FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Sexless marriage what should I do?
Sexless marriage what should I do?
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"Any advice " Don't be on Fab? | |||
"Any advice Don't be on Fab?" 😂 😂 😂 Or maybe get her join fab Mrs  | |||
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"I have talked to her she was very dismissive of me " How many times has she tried talking to you and you dismissed it as nagging? Women are brilliant communicators at the start when something begins to bother them. They will express it clearly and even try to explain it. Even the smallest things like if she asked you to take the rubbish out or clean the beard trims off the sink after you shave... if she had to ask you more than once over and over and over... over many years. It's not about the bins or hair trimmings any more, it's about her not being able to trust her partner to listen and care enough to step up. Approaching a woman, who already feels burnt out, who doesn't feel heard or appreciated and who's clearly given up on being in any way appreciated with "me want fucky fucky, why no sex" will get anyone dismissed 100% of the time. Missus | |||
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"Take on 100% of domestic chores - decide what's for dinner and cook it, clean up after it too. Every single day for a few months. Be on top of all the laundry, ironing and putting it away too. Make sure no pubes are left behind after you wash yourself. Dust all surfaces and hoover all floors at least once every few days. Plan and execute all the grocery shopping. If you take on all of those daily chores and solely do them on your own without asking her how or intentionally fucking something up so you can escape the chore, be motivated to do them and not leave them till last minute - it'll give her more space to look after herself more, to take some peaceful "me" time, be it a nice walk outside, catching up with her friends, a visit to a spa or even getting her hair down. Give her at least month to find herself again. Then start taking her out on dates. Be creative, seduce her again, spend some quality time together. Win her over with your commitment and support. Women's libido doesn't start with sexy words and a dick pic. We want to feel safe and looked after. We want to feel like our partner cares about us and shows it with actions, not words. Hormonal fluctuations of course will affect woman's libido too, but with a strong, loving and understanding partner, who can and does step up to give her a break and a breathing space to restart - she will manage it easier and will not shut that partner out. So do absolutely all the daily household chores every single day single handedly for a month. It'll do an absolute world of good for both of you. You have nothing to lose this way. Being on fab and cheating on her - you not only have everything to lose, but also could potentially hurt her so much - she will never be the same person again. Do you resent and hate her so much to be capable of hurting her in that way? Missus " 100% | |||
"I have talked to her she was very dismissive of me " Ah right, so you decided to join Fab and discuss the intimacies of your marriage publicly with a bunch of strangers | |||
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"Take on 100% of domestic chores - decide what's for dinner and cook it, clean up after it too. Every single day for a few months. Be on top of all the laundry, ironing and putting it away too. Make sure no pubes are left behind after you wash yourself. Dust all surfaces and hoover all floors at least once every few days. Plan and execute all the grocery shopping. If you take on all of those daily chores and solely do them on your own without asking her how or intentionally fucking something up so you can escape the chore, be motivated to do them and not leave them till last minute - it'll give her more space to look after herself more, to take some peaceful "me" time, be it a nice walk outside, catching up with her friends, a visit to a spa or even getting her hair down. Give her at least month to find herself again. Then start taking her out on dates. Be creative, seduce her again, spend some quality time together. Win her over with your commitment and support. Women's libido doesn't start with sexy words and a dick pic. We want to feel safe and looked after. We want to feel like our partner cares about us and shows it with actions, not words. Hormonal fluctuations of course will affect woman's libido too, but with a strong, loving and understanding partner, who can and does step up to give her a break and a breathing space to restart - she will manage it easier and will not shut that partner out. So do absolutely all the daily household chores every single day single handedly for a month. It'll do an absolute world of good for both of you. You have nothing to lose this way. Being on fab and cheating on her - you not only have everything to lose, but also could potentially hurt her so much - she will never be the same person again. Do you resent and hate her so much to be capable of hurting her in that way? Missus " Fantastic reply. If you are that deeply unhappy no matter the complications you should open up to her about you feel or leave ! | |||
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"I have talked to her she was very dismissive of me Ah right, so you decided to join Fab and discuss the intimacies of your marriage publicly with a bunch of strangers" He hasn't met anyone yet according to his profile and maybe he can't discuss it with anyone else so no harm to chat here in fairness if he has no other way It might help him sort out his marriage | |||
