FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Club Discussion > Consent in clubs
Consent in clubs
Jump to: Newest in thread
I was in a group situation recently, all cool and consensual. Was cradling a lovely boy while he was being bummed and a random stranger wriggled himself under everyone to get to my lady bits. Just as he lunged, I halted proceeding, told him he was rude and go away immediately.
Outside the club he apologized, I accepted it but told him it was inappropriate to just jump into a situation where there was no nod, welcome or prior chat. He told me I was wrong and that in a sexual context, it didn't matter and what he did was fine. I tried to explain consent but he was adamant that in a sex club, different rules applied. I walked away exasperated.
I'm happy to tell someone off when they're being a dick but it concerns me that this thought exists. It's small wonder women are put off by this scene when neanderthal mentality exists. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I was in a group situation recently, all cool and consensual. Was cradling a lovely boy while he was being bummed and a random stranger wriggled himself under everyone to get to my lady bits. Just as he lunged, I halted proceeding, told him he was rude and go away immediately.
Outside the club he apologized, I accepted it but told him it was inappropriate to just jump into a situation where there was no nod, welcome or prior chat. He told me I was wrong and that in a sexual context, it didn't matter and what he did was fine. I tried to explain consent but he was adamant that in a sex club, different rules applied. I walked away exasperated.
I'm happy to tell someone off when they're being a dick but it concerns me that this thought exists. It's small wonder women are put off by this scene when neanderthal mentality exists. "
He was wrong, totally wrong and should have apologised unreservedly.
You should have informed the management so the idiot was not permitted to return |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
So basically he apologised in the hope that you'd then play with him? That's the impression I'm getting.
He's wrong we either way though. I've never been to a club but private parties are pretty much the same.
The absence of no is not a yes. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
There was an *almost* interesting thread about something similar to this recently. I think that clubs need to do a better job of explaining the appropriate behavior in clubs to new people, and they should all take this type of thing very seriously. It would go a long way in changing how people act in clubs. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I was in a group situation recently, all cool and consensual. Was cradling a lovely boy while he was being bummed and a random stranger wriggled himself under everyone to get to my lady bits. Just as he lunged, I halted proceeding, told him he was rude and go away immediately.
Outside the club he apologized, I accepted it but told him it was inappropriate to just jump into a situation where there was no nod, welcome or prior chat. He told me I was wrong and that in a sexual context, it didn't matter and what he did was fine. I tried to explain consent but he was adamant that in a sex club, different rules applied. I walked away exasperated.
I'm happy to tell someone off when they're being a dick but it concerns me that this thought exists. It's small wonder women are put off by this scene when neanderthal mentality exists. "
I agree with you that this thought process is disturbing not only in that it's there but that some people will defend that in the face of someone that they were trying to assault!
Consent is consent and is a universal necessity. To my mind it is required more so in clubs and group situations
Beard |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
These kind of situations are really not convincing us that we should try the club scene. We get the impression that when you set foot in the club you're basically on your own, some clubs may enforce rules but don't rely upon this as your safety net and if you do then clubs are not for you. To have people touching you without permission we'd find this very uncomfortable and unsettling. The similar thread the other day where a lady stated a club worker touched her breast as she was getting undressed was totally out of order in our book but some may say you're in sex club, what do you expect, this concerns us. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"There was an *almost* interesting thread about something similar to this recently. I think that clubs need to do a better job of explaining the appropriate behavior in clubs to new people, and they should all take this type of thing very seriously. It would go a long way in changing how people act in clubs. "
I don't think you can say it's isolated to new attendees. .. this seems more like a regular club goer as the majority IMHO of first timers wouldn't have been so brave as to dive in. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"what if someone has a trapped nerve in their neck and can't stop nodding ? "
Put your dick in their mouth
Joking aside... have come across this on the club scene and it does seem to be the chancers pushing their luck. You have to be pretty firm and clear in some cases. I love the open play but it doesn't mean it's a free for all! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think the key and salient point that needs to be made to all club goers is that it's NOT a sex club, it's a swingers club where sex may occur between consenting people. Consent should always be sought and received before any contact should be made
It may sound obvious to some but the clarity of this needs impressing on some people clearly
Beard |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Was he Asian?
(Oh no I din't!!)
Most the wankers we've encountered in clubs have been white. In fact all the ones I can remember."
