FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > The “Too Many Rules” Debate
The “Too Many Rules” Debate
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By *ex0x28 OP Man 40 weeks ago
Up the Bohs |
Was chatting to a couple, who had so many rules I felt like I needed to sign a legally binding contract before touching their arm 🤷♂️😂
No kissing, no touching here, no touching there, no eye contact unless during a leap year…
I get that boundaries are important, but at what point do rules kill the fun?
Is the scene becoming too… over-regulated?🙄 Or do clear rules make the experience better?
**It’s a hot take, go easy on me |
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Its not that hot a take and unfortunately the answer is pretty tepid. And it is one of those issues that has a clear answer.
Everyone will set their own boundaries.
The fun stop when it one person's boundaries do not synch with another's.
No ones take in it is wrong, and no ones approach is inherently the right one.
Also no its not becoming over regulated the couple you were speaking to just aren't a match for you |
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"Its not that hot a take and unfortunately the answer is pretty tepid. And it is one of those issues that has a clear answer.
Everyone will set their own boundaries.
The fun stop when it one person's boundaries do not synch with another's.
No ones take in it is wrong, and no ones approach is inherently the right one.
Also no its not becoming over regulated the couple you were speaking to just aren't a match for you"
I agree with this however....
The 'no kissing rule' especially smacks of insecurity in the relationship and I don't buy the 'keeping something for ourselves' bit. What a couple will always keep for themselves is the intimacy and connection that they share as a committed couple.
But we are all different I suppose. Mrs  |
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By *ex0x28 OP Man 40 weeks ago
Up the Bohs |
Fair point — everyone’s boundaries are different, and if they don’t align, no harm, just move on. Totally get that.
But here’s the angle, I was going for. If the rules list gets longer than the actual fun list… is it still swinging, or is it just socialising with a saucy dress code? 😏
I’m genuinely curious — has anyone else walked away from a meet because the “rules” took the heat out of it?
"Its not that hot a take and unfortunately the answer is pretty tepid. And it is one of those issues that has a clear answer.
Everyone will set their own boundaries.
The fun stop when it one person's boundaries do not synch with another's.
No ones take in it is wrong, and no ones approach is inherently the right one.
Also no its not becoming over regulated the couple you were speaking to just aren't a match for you"
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By *ex0x28 OP Man 40 weeks ago
Up the Bohs |
I agree with you on that, Mrs — especially the “no kissing” thing. To me, that’s more about insecurity than preserving intimacy. The bond and connection you share as a couple is something no one else can replicate, kiss or no kiss.
I get that everyone has their own comfort zones, but if you’re already sharing bodies, banning lips just feels a bit backwards 🤷♂️.
"Its not that hot a take and unfortunately the answer is pretty tepid. And it is one of those issues that has a clear answer.
Everyone will set their own boundaries.
The fun stop when it one person's boundaries do not synch with another's.
No ones take in it is wrong, and no ones approach is inherently the right one.
Also no its not becoming over regulated the couple you were speaking to just aren't a match for you
I agree with this however....
The 'no kissing rule' especially smacks of insecurity in the relationship and I don't buy the 'keeping something for ourselves' bit. What a couple will always keep for themselves is the intimacy and connection that they share as a committed couple.
But we are all different I suppose. Mrs "
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I would expect those with strong rules to be up front about it so that it didn't get as far as arranging a meet only to find out about the rules at the last min. I have definitely been disappointed before where rules meant we couldn't meet where we had chemistry otherwise. |
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"I agree with you on that, Mrs — especially the “no kissing” thing. To me, that’s more about insecurity than preserving intimacy. The bond and connection you share as a couple is something no one else can replicate, kiss or no kiss.
I get that everyone has their own comfort zones, but if you’re already sharing bodies, banning lips just feels a bit backwards 🤷♂️.
Its not that hot a take and unfortunately the answer is pretty tepid. And it is one of those issues that has a clear answer.
Everyone will set their own boundaries.
