FabSwingers.com > Forums > Fabswingers.com site feedback > Adding Dominant , submissive to drop down menu to make searching more defined
Adding Dominant , submissive to drop down menu to make searching more defined
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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As a Dominant it is very frustrating to have to search through all the profiles to find the submissive amongst them. If there was a separate tick box for Dominant or submissive it would make it a lot easier and also the amount of times I message someone who has SM in there list of likes and most of the time they dont know what it is so they get upset when you ask them about pain etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a Dominant it is very frustrating to have to search through all the profiles to find the submissive amongst them. If there was a separate tick box for Dominant or submissive it would make it a lot easier and also the amount of times I message someone who has SM in there list of likes and most of the time they dont know what it is so they get upset when you ask them about pain etc."
No.
I dont think some understand the bdsm scene and too many 50 shades brigade what they think they are “dom” or a “master” and have no clue |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We are a D/s couple. There is another site for that. And agree far too many wannabes on here, who think that because they once slapped a girls arse and asked her to call them daddy they are Dom's |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are a D/s couple. There is another site for that. And agree far too many wannabes on here, who think that because they once slapped a girls arse and asked her to call them daddy they are Dom's"
Its why i dont think the labels on here will work |
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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago
trouble most likely, or creating it :) |
"Yes there are and trying to sort the true lifestylers from the 50 shades of shite brigade is a nightmare . I have had 2 wasted conversations today ."
there is no such thing as wasted conversations..
And you wouldn't solve that with drop down menus as you have to talk to someone to see if they have a clue |
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By *iyuWoman
over a year ago
Cheltenham |
"As a Dominant it is very frustrating to have to search through all the profiles to find the submissive amongst them. If there was a separate tick box for Dominant or submissive it would make it a lot easier and also the amount of times I message someone who has SM in there list of likes and most of the time they dont know what it is so they get upset when you ask them about pain etc.
No.
I dont think some understand the bdsm scene and too many 50 shades brigade what they think they are “dom” or a “master” and have no clue "
I personally find these daddy doms hilarious, they think I'll buckle at my knees and submit to them if they send me a message saying 'get on your knees slut', that tends to be a huge give away whether they know wtf they are doing.
I really don't think a drop down box will make a difference. Its obvious through meeting people whether they are the real deal or not. However other sites of the Bdsm nature do seem to be an awful lot of talk and very, very little action |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes there are and trying to sort the true lifestylers from the 50 shades of shite brigade is a nightmare . I have had 2 wasted conversations today . there is no such thing as wasted conversations..
And you wouldn't solve that with drop down menus as you have to talk to someone to see if they have a clue "
Agreed. |
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Wouldn’t help on here ... too many Christian Grey wannabees who have no clue!! They would be identifying as D or s when they really aren’t.
Best bet is to look for play meets on here & use another well known FETish LIFEstyle site for D/s meets  |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Agreed with others that it wouldn't help at all OP - I think you'd find a lot of submissives wouldn't use it as it would be a signal to open the floodgates to messages from people that don't "get" the lifestyle.
As it is a lot of people hide their "Interests" section because of the number of people that see a particular interest ticked and automatically assume it's what someone is looking for from every meet, the same principle would apply with your idea. |
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I have to be honest. I find most so called doms and subs on here are a million miles away from the true scene. What some call bdsm on here is mere titillation and fantasy. This is the wrong site for it. I've been in the bdsm scene 35 years,m9and I've been on here 10 years. There is no comparison. While some may call mild spanking and canings bdsm. Its not really now is it. The 50 shades tripe made a right pigs ear of it all. Bdsm has many various avenues and has many scenes to explore. It can Lead to pleasure for some but not all. Canings have to be carried out correctly and safely. It is not about beating the shit out of someone and causing unnecessary suffering like some on here seem to think. Trust and patience play a big part. Learn how to do things correctly. It's actually an art. Given anyone a whip, flogger or cane who thinks "hey that looks good I can do that" is a, recipe for disaster. |
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I have had the birch and the Canadian prison strap before . I'm at the deep end of bdsm.. I do full electrics and needleplay as, well. Some may well be turned off by what I do. But I do what I do for me nobody else. im not harming anyone. Its how I get my kicks |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
It does make me laugh the amount of people who harp on about the other site.