Some of the worst instances that I've seen have been from couples, often the male half diving into a situation he wasn't welcome in. Race nor marital status isn't a factor in being a cock |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There was an *almost* interesting thread about something similar to this recently. I think that clubs need to do a better job of explaining the appropriate behavior in clubs to new people, and they should all take this type of thing very seriously. It would go a long way in changing how people act in clubs. "
Kinky salon does this better than anywhere I've ever been. Hats off to the organisers for the whole mentality at those parties.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I think the key and salient point that needs to be made to all club goers is that it's NOT a sex club, it's a swingers club where sex may occur between consenting people. Consent should always be sought and received before any contact should be made
It may sound obvious to some but the clarity of this needs impressing on some people clearly
Beard"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Was he Asian?
(Oh no I din't!!)
Most the wankers we've encountered in clubs have been white. In fact all the ones I can remember.
Some of the worst instances that I've seen have been from couples, often the male half diving into a situation he wasn't welcome in. Race nor marital status isn't a factor in being a cock"
Especially the blokes in "couples" who split up the moment they're through the door. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"These kind of situations are really not convincing us that we should try the club scene. We get the impression that when you set foot in the club you're basically on your own, some clubs may enforce rules but don't rely upon this as your safety net and if you do then clubs are not for you. To have people touching you without permission we'd find this very uncomfortable and unsettling. The similar thread the other day where a lady stated a club worker touched her breast as she was getting undressed was totally out of order in our book but some may say you're in sex club, what do you expect, this concerns us. "
I was getting dressed and I did tell him he shouldn't touch without asking. He did apologise and I didn't take it any further. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *irty130Couple
over a year ago
Bristol Area |
I think the term in 2016 is "enthusiastic consent" (not just passive, or "not a no").
Ridiculous that anyone doesn't understand this in ANY situation! But still, it seems to be happening more than it should. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
i absolutely understand what people are saying about consent.... i was in a group situation and a guy again slide his way in without saying anything..
it was when he went to put on a condom and go behind the lady that people said to the fella "you may want to ask her first!!!" to which she said no... and he slinked off... again without saying a word!!!
the problem is that clubs for the most part only get to hear about these stories afterwards..... i always say to people if they are trying it on in a what that you deem wrong, have a word with the staff.... because if they have tried it on with you, the likelyhood is that you are not the first people they have done that with, and also you can prevent it happening to someone else!
most staff in clubs are great... but they are not mindreaders... and if they know people are doing stuff at the time that is unacceptable they can then do something about it!
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There was an *almost* interesting thread about something similar to this recently. I think that clubs need to do a better job of explaining the appropriate behavior in clubs to new people, and they should all take this type of thing very seriously. It would go a long way in changing how people act in clubs.
I don't think you can say it's isolated to new attendees. .. this seems more like a regular club goer as the majority IMHO of first timers wouldn't have been so brave as to dive in."
I completely agree. I just think that the best opportunity clubs have of instilling a certain type of behavior is when they first introduce people to clubs. But yes, I agree, it is certainly not limited to new clubgoers by any stretch. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
"These kind of situations are really not convincing us that we should try the club scene. We get the impression that when you set foot in the club you're basically on your own, some clubs may enforce rules but don't rely upon this as your safety net and if you do then clubs are not for you. To have people touching you without permission we'd find this very uncomfortable and unsettling. The similar thread the other day where a lady stated a club worker touched her breast as she was getting undressed was totally out of order in our book but some may say you're in sex club, what do you expect, this concerns us.
I was getting dressed and I did tell him he shouldn't touch without asking. He did apologise and I didn't take it any further. "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"No means no. End of.
"
Indeed but issue is, shouldn't get to that point. Why should I have to be put in a situation that I have to call out no in the first place?
This guy claimed to be a long term swinger. I'm guessing his lunging has got him what he wanted in the past so continues to try when he can  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Was he Asian?
(Oh no I din't!!)
Er no. But a rude assumption either way "
Obviously his experience has been in line with mine...all the Asian men I have ever seen in the different clubs I've visited, and I've been to many, have behaved this way with the exception of only one. It might be a bitter pill to swallow but one can only speak of their own experiences. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Was he Asian?
(Oh no I din't!!)
Er no. But a rude assumption either way
Obviously his experience has been in line with mine...all the Asian men I have ever seen in the different clubs I've visited, and I've been to many, have behaved this way with the exception of only one. It might be a bitter pill to swallow but one can only speak of their own experiences."
When you say 'all', how many is that? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Was he Asian?
(Oh no I din't!!)