The fun stop when it one person's boundaries do not synch with another's.
No ones take in it is wrong, and no ones approach is inherently the right one.
Also no its not becoming over regulated the couple you were speaking to just aren't a match for you
I agree with this however....
The 'no kissing rule' especially smacks of insecurity in the relationship and I don't buy the 'keeping something for ourselves' bit. What a couple will always keep for themselves is the intimacy and connection that they share as a committed couple.
But we are all different I suppose. Mrs "
Careful there about judging rules that others have. It's ok for them to have them. There are no bad rules, just compatible rules and in incompatible rules. |
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I don't have a problem with anyone setting rules on their own profile or having preferences clearly stated because I can make an informed decision whether to chat with them or not.
I do however take issue when a profile I've never spoken to before sends an introductory message full of instructions and rules.
I've found this is often the case with well verified profiles who feel that others are grateful for the attention and will go along with their list of rules in the hope of just being associated with them and their perceived status on fab.
I'm all for preferences but telling someone you've never spoken to before that they have to book a room and fuck off after the missus gives them a BJ and let us enjoy the room isn't a preference. That's just a couple of arrogant pricks.
Bullet point messages to
Lose the beard or you won't be fucking me
Play bi
or phone no and facepic now, aren't rules either.
And yes, all from "popular" forum users who often clutch their pearls on here in shock at how others act. |
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"I don't have a problem with anyone setting rules on their own profile or having preferences clearly stated because I can make an informed decision whether to chat with them or not.
I do however take issue when a profile I've never spoken to before sends an introductory message full of instructions and rules.
I've found this is often the case with well verified profiles who feel that others are grateful for the attention and will go along with their list of rules in the hope of just being associated with them and their perceived status on fab.
I'm all for preferences but telling someone you've never spoken to before that they have to book a room and fuck off after the missus gives them a BJ and let us enjoy the room isn't a preference. That's just a couple of arrogant pricks.
Bullet point messages to
Lose the beard or you won't be fucking me
Play bi
or phone no and facepic now, aren't rules either.
And yes, all from "popular" forum users who often clutch their pearls on here in shock at how others act. "
Surely it's better to hear about these rules up front rather than down the line? |
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"I don't have a problem with anyone setting rules on their own profile or having preferences clearly stated because I can make an informed decision whether to chat with them or not.
I do however take issue when a profile I've never spoken to before sends an introductory message full of instructions and rules.
I've found this is often the case with well verified profiles who feel that others are grateful for the attention and will go along with their list of rules in the hope of just being associated with them and their perceived status on fab.
I'm all for preferences but telling someone you've never spoken to before that they have to book a room and fuck off after the missus gives them a BJ and let us enjoy the room isn't a preference. That's just a couple of arrogant pricks.
Bullet point messages to
Lose the beard or you won't be fucking me
Play bi
or phone no and facepic now, aren't rules either.
And yes, all from "popular" forum users who often clutch their pearls on here in shock at how others act. "
Do you ever have bad experiences with profiles that aren't well known well verified and popular 🤣 |
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"I don't have a problem with anyone setting rules on their own profile or having preferences clearly stated because I can make an informed decision whether to chat with them or not.
I do however take issue when a profile I've never spoken to before sends an introductory message full of instructions and rules.
I've found this is often the case with well verified profiles who feel that others are grateful for the attention and will go along with their list of rules in the hope of just being associated with them and their perceived status on fab.
I'm all for preferences but telling someone you've never spoken to before that they have to book a room and fuck off after the missus gives them a BJ and let us enjoy the room isn't a preference. That's just a couple of arrogant pricks.
Bullet point messages to
Lose the beard or you won't be fucking me
Play bi
or phone no and facepic now, aren't rules either.
And yes, all from "popular" forum users who often clutch their pearls on here in shock at how others act.
Surely it's better to hear about these rules up front rather than down the line?"
