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First meet problems
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By *G999Man
over a year ago
Everywhere & Nowhere |
Hi Jason.
Perhaps take some consideration into investing some time taking some different photos to show a different side to yourself
Understand us fellas wildly outnumber the lovely ladies, patience is key.
The forums are a good way to get involved  |
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By *rad670Man
over a year ago
South Lakes |
Far more men than women so their world and loads of us for them to be very choosey. Start in the forums by adding some comments and if people find what you say interesting they will check you out at least. Pandemic has had a big part to play in no meets of course, be patient, there is someone for everyone. Send some short polite messages to profiles you like and you may get a one in ten reply. |
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By *awk90Man
over a year ago
Hamburg, Germany |
It's tricky for single males. Just relax and have fun, leave of it doesn't suit you. I use this site on and off. I don't always feel for the constant rejection or ignoring, so then I take a break! That's my approach. This site definitely isn't for everyone |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Little effort on your profile.
1. Will meet 99yr olds..really!
2. 1 photo of the master.
3. 3 lines of a profile.
Perhaps.. variety of photos.. seductive rather than in your face.
Tell us more about you likes dislikes.. get us folk interested to want to know more.
Good luck.
Not every fisherman catches a fish.. Time and patience |
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"You get out, what you put in.
It requires effort!
Make an effort with your profile, pics and bio.
Make an effort with your first msg to people.
Make an effort in the forums!
 "
Apparently you're a prick for stating the blindingly obvious |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I cant find anybody to talk too let alone meet.. is this site not for me?? "
Only you can answer whether it's for you or not - but before you do, answer this and answer honestly - would you meet you based on the following criteria - your profile, your pics, your approach, your expectations, your interactions with others?
Have you made the effort, or are you expecting it all to fall magically into place?
If you're unsure of whether your profile and pics measure up - take a look at the other well verified guys on this thread's profiles and see how they compare.
You have it all within your grasp to make the most of the site, without any guarantees - but it's up to you to make it work for you, not expect it to fall in your lap |
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"I cant find anybody to talk too let alone meet.. is this site not for me??
Only you can answer whether it's for you or not - but before you do, answer this and answer honestly - would you meet you based on the following criteria - your profile, your pics, your approach, your expectations, your interactions with others?
Have you made the effort, or are you expecting it all to fall magically into place?
If you're unsure of whether your profile and pics measure up - take a look at the other well verified guys on this thread's profiles and see how they compare.
You have it all within your grasp to make the most of the site, without any guarantees - but it's up to you to make it work for you, not expect it to fall in your lap "
Yeah. That. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You get out, what you put in.
It requires effort!
Make an effort with your profile, pics and bio.
Make an effort with your first msg to people.
Make an effort in the forums!
Apparently you're a prick for stating the blindingly obvious "
There's a difference between the swipes you take and offering something actually constructive.
The only time I've seen you say anything reasonable about anyone's profile is even you were in predator mode.
You're unhappy, we get it, but don't drag others down with you.
If you've nothing decent to add, maybe think twice before posting.
Your negativity and 'better than thou' is tiring. |
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By *ittyandtheboyCouple
over a year ago
always in the kitchen at parties |
"You get out, what you put in.
It requires effort!
Make an effort with your profile, pics and bio.
Make an effort with your first msg to people.
Make an effort in the forums!
Apparently you're a prick for stating the blindingly obvious
There's a difference between the swipes you take and offering something actually constructive.
The only time I've seen you say anything reasonable about anyone's profile is even you were in predator mode.
You're unhappy, we get it, but don't drag others down with you.
If you've nothing decent to add, maybe think twice before posting.
Your negativity and 'better than thou' is tiring."
It’s really easy to take pot shots at single guys from your couples account! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You get out, what you put in.
It requires effort!
Make an effort with your profile, pics and bio.
Make an effort with your first msg to people.
Make an effort in the forums!
Apparently you're a prick for stating the blindingly obvious "
It’s against site rules to critique a profile if they haven’t specifically asked for that.
There are ways of saying things.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You get out, what you put in.
It requires effort!
Make an effort with your profile, pics and bio.
Make an effort with your first msg to people.
Make an effort in the forums!
Apparently you're a prick for stating the blindingly obvious
It’s against site rules to critique a profile if they haven’t specifically asked for that.
There are ways of saying things.
"
Thank you, I couldn’t be bothered to explain it. |
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"You get out, what you put in.
It requires effort!
Make an effort with your profile, pics and bio.
Make an effort with your first msg to people.
