FabSwingers.com > Forums > Introductions > Dropping the "White Knight" schtik...
Dropping the "White Knight" schtik...
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After 8 weeks or so on here - and may I say how much I'm enjoying it?! Best dating website bar none!! - I've decided to make a very fundamental change to my profile. Whereas previously I had been fishing with a net, you might say - now I have decided to adopt the hook and line method. I've taken the drastic - and actually rather nerve-racking! - decision to actually be a bit more SPECIFIC about the kind of lady I hope to find! To actually express some PREFERENCES!!
Ladies will probably be thinking "um... and..?", But I think the fellas might understand the turmoil which I had to go through to come to this decision. Thoughts like "You're cutting your chances down, mate!" and " You can't say 'No BBW' these days - you'll get crucified!!" loom large in our minds! We're terrified of being ourselves in case the lovely ladies find fault with us.
So I'd like to hear from fellas who have taken this bold step - how did it go..? What drove the decision? Also, what about from guys who think this is a very very bad idea? Why do you think that? And from the ladies - Can you honestly say, hand on heart, that you absolutely would not never ever no sir-ee harshly judge a bloke who expressed a preference for one kind of woman over another..? For one SIZE of woman? For one AGE of woman? Whatever it might be...
Hope to get everybody reflecting honestly and sharing respectfully.   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Refreshing! I wish more guys would be open and stop claiming that every type is their type!
White knights are so prevalent and I find it very offputting! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You’re free to look/ask for whatever you want. I don’t see a problem with it but you will probably offend a few.
It may work it may not but at least you’re honest.
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Don't a give a flying monkeys if somebody states their preferences. I don't fancy everyone, so why would I expect everyone to fancy me?
As long as those preferences are stated in a kind way who cares? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wish people would drop the 'white' part of white Knight. It's equally racist."
As far as I know it has nothing to do with skin colour but I think you already knew that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wish people would drop the 'white' part of white Knight. It's equally racist.
As far as I know it has nothing to do with skin colour but I think you already knew that."
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"Shhhhh it will catch on
You’re still pretty wide at 25-55 , looks like you’re hedging a little still"
Oh shit yeah! Forgot to adjust the age preference in the "looking for" tab!! I'll get on that later... |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
I'll know it when I find it. |
Go for it OP. It's nice to see a person who a) knows what they want and b) is comfortable enough to be open about it. I've seen a few single male profiles where they're upfront and it's not offputting. More good for them. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
As someone who started his Fab life on a single male profile I never had to take 'this step'.
I never adopted the any holes a goal approach, nor did I subscribe to the notion that women ruled the roost and controlled life on site.
I just did my own thing and contacted who I chose, dicked around on the forums and grew good social networks.
I'm not sure why you made reference to 'White Knights' in this post as that's a completely different topic to changing your approach to fab life and focussing on specific groups.
White knights just agree with anything a woman says and leap to their defence to boost their chances of a shag. It doesn't mean they don't also have preferences, tastes and ideas of who they want to meet. Just because someone wants to come across as a defender of all things female doesn't mean they want to shag anyone and everyone. They just want to look like 'the good guy' that all women will love.
A |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As someone who started his Fab life on a single male profile I never had to take 'this step'.
I never adopted the any holes a goal approach, nor did I subscribe to the notion that women ruled the roost and controlled life on site.
I just did my own thing and contacted who I chose, dicked around on the forums and grew good social networks.
I'm not sure why you made reference to 'White Knights' in this post as that's a completely different topic to changing your approach to fab life and focussing on specific groups.
White knights just agree with anything a woman says and leap to their defence to boost their chances of a shag. It doesn't mean they don't also have preferences, tastes and ideas of who they want to meet. Just because someone wants to come across as a defender of all things female doesn't mean they want to shag anyone and everyone. They just want to look like 'the good guy' that all women will love.
A"
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"No fat chicks. Unless they're Latina. Got it. All good.
I don't understand the reference to white knighting though? It doesn't make sense. "
Have I misunderstood the term White Knight? Could be - I heard it once or twice on the forums and took it to mean a bloke who tries to be all things for all women... |
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I prefer profiles to say what they're looking for. If you're only attracted to thin women, fine. If you only want women whose boobs are bigger than your head, fine. No point trying to talk to people who will have no interest in me. Saves us all time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No fat chicks. Unless they're Latina. Got it. All good.
I don't understand the reference to white knighting though? It doesn't make sense.
Have I misunderstood the term White Knight? Could be - I heard it once or twice on the forums and took it to mean a bloke who tries to be all things for all women... "
I think Obi_Fox has explained it clearly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No fat chicks. Unless they're Latina. Got it. All good.
I don't understand the reference to white knighting though? It doesn't make sense.
