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50 shades of s**t.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Before we begin, this is no tale of tarmacing or naff erotica its merely to get your attention so you read this shit.

So he's been here a few weeks now and forgotten use to the smell, starting as a couple and the now is alone and this place has got under his uncircumcised skin.

A harmless addiction he believed where the instructions are not written but must be learned for total goal of glamour fucking, the highest rewards where fantasy is found, felt and recorded destroying poor notions of vulgar porn fucking. The ultra orgie awaits

So what are the rules and what has been learned so far.

THE BASICS...

#1 Contrary to popular male belief a cock shot will only get you an STD, but women please understand are cocks are our oldest best friend and we love them, and the notion that all cocks look the same I sometimes hear is bullshit as mine is beautiful.

#2 Time must always be taken to read a profile but its beyond that, you've gotta look beyond the black cock in her ass and see the colour of her curtains in the background, the little details give much more away and allow for a much personalised first message.

#3 The most important "The Women Rule this World" so one must always be polite and respectful, 50% of the women here are fantasit who rarely meet, they're not here for one off fucking, they're stuck in a shit marriage and wish to feel excitement within, so we must be aware even though it will not lead to sex they're good to learn this trade and its even better to make a woman feel good within without having to put your dick in her.

So now for the juicy bits of where he has been learning to "Swing" (really despise that term, sounds outdated)...

But first I must share a moment from his past,,, a year or so he joined this place but he was far from ready he had the words but little game but still he thought "fuck it"

And so within a week play was arranged with a mature couple, his online questions were ill prepared and so when the day arrived he had the excitement of a boy on Christmas day but with the unease of weather Santa will leave him a new BMX or a severed head.

He waited for there arrival and arrive they did in a beaten up transit van.

"Oh shit I've arranged to swing with gypsies".

This wasn't the case but when then climbed he was the size of a brick shit house and she was rough in reality, a knot formed in his stomach.

The evening progressed and they surprisingly got on yet it was a pretence as within he was stressing and beginning to regret that wank he had earlier that day, he penis sat crossed armed in his pants shaking its head crossed arms saying " I aint fucking working with them you fucking weirdo, what the fuck are you getting me into!!!"

Back at his pad, the place looked smaller with this big bastard in there, they chat and talk football as she gets ready in the bathroom coming out at mutton dress as mutton, crotch-less knickers to suit. Dear god he wasn't hungry but plenty of food was on the table.

Right let's get this horror over then he said to himself. Gents isn't it amazing how a blowjob and it doesn't even have to be good will make the flaccid erect. He then makes an effort to eat her out but soon regrets as it tastes stale when all of a sudden lost in the fucked up moment he wondered " Where the fuck is hubby?".

Robbing the place?

Getting this 12inch cock ready to fuck?

The twat didn't ask what was going to happen so he was relieved when he realised he was just being filmed, that's normal now.

"Fuck me stud" was her uneducated words as she bent her ass over which didn't look too bad, shame the lights were on for the recording. So up it slipped, he had a good girth and this wasn't tight so he pondered how many kids had cartwheeled their was out of this dirty-love tunnel.

As she violently beaten her clit he was surprised as her well worked fanny began to tighten, there's still some life in this old pussy, but then horror the nerves were still present and he felt the build-up, oh fuck he came yet tried to hide it and carry on, but he was no longer 17 and it began to go limp.

Quick as a flash he whipped his limp dick out and shoved in two fingers, then 3, 4... Fuck it he's only trying the fist and he hasn't even brought her dinner. Smashing at her clit with and aggressive circular motion, "Oooooo I'm gonna cum again", he didn't even realise she came before but this time was different as the dirty old slag began to gush, his only thoughts were "fuck I'm gonna have to change these sheets".

Then the dawned on his, there he is first some old slapper whilst her husband/dom big bastard keeper filmed with his shit sony camera, what the fuck was he thinking as he began to get cramp in his wrist.

One final climax and it was over, uncomfortable atmosphere after, then they leave with little chitchat.

It wasn't a perfect start but one where he began to learn.

Stay tuned.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Omg how sad....

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Thank you haven't laughed like that for ages well done

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By *ighland_RoseCouple  over a year ago

Brigadoon

Brilliantly written!

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By *opping_candyWoman  over a year ago

West Yorkshire

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Well done!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Funniest story read in a long time, thanks for sharing x.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Excellent!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Absolutely PMSL!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Good story, but shouldn't it be in the stories part of the forum, not introductions?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

So funny , can't wait for ... What happens next

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By *arcafunCouple  over a year ago

Catalunya, Spain

Brilliant ! Well written. Is there a part 2?

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