Make an effort in the forums!
Apparently you're a prick for stating the blindingly obvious
It’s against site rules to critique a profile if they haven’t specifically asked for that.
There are ways of saying things.
Thank you, I couldn’t be bothered to explain it. "
Fair enough, I'll take these things on board. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Thanks for all your replys.. I was previously part of a couple with an ex partner a few years ago and tbh the messages flowed daily. Talking to people was easy and arranging meets even easier but as a single male I've just had no luck at all.. I'll rewrite my profile and take another stab.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks for all your replys.. I was previously part of a couple with an ex partner a few years ago and tbh the messages flowed daily. Talking to people was easy and arranging meets even easier but as a single male I've just had no luck at all.. I'll rewrite my profile and take another stab.. "
Did you ever send messages as a couple of just wait for them to come to you?
Have a think about the type of profiles you interacted with and liked.
Good luck. |
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By *jkuk72Man
over a year ago
London & Herts |
It took me a while after joining fab to start chatting with couples. I was lucky enough to meet a few (not many, but that's fine), some of them just socially.
Whenever I approach a couple I always start with a polite, non pushy message. This approach seems to have worked for me, so long may it continue. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Thanks for all your replys.. I was previously part of a couple with an ex partner a few years ago and tbh the messages flowed daily. Talking to people was easy and arranging meets even easier but as a single male I've just had no luck at all.. I'll rewrite my profile and take another stab..
Did you ever send messages as a couple of just wait for them to come to you?
Have a think about the type of profiles you interacted with and liked.
Good luck. "
Tbh we sent messages and nearly always got answers very quickly.. I knew it wouldn't be easy as a male but wow its brutal for replays..
I started messaging just single women but after weeks of no messages even being read I widened my search but still.. it's very hard to write meaningful messages knowing most wont even be read.. I guess I can keep trying or not I suppose.. many thanks |
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"Thanks for all your replys.. I was previously part of a couple with an ex partner a few years ago and tbh the messages flowed daily. Talking to people was easy and arranging meets even easier but as a single male I've just had no luck at all.. I'll rewrite my profile and take another stab..
Did you ever send messages as a couple of just wait for them to come to you?
Have a think about the type of profiles you interacted with and liked.
Good luck.
Tbh we sent messages and nearly always got answers very quickly.. I knew it wouldn't be easy as a male but wow its brutal for replays..
I started messaging just single women but after weeks of no messages even being read I widened my search but still.. it's very hard to write meaningful messages knowing most wont even be read.. I guess I can keep trying or not I suppose.. many thanks "
I can imagine it must be, but so many men take that perspective and actively choose to put even less effort in. When we ask why their message was so low effort, they'll often say as much explicitly. If a message is sent without hope of reply, and with next to no effort, why send it at all? Isn't putting effort into 3 messages a better plan than no effort into 30? |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"You get out, what you put in.
It requires effort!
Make an effort with your profile, pics and bio.
Make an effort with your first msg to people.
Make an effort in the forums!
Apparently you're a prick for stating the blindingly obvious "
It depends on how you give the advice, this post was civil |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
Apparently you're a prick for stating the blindingly obvious
It’s against site rules to critique a profile if they haven’t specifically asked for that.
There are ways of saying things.
"
The man is asking for help of why he isn't successful, it is allowed at that point
https://www.fabswingers.com/content/forum-rules |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
Can people remember to be civil on the forum, especially to newbies who are asking for help
To the OP, welcome to the forum, please don't be put off from posting. Have a read of the good advice on this thread and see if it will help you |
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"Thanks for all your replys.. I was previously part of a couple with an ex partner a few years ago and tbh the messages flowed daily. Talking to people was easy and arranging meets even easier but as a single male I've just had no luck at all.. I'll rewrite my profile and take another stab..
Did you ever send messages as a couple of just wait for them to come to you?
Have a think about the type of profiles you interacted with and liked.
Good luck.
Tbh we sent messages and nearly always got answers very quickly.. I knew it wouldn't be easy as a male but wow its brutal for replays..
I started messaging just single women but after weeks of no messages even being read I widened my search but still.. it's very hard to write meaningful messages knowing most wont even be read.. I guess I can keep trying or not I suppose.. many thanks "
What are you sending, could it be the content that doesn’t warrant a reply? Also remember that people will mostly look at your profile before deciding it’s worth responding.
