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By *enguin1 OP Man 35 weeks ago
The sticks |
Hi, looking for some advice from ye helpful folk.
I've hooked up with an old friend who has had a fairly sh#t time in recent years with a bad marriage and she was basically treated like sh#t, we've been playing for a number of months now and enjoying ourselves, she is really enjoying finding her mojo again.
One thing that she can't seem to manage is to reach an orgasm, she is fairly sure it's all physiological due to all the crap she's put up with over the years.
Any advice on how I can assist her in overcoming this obstacle. We're fairly sure it will happen in time......it is just a case of allowing her time to naturally happen. Would trying to force the process cause more damage than good?
Interested to hear people's opinion on this
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"Hi, looking for some advice from ye helpful folk.
I've hooked up with an old friend who has had a fairly sh#t time in recent years with a bad marriage and she was basically treated like sh#t, we've been playing for a number of months now and enjoying ourselves, she is really enjoying finding her mojo again.
One thing that she can't seem to manage is to reach an orgasm, she is fairly sure it's all physiological due to all the crap she's put up with over the years.
Any advice on how I can assist her in overcoming this obstacle. We're fairly sure it will happen in time......it is just a case of allowing her time to naturally happen. Would trying to force the process cause more damage than good?
Interested to hear people's opinion on this
"
If at first you dont succeed, toy, toy again.
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By *yche_xWoman 35 weeks ago
nearby |
I definitely wouldn't try and force it that's a recipe for disaster!
I personally will only orgasm when all the thoughts in my brain are completely turned off and I am 100% in the moment. I would never try to tell someone how to orgasm but I would say is to learn what really turns her on, are you pushing all the right buttons is she getting distracted and the mind is wondering. Only advice I would give is to talk to her, let her be honest about what she's feeling. Communication is key x |
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By *rRiosMan 35 weeks ago
Dublin |
"Would trying to force the process cause more damage than good?
"
Yea that would work!  haha DO NOT DO THIS PLEASE!
Communication is key. If it were me, I would ask her was she ever able to orgasm solo. The ask the method (toys, porn, erotic novels, imagination) Then ask is it still possible. And the slowly introduce yourself to the situation.
First by just being present in the room. The by rubbing/touching/massage. Basically what ever she is comfortable with at her pace. Always communicating. Always checking in with her.
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I would say she definitely needs to get more comfortable with herself first, if she can’t get herself to orgasm with toys or touch then she definitely won’t be able to explain to another person how to get her there.
If she had trauma maybe a counsellor or even a women’s health physio could help a lot also.
It takes time and patience but it will pay off in the end! |
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I was in same situation only mens attention, care and time with fix it, one more thing she have to rediscover her body and try to get an orgasm herself. I never had orgasm with my ex-husband, now I have completely different life thanks to my husband I gain my confidence in myself. I wish you and your lady all best |
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By *rRiosMan 35 weeks ago
Dublin |
"Always communicating. Always checking in with her.
"
To add, when I say always checking in. The should not be about the orgasm which will just put undue pressure on everyone involved. It should not be the goal. What I mean is: do you like that? Harder? Softer? Faster? Slower?
More? Less? etc.
Best of luck either way.
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It is possible that she may not feel like she is worthy of such pleasure due to the constant rejection/belittling behavior/nastiness she might have experienced over time. Approaching orgasm- she might be remembering moments when things weren’t so nice and she loses focus. It takes time to regain self worth and focus. I think being patient, going at her pace, checking in as mentioned earlier, and reminding her that she is deserving of pleasure are things that might help. Hope all goes well. |
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"I definitely wouldn't try and force it that's a recipe for disaster!
I personally will only orgasm when all the thoughts in my brain are completely turned off and I am 100% in the moment. I would never try to tell someone how to orgasm but I would say is to learn what really turns her on, are you pushing all the right buttons is she getting distracted and the mind is wondering. Only advice I would give is to talk to her, let her be honest about what she's feeling. Communication is key x"
Fact. Iron clad advice right there. She could get up on a rhino and be pucked all around Time Square and still not orgasm if the wiring jumbled  |
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Leave her take the lead, encourage her to be selfish and treat you as her sex toy, and to take her pleasure from you as she feels. But before all that, get into her mind, whisper to her how great she is, speak about what you see in her heart - make sure she feels your love after so long of a loveless existance. You need to repair what happened to her and show her that she is valued, appreciated, admired and loved.only then will she let go and let flow. |
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By *astelloWoman 35 weeks ago
Tír na nÓg |
"
Leave her take the lead, encourage her to be selfish and treat you as her sex toy, and to take her pleasure from you as she feels. But before all that, get into her mind, whisper to her how great she is, speak about what you see in her heart - make sure she feels your love after so long of a loveless existance. You need to repair what happened to her and show her that she is valued, appreciated, admired and loved.only then will she let go and let flow. "
Excellent advice. Id recommend it too.. Encourage her to take lead and discover her sexuality again.
Positive encouragement is key. Well done on seeking advice on this.. Like the others patience is key. |
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By *0emMan 35 weeks ago
My Town |
Taking everything really at her pase don’t push anything talking about what she likes and doing whatever she wants. She needs to feel relaxed and comfortable as well as confident and trust you which might take some time considering what she’s been through. If she’s really struggling with this she might be with other stuff you might not know about too she might need to talk to a good counselor |
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There are some really good podcasts to listen to. Some sh1t ones as well but I listened to a few on connecting with your inner goddess which helps when you get that disconnect with your mind body and soul that comes with a relationship that isn’t great. Tell her to take a look but I am middle aged when we start to really feed our no bullshit meter lol so maybe not for everyone. |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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"First both you and her need to relax about being able to cum. It's ok to have fun without orgasm and it's not the be all and end all. The more it becomes a 'thing' the harder it is to achieve. "
This. |
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By *affa31Woman 35 weeks ago
Galway |
Don’t treat an orgasm as the end goal and the be all. There is plenty of pleasure and fun to be had along the way. Concentrate on enjoying that and not on the orgasm.
There are some great sex educators that are worth a follow on insta for this kind of thing. @hellojennykeane and @grace_alice_oshea are a good start. Jenny Keane does online workshops and the reviews are great. Might be worth checking out for her or together |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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Defo living in that moment and her mind is clear is a massive part of achieving orgasm.
Through years of psychological damage her brain is on auto pilot and the only way to stop this is to look within and heal the damage.
Meditation may help her with stilling her mind.
Everyone has their own path for healing though |
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Sensory stimulation can be a great way to bring the focus of the mind back into the body.
A light delectable meal and dessert.
A room lit for mood with an arousing scent.
Gentle pleasing sounds.
Time set aside to play only skin to skin.
Foreplay that is intended for discovery and exploration.
Focus on individuals things like the sensation of the tip of a finger being gently licked, warm breath on the back of the neck or a single fingernail drawing a wondering line.
It's a challenging task to stop a mind but to lead it gently into sensory delight can be exquisite. |
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