FabSwingers.com > Forums > Fabswingers.com site feedback > Section in FAQ to help single guys
Section in FAQ to help single guys
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By *ofusplus OP Couple
over a year ago
Limerick |
Many Forum topics and statuses relate to the difficulties single guys face with the site and some get very down about not receiving replies to messages.
Can I suggest a section in the FAQ with advice for guys on how to get the most out of the site? I feel there is an over-reliance on sending messages when there are several better ways to get attention.
An example of the text ...
Don't rely solely on sending messages to get meets since ladies and couples can get tons of them and your message can be easily missed. We suggest you also focus on the following:
1) PROFILE: Ensure that your profile is complete and accurate. This means a few good quality body pics (clothed or unclothed), profile photo, at least a few paragraphs for your bio explaining what you can offer and what you are looking for, a list of interests and an accurate description of your height, age, body shape and sexual orientation. Add some personality to your photos and bio to really stand out!
2) MEET VERIFICATIONS: Try to get at least one meet verification. Check the Forums for upcoming socials for unverifieds. Be prepared to travel, it is worth it to get that green tick and show that you exist and are serious about meeting.
3) ATTEND SOCIALS: Try to get yourself to as many socials as possible. That face-to-face interaction is very important in order to make connections and become a trusted member of the swing community. Once this happens, things may take off for you.
4) INTERACT ON THE FORUMS: Interact on the Forums to get known and show off your intelligence and sparkling personality 
5) BE SOUND: Most importantly, be sound. Take rejection on the chin, don't try to compete with other guys, don't knock other guys on the Forum, stay positive and respect others regardless of gender. The Swing Community is small and you don't want to gain a poor reputation.
6) BE PATIENT: Take your time and be patient. It can take months to get your first meet, this is not a Dial-a-Ride service. Focus on the above points first and foremost and meets will come in time.
(Obviously this needs tweaking/changing and there are probably more points to add as well. Feel free to suggest more below!)
Nic  |
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By *JCouple
over a year ago
Teesside |
"I disagree.
Poorly written single male profiles are the best filter we have on here  "
100%
Why give misogynistic incels a step by step guide to conning there way into a meet or worst someone's sex life.
No thanks there's more than enough excellent and genuine single male profiles to go around.
KJ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That is a fair response though op did ask for guidance on helping them to meet and included "honesty" which we feel can be pushed alot more.
Sadly there are far too many men who have no idea yet taking the time to put in the work and honesty rather than just claiming the same will be more rewarding. |
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By *ofusplus OP Couple
over a year ago
Limerick |
I accept all of your comments and agree to a certain extent. However the 'incels' won't succeed regardless of the amount of advice you give them. But there are loads of nice guys here who get disillusioned because they only use private messaging or a combination of a few of the above suggestions. It takes time to realise what will work (women and couples don’t need a formula) and all I'm suggesting is to provide guidance to the good guys in getting there faster. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I really can't see the point as most men who do have success on here use their brains. They realise they have to make an effort with their profiles etc.For any normal adult that is just basic common sense. A blank profile with no pics (or worse pics that aren't theirs ) and one line bio etc will not appeal to the majority on here especially women and if they don't realise that they actually have to make an effort in order to succeed then you're already beating your head off a brick wall trying to tell them.I've seen so many help me with my profile threads yet 99 per cent make zero changes that they get advised on.
It's the same as some of the more graphic profiles I prefer them to stay graphic but so many advise men in particular to change them but then it's not a representation of who they are and personally I prefer to be able to see them so I can avoid some of them .
As for not being rude and to have patience that should be for everyone on here and just be the normal behaviour. But yet again it's good to see the ones who are like that and have no respect for the opposite sex because its handy to avoid them.
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My opinion on any fab guide book is that it shouldn't be written with one particular demographic in mind.
Much of what you have suggested op could also apply to women and couples and I totally disagree that they don't need a formula.
Very many women and couples don't make any effort with their profiles simply because they feel they don't have to as they will be inundated with offers regardless.
Those are more often than not the same women and couples who put more effort into complaining on the forums about their negative experiences than they do in writing their profile.
Men get told every day that you get out what you put in and that applies to everyone.