Have I misunderstood the term White Knight? Could be - I heard it once or twice on the forums and took it to mean a bloke who tries to be all things for all women... "
It means a man who tries to ingratiate himself by adopting a moral high ground he can’t really occupy. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"As someone who started his Fab life on a single male profile I never had to take 'this step'.
I never adopted the any holes a goal approach, nor did I subscribe to the notion that women ruled the roost and controlled life on site.
I just did my own thing and contacted who I chose, dicked around on the forums and grew good social networks.
I'm not sure why you made reference to 'White Knights' in this post as that's a completely different topic to changing your approach to fab life and focussing on specific groups.
White knights just agree with anything a woman says and leap to their defence to boost their chances of a shag. It doesn't mean they don't also have preferences, tastes and ideas of who they want to meet. Just because someone wants to come across as a defender of all things female doesn't mean they want to shag anyone and everyone. They just want to look like 'the good guy' that all women will love.
A"
I think “back in our day” (god I just dated us!) people use to actually do some research and figure out a lay of the land so speak before entering… they had a much better understanding…
You know… that reading posts thing..you got a feel on how to fit in…
whereas now, just jump in sink or swim!
So there were a lot more people with their own unique selling points going about doing their thing!
Now… it blandy bland as people don’t take the time and think the wider the net is spread the more people they will be and the more chance of success a
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*not your target audience*
I prefer to know where I stand in all things in life. Your profile gave me a very clear idea of the type of woman you're looking for and the sort of relationship you're after. I really dislike talking to someone who later down the line steers towards what they actually want rather than what they said to start with.
I doubt that it will affect the number of meets you get but it will certainly ensure that those you do will be with people you actually want to meet. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"As someone who started his Fab life on a single male profile I never had to take 'this step'.
I never adopted the any holes a goal approach, nor did I subscribe to the notion that women ruled the roost and controlled life on site.
I just did my own thing and contacted who I chose, dicked around on the forums and grew good social networks.
I'm not sure why you made reference to 'White Knights' in this post as that's a completely different topic to changing your approach to fab life and focussing on specific groups.
White knights just agree with anything a woman says and leap to their defence to boost their chances of a shag. It doesn't mean they don't also have preferences, tastes and ideas of who they want to meet. Just because someone wants to come across as a defender of all things female doesn't mean they want to shag anyone and everyone. They just want to look like 'the good guy' that all women will love.
A
I think “back in our day” (god I just dated us!) people use to actually do some research and figure out a lay of the land so speak before entering… they had a much better understanding…
You know… that reading posts thing..you got a feel on how to fit in…
whereas now, just jump in sink or swim!
So there were a lot more people with their own unique selling points going about doing their thing!
Now… it blandy bland as people don’t take the time and think the wider the net is spread the more people they will be and the more chance of success a
"
'Back in the day'........ 
A phrase I've learnt to live with well what with me having a few more candles on my cake than Fox! 
Yep. The scattergun approach never works but it will generally take people time to work that out, whether single males or couples. Women of course have the opposite problem that goes hand in hand and takes them a while to workout how to solve - excess attention. Filtering up being the quick and easy solution.
Those that get it, get it.
Some take longer than others.
Some never learn.
Some just delete their unsuccessful profiles and think a shiny new one will be the solution.
Bwahahahahahahahaha !
A |
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Too long for me to read but with regards to the question I much prefer people being honest about what they want rather than the everyone’s beautiful, I have no preferences crap. Wish everyone did that |
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"Refreshing! I wish more guys would be open and stop claiming that every type is their type!
White knights are so prevalent and I find it very offputting! "
Didn’t see this before I commented but totally agree. I’ve always preferred the men who actually stand up for themselves on here and who will actually give an honest opinion without worrying people “won’t like them”. They are few and far between. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Your "preferences" still basically cover any female.
Yeah, well... gimme a chance! I'm trying to break the habit of a lifetime here!! Haha! #babysteps
 x"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I cant see why somebody would get upset over somebody else's sexual preferences on a swinging site, but then again
I'm not attracted to every man who messages me and if they're not for me/us we politely pass. Each to their own and all that jazz |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
You're stating your preferences Op. Well all have them. So long as they're done respectfully more power to you. If someone is put off by it or offended that's their issue. |
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"After 8 weeks or so on here - and may I say how much I'm enjoying it?! Best dating website bar none!! - I've decided to make a very fundamental change to my profile. Whereas previously I had been fishing with a net, you might say - now I have decided to adopt the hook and line method. I've taken the drastic - and actually rather nerve-racking! - decision to actually be a bit more SPECIFIC about the kind of lady I hope to find! To actually express some PREFERENCES!!