Not to rub salt into the wound but I get responses from nearly every message I send, sometimes self reflection is the best medicine. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Thanks for all your replys.. I was previously part of a couple with an ex partner a few years ago and tbh the messages flowed daily. Talking to people was easy and arranging meets even easier but as a single male I've just had no luck at all.. I'll rewrite my profile and take another stab..
Did you ever send messages as a couple of just wait for them to come to you?
Have a think about the type of profiles you interacted with and liked.
Good luck.
Tbh we sent messages and nearly always got answers very quickly.. I knew it wouldn't be easy as a male but wow its brutal for replays..
I started messaging just single women but after weeks of no messages even being read I widened my search but still.. it's very hard to write meaningful messages knowing most wont even be read.. I guess I can keep trying or not I suppose.. many thanks "
The thing is it's about finding what works for you, rather than thinking how you can work to fit others - if you try and do that you're setting yourself up for a fall.
Sure you need to think about what others may be looking for etc and tailor messages etc but unless you're authentically you that won't get you far.
For example, a lot of guys fall into the trap of thinking the *only* approach to the site is sending messages blindly to profiles they like the look of in the hope of getting replies - which is both a cold and clinical approach and also a daunting and frustrating one for most.
I worked out fairly early on that it wasn't an approach I was comfortable with and that using the forums and interacting with people there initially worked for me, other guys use the chat rooms, or when they are happening social events and clubs - so you need to think about what might work better for you.
Profile and pics are also key - I see you've changed yours since yesterday and it looks so much better than it did probably needs further tweaking but is getting there.
As someone said earlier a little effort goes a long way, add finding what works for you, a positive attitude and the right expectations to that and it won't guarantee a thing but your perceptions and experience of the site will be improved no end.
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks for all your replys.. I was previously part of a couple with an ex partner a few years ago and tbh the messages flowed daily. Talking to people was easy and arranging meets even easier but as a single male I've just had no luck at all.. I'll rewrite my profile and take another stab..
Did you ever send messages as a couple of just wait for them to come to you?
Have a think about the type of profiles you interacted with and liked.
Good luck.
Tbh we sent messages and nearly always got answers very quickly.. I knew it wouldn't be easy as a male but wow its brutal for replays..
I started messaging just single women but after weeks of no messages even being read I widened my search but still.. it's very hard to write meaningful messages knowing most wont even be read.. I guess I can keep trying or not I suppose.. many thanks
The thing is it's about finding what works for you, rather than thinking how you can work to fit others - if you try and do that you're setting yourself up for a fall.
Sure you need to think about what others may be looking for etc and tailor messages etc but unless you're authentically you that won't get you far.
For example, a lot of guys fall into the trap of thinking the *only* approach to the site is sending messages blindly to profiles they like the look of in the hope of getting replies - which is both a cold and clinical approach and also a daunting and frustrating one for most.
I worked out fairly early on that it wasn't an approach I was comfortable with and that using the forums and interacting with people there initially worked for me, other guys use the chat rooms, or when they are happening social events and clubs - so you need to think about what might work better for you.
Profile and pics are also key - I see you've changed yours since yesterday and it looks so much better than it did probably needs further tweaking but is getting there.
As someone said earlier a little effort goes a long way, add finding what works for you, a positive attitude and the right expectations to that and it won't guarantee a thing but your perceptions and experience of the site will be improved no end.
Good luck "
Aim very low and you won't be disappointed. 
But seriously, this is good advice. Messages are just one small tool.
Forum chatting, socials, all good ways of making new friendship groups. |
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Op on average it takes a new guy at least 6 months to get a meet and in a pandemic even longer but persevere talk to people hone your approach and talk to people like normal people and not objects of your list and things will get better,best of luck mate |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Apparently you're a prick for stating the blindingly obvious
It’s against site rules to critique a profile if they haven’t specifically asked for that.
There are ways of saying things.
The man is asking for help of why he isn't successful, it is allowed at that point
https://www.fabswingers.com/content/forum-rules"
I thought they had to specifically ask for profile advice. Noted for next time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks for all your replys.. I was previously part of a couple with an ex partner a few years ago and tbh the messages flowed daily. Talking to people was easy and arranging meets even easier but as a single male I've just had no luck at all.. I'll rewrite my profile and take another stab..
Did you ever send messages as a couple of just wait for them to come to you?
Have a think about the type of profiles you interacted with and liked.
Good luck.
Tbh we sent messages and nearly always got answers very quickly.. I knew it wouldn't be easy as a male but wow its brutal for replays..