"Take on 100% of domestic chores - decide what's for dinner and cook it, clean up after it too. Every single day for a few months. Be on top of all the laundry, ironing and putting it away too. Make sure no pubes are left behind after you wash yourself. Dust all surfaces and hoover all floors at least once every few days. Plan and execute all the grocery shopping. If you take on all of those daily chores and solely do them on your own without asking her how or intentionally fucking something up so you can escape the chore, be motivated to do them and not leave them till last minute - it'll give her more space to look after herself more, to take some peaceful "me" time, be it a nice walk outside, catching up with her friends, a visit to a spa or even getting her hair down. Give her at least month to find herself again. Then start taking her out on dates. Be creative, seduce her again, spend some quality time together. Win her over with your commitment and support. Women's libido doesn't start with sexy words and a dick pic. We want to feel safe and looked after. We want to feel like our partner cares about us and shows it with actions, not words. Hormonal fluctuations of course will affect woman's libido too, but with a strong, loving and understanding partner, who can and does step up to give her a break and a breathing space to restart - she will manage it easier and will not shut that partner out. So do absolutely all the daily household chores every single day single handedly for a month. It'll do an absolute world of good for both of you. You have nothing to lose this way. Being on fab and cheating on her - you not only have everything to lose, but also could potentially hurt her so much - she will never be the same person again. Do you resent and hate her so much to be capable of hurting her in that way? Missus " How could he possibly do 100% of domestic chores and everything else you suggest if he is working ? Most men work. I don’t think being on here is necessarily a bad thing either. Don’t judge. Find sex elsewhere if it’s not happening at home and enjoy the non sexual aspect to your relationship with your wife. You can be sad that your wife no longer wants sex but still love her and fulfil your sexual needs elsewhere. It’s her loss too that sexual intimacy gone but it is what it is. Life is short. Look after yourself. Maybe counselling might help but doing everything at home and very possibly not getting sex on top of that … not great | |||
"Take on 100% of domestic chores - decide what's for dinner and cook it, clean up after it too. Every single day for a few months. Be on top of all the laundry, ironing and putting it away too. Make sure no pubes are left behind after you wash yourself. Dust all surfaces and hoover all floors at least once every few days. Plan and execute all the grocery shopping. If you take on all of those daily chores and solely do them on your own without asking her how or intentionally fucking something up so you can escape the chore, be motivated to do them and not leave them till last minute - it'll give her more space to look after herself more, to take some peaceful "me" time, be it a nice walk outside, catching up with her friends, a visit to a spa or even getting her hair down. Give her at least month to find herself again. Then start taking her out on dates. Be creative, seduce her again, spend some quality time together. Win her over with your commitment and support. Women's libido doesn't start with sexy words and a dick pic. We want to feel safe and looked after. We want to feel like our partner cares about us and shows it with actions, not words. Hormonal fluctuations of course will affect woman's libido too, but with a strong, loving and understanding partner, who can and does step up to give her a break and a breathing space to restart - she will manage it easier and will not shut that partner out. So do absolutely all the daily household chores every single day single handedly for a month. It'll do an absolute world of good for both of you. You have nothing to lose this way. Being on fab and cheating on her - you not only have everything to lose, but also could potentially hurt her so much - she will never be the same person again. Do you resent and hate her so much to be capable of hurting her in that way? Missus How could he possibly do 100% of domestic chores and everything else you suggest if he is working ? Most men work. I don’t think being on here is necessarily a bad thing either. Don’t judge. Find sex elsewhere if it’s not happening at home and enjoy the non sexual aspect to your relationship with your wife. You can be sad that your wife no longer wants sex but still love her and fulfil your sexual needs elsewhere. It’s her loss too that sexual intimacy gone but it is what it is. Life is short. Look after yourself. Maybe counselling might help but doing everything at home and very possibly not getting sex on top of that … not great " Oh I love the sexist nature of your reply - His wife probably has a full time job, children to look after and all the house work to do why shouldn’t he do it for a change !! | |||
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"Please give me advice. Also you cant give me advice because you don't know me" But it’s not the advice he wants to hear. Go and ride all round you OP, it’s the only logical thing to do | |||