Ladies will probably be thinking "um... and..?", But I think the fellas might understand the turmoil which I had to go through to come to this decision. Thoughts like "You're cutting your chances down, mate!" and " You can't say 'No BBW' these days - you'll get crucified!!" loom large in our minds! We're terrified of being ourselves in case the lovely ladies find fault with us.
So I'd like to hear from fellas who have taken this bold step - how did it go..? What drove the decision? Also, what about from guys who think this is a very very bad idea? Why do you think that? And from the ladies - Can you honestly say, hand on heart, that you absolutely would not never ever no sir-ee harshly judge a bloke who expressed a preference for one kind of woman over another..? For one SIZE of woman? For one AGE of woman? Whatever it might be...
Hope to get everybody reflecting honestly and sharing respectfully. "
Depends on how they express their preferences really. |
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"As someone who started his Fab life on a single male profile I never had to take 'this step'.
I never adopted the any holes a goal approach, nor did I subscribe to the notion that women ruled the roost and controlled life on site.
I just did my own thing and contacted who I chose, dicked around on the forums and grew good social networks.
I'm not sure why you made reference to 'White Knights' in this post as that's a completely different topic to changing your approach to fab life and focussing on specific groups.
White knights just agree with anything a woman says and leap to their defence to boost their chances of a shag. It doesn't mean they don't also have preferences, tastes and ideas of who they want to meet. Just because someone wants to come across as a defender of all things female doesn't mean they want to shag anyone and everyone. They just want to look like 'the good guy' that all women will love.
A"
Thanks for the reassurance! Good to know that you've been being your true self right from the start and are still doing your thing all these years later! I would love to emulate that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t see anything wrong with this and I don’t see why people don’t do this from the start.
Be yourself. State what you like clearly and politely and enjoy. Everyone has their preferences. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I cant see why somebody would get upset over somebody else's sexual preferences on a swinging site, but then again
I'm not attracted to every man who messages me and if they're not for me/us we politely pass. Each to their own and all that jazz "
I can see why people get upset if it's done in a rude or crass way.
I've seen a profile before that said "no fatties you have to be under a size 12 if you're not I suggest you get off your fat arse stop eating the donuts and go to the doctor". No problem whatsoever with people's preferences but it does seem to be how it's done that sometimes causes offence. |
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There are many ways to skin a cat and while I haven't looked at your profile there is a big difference between stating a preference and making derogatory remarks towards others.
Like others I don't get the white Knight reference but anyone who knows me through my forum posts or who has actually met me can clearly see that I don't blow smoke up anyones hole.
I'm all about balance and if that rubs some people up the wrong way that's their issue not mine but I'll challenge anyone to find any preference or comment I've made on here that is rude, insulting or derogatory.
It's your profile so you put whatever you want on it and those who are attracted to that will have no issue with it. Those who are not attracted to it will move on passed it unless they are particularly sensitive to something specific. |
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I cometely take the point about the 'hey, all women are beautiful' takes, which are sweet and lovely and somewhat patronising.
But the reasons I'm not super-specific are two-fold. 1: I love chatting and perhaps meeting socially with people who aren't 'my type' - why wouldn't I? And 2: I genuinely don't have 'a type', except that they need to make my hrart race a little faster and my mouth go dry.
I've had brilliant relationships with very slim women and very large ones; black, Asian, and white women; tall and small; huge breasts, A-cups, and most things in between. Because none of those things defines what attracts me.
That is NOT the same as saying I don't discriminate (in the original sense), because of course I do, like any honest person. It's saying that my desires are inchoate, puckish, liminal, terpsichorean. I was asked out by a model once and said no, because she left me cold. She was beautiful, but not for me.
So stated preferences are honest and great and to be applauded, but some of us don't have our libidos so neatly corraled. |
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"I cometely take the point about the 'hey, all women are beautiful' takes, which are sweet and lovely and somewhat patronising.
But the reasons I'm not super-specific are two-fold. 1: I love chatting and perhaps meeting socially with people who aren't 'my type' - why wouldn't I? And 2: I genuinely don't have 'a type', except that they need to make my hrart race a little faster and my mouth go dry.
I've had brilliant relationships with very slim women and very large ones; black, Asian, and white women; tall and small; huge breasts, A-cups, and most things in between. Because none of those things defines what attracts me.
That is NOT the same as saying I don't discriminate (in the original sense), because of course I do, like any honest person. It's saying that my desires are inchoate, puckish, liminal, terpsichorean. I was asked out by a model once and said no, because she left me cold. She was beautiful, but not for me.
So stated preferences are honest and great and to be applauded, but some of us don't have our libidos so neatly corraled. "
This is great! So interesting! You see I'm NOT really very sociable so I really do not want to meet people I'm not likely to fancy. On the other hand, though, I TOTALLY take your point about the cold as ice supermodel!! It's a minefield, innit?!! |
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Haha! 
