FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Counselling - honesty
Counselling - honesty
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By (user no longer on site) OP 29 weeks ago
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I’ve attended counselling for a few reasons in the past - won’t go into detail as the reasons why are normal enough and irrelevant to this post.
My question is regarding FAB/swinging and counselling- how honest have people been regarding FAB/swinging in their counselling sessions? Like if the topic of relationships comes up do they speak about FAB/swinging as part of that.
For those who have how was the information received- I know counsellors are meant to be nonjudgmental but for anyone in a vulnerable place the fear of judgement is not always something worth risking. I feel I have quite a healthy relationship with sex but there would be times I want to talk about stuff that I don’t feel safe talking about if you get me.
I would love if there was a more intimate space than the forums here to talk things over without them having to be so public.
I’ll be restarting counselling soon so just trying to figure out if it’s something I’ll be comfortable sharing. |
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I have a therapist and life coach, I am very open with both if swinging/ENM is affecting my life/thoughts. When I interviewed them in the first place I ensured that they are sex positive, and particularly for the therapist that they are trained and aware of kink.
I hope this helps?
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By (user no longer on site) 29 weeks ago
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"I’ve attended counselling for a few reasons in the past - won’t go into detail as the reasons why are normal enough and irrelevant to this post.
My question is regarding FAB/swinging and counselling- how honest have people been regarding FAB/swinging in their counselling sessions? Like if the topic of relationships comes up do they speak about FAB/swinging as part of that.
For those who have how was the information received- I know counsellors are meant to be nonjudgmental but for anyone in a vulnerable place the fear of judgement is not always something worth risking. I feel I have quite a healthy relationship with sex but there would be times I want to talk about stuff that I don’t feel safe talking about if you get me.
I would love if there was a more intimate space than the forums here to talk things over without them having to be so public.
I’ll be restarting counselling soon so just trying to figure out if it’s something I’ll be comfortable sharing. "
Would you like messaging you privately if I could. You’d need to change your message filters for that.  |
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I think you need to be as honest and open as possible with a counsellor. They are there to treat and help you and if they don’t have all the relevant info then they can’t make or could make the wrong analysis. I know from my own past that some topics might be uncomfortable but they are professionals and are trying to help. |
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By (user no longer on site) 29 weeks ago
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"I’ve attended counselling for a few reasons in the past - won’t go into detail as the reasons why are normal enough and irrelevant to this post.
My question is regarding FAB/swinging and counselling- how honest have people been regarding FAB/swinging in their counselling sessions? Like if the topic of relationships comes up do they speak about FAB/swinging as part of that.
For those who have how was the information received- I know counsellors are meant to be nonjudgmental but for anyone in a vulnerable place the fear of judgement is not always something worth risking. I feel I have quite a healthy relationship with sex but there would be times I want to talk about stuff that I don’t feel safe talking about if you get me.
I would love if there was a more intimate space than the forums here to talk things over without them having to be so public.
I’ll be restarting counselling soon so just trying to figure out if it’s something I’ll be comfortable sharing. "
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By *astelloWoman 29 weeks ago
Tír na nÓg |
I agree completely. The purpose of counselling is to help, so hiding part of your life wouldn't help. I discussed my fab life with my counsellor and it didnt phase him at all.. In fact it helped understand my own motivations better. |
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Many talk therapists in Ireland have very little training in sexuality. Over a 3/4 year training, there might be a half day module on sexual issues. Add in to that the conservative nature of ruling bodies, codes of ethics, etc it's rare to find a trained sexologist. There are just a few kink friendly, knowledgeable counsellors in Ireland. Send me a DM if you'd like more information. . |
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if counselling is to work then you need to be honest. it's unlikely the counsellor will judge, more likely they will have heard something like it before. if they are shocked then you have the wrong one. but I would advise going for it |
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Went for outside help to embrace my bisexuality at 23 , now and again throughout the year's I'd go for maybe 6 sessions on the trot if I'm feeling like I need that extra push over a hurdle.
I read a lot of philosophy and theology, looking for answers it all lead back to being happy and content in my own skin.
Another realisation is I'm the kind of person who's happier being single and living this lifestyle it's much easier.
I couldn't Imagine being in a relationship and joining the site and having a partner oblivious to me chasing the dragon and trying to satisfy my desires knowing it's wrong. The torment and guilty pleasure of being on the edge wouldn't fit well with me.
Coming from a Catholic background guilt and self disgust was drilled into a lot of people.
I found with therapy I had to get the best of the best, quite expensive for a session.
I have an old lady she's in her 70's now and a therapist since she's in her 20's she's American in Ireland 40 years and she heard it all.
She has experience with all kinds of personalities and people's patterns of behaviour concerning relationships,sexuality, addiction and fears
Went to a younger inexperienced therapist,a good nice person but they hadn't the edge like the old lady, she was like Mr Miyagi or Yoda so wise and very good at helping me tease out my issues and finding solutions rather than problems.
I'm doing very well, haven't had a session in around 8 years,it doesn't mean that I haven't any problems I just know how to deal with them.
Wishing you luck on your journey, it's an inside job only you can put in the work. Well done it's a good decision
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I want to embark on relationship counselling, on my own, to straighten out a few twists and turns in my psyche. If i do i suppose it will come to the time when i will have to reveal or conceal my time on here. If i'm truthful right now i doubt i'd mention it but reading some of the replies i probably should.
Thanks OP for helping me come to the resolution that i should take the bull by the horns.
Problem is if i go to counselling sessions i'll get accused of playing away i'd imagine |
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"I’ve attended counselling for a few reasons in the past - won’t go into detail as the reasons why are normal enough and irrelevant to this post.