Er no. But a rude assumption either way
Obviously his experience has been in line with mine...all the Asian men I have ever seen in the different clubs I've visited, and I've been to many, have behaved this way with the exception of only one. It might be a bitter pill to swallow but one can only speak of their own experiences.
When you say 'all', how many is that?"
Id say in excess of 40 men |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Was he Asian?
(Oh no I din't!!)
Er no. But a rude assumption either way
Obviously his experience has been in line with mine...all the Asian men I have ever seen in the different clubs I've visited, and I've been to many, have behaved this way with the exception of only one. It might be a bitter pill to swallow but one can only speak of their own experiences.
When you say 'all', how many is that?
Id say in excess of 40 men "
You must be really unlucky. I've no idea how many Asian blokes we've seen at clubs but of those I can remember they were as pleasant and polite as anybody else. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *reykiwi500Man
over a year ago
West Kent (near Tonbridge) |
"No means no. End of.
Indeed but issue is, shouldn't get to that point. Why should I have to be put in a situation that I have to call out no in the first place?
This guy claimed to be a long term swinger. I'm guessing his lunging has got him what he wanted in the past so continues to try when he can "
That's the thing. I shake my head at how this happens, but very occasionally doing that sort of thing does seem to 'work' for those that have that kind of attitude, so I guess it just encourages that sort of behaviour to continue.
Just last Monday evening I saw a guy go up to two couples having sex beside each other in a pool. From prior observation, I'm pretty sure he was unknown to both of them. The women in each couple were facing the edge of the pool (and their partners). The guy then started fingering each of them - one with each hand. Seemingly no reaction from either couple, so of course he continued. I'm pretty sure he didn't ask for any consent. But for him on that occasion, it 'worked'. I would speculate (without knowing, of course) that by 'getting away' with it, this only reinforced in his mind that it's OK to do that sort of thing. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"No means no. End of.
Indeed but issue is, shouldn't get to that point. Why should I have to be put in a situation that I have to call out no in the first place?
This guy claimed to be a long term swinger. I'm guessing his lunging has got him what he wanted in the past so continues to try when he can
That's the thing. I shake my head at how this happens, but very occasionally doing that sort of thing does seem to 'work' for those that have that kind of attitude, so I guess it just encourages that sort of behaviour to continue.
Just last Monday evening I saw a guy go up to two couples having sex beside each other in a pool. From prior observation, I'm pretty sure he was unknown to both of them. The women in each couple were facing the edge of the pool (and their partners). The guy then started fingering each of them - one with each hand. Seemingly no reaction from either couple, so of course he continued. I'm pretty sure he didn't ask for any consent. But for him on that occasion, it 'worked'. I would speculate (without knowing, of course) that by 'getting away' with it, this only reinforced in his mind that it's OK to do that sort of thing."
This happens to us most times we go to a club but we're very aware of who's who and if we're not happy we make it known.
I've never had an issue once we've given a polite (or firm) no.
The only problems we've had have been with stalkers who don't take a hint. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *reykiwi500Man
over a year ago
West Kent (near Tonbridge) |
"No means no. End of.
Indeed but issue is, shouldn't get to that point. Why should I have to be put in a situation that I have to call out no in the first place?
This guy claimed to be a long term swinger. I'm guessing his lunging has got him what he wanted in the past so continues to try when he can
That's the thing. I shake my head at how this happens, but very occasionally doing that sort of thing does seem to 'work' for those that have that kind of attitude, so I guess it just encourages that sort of behaviour to continue.
Just last Monday evening I saw a guy go up to two couples having sex beside each other in a pool. From prior observation, I'm pretty sure he was unknown to both of them. The women in each couple were facing the edge of the pool (and their partners). The guy then started fingering each of them - one with each hand. Seemingly no reaction from either couple, so of course he continued. I'm pretty sure he didn't ask for any consent. But for him on that occasion, it 'worked'. I would speculate (without knowing, of course) that by 'getting away' with it, this only reinforced in his mind that it's OK to do that sort of thing.
This happens to us most times we go to a club but we're very aware of who's who and if we're not happy we make it known.
I've never had an issue once we've given a polite (or firm) no.
The only problems we've had have been with stalkers who don't take a hint."
He may well have backed away if someone had said no. They might have all been too caught up in what they were doing or actually not minded at all. Not sure.
