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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

The house appeared abandoned and quite

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

but there was a spider in the corner

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Searching for its prey

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

then it stumbled across a

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By *allySlinkyWoman over a year ago

Leeds

Treasure chest with an open lid

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By *essie.Woman over a year ago

Serendipity

It contained a box with an usual marking on top.

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By *allySlinkyWoman over a year ago

Leeds

Folded under the box were dark red, velvet robes

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

With eight arms and Vitruvian Man embroidered on the back.

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

He wondered if it would fit

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/04/21 18:58:36]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And wondering who would make red velvet robes for a spider ?

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Then in walked a tailor, wearing

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nothing but his measuring tape around his shoulders.

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Golly gosh, said the Landlady

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By *essie.Woman over a year ago

Serendipity

Shall I measure you up for size ?

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

The spider was confused

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By *allySlinkyWoman over a year ago

Leeds

And quickly wove a web to conceal the tailor's dangly bits.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The spider step back to admire his work and quoted "suits you sir".

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By *allySlinkyWoman over a year ago

Leeds

The Landlady wondered if she needed a license from the council as the spider was running a business from a residential property

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By *avceyMan over a year ago

Dundee

The council sent in pest control to clear out the spider

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By *allySlinkyWoman over a year ago

Leeds

But when they saw the eight armed robes with Vitrian Man on the back and the box with the strange markings on the lid they ran out of the property and screeched off in their van.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

But as the drove away...they realised they'd left someone behind...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

*they

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

The next door neighbour came out shaking his fist, shouting....

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By *.R.MMan over a year ago

Nfk/Sfk/Cam

You can’t park there

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 14/04/21 13:19:35]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So they reversed and decided to return to the abandoned house to collect the 1 person they had left behind... But as they approached they saw 2 shadows at the cobweb infested window

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

but Jet Harris was nowhere to be seen as had just

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Done a runner as he needed a change of pants

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

he had ants in his pants, so the spider thought

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What is the meaning of life universe and everything?

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

then he had a brainstorm and his head exploded

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sooooooo then Frankasteine decided to say... Who's head belongs to who

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sooooooo then Frankasteine decided to say... Who's head belongs to who "

*Spelled incorrectly the beast

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Then the Vicar rocked up with his Status Quo album Dog of Two Head and proceeded to...

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Look for something to play it on

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By *allySlinkyWoman over a year ago

Leeds

The landlady was furious when she saw bits of exploded head everywhere and got out her mop and bucket.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Then she realised I'm mopping up DNA... Should I take bleach to it...or maybe parazone...

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

But unbeknown to the Landlady, there was a...

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By *allySlinkyWoman over a year ago

Leeds

TV crew hidden behind the settee filming her

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sooooooo she turned around and said... wtf happened here??? Is this a movie set...yea???

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

and proceeded to unbutton her blouse, revealing a

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By *allySlinkyWoman over a year ago

Leeds

delicate cobweb bra with exposed nipples

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Crikey, the spider's back, his head didn't explode after all, it was just a bad dream she thought..

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Might just have to think about what to do next

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Then in walked the Vicar, and catching a glimpse of the Landlady's nipples, he exclaimed....

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Fuck me what happened to those

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By *.R.MMan over a year ago

Nfk/Sfk/Cam

They near had my eye out

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Get them covered up woman

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By *allySlinkyWoman over a year ago

Leeds

In walked the naked tailor and the vicar fell to his knees

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

This was while leaving the lady and the spider looking on confused

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

She wasn't sure did the vicar wanna suck the tailors cock and then she found she was lingering looking at his cock as he appeared to be getting an erection...her mind began to race as she began to fantasise

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Suddenly there was a knock at the door, so she went to investigate....

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Another bloody visitor she thought

How many more are gonna turn up

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

In this huge castle

Dracula's getting tired

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

After letting them in, they realised they should really be in the garden according to Covid regulations

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

So they went...

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

back to the Treasure chest, and discovered...

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By *allySlinkyWoman over a year ago

Leeds

The box with the weird markings was smashed open and inside was ...