Some of us want to combine swinging and BDSM. Also I can assue you that the other site have just as many dim done and Christian Grey wanna be's as on here! Believe me I have been contacted by enough. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m interested in power exchange, which could be called sub/Dom. I have to REALLY trust someone to make myself vulnerable. The people Ive played with in this way wouldn’t identify as sub or Dom on a drop down list of interests. It’s been a dynamic that’s grown out of imaginative kinky play. I don’t think I’d use such a label, because it wouldn’t lead me to the thing I need.
And rubbish sub/Dom players have been around for decades before 50 Shades. There are studies from the 70s identifying BDSM as a particularly British fetish. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I identify as a submissive in as much as I have more than a passing interest in BDSM, but I deliberately don't include that information in my profile (apart from ticking the relevant "Interests" boxes and a couple of subtle clues to it in my pics) - I did that because it's not the primary thing I am looking for from a meet or from the site.
If a shared interest in it came up with someone I was talking to, and further conversation showed we were on the same page, and the other person matched my thinking on the subject then I wouldn't rule out going down that route BUT it would absolutely have to feel right for both of us to take that step and I simply wouldn't contemplate it if it didn't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have to be honest. I find most so called doms and subs on here are a million miles away from the true scene. What some call bdsm on here is mere titillation and fantasy. This is the wrong site for it. I've been in the bdsm scene 35 years,m9and I've been on here 10 years. There is no comparison. While some may call mild spanking and canings bdsm. Its not really now is it. The 50 shades tripe made a right pigs ear of it all. Bdsm has many various avenues and has many scenes to explore. It can Lead to pleasure for some but not all. Canings have to be carried out correctly and safely. It is not about beating the shit out of someone and causing unnecessary suffering like some on here seem to think. Trust and patience play a big part. Learn how to do things correctly. It's actually an art. Given anyone a whip, flogger or cane who thinks "hey that looks good I can do that" is a, recipe for disaster. "
That comes across as though your saying nobody can learn or experiment or have fun with Bdsm ? Don’t look down your nose at others who aren’t as hardcore. |
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"I have to be honest. I find most so called doms and subs on here are a million miles away from the true scene. What some call bdsm on here is mere titillation and fantasy. This is the wrong site for it. I've been in the bdsm scene 35 years,m9and I've been on here 10 years. There is no comparison. While some may call mild spanking and canings bdsm. Its not really now is it. The 50 shades tripe made a right pigs ear of it all. Bdsm has many various avenues and has many scenes to explore. It can Lead to pleasure for some but not all. Canings have to be carried out correctly and safely. It is not about beating the shit out of someone and causing unnecessary suffering like some on here seem to think. Trust and patience play a big part. Learn how to do things correctly. It's actually an art. Given anyone a whip, flogger or cane who thinks "hey that looks good I can do that" is a, recipe for disaster.
That comes across as though your saying nobody can learn or experiment or have fun with Bdsm ? Don’t look down your nose at others who aren’t as hardcore. "
I'm not looking down my nose at anyone at all. But most on here are clueless, when it comes to bdsm. This really isn't the site for that type of fun. We all know it that is fact.yes we all have to learn. Most people I come across on here confuse abuse, with bdsm |
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"It does make me laugh the amount of people who harp on about the other site.
Some of us want to combine swinging and BDSM. Also I can assue you that the other site have just as many dim done and Christian Grey wanna be's as on here! Believe me I have been contacted by enough. "
if you get out and about into the scene properly Christian greys do not exist. They do on here though |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
Personally I don't think 50SOG is to be blamed for anything apart being terribly written in the case of the books and terribly acted and scripted for the films. I have not been able to finish either a book or a film.
