FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Club Discussion > Being followed in a club.
Being followed in a club.
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"Did you tell them to stop following you? I find the direct 'why are you following me? (i'm a single fem) usually works. If it doesn't I get more vocal. If that doesnt work then I report to management. Most men don't want to be made to look a dick so usually heed my first warning." Exactly this  | |||
"Did you tell them to stop following you? I find the direct 'why are you following me? (i'm a single fem) usually works. If it doesn't I get more vocal. If that doesnt work then I report to management. Most men don't want to be made to look a dick so usually heed my first warning." Yes, what happened when you said " can you back off please?" | |||
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"OP, i think that I may have been at the same club (if it the Swindon one). I spent a lot of time walking around (so few seats) but didn't follow anyone. I too found the behaviour of some of the male guests off putting. Such a shame that you didn't enjoy yourselves, clubs shouldn't make you feel that way." It's not the clubs fault if they don't know there's a problem. If the OP didn't say anything at the time they couldn't help. | |||
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"OP, i think that I may have been at the same club (if it the Swindon one). I spent a lot of time walking around (so few seats) but didn't follow anyone. I too found the behaviour of some of the male guests off putting. Such a shame that you didn't enjoy yourselves, clubs shouldn't make you feel that way. It's not the clubs fault if they don't know there's a problem. If the OP didn't say anything at the time they couldn't help. " I totally, I wasn't blaming the club; it's a fantastic venue, well run and very clean. I had an amazing time. My point was, that it was a shame that the OP's evening had been spoilt by a some of those attending the the club. NOT THE CLUBS FAULT! | |||
"OP, i think that I may have been at the same club (if it the Swindon one). I spent a lot of time walking around (so few seats) but didn't follow anyone. I too found the behaviour of some of the male guests off putting. Such a shame that you didn't enjoy yourselves, clubs shouldn't make you feel that way. It's not the clubs fault if they don't know there's a problem. If the OP didn't say anything at the time they couldn't help. I totally, I wasn't blaming the club; it's a fantastic venue, well run and very clean. I had an amazing time. My point was, that it was a shame that the OP's evening had been spoilt by a some of those attending the the club. NOT THE CLUBS FAULT!" Also a word to back off possibly would have helped, with some guys unless the have it made crystal clear that their behaviour is unacceptable they will continue with it. | |||
"Thanks for the response. Matt said several times to back off and give us some space and some did, some just looked at the ground as if they wete being told off. But it was everytime we moved from our seats. We didn't mantion to staff as we thought the welcome we recieved set the tone for helpfulness. Our mistake really we should have said to them about it. As mentioned we've been to several clubs now, but we've only ever experienced well mannered guys before. It was very uneasy to be in that position. " Personally, if the man I was with didnt have the required effect, I would have taken matters into my own hands In fact, I wouldnt have waited for him in the first place But thats just me | |||
"OP, i think that I may have been at the same club (if it the Swindon one). I spent a lot of time walking around (so few seats) but didn't follow anyone. I too found the behaviour of some of the male guests off putting. Such a shame that you didn't enjoy yourselves, clubs shouldn't make you feel that way." Thank you, yes it was the same club and im glad it was seen by others too. By no way are we blamimg the club or slating it. In fact we thought it wad a lovely place and very well maintianed and we would return perhaps with people before heading in. Please don't think it was a slam at the club its not. it was more about the situation. | |||
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"Every club we have attended (20+) have explained to single males what is appropriate. That doesn't mean that they took it on board though. Staff cannot be everywhere all the time, nor would you wish for them to be. If a word from you doesn't help - staff will act if you speak to them. Being followed in itself doesn't bother me - I find it sad and slightly amusing. On the rare occasions we have been unhappy with the behaviour of a single male, a word with the chap has resolved it, where a hard stare from me hasn't done the trick. The easiest solution, is to simply avoid attending a club on a night that single men are not allowed. Nita" Attend when single guys aren't allowed... | |||
"Every club we have attended (20+) have explained to single males what is appropriate. That doesn't mean that they took it on board though. Staff cannot be everywhere all the time, nor would you wish for them to be. If a word from you doesn't help - staff will act if you speak to them. Being followed in itself doesn't bother me - I find it sad and slightly amusing. On the rare occasions we have been unhappy with the behaviour of a single male, a word with the chap has resolved it, where a hard stare from me hasn't done the trick. The easiest solution, is to simply avoid attending a club on a night that single men are not allowed. Nita Attend when single guys aren't allowed... "First time at a club, one has to learn, no blame, other than being slightly naive. | |||