A lazy profile or a bad attitude will encourage a particular type of guy to get in touch. It will also encourage others to pass on by.
How many threads are started by women constantly complaining about no shows, or guys not being up to scratch?
Surely those same women would have copped on by now that no matter how many attractive pics they have that permanent scowl and whiney forum posts will repel those "decent" guys?
A one rule for them and another for us is a very blinkered approach and completely ignores the fact that women and couples are often part of the problem.
For every "quality" message I receive on here there are at least half a dozen one word introductions, entitled demands or instructions and do you not know who I am approaches.
It's very obvious from dozens of other threads that I'm not the only one receiving those messages or being put off by a certain forum attitude and sense of entitlement. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’d love to see more manners . I’ve been called a slut and apparently I’m frigid . All because I don’t meet them to give a blow job .
Whilst I like giving blow jobs I also like getting something back .
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I'm not sure that the sort of guys who put zero effort into their profiles would read the FAQs.
In fact, I think very few do (guys, couples or women), given how many profiles mention Sydney University! |
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Putting a "how to" guide such as this will either replace all the forum posts in here with "I've followed the FAQ guide and still not getting meets - WTF?" or, judging by the amount of people who ask questions on here that are already covered in FAQ, it'll just be ignored.
Perhaps once you've cracked the winning formula you could write a "Swinging for dummies" type book and make your millions? |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
It's common sense on any site if a person joins to fill out the reason their here only they know the reason.only they know the type of people whom they are looking for, only they know what type of things they'd like to engage/explore.common sense would be ideally looked up in the dictionary |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dose it really matter what is on profile, its the people who write it,and people who read it, have already made up their minds what there looking for,what the saying keyboard worrers, just cut people down because I can,is the world really so cot up on profiles and apps.... |
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"Dose it really matter what is on profile, its the people who write it,and people who read it, have already made up their minds what there looking for,what the saying keyboard worrers, just cut people down because I can,is the world really so cot up on profiles and apps...."
Bearing in mind the only way to start making connections on Fab is through a profile, I'd suggest we really should be caught up on profiles.
If someone doesn't get why a profile is important on a site where the only way to portray yourself, the only way to connect with others, is through a profile there really is no hope for that person.
We've found the vast majority of people who complain about not making headway here are the people with the shittiest profiles and attitudes.
Winston
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I’m totally new to the site and the scene, it has been a bit of a fumble in the dark for me coming on here. The advise you have given has been very good, informative and made me take a hole new look at my approach as I dip my toe into this community. Thank you for the helpful post |
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By *ofusplus OP Couple
over a year ago
Limerick |
"I’m totally new to the site and the scene, it has been a bit of a fumble in the dark for me coming on here. The advise you have given has been very good, informative and made me take a hole new look at my approach as I dip my toe into this community. Thank you for the helpful post "
So happy you took something from it, it was for the genuine guys like you that I wrote it 
It's not perfect (I don't claim to have the winning formula) and I did ask for suggestions or changes, but it's clear as day to me where good guys tend to go wrong, especially in over-relying on private messaging.
Thank you |
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By *arkman8Man
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"I’m totally new to the site and the scene, it has been a bit of a fumble in the dark for me coming on here. The advise you have given has been very good, informative and made me take a hole new look at my approach as I dip my toe into this community. Thank you for the helpful post
So happy you took something from it, it was for the genuine guys like you that I wrote it
It's not perfect (I don't claim to have the winning formula) and I did ask for suggestions or changes, but it's clear as day to me where good guys tend to go wrong, especially in over-relying on private messaging.
Thank you "
Thank you too, its quite intimidating coming to this scene new, not everyone is an extrovert at first… I’ve been put off so many times by bad responses to messages I send, but I’ll carry on and keep trying.. thanks for the advice. |
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By *ofusplus OP Couple
over a year ago
Limerick |
"I’m totally new to the site and the scene, it has been a bit of a fumble in the dark for me coming on here. The advise you have given has been very good, informative and made me take a hole new look at my approach as I dip my toe into this community. Thank you for the helpful post
So happy you took something from it, it was for the genuine guys like you that I wrote it
It's not perfect (I don't claim to have the winning formula) and I did ask for suggestions or changes, but it's clear as day to me where good guys tend to go wrong, especially in over-relying on private messaging.
