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First club meet next month, advice appreciated
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As the title says I’m off to my first club meet as a single male (went with an ex years ago to only really check it out).
What I would love to know from you lovely lot is a bit of etiquette! Aware of bits and pieces from the previous visit, but want to be as clued up as possible!
Obviously consent is a must before just diving in for want of a better word  but could you ever be too cautious with asking before every move/position etc.
Is it more often weird than a turn on for a couple to have someone watch and play with themselves? Seemed ok when I went before.
And not that id come away sad if not but would you say that im more likely than not to indulge in any action? Keen to meet and converse with like minded people so will still be a win for me regardless. Just good to see how it was for others and maybe avoid making any mistakes!
Sorry for the essay, any help really appreciated x |
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Go to socialise and make some friends, not with "action" as your target. The men who get the most "action" from the club scene are the ones that pick a club or two and attend regularly, developing friendships and becoming known and trusted as a decent guy.
The watch-and-wank crew generally aren't appreciated by club-goers and its not a good look to be one of the single guys racing around chasing every woman or couple with your cock in your hand.
And yes, always ask if you can touch or join in. Just because someone is playing in an open area doesn't mean it's a free-for-all. You should also always check a person's boundaries during play and what they are comfortable with I.e. don't try and shove your fingers up someone's arse without asking if they would enjoy that.
Have fun and make some friends
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Firstly Thankyou for taking the time out to reply, really appreciated.
To be honest although I’ve been to a party albeit briefly before I understand some boundaries and dos and donts. But obviously don’t want to do the wrong thing or hold back things I shouldn’t.
I’m mostly excited about taking a leap properly into this world and would not come away feeling the night went poorly just because I didn’t have any action. However I also can’t lie and say I wouldn’t be keen to get involved if the opportunity arose.
Also I feel that id almost be too worried about boundaries ie. Asking if it’s ok more than maybe should be done if anything. Defo not that type to be disrespectful like that as I wouldn’t like the same if roles were reversed.
Thanks again for your help. I guess I’ll only really know once I’ve been there. And noted on the wanking thing as saw it when I have been and probably wouldn’t mind it myself but feels a bit weird to ask of someone  |
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Try not to overthink things Go along with the mindset you are going to have a drink and mingle, and see how things go.
And pick your club wisely. Don't go for the ones where they have paid "hostesses" to ensure men get a fuck, that's really not swinging. A friendly, sociable club with a nice crowd of genuine swingers will be your best option to make some good new connections. |
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Ahh if it was simple not to haha! I’m going to a venue local I’ve been to before but different event I believe. Didn’t hear of hostesses but thanks for the heads up.
Really I am just keen to really immerse myself in this world and meet/speak with like minded people aswel as obviously acting out those desires where it’s only going to be a good time.
Done things of this side of life before and learned how to make sure it’s done the right way or not done at all if I wasn’t sure. Instead of just letting the downstairs brain take over hahaha |
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Reply and quote is a godsend in these forums when replying to an individual is my first tip!
My second everything everyone else has said and my 3rd, please take condoms! The amount of men, even in a couple situation I have come across, who don't have condoms on them is insane!.
But definitely just go with the intention of meeting a great bunch of people, maybe go and few times as people have said, you maybe one of the lucky ones and be invited on your first visit to join someone but go with the attitude you are there to socialise x |
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You've already had some great advice here, I'll add a few more bits.
1) have something that makes you stand out from the crowd, something that will encourage people to come to you, or at least notice you. If you're into BDSM, taking a flogger, a pinwheel or a paddle can work, people get intrigued. If it's fancy dress, then do make an effort but not too far for you not to be comfortable wearing the outfit. Otherwise some funky boxer shorts could do the trick, too, there are loads available on the market.
2) talk to different people, not just the ones you initially feel attracted to. But don't spend too much time chit-chatting, give people time to make up their minds about you by giving them space. If they'd like you to join them later, they'd find you.
3) don't get d*unk! I get that some people need quite a bit of Dutch courage to be able to swing, but you do need to have enough control over your actions to be able to consent, take consent and respect boundaries.
4) it's ok to ask what people are looking for and what their boundaries are, especially if you're just about to join them. Always assume that, if you are going to fuck someone, condoms are a must unless told otherwise.
5) please don't do "zoomies" around the club thinking you might be missing on some action elsewhere. Club is not a place to put your steps in!
6) please don't follow people around, especially wanking furiously, or sit next to people and wank while staring at them- particularly when they are just sitting at the bar and not doing anything sexual!
But all in all, enjoy! Treat it as a night out in a more relaxed environment. |
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"Reply and quote is a godsend in these forums when replying to an individual is my first tip!
My second everything everyone else has said and my 3rd, please take condoms! The amount of men, even in a couple situation I have come across, who don't have condoms on them is insane!.
But definitely just go with the intention of meeting a great bunch of people, maybe go and few times as people have said, you maybe one of the lucky ones and be invited on your first visit to join someone but go with the attitude you are there to socialise x"
Yeh didn’t think of this one quite as much as I should’ve, so thanks for clarifying!
Like the consensus seems to be I’m going there exactly for what I think a best introduction would be.
Keen to just have fun and speak with similar people. Always been keen for this way of life so no need to rush
|
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"You've already had some great advice here, I'll add a few more bits.