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"Actually I disagree with some of these comments. A couple or female should not have to tell people to back off. It's totally the club's fault for not explaing to people as they enter and staff not being proactive enough in policing the patrons. We had several bar experiences at abfabs before it shut. We go to enjoy ourselves not feel intimidated and have to aggressively tell people to back off! Where else in any social setting is this acceptable behaviour?" We agree with this 100 percent. Having to tell other patrons to modify their behaviour which they should already be well aware is unacceptable should be the responsibility of the people hosting. While club staff cannot be everywhere all of the time and indeed may well need to be made aware there is a problem, its a sign of a well run club if they are observant of others behaviour and can act before you have to even say anything. We've seen this happen at clubs before with little fuss that are extremely well run. One example was when two new couples arrived at a venue and the two males left the females at the bar and wandered around the club on their own eventually ending up in the Jacuzzi where several other couples we're sitting. (This was on a couples night btw) Within minutes the club owner actually appeared at the Jacuzzi and asked to speak to the gentleman outside. What the club had picked up on was that these people had used the women as tickets, to get into the venue on a couples night and then intended to wander round and attempt to get a shag on their own while leaving them at the bar. Its a fairly common tactic and known as 'ticketing' - we could give other examples, aggressive male groups following people round on any given night at RIOS in London is incredibly common and I for one don't want to have to tell them to fuck off, which doesn't exactly make for a great atmosphere for a night (We've been hounded to the point where we've left) so we vote with our wallets and don't go back there. People seem to forget that the scene does come with a basic degree of etiquette and isn't just a freebie for socially inept and impolite people to get a shag with no effort. A well run club will always be on the ball with this sort of thing and as the OP stated, the greeting at the door set the tone for them, which didn't encourage them to report any issues. So the problem started there straight away. | |||
"We prefer it when single guys are there but it just takes one idiot to spoil it. It doesn’t have to be a guy either, we experienced a very d*unk lady one evening and she was out of control. Everyone was avoiding the bar because of her. Lucky only happens on the odd rare ocassion and it can happen anywhere, not just at a club. Mrs" Actually we have only ever experienced a problem with a female that tried to butt in ! never had an issue with any single men x | |||
"We have had it before . We loop back on ourselves and wait around corners and make it obvious we know. We will act like we are going to play then stop and move away again " We had a guy kept trying to touch my partner in the jacuzzi at a club, had to tell him several times to stop, once included a threat of what would happen if he didn’t. He then started watching us on the open play area at the club, he kept getting closer and closer without touching this time or speaking and then suddenly got a condom out. We waited until he had put it on before we asked him what he was doing and then we stopped and moved away... his face was priceless. We reported him to the club | |||
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"Hi, we have never been to a club before but always assumed that there were hosts/hostesses roaming around to ensure club rules and etiquette were followed, the same way vanilla clubs have security or bouncers wandering around " Not as such as clubs tend to be smaller. It's more a case of the staff in the club having to deal with issues like this. To be honest most people in clubs (including single guys) don't act badly or at least will back off when told. It's just the few that spoil it. | |||
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"We went to one club on the spur of the moment, as soon as we got there it wasn’t for us and here are the reasons why.. 1. During the tour of the club we were being followed by a guy in a towel with questionable personal hygiene, he was that close behind me I could feel his breath on my neck, we were fully clothed too, the person giving us the tour didn’t bat an eye lid 2. It was filthy and I mean absolutely hanging, the kind of place you wanted wipe your feet on the way out 3. We were constantly being asked to dress down by staff and make use of the play rooms, we kept declining as we were the only couple there and felt like they wanted us to entertain the group of single guys litterly sitting looking at us! We left and vowed never ever to go back" I don't understand why the person doing the tour would even allow the guy to follow you?! Surely they had the ideal opportunity to deal with the guy there and then? To be honest, over the years, my main problems have been with females! Guys seem to be terrified of me (  ) lol so it's been a while since I've had the Pied Piper effect, but I've had at least 4 instances where females just wouldn't take no for an answer and one of those were part of a couple. One female was predatory! I was playing with a couple with my backside in the air (the shame) and this woman thought it was ok to just stick her fingers inside me!!!!!!! I swung around so quick and jumped off the bed to her, I think she realised without me even opening my mouth that she had gone too far. I asked the room 'did you see that?'. The shocked faces nodded. I went to the management and asked that she was turfed out as she literally assaulted me and had been a nightmare. They were funny at first until other people came to back me up and she was barred there and then. I told her on the way out that she was lucky I wasn't having her done for sexual assault!