I doubt that "dim doms" have read the books or seen the films. However I can point to a dozen websites more likely to be the cause of dim dom behaviour.
To get to OP's point, if as a male dom he is looking for female submissives or D/S couples, most people as I understand it on Fab in the scene (as others have said), do not put this dynamic on their profile due to the "dim doms", and the fact that most vanillas on Fab do not understand the dynamic and basically think it is weird.
As someone who has been called "elitist" and "purist by friends on the scene my two recent revelations are as follows.
Firstly most people in the scene are sexually orientated in their kink and most don't admit it. Secondly most people think the way they do kink is the only way to do kink.
For the above two reasons FL has had people getting into bitter battles with people tearing lumps out of each other over the right way to do kink. Of which there is no true way, except with consent and with a lack of abuse).
In my books dim doms are a menace to newbies (but they are not the only menace). The people that are my main concerns are the charismatic psychopathic sadist who see themselves as doing no wrong, and bottoms who jump in and do not inform themselves about kink.
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It can be a minefield on here...I have come across many "doms" on here who are in fact just " secret abusers" who tell you..." I'm blah blah and I'm a dom and I want to do spank you...I'm going to tie you up....I'm going to make you my bitch and and and....slot get almost offended when I point out it's so much more than what goes on in the bedroom and just because I am a sub it does not mean I will just submit myself to them...they think i should be hourned they want to...no mate....you got it all wrong.. like its pointed out above..I've found another website that caters for the lifestyle more specifically. |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"It does make me laugh the amount of people who harp on about the other site.
Some of us want to combine swinging and BDSM. Also I can assue you that the other site have just as many dim done and Christian Grey wanna be's as on here! Believe me I have been contacted by enough. if you get out and about into the scene properly Christian greys do not exist. They do on here though "
Hahaha. Oh they exist believe me.
I've been out on the scene since I was 18 and have been involved in the running of some of the biggest events in the country. |
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"As a Dominant it is very frustrating to have to search through all the profiles to find the submissive amongst them. If there was a separate tick box for Dominant or submissive it would make it a lot easier and also the amount of times I message someone who has SM in there list of likes and most of the time they dont know what it is so they get upset when you ask them about pain etc.
No.
I dont think some understand the bdsm scene and too many 50 shades brigade what they think they are “dom” or a “master” and have no clue
I personally find these daddy doms hilarious, they think I'll buckle at my knees and submit to them if they send me a message saying 'get on your knees slut', that tends to be a huge give away whether they know wtf they are doing.
I really don't think a drop down box will make a difference. Its obvious through meeting people whether they are the real deal or not. However other sites of the Bdsm nature do seem to be an awful lot of talk and very, very little action"
Completely agree, other places are dire. This for me, is the absolute best spot to find what I want. Yeah you have to sift a bit but some utter newbies with a skewed idea of what kink actually is, have had it set straight (gently but firmly) and gone off home muttering; SSC, Consent is everything and communication is the heart of kink under their breath. ; D
I like to gently open eyes (and asses  ) to the weirdsexyawesome that is kink done right. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"It can be a minefield on here...I have come across many "doms" on here who are in fact just " secret abusers" who tell you..." I'm blah blah and I'm a dom and I want to do spank you...I'm going to tie you up....I'm going to make you my bitch and and and....slot get almost offended when I point out it's so much more than what goes on in the bedroom and just because I am a sub it does not mean I will just submit myself to them...they think i should be hourned they want to...no mate....you got it all wrong.. like its pointed out above..I've found another website that caters for the lifestyle more specifically. "
And that is *exactly* why BDSM very much has a place for discussion on here, to hopefully set straight those on *both* sides of the coin as to the differences between abuse and BDSM - just as dangerous as a "dominant" who thinks it's simply a case of picking up a flogger to become one, are the uninformed submissives who blindly do as they're told because they think, or have been told, it's the expected thing to do.
There will always be, and always have been, abusive "dominants" and uninformed "submissives" both here and other sites more geared towards BDSM, and in the scene generally, but even if one person's eyes are opened by discussing it here it's a good thing in my book.
