative, after the event. I've subsequently been blocked and (I assume) banned.
My friend in question is an outstanding bloke, honest, hilarious, life and soul of the party, not a bad bone in his body. She just took a dislike on, what seems to me, his medical condition... discrimination? "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds really horrible sorry but I'd have to name them call them out definitely sounds discriminating |
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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago
Durham |
"Worked out which club it is and I definitely will be avoiding. It was actually a club I intended to attend as they do fetish nights but there are other suitable clubs. "
Some clubs, like f and quest, advertise their fetish events on a different site. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm looking for some feedback please.
Last month, me and a good friend of mine, tried going down to a club. We were told by the woman who runs it we were OK to get in, but to come in separately. Now, on the night in question my friend (who has a medical condition that affects his speech and balance, not massively, but noticable) got denied entry as he was talking to a group of lads outside and the woman who runs it (trying not to name names here) said he was d*unk and was part of the group. I explained his condition and that he was with me, not them. That we had discussed it earlier that day. She wouldn't budge. We left is as bad luck and left on good terms with her saying he/we were welcome to come back any other night.
We did.
We tried again last week, after confirming it was him that was coming with me again, we were again told entry wouldn't be an issue and set off on the 3hr round trip, only for her to say he was d*unk again.
Again, I explained I don't touch alcohol anymore and he's not had a drink this year due to his medical conditions.
He was banned for life on the basis "she doesn't get a good vibe from him" but I was welcome to leave him outside and come in. An offer I declined on both occasions.
I posted a review, obviously negative, after the event. I've subsequently been blocked and (I assume) banned.
My friend in question is an outstanding bloke, honest, hilarious, life and soul of the party, not a bad bone in his body. She just took a dislike on, what seems to me, his medical condition... discrimination? "
Absolutely discrimination - but I wonder if the ban can be uplifted (not that you might want to go after) if he got a letter from his doctor that he could keep as evidence of his medical condition and how it makes him seen to others. I’d imagine in his home area locals know him, (pub landlords etc) and don’t have an issue letting him in. But to people who run a business where it says in the rules that you cannot be intoxicated upon entry, is difficult to know the difference, and some people just point blank refuse to believe it.
Reposted as I seem to have lost the ability to do this right the first time  |
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It's atrocious for a person to be treated in such a way. People don't have to make excuses for their disabilities and you both made very reasonable preparations to accommodate a potential lack of understanding of the club, on 2 occasions, without any signs of the club being willing to do likewise.
Businesses that don't support and accommodate those of us unfortunately disabled, don't deserve to be in business. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sounds really horrible sorry but I'd have to name them call them out definitely sounds discriminating "
I plano emailing the management to see what they say, before mentioning any names. Sshhh, for now |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm looking for some feedback please.
Last month, me and a good friend of mine, tried going down to a club. We were told by the woman who runs it we were OK to get in, but to come in separately. Now, on the night in question my friend (who has a medical condition that affects his speech and balance, not massively, but noticable) got denied entry as he was talking to a group of lads outside and the woman who runs it (trying not to name names here) said he was d*unk and was part of the group. I explained his condition and that he was with me, not them. That we had discussed it earlier that day. She wouldn't budge. We left is as bad luck and left on good terms with her saying he/we were welcome to come back any other night.
We did.
We tried again last week, after confirming it was him that was coming with me again, we were again told entry wouldn't be an issue and set off on the 3hr round trip, only for her to say he was d*unk again.
Again, I explained I don't touch alcohol anymore and he's not had a drink this year due to his medical conditions.
He was banned for life on the basis "she doesn't get a good vibe from him" but I was welcome to leave him outside and come in. An offer I declined on both occasions.
I posted a review, obviously negative, after the event. I've subsequently been blocked and (I assume) banned.
My friend in question is an outstanding bloke, honest, hilarious, life and soul of the party, not a bad bone in his body. She just took a dislike on, what seems to me, his medical condition... discrimination?
Absolutely discrimination - but I wonder if the ban can be uplifted (not that you might want to go after) if he got a letter from his doctor that he could keep as evidence of his medical condition and how it makes him seen to others. I’d imagine in his home area locals know him, (pub landlords etc) and don’t have an issue letting him in. But to people who run a business where it says in the rules that you cannot be intoxicated upon entry, is difficult to know the difference, and some people just point blank refuse to believe it.