What was even worse in my view was during the same evening in the same pool, a couple were having sex and a guy (not the same one as above) came up to them and started touching the woman. They said a polite 'no' and he backed off for a few seconds before doing it again. They said 'no' again and he tried a third time. I was just shaking my head. The incident only ended as were all asked to leave because it was closing time.
I do agree with people who have said that club staff should reinforce the message, especially to newcomers, that consent is still required in a club. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The whole consent situation seems to manifest itself from the basic fact that people in clubs don't communicate effectively, don't engage with others and then when the fun starts try to join in, many a time we've smiled at people tried to engage with them in conversation only to be ignored and then later on when we are playing these couples & singled they try to join in.
So why would we play with anyone who can't be bothered to chat with us in the first place? We don't, so consent is never given or implied, if someone tries to join in with us who we haven't engaged with non sexually, then we don't play with them, simple, and a simple "you couldn't be arsed to chat to us so we don't want to play with you" seems to work.
Babbling on a bit, but it's simple for us, chat, flirt, play.
Maybe if people spent more time communicating with people there would be less problems. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Was he Asian?
(Oh no I din't!!)
Most the wankers we've encountered in clubs have been white. In fact all the ones I can remember."
While I've had a very different experience in saunas. I asked the question above of the management and they confirmed it true. The manager I asked was himself Asian. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Had a similar experience while I was part of a couple, the host of a private party we attended started to play with my partner without asking, was very uncomfortable
As a single male now I would always wait to be invited in and would rarely ask to get involved first
Being part of a couple taught me a lot about how to act now as a single male and hopefully try to raise the low opinion a lot of others have of us |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I've had this too OP. My first ever club visit I was fucking a delightful young marine and thought he was holding my arse.... turned out it was some bloke who had wandered in and decided he didn't need to ask permission to get involved  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I was in a group situation recently, all cool and consensual. Was cradling a lovely boy while he was being bummed and a random stranger wriggled himself under everyone to get to my lady bits. Just as he lunged, I halted proceeding, told him he was rude and go away immediately.
Outside the club he apologized, I accepted it but told him it was inappropriate to just jump into a situation where there was no nod, welcome or prior chat. He told me I was wrong and that in a sexual context, it didn't matter and what he did was fine. I tried to explain consent but he was adamant that in a sex club, different rules applied. I walked away exasperated.
I'm happy to tell someone off when they're being a dick but it concerns me that this thought exists. It's small wonder women are put off by this scene when neanderthal mentality exists. "
I had a guy try and fuck me recently (without husbands permission) and without a condom - I mean really? In this day & age? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
For those who haven't visited clubs don't let this put you off as not everyone is like this . Me and Mr started to play in a public area at a club and the guy in the area even asked for permission to move closer to watch . He then asked to touch me (well he asked Mr as my mouth was full) who then looked at me and I nodded ok . We then went with him to a room to play and one or two guys cake along and asked could they join before entering the room |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"For those who haven't visited clubs don't let this put you off as not everyone is like this . Me and Mr started to play in a public area at a club and the guy in the area even asked for permission to move closer to watch . He then asked to touch me (well he asked Mr as my mouth was full) who then looked at me and I nodded ok . We then went with him to a room to play and one or two guys cake along and asked could they join before entering the room "
Thanks for that, I've been to many clubs and parties, and have not found this the norm, 99% of guys are respectful, just the odd wanker now and again, who are easy to deal with. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I've experienced non-consensual touching; normally a sharp word stops it.
I have had occasion to report it to club staff on two separate occasions in two different clubs; the response and reaction from the clubs could not have been more different. One I still happily attend and feel entirely safe inside. The other; well, let's say I'm more likely to be having a snowball fight with Beelzebub than trotting back, shame as it had been one of my favourites. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ty31Man
over a year ago
NW London |
In my experience all the clubs that I've attended have made it clear from the outset that actively getting consent is paramount.
Unfortunately there are some guys who lack the confidence/social skills to break the ice or instigate a conversation. I think that the combination of atmosphere and alcohol just goes to some people heads and they just get carried away.
There are a sad few who still take the attitude that "she's in a swingers club so she must be up for it and a total slut" or "oh she's fucking him so she should fuck me too" |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've experienced non-consensual touching; normally a sharp word stops it.
I have had occasion to report it to club staff on two separate occasions in two different clubs; the response and reaction from the clubs could not have been more different. One I still happily attend and feel entirely safe inside. The other; well, let's say I'm more likely to be having a snowball fight with Beelzebub than trotting back, shame as it had been one of my favourites. "
That's the thing isn't it. The clubs reaction.