There are many on this site, and indeed this thread, who are knowledgeable and the value of that is immense, and would be sorely missed if it were lost.
Sadly I also find a lot of snobbery in some quarters where those seeking knowledge are looked down upon, or told they are doing it wrong and it's important not to lose sight of the fact that there is no true "right" way to BDSM other than that agreed between two (or more) consenting and informed adults - there are however plenty of wrong ways where consent and knowledge aren't present.
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By *asha86Couple
over a year ago
walsall |
For us we havent long been in a d/s relationship we keep researching and learning more and more and would be good to share thoughts/ideas with others. As for attracting dim doms well it doesnt matter where it is you will still get them and its only ing them out just like anything else on fab |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"It can be a minefield on here...I have come across many "doms" on here who are in fact just " secret abusers" who tell you..." I'm blah blah and I'm a dom and I want to do spank you...I'm going to tie you up....I'm going to make you my bitch and and and....slot get almost offended when I point out it's so much more than what goes on in the bedroom and just because I am a sub it does not mean I will just submit myself to them...they think i should be hourned they want to...no mate....you got it all wrong.. like its pointed out above..I've found another website that caters for the lifestyle more specifically.
And that is *exactly* why BDSM very much has a place for discussion on here, to hopefully set straight those on *both* sides of the coin as to the differences between abuse and BDSM - just as dangerous as a "dominant" who thinks it's simply a case of picking up a flogger to become one, are the uninformed submissives who blindly do as they're told because they think, or have been told, it's the expected thing to do.
There will always be, and always have been, abusive "dominants" and uninformed "submissives" both here and other sites more geared towards BDSM, and in the scene generally, but even if one person's eyes are opened by discussing it here it's a good thing in my book.
There are many on this site, and indeed this thread, who are knowledgeable and the value of that is immense, and would be sorely missed if it were lost.
Sadly I also find a lot of snobbery in some quarters where those seeking knowledge are looked down upon, or told they are doing it wrong and it's important not to lose sight of the fact that there is no true "right" way to BDSM other than that agreed between two (or more) consenting and informed adults - there are however plenty of wrong ways where consent and knowledge aren't present.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a Dominant it is very frustrating to have to search through all the profiles to find the submissive amongst them. If there was a separate tick box for Dominant or submissive it would make it a lot easier and also the amount of times I message someone who has SM in there list of likes and most of the time they dont know what it is so they get upset when you ask them about pain etc."
Couldn't agree more! Some (over sensitive) in my opinion types get quite uppity when you mention some things? I always try to make a sensitive approach but I do sometimes get blocked(unfairly) I think???  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a Dominant it is very frustrating to have to search through all the profiles to find the submissive amongst them. If there was a separate tick box for Dominant or submissive it would make it a lot easier and also the amount of times I message someone who has SM in there list of likes and most of the time they dont know what it is so they get upset when you ask them about pain etc.
No.
I dont think some understand the bdsm scene and too many 50 shades brigade what they think they are “dom” or a “master” and have no clue "
Hear,hear again! 50 shades has a lot to answer for??? |
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"I have to be honest. I find most so called doms and subs on here are a million miles away from the true scene. What some call bdsm on here is mere titillation and fantasy. This is the wrong site for it. I've been in the bdsm scene 35 years,m9and I've been on here 10 years. There is no comparison. While some may call mild spanking and canings bdsm. Its not really now is it. The 50 shades tripe made a right pigs ear of it all. Bdsm has many various avenues and has many scenes to explore. It can Lead to pleasure for some but not all. Canings have to be carried out correctly and safely. It is not about beating the shit out of someone and causing unnecessary suffering like some on here seem to think. Trust and patience play a big part. Learn how to do things correctly. It's actually an art. Given anyone a whip, flogger or cane who thinks "hey that looks good I can do that" is a, recipe for disaster. "
So very true. Personally, I use whip, cane for discipline and punishment. Though with a maso often the punishment is not to give them the whip or cane |
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By *uckslut and MCouple
over a year ago
Swindon swingers kink visit only. |
"As a Dominant it is very frustrating to have to search through all the profiles to find the submissive amongst them. If there was a separate tick box for Dominant or submissive it would make it a lot easier and also the amount of times I message someone who has SM in there list of likes and most of the time they dont know what it is so they get upset when you ask them about pain etc.