I agree but there is a difference between a passive list on a profile and an aggressive list sent in a PM to a complete stranger.
I can ignore the former but the latter often comes with insults and threats when refused.
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"I don't have a problem with anyone setting rules on their own profile or having preferences clearly stated because I can make an informed decision whether to chat with them or not.
I do however take issue when a profile I've never spoken to before sends an introductory message full of instructions and rules.
I've found this is often the case with well verified profiles who feel that others are grateful for the attention and will go along with their list of rules in the hope of just being associated with them and their perceived status on fab.
I'm all for preferences but telling someone you've never spoken to before that they have to book a room and fuck off after the missus gives them a BJ and let us enjoy the room isn't a preference. That's just a couple of arrogant pricks.
Bullet point messages to
Lose the beard or you won't be fucking me
Play bi
or phone no and facepic now, aren't rules either.
And yes, all from "popular" forum users who often clutch their pearls on here in shock at how others act.
Do you ever have bad experiences with profiles that aren't well known well verified and popular 🤣"
I can count on one hand the bad experiences I've had on fab. I don't class any of the above as bad experiences. They're just words on a screen.
The well verified and popular comment is to highlight that shitty behaviour isn't limited to newbies but some have a level of expectation that others are happy to enable. |
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By *og-ManMan 40 weeks ago
somewhere |
I remember when I first joined the site and from reading the forums I assumed that I'd need a clip board with a list of rules and regulations
I'd never been with anyone where sex was just some fun before and I didn't think I'd fit in because I wouldn't know the do's and don't but did know what was right and wrong
I never sat down with anyone and ticked off a list ....just worked it out as we were going along even when a group was involved with a conversation as the play was happening
You need kissing in my opinion but its only my opinion and plenty of couples have no kissing on their profiles which is their preference |
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As a not so newbie I am tightly clutching my pearls at the thought of receiving nasty messages from some entitled fabbers who have prohibitive lists of rules for those who they will meet.
My jewels have never been so tightly gripped, in anticipation of an avalanche of abuse. |
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By *ex0x28 OP Man 40 weeks ago
Up the Bohs |
100% with you on that. Stating preferences in a profile is totally fair — gives everyone the choice to proceed and move on.
But firing off a first message that reads like a military drill? Yeah, that’s not “boundaries,” that’s entitlement. And funnily enough, it’s often from the ones who love lecturing others about etiquette on here.
"I don't have a problem with anyone setting rules on their own profile or having preferences clearly stated because I can make an informed decision whether to chat with them or not.
I do however take issue when a profile I've never spoken to before sends an introductory message full of instructions and rules.
I've found this is often the case with well verified profiles who feel that others are grateful for the attention and will go along with their list of rules in the hope of just being associated with them and their perceived status on fab.
I'm all for preferences but telling someone you've never spoken to before that they have to book a room and fuck off after the missus gives them a BJ and let us enjoy the room isn't a preference. That's just a couple of arrogant pricks.
Bullet point messages to
Lose the beard or you won't be fucking me
Play bi
or phone no and facepic now, aren't rules either.
And yes, all from "popular" forum users who often clutch their pearls on here in shock at how others act. "
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By *ex0x28 OP Man 40 weeks ago
Up the Bohs |
Ease up on the jewels, this is a safe space🤨😂
"As a not so newbie I am tightly clutching my pearls at the thought of receiving nasty messages from some entitled fabbers who have prohibitive lists of rules for those who they will meet.
My jewels have never been so tightly gripped, in anticipation of an avalanche of abuse."
|
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"Was chatting to a couple, who had so many rules I felt like I needed to sign a legally binding contract before touching their arm 🤷♂️😂
No kissing, no touching here, no touching there, no eye contact unless during a leap year…
I get that boundaries are important, but at what point do rules kill the fun?
Is the scene becoming too… over-regulated?🙄 Or do clear rules make the experience better?
