FabSwingers.com > Forums > Fabswingers.com site feedback > Peer-to-Peer safety + support groups on Fab??
Peer-to-Peer safety + support groups on Fab??
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It would be really helpful if there was a way for people on Fab to connect privately and compare experiences around safety, boundaries, and behaviour.
Not public call-outs — just quiet, consent-based conversations so people can make informed choices.
I’m speaking from my own perspective as someone in a minority group, but this kind of peer support benefits everyon |
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So like a name and shame club (which is against site rules) but in private?
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I understand the concern about name-and-shame, and that’s not what I’m suggesting.
What I’m pointing to is a gap before situations escalate. A lot of harmful or unhealthy dynamics aren’t obvious at the start — they can be subtle, creep in gradually, and leave people unsure whether what they’re experiencing is a misunderstanding, a one-off, or something more concerning.
In my own experience, if there had been a way to quietly sense-check earlier — or to speak confidentially with a moderator about whether something was isolated or part of a repeat pattern — I’d have had clarity sooner and could have stepped away calmly, without it affecting anyone else.
Reporting can feel like a final step or a “sentence”, when often what people need first is understanding and perspective. Other platforms support this through early, private guidance and opt-in peer support, without public call-outs.
That kind of early, private support creates accountability through informed choice and timely guidance, rather than escalation after the fact. |
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My reply above addresses your concerns x |
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I understand that some people in our society require much more support and guidance than others.
Whether a place like Fab where persons are looking for anonymous connections and sexual liaisons via the internet, is the right place for those persons is something they should consider carefully and perhaps take some advice on.
Naming and shaming is discouraged by Fab management for very sound reasons.
If for example I had a disagreement with someone on the Forums I could then say they were a bad or dangerous person and besmirch their online reputation with no evidence whatsoever to back up my claim.
I know that If you present your case to Fab with the appropriate evidence the guy will just delete the profile and start again but that’s all you’ve got mate.
Shit as it is.
How would you like people sharing personal details about you in a private group?
I’m fairly sure that my details are now being shared in several private groups but that’s life on the internet and I am appropriately careful (hopefully)
Good luck. |
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Admin would never discuss other users with individuals. Apart from breaching data protection legislation it would be a huge violation of privacy. |
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I want to respond to this honestly, because I think we’re talking past each other a bit.
First — I’m not someone new to this world or in need of extra guidance. I’m a seasoned swinger who’s been active in the scene for years. What happened to me wasn’t crying over spilt milk — it was a genuinely abnormal and intense situation that unfolded over the course of a month, during a vulnerable period for me, and I didn’t recognise it for what it was until later.
That matters, because this isn’t about people being “too sensitive” or “unsuited” to Fab.
Second — this isn’t Grindr, Tinder, or a random corner of the internet. Fab presents itself as a community, not just a hookup board. And a community is only as strong as how it treats people when things go wrong — not just when everything is fun and consensual. Saying “if you need support, maybe this isn’t the place for you” undermines the idea of community altogether.
Third — I don’t accept “that’s just life on the internet” as a good enough answer. Even if that’s true elsewhere, we can still choose to do better here. Normalising harm as inevitable protects no one: people who are abused continue to be abused, and people who behave abusively are never challenged or given a reason to reflect or change.
Fourth — the whole point of what I’m raising is prevention, not punishment. I could have saved myself — and others would be able to as well — if there were ways to get clarity before a situation escalated into something formally reportable. Once you reach that stage, the harm has already happened.
Finally — I’m not advocating for public accusations or private witch hunts. I understand exactly why those are discouraged. But the idea that the only options are silence or formal reporting leaves a huge gap where harm thrives. Early clarity, quiet sense-checking, and stronger cultural norms around accountability don’t weaken communities — they strengthen them.
You asked how I’d feel about people sharing things about me privately — and I wouldn’t be comfortable with rumours or unverified claims circulating either. That’s exactly why what I’m talking about isn’t gossip or name-and-shame. For example, there’s a clear difference between people trading stories about someone and a person being able to say, “Something feels off — am I misreading this, or is this a known pattern?” and getting grounded guidance before harm escalates.
That kind of early clarity is achievable through responsible use of data: privacy preserved, information restricted to trusted moderation and administration on a need-to-know basis, and action taken on patterns rather than rumours. Done properly, it prevents harm without ever becoming public disclosure.
I’m not asking Fab to become something it isn’t. I’m asking whether a community that prides itself on consent, care, and communication can also extend those values to how it handles harm.
That’s the point I’m making.
And to admin — I understand and respect the privacy boundaries you’ve outlined. My intention here is about prevention and culture, not disclosure. |
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I'm not admin I'm a forum mod.
Am I right in thinking you're suggesting a fact checked, evidence based way of checking if someone has previously behaved a certain way? |
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