No.
I dont think some understand the bdsm scene and too many 50 shades brigade what they think they are “dom” or a “master” and have no clue "
This is what I was trying to say the other day about Dim Doms. 50 shades, everyone thinks they know BDSM. I was told, there are all levels of BDSM. And BDSM has place here in a swingers site.
Why, when we get paddles out in a swingers club in the provided Dungeon do they run the other way and fast! ( voyuers that is). Or they feel they can walk up and slap my ass, uninvited?
Why in a BDSM club there are " no sex" or no sexual acts aloud.
BDSM and swinging do not mix. As I said the other day, swinger slap and tickle or Bdsm. Swingers have their site, kinksters have theirs.
We're on both, and don't mix the 2.
In answer to your question, I'm a sub, have a high pain threshold when in sub space. I can take a devils tounge. I'm owned and will not play with anyone other than my Dom.
Swinging, I'm a vixen. Very happy to play and be shared around. I'm a greedy girl. Very very greedy.
When I'm in Domme mode, I will not let a sub fuck me.
Very clear boundries, but hard fir swingers to get their head around. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"As a Dominant it is very frustrating to have to search through all the profiles to find the submissive amongst them. If there was a separate tick box for Dominant or submissive it would make it a lot easier and also the amount of times I message someone who has SM in there list of likes and most of the time they dont know what it is so they get upset when you ask them about pain etc.
No.
I dont think some understand the bdsm scene and too many 50 shades brigade what they think they are “dom” or a “master” and have no clue
This is what I was trying to say the other day about Dim Doms. 50 shades, everyone thinks they know BDSM. I was told, there are all levels of BDSM. And BDSM has place here in a swingers site.
Why, when we get paddles out in a swingers club in the provided Dungeon do they run the other way and fast! ( voyuers that is). Or they feel they can walk up and slap my ass, uninvited?
Why in a BDSM club there are " no sex" or no sexual acts aloud.
BDSM and swinging do not mix. As I said the other day, swinger slap and tickle or Bdsm. Swingers have their site, kinksters have theirs.
We're on both, and don't mix the 2.
In answer to your question, I'm a sub, have a high pain threshold when in sub space. I can take a devils tounge. I'm owned and will not play with anyone other than my Dom.
Swinging, I'm a vixen. Very happy to play and be shared around. I'm a greedy girl. Very very greedy.
When I'm in Domme mode, I will not let a sub fuck me.
Very clear boundries, but hard fir swingers to get their head around. "
Like everything though it varies from person to person, individual dynamic to individual dynamic. What works for you might be completely different for others - neither is right or wrong, they're just different.
It's often said that swinging and BDSM don't mix, and some even go as far as to say they shouldn't mix but that doesn't mean they can't - it's down to individuals to decide if they want it to. It doesn't make them any better or any worse than the next person, so long as they are doing it from a position of informed consent.
As I said further up there's a level of snobbery on both sides of the BDSM/swinging coin in *some* quarters - surely it would be better if a level of acceptance was found for both?
Just because someone's place on the BDSM spectrum is at the "slap and tickle" end of it doesn't mean they aren't into BDSM and so long as they are doing it with a level of knowledge and consent what does it matter?
As I've said throughout this thread the real danger is when people aren't informed or consenting or worse still don't know what they are consenting to. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"i would luv to meet a domme lady but very hard to find one . There is a lot of messers or dont know anything about kink ."
Dommes looking for male submissives are the unicorns of the BDSM world and as such finding one, and one that matches your needs is difficult, but not impossible - however it's key that you are as informed as you can be about your interests and the lifestyle in general, not only so you can avoid the "messers" (as you put it) but in order to attract the right one when they come along.