**It’s a hot take, go easy on me"
yep those profiles that like small book take one look like fuck that here have fun not be given million rules to follow lol |
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Each to their own regarding rules provided they say before arranging a meet we generally don't meet people with a list of rules purely as it doesn't suit what we look for as we don't do rules with meets and personally I like kissing which is the most common one which if I can't kiss someone I'm not going to want to shag them.
Amy |
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I have my rules that I stick by. My main one is that if someone keeps rescheduling or moving the goal posts I cut my losses as I know they don't respect me or my time.
If someone is pushy then they aren't for me
If someone treats me like a thank you who is next. I'd never meet them again.
Though really they should be unwritten ruled for everyone here .
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By (user no longer on site) 40 weeks ago
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I feel like an excess of rules would indicate a kind of rigidity that I would find inhibitory and therefore negative craic for me personally.
I do respect any couple that have found a way to negotiate an ENM relationship that works for them though. |
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By (user no longer on site) 40 weeks ago
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"Anyone who can fuck someone without looking at them or kissing them should give themselves a round of applause, or maybe an apple pie.
You'd be surprised what I could do for free apple pie "
Or, in the absence of a woman, to an apple pie. |
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"Anyone who can fuck someone without looking at them or kissing them should give themselves a round of applause, or maybe an apple pie.
You'd be surprised what I could do for free apple pie "
apple crumbles more my style lol |
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"Anyone who can fuck someone without looking at them or kissing them should give themselves a round of applause, or maybe an apple pie.
You'd be surprised what I could do for free apple pie apple crumbles more my style lol"
How the cookie crumbles is more mine  |
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For us it's about compatibility before we'll go further. We don't have a strict list of do's and dont's but still find it difficult to meet the right fit. It makes me wonder if those with an extensive list of rules ever find the right person/people to play with. |
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By *rRiosMan 40 weeks ago
dublin |
"I have my rules that I stick by. My main one is that if someone keeps rescheduling or moving the goal posts I cut my losses as I know they don't respect me or my time.
If someone is pushy then they aren't for me
If someone treats me like a thank you who is next. I'd never meet them again.
Though really they should be unwritten ruled for everyone here .
"
These rules could equally apply to all dating and even friendships other than the “thank you, next”  |
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"Anyone who can fuck someone without looking at them or kissing them should give themselves a round of applause, or maybe an apple pie.
You'd be surprised what I could do for free apple pie apple crumbles more my style lol
How the cookie crumbles is more mine "
depend what type of cookie it is, I prefare the gooey ones |
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By *rRiosMan 40 weeks ago
dublin |
"Anyone who can fuck someone without looking at them or kissing them should give themselves a round of applause, or maybe an apple pie.
You'd be surprised what I could do for free apple pie
Or, in the absence of a woman, to an apple pie."
 |
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"Anyone who can fuck someone without looking at them or kissing them should give themselves a round of applause, or maybe an apple pie.
You'd be surprised what I could do for free apple pie
Or, in the absence of a woman, to an apple pie."
I assumed that was implied |
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"Anyone who can fuck someone without looking at them or kissing them should give themselves a round of applause, or maybe an apple pie.
You'd be surprised what I could do for free apple pie apple crumbles more my style lol
How the cookie crumbles is more mine depend what type of cookie it is, I prefare the gooey ones "
A gooey cookie 🍪 |
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By *ex0x28 OP Man 40 weeks ago
Up the Bohs |
Yeah, that’s exactly it, when the rulebook’s thicker than the spark, it kills the craic for me too.
Totally respect couples who’ve found their groove and made it work, but for me, the fun’s in the flow, not in ticking boxes.
"I feel like an excess of rules would indicate a kind of rigidity that I would find inhibitory and therefore negative craic for me personally.
I do respect any couple that have found a way to negotiate an ENM relationship that works for them though."
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By *ex0x28 OP Man 40 weeks ago
Up the Bohs |
Couldn’t agree more Amy, if I can’t kiss you, chances are I’m not going to want to do anything else either.
