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Pro’s and Con’s of social gatherings
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By *om Tango OP Man
over a year ago
Tedavnet Co.Monaghan |
I’d be very interested to hear people’s views of attending socials. The pro’s and con’s of them
Personally my pro’s
You can look at someone’s profile pictures and think fuck yes, then read their bio and think fuck no way your a hateful so and so. Next your at a social chatting away to this lovely person and thinking he/she/them are lovely and interesting people. Next your at an ask them their profile name and you discover you judged them all wrong. And pro is it cuts out the nut cases. You actually get to meet someone in person, see if yous have anything in common, what they are like to chat with and if all going ok you can ask if they mind if you text them during the week. Another pro is your normally on a chat group before hand so you can ask if you can send them a DM on telegram during the week. That way your message doesn’t get losted in the middle of messages they get on fab.
Con’s
Takes about 2 days to get over a good social, can cost a bit if not planned ahead. The come down from a good night out
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The pros are, well I'm a people person. Online communication does very little for me. I can't make a meaningful connection until I can see in their eyes and laugh along with their naughtiness.
The other pro is you are more likely to meet people who are genuinely single because the ones who are cheating tend not to go to the bigger socials.
Also it is safer to play with people who are already known to others in the community and others can warn you if there's someone known to be predatory or even overly creepy.
The Con is the cost, hotels for stay over and meals out and drinks at the bar.
Meanwhile at home the grass grows longer and the house hasn't been cleaned and so another cost is time.
Then it also costs energy because it takes a couple if days to get over the euphoria and tiredness of a late night. |
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It really depends on the social and the organisers.
Pros are you get to meet lots of people your night not meet on a one to one basis.
Possible cons are not being able to have an actual conversation because of the wedding table layout or the ear splitting volume of the music.
I've had numerous attempted conversations and left not having a clue who they were so socials aren't the one size fits all answer that many claim they are. |
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By *om Tango OP Man
over a year ago
Tedavnet Co.Monaghan |
"It really depends on the social and the organisers.
Pros are you get to meet lots of people your night not meet on a one to one basis.
Possible cons are not being able to have an actual conversation because of the wedding table layout or the ear splitting volume of the music.
I've had numerous attempted conversations and left not having a clue who they were so socials aren't the one size fits all answer that many claim they are. "
You should try a pinks social in Louth sometime. Never had a problem talking or listening to anyone. Same as hungry cats socials in Belfast |
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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago
somewhere |
Socials can be a fantastic night out in a room with other fabbers.
Sometimes the venue is private and you can talk freely about fab and your profile without worrying about being overheard by vanilla folk.
Sometimes the socials are in hotels and if you're staying over and you hit it off with someone then there's a bedroom upstairs..no worrying about no shows
Genuinely mean this but it's a chance to catch up with real friends that you've made off fab
Especially if it's a 2 night social
You can get free donuts  |
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Yes it very much depends on the type of social. I'm assuming you're referring to the larger socials as opposed to 1:1 or smaller daytime socials?
If so (and having attended loads at this stage) ...
Pros:
1) you meet (or at least eyeball) lots of fabbers at one time, so it can be an optimal use of your time
2) you can become part of the community, which means you get subsequent party invites.
3) if you like socialising, it can be a great night out.
Cons:
1) there will be groups of friends attending, it can get very busy very quickly, music is loud, the place is dark and this all means that it can be difficult to meet people as a newbie. (But there is lots of advice on this on the forums).
2) socials may not be for those not interested in the scene.
3) bigger chance of meeting people you know, especially when you live close by.
4) not ideal for non-drinkers. In our experience they are piss-ups and fun may not happen until very late in the night. We're ready to head home at that stage  |
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I hate to be negative on such a fine evening but it's not always rainbows and sunshine. There are plenty of pros but cons can compound. You're heavily incentivised to be part of a group. Going to a social on your own is way more daunting than people like to think. You're not necessarily going to be approached and you stick out like a a sore thumb if you're drinking by yourself. You HAVE to approach people and as others said, it's not easy with loud music and not everyone will appreciate you interrupting their conversations. I've plenty to plenty of great socials and some not so much. It's not for everyone and you can feel more awful about your standing on here if you were told socials were your best avenue. Go to a social if you think you'd enjoy it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im not a great mingler. I can be having a chatty night or a quiet night.