I started messaging just single women but after weeks of no messages even being read I widened my search but still.. it's very hard to write meaningful messages knowing most wont even be read.. I guess I can keep trying or not I suppose.. many thanks
I can imagine it must be, but so many men take that perspective and actively choose to put even less effort in. When we ask why their message was so low effort, they'll often say as much explicitly. If a message is sent without hope of reply, and with next to no effort, why send it at all? Isn't putting effort into 3 messages a better plan than no effort into 30?"
Now that, I can agree with.
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What will find op is lots will blank u or block u if you haven't read their profiles and shown you have by putting a keyword in message header or sent your face pic which they probably won't reciprocate anyway,basically the ladies and couples hold the power here |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"What will find op is lots will blank u or block u if you haven't read their profiles and shown you have by putting a keyword in message header or sent your face pic which they probably won't reciprocate anyway,basically the ladies and couples hold the power here"
Not as far as I'm concerned they don't - we're all equal and hold as much control over our own experience of the site as the next man, woman or couple - as I said earlier it all comes down to approach, attitude, and expectations coupled with a decent profile and pics along with a willingness to put some effort in and an acceptance that you won't always get a reply or find a connection/attraction is mutual.
As I often say, if you walk down the road you're attracted to maybe 5-10% of people you pass, and of those maybe 5-10% will be equally attracted to you - so before you even get onto whether there is a connection and chemistry you're already down to around 1 person in 100 where there is mutual attraction....it's no different here. |
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"What will find op is lots will blank u or block u if you haven't read their profiles and shown you have by putting a keyword in message header or sent your face pic which they probably won't reciprocate anyway,basically the ladies and couples hold the power here"
It is nothing to do with who holds the power.
Present yourself well, respect profiles and a decent first message.
That is a good start. |
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"What will find op is lots will blank u or block u if you haven't read their profiles and shown you have by putting a keyword in message header or sent your face pic which they probably won't reciprocate anyway,basically the ladies and couples hold the power here
It is nothing to do with who holds the power.
This!
Present yourself well, respect profiles and a decent first message.
That is a good start."
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"What will find op is lots will blank u or block u if you haven't read their profiles and shown you have by putting a keyword in message header or sent your face pic which they probably won't reciprocate anyway,basically the ladies and couples hold the power here
It is nothing to do with who holds the power.
Present yourself well, respect profiles and a decent first message.
That is a good start."
excuse my French but that's bollocks ,single women can pick and choose who they meet a lot easier than a single guy ,a couple can get easier meets than a single guy regardless of a guys approach work and manners he will still struggle as he is a majority being judged by the minority he's trying to meet if that makes sense |
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"What will find op is lots will blank u or block u if you haven't read their profiles and shown you have by putting a keyword in message header or sent your face pic which they probably won't reciprocate anyway,basically the ladies and couples hold the power here
It is nothing to do with who holds the power.
Present yourself well, respect profiles and a decent first message.
That is a good start.excuse my French but that's bollocks ,single women can pick and choose who they meet a lot easier than a single guy ,a couple can get easier meets than a single guy regardless of a guys approach work and manners he will still struggle as he is a majority being judged by the minority he's trying to meet if that makes sense"
Now THIS is bollocks (no offence), the best will always get meets.
If you aren't attractive in the real world, then it won't be any easier on here. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"What will find op is lots will blank u or block u if you haven't read their profiles and shown you have by putting a keyword in message header or sent your face pic which they probably won't reciprocate anyway,basically the ladies and couples hold the power here
It is nothing to do with who holds the power.
Present yourself well, respect profiles and a decent first message.
That is a good start.excuse my French but that's bollocks ,single women can pick and choose who they meet a lot easier than a single guy ,a couple can get easier meets than a single guy regardless of a guys approach work and manners he will still struggle as he is a majority being judged by the minority he's trying to meet if that makes sense"
Sorry but you're making a huge assumption there - yes if you're talking purely "quantity" of interest women and, to a lesser extent, couples have more choice - but when it comes to "quality" of interest then it's a lot more evenly balanced across all genders/categories of user.
To put it another way - a single woman on here may get 20 messages but only find one of them sufficiently attractive/interesting enough to reply - a single man might only get two messages but chances are he'll reply to at least one of them - end result is the same.
Just because women get more messages doesn't mean they have more choice. |
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"You get out, what you put in.
It requires effort!
Make an effort with your profile, pics and bio.
Make an effort with your first msg to people.
Make an effort in the forums!
Apparently you're a prick for stating the blindingly obvious
It depends on how you give the advice, this post was civil"
Thanks |
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