For me, kissing’s half the chemistry.
"Each to their own regarding rules provided they say before arranging a meet we generally don't meet people with a list of rules purely as it doesn't suit what we look for as we don't do rules with meets and personally I like kissing which is the most common one which if I can't kiss someone I'm not going to want to shag them.
Amy "
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Mr here.
I'm not understanding this issue...
If someone or a couple has a group of preferences (or rules, or boundaries, or whatever label we apply) that don't match yours, how do you end up meeting with them in the first place?
Is it that the meet takes place before the preferences are revealed? |
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People can choose and play by whatever rules they want. It's not up to me, you or anyone to judge them. If someone doesn't like the rules they should move on. 🤷♂️ But you should never be to a situation where you discover rules mid play, this is why open communication before any play is important. Lay down the rules, if anyone isn't happy or comfortable that's the sign to stop. |
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By *ettaManMan 40 weeks ago
Based in Kerry, work in Cork. |
The first rule of fab club, never start a thread questioning other people's approach to fab club (unless they're single males).
The second rule of fab club, if you're a single male, always start a thread bemoaning the lack of replies. |
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By *ex0x28 OP Man 40 weeks ago
Up the Bohs |
No fence sitters on this thread!!
Ah yes, the ancient scripture of Fab Club, etched into stone tablets and handed down by the elders… right after they finished not getting any replies themselves. 😏haha
Appreciate the reminder, sensei. Shall I bow before posting too, or is that the third rule?
"The first rule of fab club, never start a thread questioning other people's approach to fab club (unless they're single males).
The second rule of fab club, if you're a single male, always start a thread bemoaning the lack of replies."
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By *rRiosMan 40 weeks ago
dublin |
"No fence sitters on this thread!!
Ah yes, the ancient scripture of Fab Club, etched into stone tablets and handed down by the elders… right after they finished not getting any replies themselves. 😏haha
Appreciate the reminder, sensei. Shall I bow before posting too, or is that the third rule?
The first rule of fab club, never start a thread questioning other people's approach to fab club (unless they're single males).
The second rule of fab club, if you're a single male, always start a thread bemoaning the lack of replies."
 |
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By *ettaManMan 40 weeks ago
Based in Kerry, work in Cork. |
"No fence sitters on this thread!!
Ah yes, the ancient scripture of Fab Club, etched into stone tablets and handed down by the elders… right after they finished not getting any replies themselves. 😏haha
Appreciate the reminder, sensei. Shall I bow before posting too, or is that the third rule?
"
The third rule of fab club is, don't have too many rules. |
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By *og-ManMan 40 weeks ago
somewhere |
"No fence sitters on this thread!!
Ah yes, the ancient scripture of Fab Club, etched into stone tablets and handed down by the elders… right after they finished not getting any replies themselves. 😏haha
Appreciate the reminder, sensei. Shall I bow before posting too, or is that the third rule?
The third rule of fab club is, don't have too many rules."
I thought its you dont talk about Fab club |
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By *og-ManMan 40 weeks ago
somewhere |
"
I thought its you dont talk about Fab club
That was amended, when they last updated the Ts & C's. They wanted to pursue a new growth strategy "
When the ladies post sexy videos that definitely encourages a growth strategy |
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Rules can change and adapt over time too. I think at the outset perhaps it's more common to have more as people find their feet. This is ok. Everyobe should move at a pace they are comfortable with. Some rules will stick, some may not.
Just a comment on the kissing. While I was here as a couple, it was me who didn't want to kiss anyone else. I was happy for E too kiss away, and he'd have liked it if I had. I just wasn't comfortable with it and I didn't like it. No insecurity, just my preference. That said, even as a single, I have to be REALLY into someone before I'd want to kiss them. |
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At least they explained the rules to you beforehand instead of during "the fun" Bloody embarrassing it was  Swear to god, some people would (and have) taken the fun out of an orgy!! 
So, Caveat Swinger "Let the swinger beware"  |
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