Cliquey. No need to say anymore.
If I fancy someone, I am even more self concious and would not approach.
But...
I have met great people at socials, had a good night and enjoyed it. |
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By *ork_timMan
over a year ago
Cork Limerick Kerry |
"I’d be very interested to hear people’s views of attending socials. The pro’s and con’s of them
Personally my pro’s
You can look at someone’s profile pictures and think fuck yes, then read their bio and think fuck no way your a hateful so and so. Next your at a social chatting away to this lovely person and thinking he/she/them are lovely and interesting people. Next your at an ask them their profile name and you discover you judged them all wrong. And pro is it cuts out the nut cases. You actually get to meet someone in person, see if yous have anything in common, what they are like to chat with and if all going ok you can ask if they mind if you text them during the week. Another pro is your normally on a chat group before hand so you can ask if you can send them a DM on telegram during the week. That way your message doesn’t get losted in the middle of messages they get on fab.
Con’s
Takes about 2 days to get over a good social, can cost a bit if not planned ahead. The come down from a good night out
"
If it's too loud and I have to scream to talk to people, that's a no for me. |
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Pros for us is networking and meeting new people the majority of which we might see again at other events and for someone we really click with it could be the beginning of something very sexy
The biggest con for us like a lot of others would be the cost between somewhere to stay and travel costs and food it could be 200 to 300 quid before stepping foot in the door of the event which is why we only make 3 or 4 organised events per year |
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Pros:
In the right company, it can be a great night out
The opportunity to have a bit of a chinwag with new people. Some of them might even become friends.
There's usually decent grub 😁
It exposes not just the absolute gems, but also the arsewipes... invaluable 
If you're staying over, the craic before and afterwards can be almost be as good as the event
Cons:
It can be daunting if you're socially awkward or suffer from anxiety whether it's your first or your hundredth social
You may encounter cliques. Don't confuse these with groups of friends. The latter is inclusive, the former is anything but.
It can be difficult to make conversation in noisy venues.
They can be expensive if you're wanting to stay over
Some chat groups in the run up to events can be more about being the loudest voice in the room rather than getting to know people, and more competitive than the Olympic games.
*****
It's worth remembering that not all socials are equal, and no social can be all things to all people. Some you might love, some less so. You just need to find the ones you enjoy and then the pros will far outweigh the cons
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Pros:
1. Certain events go to the lengths of hiring their own dj and even furniture to avoid the deafening music while people sit around wedding tables.
2. Most people are very approachable. Up north anyway.
3. Event group chats are a great ice breaker and apart from a few no shows chances are high that you will meet and get to chat with who you like. Interacting with said people in event group chat helps heaps as then you're not a random stranger approaching them.
4. It is always easier to talk to someone and determine if you fancy them when you meet them face to face.
5. It's a relaxed atmosphere where nobody is expecting sex. Men don't have to walk around worrying if they can "perform" and women don't have to worry about men expecting them to "put out" just because they're there.
6. Cheaters tend to stay away from them, so if you don't agree with cheating - chances are high that you won't bump into one at an organized event.
Cons:
1. They're EXPENSIVE. Not the tickets themselves, but costs do add up. One trip to one of Dublin socials cost us around £700 years ago, that's hotel, fuel, tolls, parking, food x2, drinks at the venue and tickets all included. If we had to hire babysitters and put dogs into kennels it would have been much worse.
2. People are friendly when you approach them, but many refuse to move from one spot and expect to be held by their hand by the host.
There is only so much the host can do. So if you struggle with social anxiety, these events would be challenging to mingle.
3. Some events feel like a con - their tickets are available for anyone and everyone who has access to Google or their events run 3-4h, which is definitely not enough time for people to mingle properly. We have met dozens of people who have attended those events and decided that the scene is not for them, only years later to discover that they've only seen a tiny portion of it and they actually enjoy it.
4. Time - it takes days if not weeks to recover from one. The excitement and euphoria dies down after the event and you do hit a grumpy, anti social stage for a bit.