She tried getting into Townhouse not long after we took over in 2012 and didn't realise we were the owners. She went white and turned on her heels! lol
So the following around phenomenon isn't just a single guy issue.
I always say to people when they come to our club that they are joining a members club. The members have as much right as I do to question the actions of other people around them in a diplomatic way. Everybody in the venue is responsible for their own safety and the safety of those around them and if they see someone breaking rules or just being an arsehole, then as a member, they can intervene. Most people let us deal with things as they don't want to get into a wrangle which is more than ok, but we do try to encourage people to take their membership seriously and look after the greater good. | |||
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"A valid point about everyone looking out for each other. On a recent(ish) night at a slightly more kinky club night I watched a guy flick his woman with his whip. Nothing untoward there except he did it a few times. Each time harder. But it was the look on his face that alerted me. Others said “it’ll be part of their play”. I said I didn’t care and if I’d made a mistake I’d apologise so I wandered over to the woman all casually and whispered “are you ok? Is this cool”? When she fell at my feet in sobs I realised not and got her out the situation amid much drama. Another time I was in the middle of some quite rough sex at the VA (it was cool) and a woman gently asked me if I was ok? Probably alerted by the hand round my throat. I told her it was all fine and thanked her for looking out for me. So people... if you see shit going on. Say something. You might be wrong and it’s ok and no harm done. These are our clubs. We make them what they are. We should look after them and each other. V x " | |||
" I always say to people when they come to our club that they are joining a members club. The members have as much right as I do to question the actions of other people around them in a diplomatic way. Everybody in the venue is responsible for their own safety and the safety of those around them and if they see someone breaking rules or just being an arsehole, then as a member, they can intervene. Most people let us deal with things as they don't want to get into a wrangle which is more than ok, but we do try to encourage people to take their membership seriously and look after the greater good. " Townhouse was in the top 3 list; seeing this sort of attitude has it at the very top now! Really excited to see the place at the earliest opportunity. | |||
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" I always say to people when they come to our club that they are joining a members club. The members have as much right as I do to question the actions of other people around them in a diplomatic way. Everybody in the venue is responsible for their own safety and the safety of those around them and if they see someone breaking rules or just being an arsehole, then as a member, they can intervene. Most people let us deal with things as they don't want to get into a wrangle which is more than ok, but we do try to encourage people to take their membership seriously and look after the greater good. Townhouse was in the top 3 list; seeing this sort of attitude has it at the very top now! Really excited to see the place at the earliest opportunity. " You are very welcome to join us!! You should try our under 39 event 'Allure'! It's AMAZING! Busy with lots of sexy people. Hope to see you at Townhouse in the near future then! xx | |||
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Advice to couples, talk to Staff/Management if you feel uncomfortable. If they ignore you, leave a review pointing this out. All the clubs we have been to seem to react positively when issues have been pointed out. | |||
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