My question is regarding FAB/swinging and counselling- how honest have people been regarding FAB/swinging in their counselling sessions? Like if the topic of relationships comes up do they speak about FAB/swinging as part of that.
For those who have how was the information received- I know counsellors are meant to be nonjudgmental but for anyone in a vulnerable place the fear of judgement is not always something worth risking. I feel I have quite a healthy relationship with sex but there would be times I want to talk about stuff that I don’t feel safe talking about if you get me.
I would love if there was a more intimate space than the forums here to talk things over without them having to be so public.
I’ll be restarting counselling soon so just trying to figure out if it’s something I’ll be comfortable sharing. "
Just my 2 cents but, I think if you are willing to go to councilling it meant you want to fix what's bothering you. If your Fab type activities play any part in that then not talking about them prevents the councillor from seeing the entire picture and reduces their ability to help you.
Again, just my thoughts.
I wish you health send happiness. |
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Counseling is a lot harder than a lot of people think. It's not just as easy as sitting down and opening up. It's so difficult to get comfortable with a counselor. Some might be the most recommended in the country and you'll feel uncomfortable with them.
If I had to suggest anything, it would be to go at your pace and stick within your comfort. One counselor and I just discussed philosophy and that was enough for me at the time even though I had plenty going on personally. |
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"I’ve attended counselling for a few reasons in the past - won’t go into detail as the reasons why are normal enough and irrelevant to this post.
My question is regarding FAB/swinging and counselling- how honest have people been regarding FAB/swinging in their counselling sessions? Like if the topic of relationships comes up do they speak about FAB/swinging as part of that.
For those who have how was the information received- I know counsellors are meant to be nonjudgmental but for anyone in a vulnerable place the fear of judgement is not always something worth risking. I feel I have quite a healthy relationship with sex but there would be times I want to talk about stuff that I don’t feel safe talking about if you get me.
I would love if there was a more intimate space than the forums here to talk things over without them having to be so public.
I’ll be restarting counselling soon so just trying to figure out if it’s something I’ll be comfortable sharing. "
If the reason i am visiting a counsellor is my relationships honesty and swinger life … i would definitely tell everything to him her … they have swore to secrecy so no issues… but in case i am visiting a counsellor for something completely different like business finance stress etc … i wont bother |
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By *squaredCouple 28 weeks ago
Dublin/westmeath/kildare |
One raised an eyebrow when I mentioned it but said nothing and then they saw how it slotted into my life and understood more. She was young and only few years under belt also Irish so taboo subject.
Other he embraced it, was foreign, longer in tooth. He asked questions, checked I was safe, secure, happy. Could see why I started and we discussed it at length. Both sides of his culture discuss sex openly, I felt like I could talk about anything without judgement |
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"I think you need to be as honest and open as possible with a counsellor. They are there to treat and help you and if they don’t have all the relevant info then they can’t make or could make the wrong analysis. I know from my own past that some topics might be uncomfortable but they are professionals and are trying to help. "
You can’t run away from or nothing gets fixed |
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Hugely interesting topic
Honestly can see why some would want to keep their fab activities to themselves as we do in everyday life but if you've to get any solas from the sessions everything must be laid bare hard n all as that can be
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The professionals (in whatever field they work) need to know the full story in order to do their job in helping you. I told my Gynae recently that I was in an open marriage (it sounds better than 'swinger' ). He didn't bat an eyelid. Good luck to you  |
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By *itlbeeCouple 28 weeks ago
Ireland |
Look for councillors who specialise in sexuality issues too, and not ones religious background.
THE ones comfortable with LGBT issues are often the most open minded.
I've had a counsellor for a while who was a gay man himself, and he didn't bat an eyelid at any concepts around non-monogamy and casual sex. |
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I did raise swinging one time with a counsellor and I found her to be quite judgemental. This was disheartening as at the time I felt vulnerable to raising the issue. It resulted me in stopping the counselling after a couple of sessions because I just didn't want to feel pathologised. Thankfully I found a 'kink-aware' therapist who was able to help me navigate my feelings and explore sex and relationships in a non-judgemental way. |
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"I did raise swinging one time with a counsellor and I found her to be quite judgemental. This was disheartening as at the time I felt vulnerable to raising the issue. It resulted me in stopping the counselling after a couple of sessions because I just didn't want to feel pathologised. Thankfully I found a 'kink-aware' therapist who was able to help me navigate my feelings and explore sex and relationships in a non-judgemental way."
A lot of counselling services here are run by religious foundations so are a bunch of boring judgemental fucks. |
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By *og-ManMan 28 weeks ago
somewhere |
"Look for councillors who specialise in sexuality issues too, and not ones religious background.
THE ones comfortable with LGBT issues are often the most open minded.
I've had a counsellor for a while who was a gay man himself, and he didn't bat an eyelid at any concepts around non-monogamy and casual sex. "
After my first meet on fab I went to a private sexual health clinic to get tested
Gay male doctor and he asked me why did I need to get tested ...told him about fab and how I played as part of a bi mmf meet that I had
He asked was it ok and was I ok and I told him about getting a blow jog from another man during the play
He said " its fucking great isn't it "
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"Look for councillors who specialise in sexuality issues too, and not ones religious background.
THE ones comfortable with LGBT issues are often the most open minded.
I've had a counsellor for a while who was a gay man himself, and he didn't bat an eyelid at any concepts around non-monogamy and casual sex.
After my first meet on fab I went to a private sexual health clinic to get tested
Gay male doctor and he asked me why did I need to get tested ...told him about fab and how I played as part of a bi mmf meet that I had
He asked was it ok and was I ok and I told him about getting a blow jog from another man during the play
He said " its fucking great isn't it "
"
He's a keeper |
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