Thank you
Thank you too, its quite intimidating coming to this scene new, not everyone is an extrovert at first… I’ve been put off so many times by bad responses to messages I send, but I’ll carry on and keep trying.. thanks for the advice."
You're welcome
Can you clarify what you intend to keep on trying? To send messages? |
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"Maybe I’m wrong in thinking people want to talk first 
They mostly do, but as Winston said above, it's all about the profile."
I think the Red Tops and channel 5 have a lot to answer for in how they portray the swinging lifestyle.
It's simply people meeting to fuck other people, and that's the lasting impression people have, leading to an unrealistic expectation.
They forget about the basic rules of attraction, of personality, kindred spirits, building trust, long before mutual desire comes along.
That takes time. And the starting point in the cold world of the internet is a decent profile, detailing what people are looking for and what they offer, together with a decent gallery of photos.
99% of the "this site is shit, no one wants to meet me" posts are written by profiles with a few cock pics from different angles and "fun" as their entire biog.
And all too frequently the utterly ridiculous warnings.
Two pence spent.
Winston |
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By *arkman8Man
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"Maybe I’m wrong in thinking people want to talk first
They mostly do, but as Winston said above, it's all about the profile.
I think the Red Tops and channel 5 have a lot to answer for in how they portray the swinging lifestyle.
It's simply people meeting to fuck other people, and that's the lasting impression people have, leading to an unrealistic expectation.
They forget about the basic rules of attraction, of personality, kindred spirits, building trust, long before mutual desire comes along.
That takes time. And the starting point in the cold world of the internet is a decent profile, detailing what people are looking for and what they offer, together with a decent gallery of photos.
99% of the "this site is shit, no one wants to meet me" posts are written by profiles with a few cock pics from different angles and "fun" as their entire biog.
And all too frequently the utterly ridiculous warnings.
Two pence spent.
Winston"
Cheers Winston, point taken. |
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"Maybe I’m wrong in thinking people want to talk first
They mostly do, but as Winston said above, it's all about the profile.
I think the Red Tops and channel 5 have a lot to answer for in how they portray the swinging lifestyle.
It's simply people meeting to fuck other people, and that's the lasting impression people have, leading to an unrealistic expectation.
They forget about the basic rules of attraction, of personality, kindred spirits, building trust, long before mutual desire comes along.
That takes time. And the starting point in the cold world of the internet is a decent profile, detailing what people are looking for and what they offer, together with a decent gallery of photos.
99% of the "this site is shit, no one wants to meet me" posts are written by profiles with a few cock pics from different angles and "fun" as their entire biog.
And all too frequently the utterly ridiculous warnings.
Two pence spent.
Winston
Cheers Winston, point taken. "
I wasn't knocking you, your biog isn't bad imho, it's a long way from the worst I've seen.
Winston |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Stop the whinging status updates ..... it's a straight way to get blocked.
I am struggling to find a single female, but won't be putting a moan up as a status. Patience pays off eventually x |
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By *ofusplus OP Couple
over a year ago
Limerick |
"Stop the whinging status updates ..... it's a straight way to get blocked.
I am struggling to find a single female, but won't be putting a moan up as a status. Patience pays off eventually x"
Absolutely agree, keep it positive |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"I disagree.
Poorly written single male profiles are the best filter we have on here "
Bingo… you find out very quickly who gets it and understands… rather than those who are just very opportunistic
So… this next bit is for the OP…
Besides … as much as I like a guide for all of life.. this does a couple of inadvertent things…
1) you give those who don’t get it a template into how too fool people
2) you make it harder for the singles who do get to stand out
3) you make it harder for the pickers to work out who gets it from who doesn’t
Besides if everyone does what you suggest then those who did make an effort would seem generic, and the only ones that would stand out were those who put little or nothing
As I said… guides for life… brilliant!!! But in this case, anything more than the words…. Time, patience and basic common sense should be left for people to work out on their own!!