Reposted as I seem to have lost the ability to do this right the first time "
The reason he hasn't drank in months is due to them testing his liver, doctors haven't managed to diagnose him properly yet. I had thought of that but, he doesn't have any "proof" yet.
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By *ig BapsWoman
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"I'm looking for some feedback please.
Last month, me and a good friend of mine, tried going down to a club. We were told by the woman who runs it we were OK to get in, but to come in separately. Now, on the night in question my friend (who has a medical condition that affects his speech and balance, not massively, but noticable) got denied entry as he was talking to a group of lads outside and the woman who runs it (trying not to name names here) said he was d*unk and was part of the group. I explained his condition and that he was with me, not them. That we had discussed it earlier that day. She wouldn't budge. We left is as bad luck and left on good terms with her saying he/we were welcome to come back any other night.
We did.
We tried again last week, after confirming it was him that was coming with me again, we were again told entry wouldn't be an issue and set off on the 3hr round trip, only for her to say he was d*unk again.
Again, I explained I don't touch alcohol anymore and he's not had a drink this year due to his medical conditions.
He was banned for life on the basis "she doesn't get a good vibe from him" but I was welcome to leave him outside and come in. An offer I declined on both occasions.
I posted a review, obviously negative, after the event. I've subsequently been blocked and (I assume) banned.
My friend in question is an outstanding bloke, honest, hilarious, life and soul of the party, not a bad bone in his body. She just took a dislike on, what seems to me, his medical condition... discrimination? "
Wow even after explaining everything to them and still no entry! Awful!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I also just left a review on the same club! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I also just left a review on the same club! "
I seen that, I also see they're dismissing it.
I've emailed club this morning, see if I get a response. |
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By *os19Man
over a year ago
Edmonton |
There are two sides to every story as I have only heard the OP side so far I feel it best not to comment until knowing all the facts.What I will say is going by what the OP has said he has done everything he can to explain his friends medical condition and I can’t see what more the OP can do. |
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"Sounds really horrible sorry but I'd have to name them call them out definitely sounds discriminating
I plano emailing the management to see what they say, before mentioning any names. Sshhh, for now "
That email will only reach the person you had the problem with. |
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That sounds bad, great way to destroy a guys confidence when he's just trying to have a good time.
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Definitely sounds like discrimination to me.
They could quite easily have had a quick sniff to check for alcohol.
Clubs like that should be shut down |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Exactly that! I’m 22 years old and all the people threatening and harassing me are 40+ |
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By *arlo82Woman
over a year ago
the gym and random places |
Tbf the club is a joke.. not ran by swingers and rules that change to suit whoever is working. It's a shame as decent location and could be so much better.
Very sorry to hear of your ordeal |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tbf the club is a joke.. not ran by swingers and rules that change to suit whoever is working. It's a shame as decent location and could be so much better.
Very sorry to hear of your ordeal "
So true!! |
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Apparently I’m banned for publicly slating online, not true…….but it is now so that ticks that previously unticked box. |
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"The way it was handled was shocking. Communicated everything, throughout both efforts. Messages on here,phone calls directly to the club etc. Its a shame as I was looking forward to trying the club but, management are appalling and I'm not the type to just ditch a friend. I gave the situation the benefit of doubt on the first occasion but, second time round was a complete farce. Its been playing on my mind that maybe my review was harsh but, seems not.
I'd love the person in question to post their side, as all I've been told so far is "can't risk it". Though, when I questioned what it was she felt she was risking, all I kept being told was "bad vibe" not one single legitimate reason. I explained neither of us had, or would be drinking. That he was a kind, funny, outgoing guy... that they had nothing to be concerned about. They'd then circle back to "can't chance it"
I'm still wondering what they/she felt they were chancing.
To make matters worse, a couple also commented on the club review stating he had turned up hammered, which, while untrue, is also ironic as, the couple in question went to his house for a meet... and she turned up absolutely smashed!
It all just seems a bit odd to me
"
I think u forgot to mention your friend was d*unk and that's why he was refused entry |
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"Apparently I’m banned for publicly slating online, not true…….but it is now so that ticks that previously unticked box. "
Very true that box was ticked long ago |
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"Apparently I’m banned for publicly slating online, not true…….but it is now so that ticks that previously unticked box.
Very true that box was ticked long ago"
Still waiting to know why 
Could be a long wait I suppose |
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