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We agree with a lot of repeating comments here. Socials are a great way to mingle and chat with like minded people. But we're always a bit let down by how unsociable we are in those situations. The music volume tends to make it impossible to get some group banter going. I hate an ear shouting conversation where you smile and nod because you have no idea what was said, and I don't like to spend my night in the smoking area. It's not getting to meet people. And meeting people face to face is far better than any other meet. I don't know why they can't start off at lower volumes for a while.
We'll look into the earlier mentioned quieter socials. |
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By *om Tango OP Man
over a year ago
Tedavnet Co.Monaghan |
"We agree with a lot of repeating comments here. Socials are a great way to mingle and chat with like minded people. But we're always a bit let down by how unsociable we are in those situations. The music volume tends to make it impossible to get some group banter going. I hate an ear shouting conversation where you smile and nod because you have no idea what was said, and I don't like to spend my night in the smoking area. It's not getting to meet people. And meeting people face to face is far better than any other meet. I don't know why they can't start off at lower volumes for a while.
We'll look into the earlier mentioned quieter socials. "
Why not try out hungry cats social 17th May in Belfast. Try the rest, then try the best. Feeling unsociable. Book your tickets. Message me and I’ll meet yous at the door and introduce yous others |
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"We agree with a lot of repeating comments here. Socials are a great way to mingle and chat with like minded people. But we're always a bit let down by how unsociable we are in those situations. The music volume tends to make it impossible to get some group banter going. I hate an ear shouting conversation where you smile and nod because you have no idea what was said, and I don't like to spend my night in the smoking area. It's not getting to meet people. And meeting people face to face is far better than any other meet. I don't know why they can't start off at lower volumes for a while.
We'll look into the earlier mentioned quieter socials. "
I'm not sure if Jaffa is still doing Coffee socials (I regret not making ir to them). The cork BDSM club have socials without music i think or it was so low I hadn't an issue with it. There's plenty of options for socials out there. Walking or hiking groups could be pretty fun too. |
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The pros and cons lol
Well social should be just that
I don't understand why music has to be so loud that you can't have that conversation with the person beside you or have banter in a group
I think people should start asking hosts to make sure it's not overbearing loud
I know I'm getting old and all that but ...
Love the social nights and the people we meet at them
We have a group of what we consider good friends established over the yrs at social nights and look forward to catching up and getting the low down on how they are doing
And getting updated on next party night or event that's coming up
That's enough outa me now |
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Think alot of people mistake a group of friends who know each other and don't meet very often as being a clique. Any of the groups of people that we know well are all more than willing to chat to new people we are not going to hold their hand and introduce them but if we have chatted on the chat group I will tell people to come and say hi and that we will introduce them |
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"We agree with a lot of repeating comments here. Socials are a great way to mingle and chat with like minded people. But we're always a bit let down by how unsociable we are in those situations. The music volume tends to make it impossible to get some group banter going. I hate an ear shouting conversation where you smile and nod because you have no idea what was said, and I don't like to spend my night in the smoking area. It's not getting to meet people. And meeting people face to face is far better than any other meet. I don't know why they can't start off at lower volumes for a while.
We'll look into the earlier mentioned quieter socials.
I'm not sure if Jaffa is still doing Coffee socials (I regret not making ir to them). The cork BDSM club have socials without music i think or it was so low I hadn't an issue with it. There's plenty of options for socials out there. Walking or hiking groups could be pretty fun too. "
......
Walking/hiking groups are a very safe, discreet, relaxed and non noisy, (apart from some chat and laughs), way to meet other fabbers. The Southern group is "on a break" at the moment but could be persuaded to re activate if there was sufficient genuine interest.
The South/East group is making great strides with regular walks and coffee meets being organised.
🚶♂️🚶♀️🚶♂️🚶♀️☕🍰🍦🍩🥤
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Why not try out hungry cats social...
Had our eyes on hungry cat for a while but dates never work. And we've something on that weekend too. But we will get there. Definitely on the list now by the recommendations.Thanks for the lovely offer. Watch this space. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Social gatherings can be exciting and help meet many similar people personally,sometimes our imagination and reality may differ, you can feel real chemistry,(look, smile, gestures))you won't feel it through online messages. They can build trust and spark, real connections. But they also come with nerves, jealousy, mismatched expectations, and privacy concerns. |
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"Pros:
In the right company, it can be a great night out
The opportunity to have a bit of a chinwag with new people. Some of them might even become friends.