It happened to me (Red) at the Attic last weekend and the staff handled it brilliantly. If they hadn't, we wouldn't have gone back again. Despite it being Beard's local.
Red xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"what if someone has a trapped nerve in their neck and can't stop nodding ?
Put your dick in their mouth
Joking aside... have come across this on the club scene and it does seem to be the chancers pushing their luck. You have to be pretty firm and clear in some cases. I love the open play but it doesn't mean it's a free for all! "
Like the reference "pretty firm" I am a big girl 5 9" without my thigh boots which have wonderful heels  We had this situation in a Couples Only Room in a club (Repeat Couples Room) where a single guy tried to do the same in a group play.
Sadly for him my boot slipped into his lower regions and with a lot of swearing and other he left the room.
His complaints to management only aided his removal from the club as they pointed out that he as single guy was in the Couples Only Room and that anyway he should have asked to join and not just "push" himself in...
But this isn't only limited to single guys some couples are just as bad sadly  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
In my limited experience of clubs I've noticed if I'm going to be touched by someone I dont know, it's either my feet or legs that get touched first. I assume they think if they don't get a No they'll persue further up??
Apart from being unwanted attention, I really really dislike my feet being touched so I tend to kick out making it look like a major overreaction on my part...  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In my limited experience of clubs I've noticed if I'm going to be touched by someone I dont know, it's either my feet or legs that get touched first. I assume they think if they don't get a No they'll persue further up??
Apart from being unwanted attention, I really really dislike my feet being touched so I tend to kick out making it look like a major overreaction on my part... "
Me neither. Hate my feet being touched due to being mega ticklish. In fact I've lashed out and kicked someone in the face when they have touched my feet without consent. Then gave a very loud insincere apology that if they would have asked I could have warned them. So guys and girls, touch me without asking and who knows what damage I may do next time. 
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I was in a group situation recently, all cool and consensual. Was cradling a lovely boy while he was being bummed and a random stranger wriggled himself under everyone to get to my lady bits. Just as he lunged, I halted proceeding, told him he was rude and go away immediately.
Outside the club he apologized, I accepted it but told him it was inappropriate to just jump into a situation where there was no nod, welcome or prior chat. He told me I was wrong and that in a sexual context, it didn't matter and what he did was fine. I tried to explain consent but he was adamant that in a sex club, different rules applied. I walked away exasperated.
I'm happy to tell someone off when they're being a dick but it concerns me that this thought exists. It's small wonder women are put off by this scene when neanderthal mentality exists. "
Im totally with you on this ..I have consent forms they sign pre entry ..That they agree sex is not guaranteed. I ve notes on doors and a no uninvited touching policy and doorman upstairs and they still try to enter rooms and push past ,.. even when you are standing there,.
I have come to the conclusion that some ( a small minority I may add) hard cocks cant read, listen or comprehend when on the hunt for pussy ... even though they know they will be asked to leave and banned..
It still amazes me too..
example ...
me ;;;; you cant go up there alone
him ok
me .. so you need to move away from here
him ok ( then goes to open a locked door
me stops him .. what you doing
him.. lady im with in there
me. no a married couple in there for came alone
Him ok
Turns to leave
2nd my back turned .. whosh opens door and enters .
Told to f off by couple and removed from night.
him .. Why
me .. you read and signed the rules
him .. yes but i didnt think they applied
First rules .
I sign to agree that this is not a sex party and sex is not guaranteed even though I may witness it around me
I will be asked to leave if i open a closed door
I will be banned if I touch uninvited..
Yawn breathe and chop of their knackers maybe only solution ... xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In my limited experience of clubs I've noticed if I'm going to be touched by someone I dont know, it's either my feet or legs that get touched first. I assume they think if they don't get a No they'll persue further up??
"
I would suggest that's because whenever there's a discussion about consent on sites like this people say 'asking would ruin the mood so I just touch their leg or arm instead'. Tossers. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I (bi fem) have been to many clubs and parties Id say 90% of people there are polite and respectful. Those single guys (and the odd single fem!) Who are nt I find a polite ...Fuck off works if not my stilletos come in very handy or the mention of the word Rape usually sends them running  !!! Xxx those dickheads who join group situations without consent reserve to be treated like something you be stood in tell the staff that should be thrown out!!  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
We don't play with single guys, we've no interest in them, we've had 2 maybe 3 instances of guys touching without asking and they have been male members of couples, not once has a single guy touched or behaved inappropriately towards A when we've been in a club |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I was in a group situation recently, all cool and consensual. Was cradling a lovely boy while he was being bummed and a random stranger wriggled himself under everyone to get to my lady bits. Just as he lunged, I halted proceeding, told him he was rude and go away immediately.