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

a map with a big red X in the middle, and some bits of Lego...

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Wow this brings back my childhood memories

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By *allySlinkyWoman over a year ago

Leeds

The big red X on the map was in the middle of the local pub beer garden, so I went straight there with my shovel

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

That was after I had built a Lego structure

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

Much Pissing on the Strawbs

I moved mountains of dirt until I was almost exhausted. Suddenly, the shovel hit a ...........

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Man that I didn’t realise was standing behind me,

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

Much Pissing on the Strawbs

"Man that I didn’t realise was standing behind me, "

Who the fuck are you ? I shouted......

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

You didn't ought to have done that, the man replied, meanwhile the Vicar, naked tailor, Landlady and spider all watched from afar, thinking...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"That was after I had built a Lego structure"

Of a digger... Who's gonna bury who

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"That was after I had built a Lego structure

Of a digger... Who's gonna bury who

Not me cried the Land Lady...

It's kinda getting boring now... Where's the film producer or director.........

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Over in the furthest corner they both stood. Erect penises protruding from their pants and held by the young starlet who was busy servicing them with her post box red lips.

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

The land lady thought all this shite should really end now cos it all started with spider and poor buger keeps getting ignored

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By *essie.Woman over a year ago

Serendipity

The spider began building an intricate web.

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Cos he was bored

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By *allySlinkyWoman over a year ago

Leeds

It totally covered the lego digger

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sooooooo the land lady said who has Arachnophobia... Sure it's only a hairy one...a Tarantula... Isn't he lovely...the hairy one

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Sooooooo the land lady said who has Arachnophobia... Sure it's only a hairy one...a Tarantula... Isn't he lovely...the hairy one

"
.

He's my pet

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By *allySlinkyWoman over a year ago

Leeds

The naked tailor said "I also have a hairy one"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Sooooooo the land lady said who has Arachnophobia... Sure it's only a hairy one...a Tarantula... Isn't he lovely...the hairy one

"
.

He's my pet

Oooooooohhh I forgot He starred with Midge Ure in Vienna

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

But that means nothing to me

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Shall we suggest a cup of tea

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

No we drink water and

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Tea is non essential

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Cuppa tea cuppa tea

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By *allySlinkyWoman over a year ago

Leeds

"We're in the pub beer garden. Months since we've had a pint of hand pulled ale. The drinks are on me" said the naked tailor

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As he was lying on the table covered in shots.

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

The Vicar came over with a glint in his eye and proceeded to...

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Sing loudly then...

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

Much Pissing on the Strawbs

"Sing loudly then..."
looked at the tailor covered in shots and asked ....Is this Bukkake night ? ....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And where are the Tarts?

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Locked up in the cellar where I left them

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Withering away like a....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

... like fallen leaves

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Crunching under your feet

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By *essie.Woman over a year ago

Serendipity

I think you all need to come and confess your sins, said the vicar.

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

As I can’t take any more of this garbage

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

then the spider crawled up to the Landlady's ear and whispered....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

See later in the hot tub for tingling tickling fun.

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Which might turn into an orgy with...

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Everyone

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

Much Pissing on the Strawbs

But the vicar thought fuck this and stamped hard on the spider causing his trousers to .........

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Bust open displaying all his crown jewels

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

But the Vicar was limp... No luck for killing spiders cried the Land Lady

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Come here and let me see what I can do with it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can't believe it's still going.

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Said the Butterfly...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Fluttering it's wings

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Then all of a sudden a gust of wind

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

...meant that the Cobweb Bra that the Landlady was wearing, was blown into....

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By *ete le MeatMan over a year ago

Derbyshire/ Notts

A tin of brilliant white emulsion...

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Everyone was in hysterics

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By *allySlinkyWoman over a year ago

Leeds

Except the landlady who started sobbing

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By *nottygirlWoman over a year ago

Glasgowshire

Her gorgeous breasts and delicious nipples exposed and in need of warmth and protection as the evening was becoming cooler...