Any Domme worth knowing will want to know your interests, boundaries, limits, preferred style, as well as why you think you'd make a good submissive etc and be able to show you've given it a lot of thought and not just seem some BDSM porn and got turned on. |
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It would be more helpful if people knew the difference between B&D and S&M... The whole thing of it all being lumped together under BDSM is, I find, more confusing than anything. I'm a Switch and love bondage play within a long-term dynamic with plenty of trust. But 90% of the messages I used to get were from 'Doms' who wanted to hurt me, or from 'subs' who wanted me to hurt or humiliate them. I never had S&M ticked on my interests... Pain brings me no pleasure... But all folk saw were handcuffs or rope in a couple of my photos and that was it... I must be into S&M!! It's disheartening to say the least. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Shameless plug for a thread I’ve just started about respect and disrespect within play..
There are many contributors here who’s thoughts I’d love to hear.
Hope that’s within forum rules! |
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I toatly think it should be talked about and a room on here would be perfect. Some where people can ask anything about it. The only stupid question is the one you dont ask. When ive had guys message and say " im want to tie you up and ..." alot of the time i do message back ( in a friendly way) just to say although it says sub and stuff, going to meet someone having already decided they will isnt something i would ever do. personally speaking trust is so important to allow for it. I cant let someone i know only 5 mins chain me to a bed, or pick up a crop, or blind fold me. To me they are id only let/want my dom todo, unless he suggests otherwise. I know hes not goona hurt me, well more than i think i take anyway lol but i could never put that power into anyone else hands. Not saying there is anything wrong with casual hookups involving bdsm at all, It just shows how differently people chose to experience it. Hobby, Part time, lifestyle. If anyone did have questions from the sub side id be more than happy to give an honest answer of my experiences or what it means to me, as for there is no right way or wrong way, id have to disagree and say there is and thats your way. Whats right for you and wrong for you.
While we are at it, some people really need to differentiate between sub and slave. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a Dominant it is very frustrating to have to search through all the profiles to find the submissive amongst them. If there was a separate tick box for Dominant or submissive it would make it a lot easier and also the amount of times I message someone who has SM in there list of likes and most of the time they dont know what it is so they get upset when you ask them about pain etc.
No.
I dont think some understand the bdsm scene and too many 50 shades brigade what they think they are “dom” or a “master” and have no clue
This is what I was trying to say the other day about Dim Doms. 50 shades, everyone thinks they know BDSM. I was told, there are all levels of BDSM. And BDSM has place here in a swingers site.
Why, when we get paddles out in a swingers club in the provided Dungeon do they run the other way and fast! ( voyuers that is). Or they feel they can walk up and slap my ass, uninvited?
Why in a BDSM club there are " no sex" or no sexual acts aloud.
BDSM and swinging do not mix. As I said the other day, swinger slap and tickle or Bdsm. Swingers have their site, kinksters have theirs.
We're on both, and don't mix the 2.
In answer to your question, I'm a sub, have a high pain threshold when in sub space. I can take a devils tounge. I'm owned and will not play with anyone other than my Dom.
Swinging, I'm a vixen. Very happy to play and be shared around. I'm a greedy girl. Very very greedy.
When I'm in Domme mode, I will not let a sub fuck me.
Very clear boundries, but hard fir swingers to get their head around. "
That’s great and your personal choice preference and view on how you play and view Bdsm. But if others play differently or have different preferences it doesn’t make it wrong or mean they don’t understand it. |
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By *uxomBloomsWoman
over a year ago
Near Tunbridge Wells |
"As a Dominant it is very frustrating to have to search through all the profiles to find the submissive amongst them. If there was a separate tick box for Dominant or submissive it would make it a lot easier and also the amount of times I message someone who has SM in there list of likes and most of the time they dont know what it is so they get upset when you ask them about pain etc."
I do see the downside to doing this but I still agree with you OP that it would be a handy extra option to have. |
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