Outside the club he apologized, I accepted it but told him it was inappropriate to just jump into a situation where there was no nod, welcome or prior chat. He told me I was wrong and that in a sexual context, it didn't matter and what he did was fine. I tried to explain consent but he was adamant that in a sex club, different rules applied. I walked away exasperated.
I'm happy to tell someone off when they're being a dick but it concerns me that this thought exists. It's small wonder women are put off by this scene when neanderthal mentality exists. "
Sadly these idiots do exist and their moronic minds seem to believe that their entry fee to a club gives them free reigns to basically commit acts that are legally rape!
Normally young, uneducated single gents who lack any respect for women.
Some clubs fail to educate these boys when they first walk in. A swingers club is neither a "Sex Club" nor a Bothel, it's a Swingers Club and anyone who doesn't understand the difference needs to gtfo! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
We have read this with interest. We have been to quite a few Clubs and so far have never experienced any issues of guys (or ladies) over stepping the mark. We recognise it probably does occur, but so far have not experienced it - let's just say anyone who tried it on would get short shrift!
Consent has to be positive, for us it needs us to have engaged with smeone first or consent does not exist.
Those that are getting put off, please don't believe it is anywhere near as bad as this reads. We have always had fun and met many lovely people |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I don't really understand what people mean by 'a swingers club is not a sex club'.
I usually refer to both swinging and fetish clubs as sex clubs. That doesn't, to me, suggest that it's a complete free for all where you don't need consent. It just means it's a club where you have sex. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"We have read this with interest. We have been to quite a few Clubs and so far have never experienced any issues of guys (or ladies) over stepping the mark. We recognise it probably does occur, but so far have not experienced it - let's just say anyone who tried it on would get short shrift!
Consent has to be positive, for us it needs us to have engaged with smeone first or consent does not exist.
Those that are getting put off, please don't believe it is anywhere near as bad as this reads. We have always had fun and met many lovely people "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We have read this with interest. We have been to quite a few Clubs and so far have never experienced any issues of guys (or ladies) over stepping the mark. We recognise it probably does occur, but so far have not experienced it - let's just say anyone who tried it on would get short shrift!
Consent has to be positive, for us it needs us to have engaged with smeone first or consent does not exist.
Those that are getting put off, please don't believe it is anywhere near as bad as this reads. We have always had fun and met many lovely people "
"Please don't believe it is anywhere near as bad as this reads' Are you saying people are lying? Please don't be so naive! I think you will find that people's experiences are real. One of my experiences involved non consentual penetrate sex with a man who hadn't even been invited into a room with a closed door. Anywhere else that would have been rape, however the chance of a conviction would have been low. So to dismiss people's experiences as 'nowhere near as bad' is pretty shitty. Let's hope nothing like that ever happens to you or your partner. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I am very new to the swinging scene and i went to a local club . The staff were fantastic the host showed me around and explaned how it worked. She even introduced me to some regular couples and single ladys. I found this helped me break the ice and i was welcomed into the club. I never seen any improper behaviour and everybody was respectful. Talking to people first is a must in my opinion have a laugh and a joke get relaxed and see what happens next. Just because its a swingers club doesn't mean that every woman wants touched by every male on the premises. Respect at all times.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"We have read this with interest. We have been to quite a few Clubs and so far have never experienced any issues of guys (or ladies) over stepping the mark. We recognise it probably does occur, but so far have not experienced it - let's just say anyone who tried it on would get short shrift!
Consent has to be positive, for us it needs us to have engaged with smeone first or consent does not exist.
Those that are getting put off, please don't believe it is anywhere near as bad as this reads. We have always had fun and met many lovely people
"Please don't believe it is anywhere near as bad as this reads' Are you saying people are lying? Please don't be so naive! I think you will find that people's experiences are real. One of my experiences involved non consentual penetrate sex with a man who hadn't even been invited into a room with a closed door. Anywhere else that would have been rape, however the chance of a conviction would have been low. So to dismiss people's experiences as 'nowhere near as bad' is pretty shitty. Let's hope nothing like that ever happens to you or your partner. "
jeez! at no point was anyone accused of any lies. we are strongly supporting consent and pointing out that this is in our experience an unusual occurence.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I have visited a few clubseconds in my time.