There's usually decent grub 😁
It exposes not just the absolute gems, but also the arsewipes... invaluable
If you're staying over, the craic before and afterwards can be almost be as good as the event
Cons:
It can be daunting if you're socially awkward or suffer from anxiety whether it's your first or your hundredth social
You may encounter cliques. Don't confuse these with groups of friends. The latter is inclusive, the former is anything but.
It can be difficult to make conversation in noisy venues.
They can be expensive if you're wanting to stay over
Some chat groups in the run up to events can be more about being the loudest voice in the room rather than getting to know people, and more competitive than the Olympic games.
*****
It's worth remembering that not all socials are equal, and no social can be all things to all people. Some you might love, some less so. You just need to find the ones you enjoy and then the pros will far outweigh the cons
"
This pretty much sums up my experience over the years.
I've been to socials where people have messaged when I've said on a thread that I was going and sent facepics to say they were looking forward to meeting me on the night but totally blanked me on the night.
I've been to others where I didn't read the small print that said it was a free for all contest for women to grope any man they took a fancy to. Obviously this wasn't encouraged but at the same time I've seen men removed from socials for inappropriate behaviour but never a woman for being equally out of line.
I've been told by a couple of event organisers that they didn't have a chat group but on the night been asked why I wasn't in the chat group that the host or hostess had set up?
For those social chat groups I have been in, some have been great and really entertaining while others have just been dick measuring contests and that was just the women!
I also found it funny over the years that if I commented on a thread in the forum that hinted at issues with a particular event or organiser I used to get messages from other event planners thanking me for my support.
I'm not tuned in on any of the background drama and had never met or even spoken to any of these people before but there has always appeared to be a lot of tension between various organisers regarding their "patch".
For all those reasons I don't think some socials are actually very social and the social "scene" isn't as welcoming to those trying to organise events as it is often suggested. |
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By *affa31Woman
over a year ago
Galway |
Pros:
Great way to meet lots of people at once.
A good way for newbies to get verified and show that they’re willing to turn up to things.
A fun way to spend an afternoon/night chatting about things that maybe you can’t chat to your civilian friends about. It’s not often you’d spend a Sunday afternoon debating how many people constitutes a gangbang 😄
Cons:
Can be very intimidating for people who don’t know others there.
Can be hard to go up to groups and start chatting…I find it so hard unless I’m hosting - it’s the main reason I host!
Big night time ones can be a bit pointless if you’re not into drinking and dancing. The music tends to be too loud to chat.
Expensive as fuck if you have to stay over and you can be left with a sense of disappointment if you’ve spent €300-400 to go to a social but didn’t meet anyone you’d want to meet again. |
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By *2357Woman
over a year ago
clonmel tipp |
Pros
Meeting new people and having a good chat. Not great on message but better in person
Having great hosts makes a social which i find with pinks promotions social. They can't be more welcoming and friendly to new people.
Cons
Staying over can be expensive.
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For me it was the best way to meet people and make a connection. I love socialising so it was right up my street.
Yes it is expensive but for us worth every penny to get time with good friends and quality time away from normal life xx
Ber |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Pros
Meeting new people and having a good chat. Not great on message but better in person
Having great hosts makes a social which i find with pinks promotions social. They can't be more welcoming and friendly to new people.
Share a room & share the cost 😂
Cons
Staying over can be expensive.
"
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"What if you have social anxiety?
Am I fucked either way?
Sorry for the pon😂😂"
Not at all. I also suffer from anxiety, social anxiety, and occasional episodes of agoraphobia, and still manage to get to socials.
Start small and casual
Don't pressure yourself to circulate the room. If you talk to just a couple of new faces each time, as time goes on there'll be more and more familiar faces. Gradually it becomes less daunting.
Accept that not every social will be your cup of tea but the next one just might be.
Face the fear and do it anyway but if it gets too much you can leave. We all know our comfort levels. Set yourself the goal of staying for just an hour.
Go free from all expectations other than getting through the door.
Good luck!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Pros:
In the right company, it can be a great night out
The opportunity to have a bit of a chinwag with new people. Some of them might even become friends.