I mean.. if people need to be told that doing a bit of research… or how to apply their best selves… or even sitting down and thinking what on a profile rather than thinking with their genitalia… then I don’t think there is much more you can do! |
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If fab sent some regular messages to new users, they could be given some prompts and tips, to guide shaping their expectations plus their approach and behaviour. These could include a focus on doing something with their profile, as well as the other useful things, such as looking for socials and clubs.
This could supplement FAQ information or just present it via messages. Those who struggle to get replies, may be more receptive to something that actually lands in their inbox. (Unlike spam, in our regular emails, which most of us dislike). |
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"I disagree.
Poorly written single male profiles are the best filter we have on here
100%
Why give misogynistic incels a step by step guide to conning there way into a meet or worst someone's sex life.
No thanks there's more than enough excellent and genuine single male profiles to go around.
KJ"
This. If you're incapable of working out the basics of how you should interact with others, then you're not for us |
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"I disagree.
Poorly written single male profiles are the best filter we have on here
100%
Why give misogynistic incels a step by step guide to conning there way into a meet or worst someone's sex life.
No thanks there's more than enough excellent and genuine single male profiles to go around.
KJ"
So it’s ok for for support and advice to be given on one thread to new female members joining fab but not ok for same help and support to be given to guys on another. |
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
"I disagree.
Poorly written single male profiles are the best filter we have on here
100%
Why give misogynistic incels a step by step guide to conning there way into a meet or worst someone's sex life.
No thanks there's more than enough excellent and genuine single male profiles to go around.
KJ
So it’s ok for for support and advice to be given on one thread to new female members joining fab but not ok for same help and support to be given to guys on another. "
It's OK for people to have their own opinions - I'm not helping either group, so am being consistent. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I disagree.
Poorly written single male profiles are the best filter we have on here
100%
Why give misogynistic incels a step by step guide to conning there way into a meet or worst someone's sex life.
No thanks there's more than enough excellent and genuine single male profiles to go around.
KJ"
|
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"I’m totally new to the site and the scene, it has been a bit of a fumble in the dark for me coming on here. The advise you have given has been very good, informative and made me take a hole new look at my approach as I dip my toe into this community. Thank you for the helpful post
So happy you took something from it, it was for the genuine guys like you that I wrote it
It's not perfect (I don't claim to have the winning formula) and I did ask for suggestions or changes, but it's clear as day to me where good guys tend to go wrong, especially in over-relying on private messaging.
Thank you
Thank you too, its quite intimidating coming to this scene new, not everyone is an extrovert at first… I’ve been put off so many times by bad responses to messages I send, but I’ll carry on and keep trying.. thanks for the advice."
I hope you find your way on here. Some of the ‘men slating’ posts above mustn’t help any new guys coming on here at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Many Forum topics and statuses relate to the difficulties single guys face with the site and some get very down about not receiving replies to messages.
Can I suggest a section in the FAQ with advice for guys on how to get the most out of the site? I feel there is an over-reliance on sending messages when there are several better ways to get attention.
An example of the text ...
Don't rely solely on sending messages to get meets since ladies and couples can get tons of them and your message can be easily missed. We suggest you also focus on the following:
1) PROFILE: Ensure that your profile is complete and accurate. This means a few good quality body pics (clothed or unclothed), profile photo, at least a few paragraphs for your bio explaining what you can offer and what you are looking for, a list of interests and an accurate description of your height, age, body shape and sexual orientation. Add some personality to your photos and bio to really stand out!
2) MEET VERIFICATIONS: Try to get at least one meet verification. Check the Forums for upcoming socials for unverifieds. Be prepared to travel, it is worth it to get that green tick and show that you exist and are serious about meeting.
3) ATTEND SOCIALS: Try to get yourself to as many socials as possible. That face-to-face interaction is very important in order to make connections and become a trusted member of the swing community. Once this happens, things may take off for you.
4) INTERACT ON THE FORUMS: Interact on the Forums to get known and show off your intelligence and sparkling personality
5) BE SOUND: Most importantly, be sound. Take rejection on the chin, don't try to compete with other guys, don't knock other guys on the Forum, stay positive and respect others regardless of gender. The Swing Community is small and you don't want to gain a poor reputation.
6) BE PATIENT: Take your time and be patient. It can take months to get your first meet, this is not a Dial-a-Ride service. Focus on the above points first and foremost and meets will come in time.