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

so the Vicar volunteered to...

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Get outvthe turps

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your not putting that on my tits, she screamed.

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

So just move over...

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

And let me do you first

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

Much Pissing on the Strawbs

"And let me do you first"

Soon there were lots of vicars without trousers on and many scantily clad women of various ages and sizes......

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

so the naked tailor, with his measuring tape still round his neck, came in and said....

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By *nottygirlWoman over a year ago

Glasgowshire

Oohhh it's chilly out here let's go back inside...

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

We can’t do much with all this paint all over us and really need to get cleaned up before we greet our guests

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

so the Landlady went and filled the Hot Tub, making sure that the spider wasn't in the plughole...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And said...who's joining me for some prosecco

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By *nottygirlWoman over a year ago

Glasgowshire

I've brought glasses and fluffy towels too

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Hope this bath gonna be big enough to squeeze us all in

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

Much Pissing on the Strawbs

"Hope this bath gonna be big enough to squeeze us all in"

said the actress as she opened her legs.... Yeah said the vicars we've all been in there before.... more prosecco dear ?

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

I never saw the actress arrive

What time did she come.....lol

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

She didn't...

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

Much Pissing on the Strawbs

"She didn't..."

The Landlady spun around and said ...... Have you seen my latest film? I'm an actress you know. All the best people know that and she recited lines from her latest play ..... How to put two fingers up to forumites..........

As the sex progressed.......

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

They ran off to majorca only to.....

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Be rude there as well

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

They can so carried away that they..

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Forgot their manners

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

And...

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Politely apologised before carrying on

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

To the nudist beach...

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Out in the open air to let the cobwebs blow free

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By *andsome HandMan over a year ago

roundabout

They took off running down the beach...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The LandLady fell...naked ass up in the air

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

Much Pissing on the Strawbs

"The LandLady fell...naked ass up in the air "

You really hurt or are you just actin' asked the coalman.

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Just help us up will ya. She said

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What do I get in return? "

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Well you can stand there and watch me writhing in pain in ya like

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By *exyredheadtattooCouple over a year ago

Beaumont

To see someone who can take a lot of pain

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

What a gent youvare

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Meanwhile back at the abandoned house, the spider had a cunning plan....

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

As he awaited their return

I’ll put kettle first

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By *ordo320Man over a year ago

Gatwick

But decided on a couple of shots of vodka instead before

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Sitting down to a nice cuppa tea with...

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By *exyredheadtattooCouple over a year ago

Beaumont

With the sexiest little slut I met at the pub

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"With the sexiest little slut I met at the pub"

She was sat there snaffling her way through her forth packet of pork scratchings… i plucked up the courage to ask the lady if she'd like a drink, "pint o johns smith's" she barked! Oo the way her lips shine with the remnants of the salty pig fat residue… mmmm…

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

And where did everyone else end up

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

On the moon

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Think their sat nav sent them wrong way then

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Of to Mars they went on a

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Bad journey as they where confused

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By *inky Biscuit DunkerMan over a year ago

Gloucestershire

How they could have missed the turning to Uranus

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Is way beyond me

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

But atleast we get to see the

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By *inky Biscuit DunkerMan over a year ago

Gloucestershire

The little green men

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By *igsy8Man over a year ago

Accrington

Twiddling their little green space knobs.

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

In the farm

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By *igsy8Man over a year ago

Accrington

That was apparantly lost in a black hole?

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

And now it’s found

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Very u underneath the earths

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Let’s all clap

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

And eat fish

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By *inky Biscuit DunkerMan over a year ago

Gloucestershire

Finger sandwiches, with a side order of

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Rat and

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Eel...

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By *j69funCouple over a year ago

kildare

And washed down with a glass of .....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Liquidised bull testicles with milk

(Jeez I felt ill writing that)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Topped with plenty of sugar and honey and anything else that’s sweet and smooth

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Cos there just happened to be all these ingredients in the cupboard......

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

So the Landlady, Vicar, naked tailor and the spider all decided to...

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

End the story and walk off into the sunset

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