There's usually decent grub 😁
It exposes not just the absolute gems, but also the arsewipes... invaluable
If you're staying over, the craic before and afterwards can be almost be as good as the event
Cons:
It can be daunting if you're socially awkward or suffer from anxiety whether it's your first or your hundredth social
You may encounter cliques. Don't confuse these with groups of friends. The latter is inclusive, the former is anything but.
It can be difficult to make conversation in noisy venues.
They can be expensive if you're wanting to stay over
Some chat groups in the run up to events can be more about being the loudest voice in the room rather than getting to know people, and more competitive than the Olympic games.
*****
It's worth remembering that not all socials are equal, and no social can be all things to all people. Some you might love, some less so. You just need to find the ones you enjoy and then the pros will far outweigh the cons
This pretty much sums up my experience over the years.
I've been to socials where people have messaged when I've said on a thread that I was going and sent facepics to say they were looking forward to meeting me on the night but totally blanked me on the night.
I've been to others where I didn't read the small print that said it was a free for all contest for women to grope any man they took a fancy to. Obviously this wasn't encouraged but at the same time I've seen men removed from socials for inappropriate behaviour but never a woman for being equally out of line.
I've been told by a couple of event organisers that they didn't have a chat group but on the night been asked why I wasn't in the chat group that the host or hostess had set up?
For those social chat groups I have been in, some have been great and really entertaining while others have just been dick measuring contests and that was just the women!
I also found it funny over the years that if I commented on a thread in the forum that hinted at issues with a particular event or organiser I used to get messages from other event planners thanking me for my support.
I'm not tuned in on any of the background drama and had never met or even spoken to any of these people before but there has always appeared to be a lot of tension between various organisers regarding their "patch".
For all those reasons I don't think some socials are actually very social and the social "scene" isn't as welcoming to those trying to organise events as it is often suggested. "
Yes like everyone has said previously. They are a great way to meet people and make ur own judgement on the said person/people. As even verifications arnt always true ..
Cons. Like above ....cliques... and the biased.. we have found certain organisers have their own cliques and biased even when they step out of line they have turned a blind eye to suit who they want to be an event .sadly its true..
As for cost. To us ,we treat it just like another night out and every night out these days can be costly. |
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"What if you have social anxiety?
Am I fucked either way?
Sorry for the pon😂😂
Not at all. I also suffer from anxiety, social anxiety, and occasional episodes of agoraphobia, and still manage to get to socials.
Start small and casual
Don't pressure yourself to circulate the room. If you talk to just a couple of new faces each time, as time goes on there'll be more and more familiar faces. Gradually it becomes less daunting.
Accept that not every social will be your cup of tea but the next one just might be.
Face the fear and do it anyway but if it gets too much you can leave. We all know our comfort levels. Set yourself the goal of staying for just an hour.
Go free from all expectations other than getting through the door.
Good luck!
"
Thanks for the great advice  |
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There seems to be a common theme of loud music and shouting over noise. That's the great things about having lots of socials to choose from, but Fabbers, in my observations, like a good night out.
I'm more of a BDSM person and we have socials too. There's loads of them too and they range from a night out in a busy bar type to Sunday afternoon coffees to one that runs activities including ice skating, lazer tag, escape rooms, Axe Throwing and then they have annual summer barbecues at a beach.
Theres one Fab casual coffee style Fab social I know of in Drogheda. I think the majority of others are late night and more for party people.
The thing is if anyone wants any other style of social, then set one up. Even meet at the ice-cream parlour on a Sunday afternoon. No fancy clothes, no need for a full face of makeup. A walk, a Sunday pub lunch, a trip to vintage shops (I actually organised one of those, called it a Dander and Browse), go to a Pool Hall, meet at a dog park (no not that kind of dogging), have a spa day. World is your oyster! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Biggest pro for me is that my personality really doesn't come across online whereas in person it does. You get to meet people you wouldn't of you didn't go. You get to see the genuine people on the scene and build connections |
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"There seems to be a common theme of loud music and shouting over noise. That's the great things about having lots of socials to choose from, but Fabbers, in my observations, like a good night out.
I'm more of a BDSM person and we have socials too. There's loads of them too and they range from a night out in a busy bar type to Sunday afternoon coffees to one that runs activities including ice skating, lazer tag, escape rooms, Axe Throwing and then they have annual summer barbecues at a beach.