(Obviously this needs tweaking/changing and there are probably more points to add as well. Feel free to suggest more below!)
Nic "
You know guys things like this cracks me up lmao.
You've done a 6 step plan to help guys and the first line of your profile says your not looking for single guys. Lmao.
It's like someone that can't drive becoming a driving instructor. Fab never ceases to amaze me I kid you not.  |
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By *ofusplus OP Couple
over a year ago
Limerick |
"
You've done a 6 step plan to help guys and the first line of your profile says your not looking for single guys. Lmao.
It's like someone that can't drive becoming a driving instructor. Fab never ceases to amaze me I kid you not. "
Your analogy doesn't work, sorry |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
You've done a 6 step plan to help guys and the first line of your profile says your not looking for single guys. Lmao.
It's like someone that can't drive becoming a driving instructor. Fab never ceases to amaze me I kid you not.
Your analogy doesn't work, sorry "
Your right , it's like someone that has no interest in driving becoming a driving instructor. My appologies.  |
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"
So it’s ok for for support and advice to be given on one thread to new female members joining fab but not ok for same help and support to be given to guys on another. "
It's certainly less of a waste of time
|
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By *ofusplus OP Couple
over a year ago
Limerick |
"
You've done a 6 step plan to help guys and the first line of your profile says your not looking for single guys. Lmao.
It's like someone that can't drive becoming a driving instructor. Fab never ceases to amaze me I kid you not.
Your analogy doesn't work, sorry
Your right , it's like someone that has no interest in driving becoming a driving instructor. My appologies. "
Being successful on here has nothing to do with any type of 'training'. What one needs is common sense and experience and the same general guidelines (listed in my opening post) apply regardless of who you are and what you are looking for.
New guys can have plenty of common sense but their lack of experience makes everything more difficult. These are the guys I'm aiming to help.
By the way, that line "not looking for single guys" appears automatically when you block guys from messaging you. Some people prefer to do the messaging themselves as opposed to being inundated with messages from crappy profiles. So it can be misleading. We do look for guys from time to time
I'm glad to have made you 'lmao' though  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
You've done a 6 step plan to help guys and the first line of your profile says your not looking for single guys. Lmao.
It's like someone that can't drive becoming a driving instructor. Fab never ceases to amaze me I kid you not.
Your analogy doesn't work, sorry
Your right , it's like someone that has no interest in driving becoming a driving instructor. My appologies.
Being successful on here has nothing to do with any type of 'training'. What one needs is common sense and experience and the same general guidelines (listed in my opening post) apply regardless of who you are and what you are looking for.
New guys can have plenty of common sense but their lack of experience makes everything more difficult. These are the guys I'm aiming to help.
By the way, that line "not looking for single guys" appears automatically when you block guys from messaging you. Some people prefer to do the messaging themselves as opposed to being inundated with messages from crappy profiles. So it can be misleading. We do look for guys from time to time
I'm glad to have made you 'lmao' though "
Well in that case I withdraw my minor disapproval of you helping people of which it seemed you had no interest in.
You seem very genuine in your offer of helping others and have been extremely polite in your responses with me so I can't fault you any further guys. Appreciate you taking the time to answer , it shows your excellent character and if only there was more people like you guys in the forums. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
You've done a 6 step plan to help guys and the first line of your profile says your not looking for single guys. Lmao.
It's like someone that can't drive becoming a driving instructor. Fab never ceases to amaze me I kid you not.
Your analogy doesn't work, sorry
Your right , it's like someone that has no interest in driving becoming a driving instructor. My appologies.
Being successful on here has nothing to do with any type of 'training'. What one needs is common sense and experience and the same general guidelines (listed in my opening post) apply regardless of who you are and what you are looking for.
New guys can have plenty of common sense but their lack of experience makes everything more difficult. These are the guys I'm aiming to help.
By the way, that line "not looking for single guys" appears automatically when you block guys from messaging you. Some people prefer to do the messaging themselves as opposed to being inundated with messages from crappy profiles. So it can be misleading. We do look for guys from time to time
I'm glad to have made you 'lmao' though "
Haha just realised you blocked me.
Hey thats OK I deserved it.  |
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