1) have something that makes you stand out from the crowd, something that will encourage people to come to you, or at least notice you. If you're into BDSM, taking a flogger, a pinwheel or a paddle can work, people get intrigued. If it's fancy dress, then do make an effort but not too far for you not to be comfortable wearing the outfit. Otherwise some funky boxer shorts could do the trick, too, there are loads available on the market.
2) talk to different people, not just the ones you initially feel attracted to. But don't spend too much time chit-chatting, give people time to make up their minds about you by giving them space. If they'd like you to join them later, they'd find you.
3) don't get d*unk! I get that some people need quite a bit of Dutch courage to be able to swing, but you do need to have enough control over your actions to be able to consent, take consent and respect boundaries.
4) it's ok to ask what people are looking for and what their boundaries are, especially if you're just about to join them. Always assume that, if you are going to fuck someone, condoms are a must unless told otherwise.
5) please don't do "zoomies" around the club thinking you might be missing on some action elsewhere. Club is not a place to put your steps in!
6) please don't follow people around, especially wanking furiously, or sit next to people and wank while staring at them- particularly when they are just sitting at the bar and not doing anything sexual!
But all in all, enjoy! Treat it as a night out in a more relaxed environment. "
See I like this idea, but not sure that my (current?) kinks support that idea just yet, and well done fancy dress defo would do wonders! But being the only div not in normal clothes would defo make me feel a twat
Thanks for that, I can get a bit awkward sometimes so this could be an issue as long with the following - believe it or not more likely to occur as greater level of comfort ability rather than being fit!
In regards to being d*unk, are we talking visibly d*unk aka a potential issue/nuisance? I plan on have a few “Dutch courage’s” as you said but I’d be mortified to make a fool of myself at the first hurdle. In terms of consent and level mindedness this is something that is a paramount for me. The limited previous experiences I’ve had before sharing have had this at the forefront (usually as partners involved)
Also lol zoomies ????????
Thanks so much for replying it’s been a great help |
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"You've already had some great advice here, I'll add a few more bits.
1) have something that makes you stand out from the crowd, something that will encourage people to come to you, or at least notice you. If you're into BDSM, taking a flogger, a pinwheel or a paddle can work, people get intrigued. If it's fancy dress, then do make an effort but not too far for you not to be comfortable wearing the outfit. Otherwise some funky boxer shorts could do the trick, too, there are loads available on the market.
2) talk to different people, not just the ones you initially feel attracted to. But don't spend too much time chit-chatting, give people time to make up their minds about you by giving them space. If they'd like you to join them later, they'd find you.
3) don't get d*unk! I get that some people need quite a bit of Dutch courage to be able to swing, but you do need to have enough control over your actions to be able to consent, take consent and respect boundaries.
4) it's ok to ask what people are looking for and what their boundaries are, especially if you're just about to join them. Always assume that, if you are going to fuck someone, condoms are a must unless told otherwise.
5) please don't do "zoomies" around the club thinking you might be missing on some action elsewhere. Club is not a place to put your steps in!
6) please don't follow people around, especially wanking furiously, or sit next to people and wank while staring at them- particularly when they are just sitting at the bar and not doing anything sexual!
But all in all, enjoy! Treat it as a night out in a more relaxed environment.
See I like this idea, but not sure that my (current?) kinks support that idea just yet, and well done fancy dress defo would do wonders! But being the only div not in normal clothes would defo make me feel a twat
Thanks for that, I can get a bit awkward sometimes so this could be an issue as long with the following - believe it or not more likely to occur as greater level of comfort ability rather than being fit!
In regards to being d*unk, are we talking visibly d*unk aka a potential issue/nuisance? I plan on have a few “Dutch courage’s” as you said but I’d be mortified to make a fool of myself at the first hurdle. In terms of consent and level mindedness this is something that is a paramount for me. The limited previous experiences I’ve had before sharing have had this at the forefront (usually as partners involved)
Also lol zoomies ????????
Thanks so much for replying it’s been a great help "
Yes, "zoomies", or speed-walking through the club. There was one particular guy who was doing that in one of the clubs I went to recently. Not a good look. |
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By *JohnMan 2 weeks ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
"Go to socialise and make some friends, not with "action" as your target. The men who get the most "action" from the club scene are the ones that pick a club or two and attend regularly, developing friendships and becoming known and trusted as a decent guy."
Absolutely this. It might depend on the club, but all of the few that I've been to have been places to socialise first, with the added bonus of fucking your friends.
"The watch-and-wank crew generally aren't appreciated by club-goers and its not a good look to be one of the single guys racing around chasing every woman or couple with your cock in your hand."
This one is a bit nuanced. If people are playing in a big open room, there will be an audience. Many of them will choose that room because they want to be watched. Just don't be a creep about it.
If you've chatted with them earlier and got along socially, that's not an invitation to join in. Catch their eye, smile, keep yourself where the woman can see you, don't get too close. If there's a moment when they're not too focused on what they're doing, ask if they mind you watching. Don't stick your dick in anyone's face unless they've asked for it.
Take a 'no' gracefully. These people can still be your friends even if they don't want to fuck you.
There's a wide-spread belief here that single men aren't welcome at clubs. That hasn't been my experience. Creeps and predators aren't welcome. Men who don't make an effort might be tolerated, but they don't get very far. Friendly single men who care that everyone involved is having a good time are what a lot of people go to mixed nights for. People will be wary at first because they don't know which subgroup you're in. Show them that you're one of the good ones by consistently being one of the good ones. |
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