Theres one Fab casual coffee style Fab social I know of in Drogheda. I think the majority of others are late night and more for party people.
The thing is if anyone wants any other style of social, then set one up. Even meet at the ice-cream parlour on a Sunday afternoon. No fancy clothes, no need for a full face of makeup. A walk, a Sunday pub lunch, a trip to vintage shops (I actually organised one of those, called it a Dander and Browse), go to a Pool Hall, meet at a dog park (no not that kind of dogging), have a spa day. World is your oyster! "
Axe throwing....sign me up lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There seems to be a common theme of loud music and shouting over noise. That's the great things about having lots of socials to choose from, but Fabbers, in my observations, like a good night out.
I'm more of a BDSM person and we have socials too. There's loads of them too and they range from a night out in a busy bar type to Sunday afternoon coffees to one that runs activities including ice skating, lazer tag, escape rooms, Axe Throwing and then they have annual summer barbecues at a beach.
Theres one Fab casual coffee style Fab social I know of in Drogheda. I think the majority of others are late night and more for party people.
The thing is if anyone wants any other style of social, then set one up. Even meet at the ice-cream parlour on a Sunday afternoon. No fancy clothes, no need for a full face of makeup. A walk, a Sunday pub lunch, a trip to vintage shops (I actually organised one of those, called it a Dander and Browse), go to a Pool Hall, meet at a dog park (no not that kind of dogging), have a spa day. World is your oyster! "
Like the idea of laser tag and escape rooms. |
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"Im not a great mingler. I can be having a chatty night or a quiet night.
Cliquey. No need to say anymore.
If I fancy someone, I am even more self concious and would not approach.
But...
I have met great people at socials, had a good night and enjoyed it. "
Just because people are friends and know each other doesn't mean they are excluding other people. I wish people would just get over this CLIQUE notion. There are friends you only meet at fab events so of course you are going to have a good old chat with them . There is NO ONE stopping people from saying hi and sitting down and joining the group it's not fecking play school where the teacher says oh you sit there and be friends with them .
Stop sitting in the corner and expecting people to come to you. Rant over |
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"Im not a great mingler. I can be having a chatty night or a quiet night.
Cliquey. No need to say anymore.
If I fancy someone, I am even more self concious and would not approach.
But...
I have met great people at socials, had a good night and enjoyed it.
Just because people are friends and know each other doesn't mean they are excluding other people. I wish people would just get over this CLIQUE notion. There are friends you only meet at fab events so of course you are going to have a good old chat with them . There is NO ONE stopping people from saying hi and sitting down and joining the group it's not fecking play school where the teacher says oh you sit there and be friends with them .
Stop sitting in the corner and expecting people to come to you. Rant over "
But it wasn't rant over, as there is a whole new thread about CLIQUES |
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"Im not a great mingler. I can be having a chatty night or a quiet night.
Cliquey. No need to say anymore.
If I fancy someone, I am even more self concious and would not approach.
But...
I have met great people at socials, had a good night and enjoyed it.
Just because people are friends and know each other doesn't mean they are excluding other people. I wish people would just get over this CLIQUE notion. There are friends you only meet at fab events so of course you are going to have a good old chat with them . There is NO ONE stopping people from saying hi and sitting down and joining the group it's not fecking play school where the teacher says oh you sit there and be friends with them .
Stop sitting in the corner and expecting people to come to you. Rant over
But it wasn't rant over, as there is a whole new thread about CLIQUES "
|
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or View forums list | |
"Im not a great mingler. I can be having a chatty night or a quiet night.
Cliquey. No need to say anymore.
If I fancy someone, I am even more self concious and would not approach.
But...
I have met great people at socials, had a good night and enjoyed it.
Just because people are friends and know each other doesn't mean they are excluding other people. I wish people would just get over this CLIQUE notion. There are friends you only meet at fab events so of course you are going to have a good old chat with them . There is NO ONE stopping people from saying hi and sitting down and joining the group it's not fecking play school where the teacher says oh you sit there and be friends with them .
Stop sitting in the corner and expecting people to come to you. Rant over
But it wasn't rant over, as there is a whole new thread about CLIQUES "
Thought it deserved its own thread lol |
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