Good clubs have an induction for new visitors
The Lodge in Gloucester and Kinky Salon parties both had a run through on acceptable behaviour.
Kinky Salon went a step further and had a consensual play tutorial in the former of a game before play proper started. It was a fun way to learn about swingers etiquette.
Not sure the OPS random stranger would have bothered with it. Ignorance seems to be on the increase. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
I am going to say something it is not only single guys that touch without asking it is women as well. Normally I wouldn't mind and get on with it but sometimes it would be nice to be asked
I have a lot of thoughts on this, but I will try a ns summerise later |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I am going to say something it is not only single guys that touch without asking it is women as well. Normally I wouldn't mind and get on with it but sometimes it would be nice to be asked
I have a lot of thoughts on this, but I will try a ns summerise later "
I think that the scene would be an awful lot better if *every time* someone touched without asking, the other person pushed them away and said "no". |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I am going to say something it is not only single guys that touch without asking it is women as well. Normally I wouldn't mind and get on with it but sometimes it would be nice to be asked
I have a lot of thoughts on this, but I will try a ns summerise later "
I agree
I feel a lot of women think clubs rules don't apply to them, I have far more women reach over when I'm playing in open rooms and just grope without asking than men
I honestly don't think a lot of women see anything wrong with just touching other women but if a guy did it to them they would be up in arms |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I think every time we have been to the club there has been that one guy there who pushes his luck. Had one guy in his 70s try and tit cath up as we were giving a show with the love swing..he looked offended when I said no to him..soon fucked off though..
The weirdest think about some single guys is the fact they will not interact ..they love following, love watching, and wanking but hate saying hi..
Haven't had any girls inappropriately touch though... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Every time I read a thread like this I feel less inclined to try a club.
I'd be very dubious about taking a partner to one (if I had one) and I'd be plain terrified if I was a single woman reading these threads. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Every time I read a thread like this I feel less inclined to try a club.
I'd be very dubious about taking a partner to one (if I had one) and I'd be plain terrified if I was a single woman reading these threads."
I think it's obviously to anyone with any common sense and worldly awareness that you're not going to get walked in and immediately groped by 17 single men having a wank.
Equally - most women are very aware of the fact that an awful lot of guys in the world feel entitled to touch their bodies, even if they're not in a sex club. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Every time I read a thread like this I feel less inclined to try a club.
I'd be very dubious about taking a partner to one (if I had one) and I'd be plain terrified if I was a single woman reading these threads.
I think it's obviously to anyone with any common sense and worldly awareness that you're not going to get walked in and immediately groped by 17 single men having a wank.
Equally - most women are very aware of the fact that an awful lot of guys in the world feel entitled to touch their bodies, even if they're not in a sex club."
I think it's a case of only the bad things getting highlighted in the threads, some worrisome things going on though. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Every time I read a thread like this I feel less inclined to try a club.
I'd be very dubious about taking a partner to one (if I had one) and I'd be plain terrified if I was a single woman reading these threads.
I think it's obviously to anyone with any common sense and worldly awareness that you're not going to get walked in and immediately groped by 17 single men having a wank.
Equally - most women are very aware of the fact that an awful lot of guys in the world feel entitled to touch their bodies, even if they're not in a sex club."
Sadly true, but well said
We have always found Swingers Clubs much safer and way more fun than going to a night club or a packed bar. Random hands are less of a problem in the Swingers Clubs we have been to. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Every time I read a thread like this I feel less inclined to try a club.
I'd be very dubious about taking a partner to one (if I had one) and I'd be plain terrified if I was a single woman reading these threads.
I think it's obviously to anyone with any common sense and worldly awareness that you're not going to get walked in and immediately groped by 17 single men having a wank.
Equally - most women are very aware of the fact that an awful lot of guys in the world feel entitled to touch their bodies, even if they're not in a sex club.
Sadly true, but well said
We have always found Swingers Clubs much safer and way more fun than going to a night club or a packed bar. Random hands are less of a problem in the Swingers Clubs we have been to."
Yes, for sure.
If I go to a normal nightclub I will get touched without my consent several times at least. And generally that's a much rarer occurrence at a sex club. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"Every time I read a thread like this I feel less inclined to try a club.
I'd be very dubious about taking a partner to one (if I had one) and I'd be plain terrified if I was a single woman reading these threads.
I think it's obviously to anyone with any common sense and worldly awareness that you're not going to get walked in and immediately groped by 17 single men having a wank.
Equally - most women are very aware of the fact that an awful lot of guys in the world feel entitled to touch their bodies, even if they're not in a sex club.
Sadly true, but well said
We have always found Swingers Clubs much safer and way more fun than going to a night club or a packed bar. Random hands are less of a problem in the Swingers Clubs we have been to.
Yes, for sure.
If I go to a normal nightclub I will get touched without my consent several times at least. And generally that's a much rarer occurrence at a sex club."
It is hard - sometimes to understand if it is ok to touch, some people like to be asked some people like to be touched without asking
For me I would rather not touch and keep a respectful distance and and catch eye contact. However sometimes people will be chatting to you and want to play but won't say anything |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Every time I read a thread like this I feel less inclined to try a club.
I'd be very dubious about taking a partner to one (if I had one) and I'd be plain terrified if I was a single woman reading these threads.
I think it's obviously to anyone with any common sense and worldly awareness that you're not going to get walked in and immediately groped by 17 single men having a wank.
Equally - most women are very aware of the fact that an awful lot of guys in the world feel entitled to touch their bodies, even if they're not in a sex club.
Sadly true, but well said
We have always found Swingers Clubs much safer and way more fun than going to a night club or a packed bar. Random hands are less of a problem in the Swingers Clubs we have been to.
Yes, for sure.
If I go to a normal nightclub I will get touched without my consent several times at least. And generally that's a much rarer occurrence at a sex club.
It is hard - sometimes to understand if it is ok to touch, some people like to be asked some people like to be touched without asking
For me I would rather not touch and keep a respectful distance and and catch eye contact. However sometimes people will be chatting to you and want to play but won't say anything "
Perhaps if people stopped touching unless they were specifically asked to, then communication would improve overall? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Every time I read a thread like this I feel less inclined to try a club.
I'd be very dubious about taking a partner to one (if I had one) and I'd be plain terrified if I was a single woman reading these threads."
Swinging clubs are fine as a single women so long as you can stand up for yourself
If your not the type who can tell somebody who steps out if line to piss off I really wouldn't go
Saying that it's quite rare I've had any problems with men in clubs, sure some will come and touch you without asking but I have found that as soon as you move their hand away or say no they stop straight away, if they carry on after I've asked them to leave me alone they will get told to fuck off
I don't mind anybody trying their luck so long as they understand the meaning of no if i don't want them touching me |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Every time I read a thread like this I feel less inclined to try a club.
I'd be very dubious about taking a partner to one (if I had one) and I'd be plain terrified if I was a single woman reading these threads.
I think it's obviously to anyone with any common sense and worldly awareness that you're not going to get walked in and immediately groped by 17 single men having a wank.
Equally - most women are very aware of the fact that an awful lot of guys in the world feel entitled to touch their bodies, even if they're not in a sex club.
Sadly true, but well said
We have always found Swingers Clubs much safer and way more fun than going to a night club or a packed bar. Random hands are less of a problem in the Swingers Clubs we have been to.
Yes, for sure.
If I go to a normal nightclub I will get touched without my consent several times at least. And generally that's a much rarer occurrence at a sex club.
It is hard - sometimes to understand if it is ok to touch, some people like to be asked some people like to be touched without asking
For me I would rather not touch and keep a respectful distance and and catch eye contact. However sometimes people will be chatting to you and want to play but won't say anything
Perhaps if people stopped touching unless they were specifically asked to, then communication would improve overall?"
This is fundamentally the problem, lack of communication, the deathly silence in play areas, the inability of people to verbalise what they want...... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
We're just looking at terms and conditions on club sites in respect to consent and what is appropriate or not, we cannot seem to find any answers to what is acceptable behaviour regarding touching before consent. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"We're just looking at terms and conditions on club sites in respect to consent and what is appropriate or not, we cannot seem to find any answers to what is acceptable behaviour regarding touching before consent."
It's just good manners be it in a club or in the street or supermarket!
Simply because people live a certain lifestyle shouldn't in anyway mean politeness and respect go out of the window! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We're just looking at terms and conditions on club sites in respect to consent and what is appropriate or not, we cannot seem to find any answers to what is acceptable behaviour regarding touching before consent."
Just don't.
Don't do anything to anyone unless you've checked it's ok first. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
you should have got someone to stick their cock in his arse see what he did then ha ha ha .. joking aside he shouldn't have done anything without permission first |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