"Take on 100% of domestic chores - decide what's for dinner and cook it, clean up after it too. Every single day for a few months. Be on top of all the laundry, ironing and putting it away too. Make sure no pubes are left behind after you wash yourself. Dust all surfaces and hoover all floors at least once every few days. Plan and execute all the grocery shopping. If you take on all of those daily chores and solely do them on your own without asking her how or intentionally fucking something up so you can escape the chore, be motivated to do them and not leave them till last minute - it'll give her more space to look after herself more, to take some peaceful "me" time, be it a nice walk outside, catching up with her friends, a visit to a spa or even getting her hair down. Give her at least month to find herself again. Then start taking her out on dates. Be creative, seduce her again, spend some quality time together. Win her over with your commitment and support. Women's libido doesn't start with sexy words and a dick pic. We want to feel safe and looked after. We want to feel like our partner cares about us and shows it with actions, not words. Hormonal fluctuations of course will affect woman's libido too, but with a strong, loving and understanding partner, who can and does step up to give her a break and a breathing space to restart - she will manage it easier and will not shut that partner out. So do absolutely all the daily household chores every single day single handedly for a month. It'll do an absolute world of good for both of you. You have nothing to lose this way. Being on fab and cheating on her - you not only have everything to lose, but also could potentially hurt her so much - she will never be the same person again. Do you resent and hate her so much to be capable of hurting her in that way? Missus " Best answer of the night | |||
"I have talked to her she was very dismissive of me Ah right, so you decided to join Fab and discuss the intimacies of your marriage publicly with a bunch of strangers He hasn't met anyone yet according to his profile and maybe he can't discuss it with anyone else so no harm to chat here in fairness if he has no other way It might help him sort out his marriage " Here wouldn’t be my first port of call for sorting a marriage | |||
"Sorry guys you can't comment on our situation as you don't know what it is I do the cooking and cleaning and shopping plus all the "male jobs" laundry and ironing is her jobs and I work in construction so no ironing of my cloths, I wonder if it was a woman butting up this chat in a forum what would the response be!!" I'm terribly confused.. why in the name of sweet suffering Jesus did you start this thread?? Clearly nobody knows your situation but you still felt the need to post about it here. My mind.. it's boggling.. | |||
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"I have talked to her she was very dismissive of me Ah right, so you decided to join Fab and discuss the intimacies of your marriage publicly with a bunch of strangers He hasn't met anyone yet according to his profile and maybe he can't discuss it with anyone else so no harm to chat here in fairness if he has no other way It might help him sort out his marriage Here wouldn’t be my first port of call for sorting a marriage " Absolutely but I'm just thinking of someone with literally no where to go but thinks this forum might help Not saying the op but just think its good to listen and sometimes talk and Where's the harm | |||
"I have talked to her she was very dismissive of me Ah right, so you decided to join Fab and discuss the intimacies of your marriage publicly with a bunch of strangers He hasn't met anyone yet according to his profile and maybe he can't discuss it with anyone else so no harm to chat here in fairness if he has no other way It might help him sort out his marriage Here wouldn’t be my first port of call for sorting a marriage Absolutely but I'm just thinking of someone with literally no where to go but thinks this forum might help Not saying the op but just think its good to listen and sometimes talk and Where's the harm " It kind of depends whats shared I guess. I agree an anonymous way to vent can be cathartic. But anonymous or not I do find the sharing of intimate details about partners who have no idea about the site and therefore no way to consent is a different thing. The OP obviously hasn't gone into detail so I dont mean him, but just referring to your point in general | |||
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"Any advice " get advice from a marriage counselor and see what the problem is. But joining fab isn't the answer. | |||
"Take on 100% of domestic chores - decide what's for dinner and cook it, clean up after it too. Every single day for a few months. Be on top of all the laundry, ironing and putting it away too. Make sure no pubes are left behind after you wash yourself. Dust all surfaces and hoover all floors at least once every few days. Plan and execute all the grocery shopping. If you take on all of those daily chores and solely do them on your own without asking her how or intentionally fucking something up so you can escape the chore, be motivated to do them and not leave them till last minute - it'll give her more space to look after herself more, to take some peaceful "me" time, be it a nice walk outside, catching up with her friends, a visit to a spa or even getting her hair down. Give her at least month to find herself again. Then start taking her out on dates. Be creative, seduce her again, spend some quality time together. Win her over with your commitment and support. Women's libido doesn't start with sexy words and a dick pic. We want to feel safe and looked after. We want to feel like our partner cares about us and shows it with actions, not words. Hormonal fluctuations of course will affect woman's libido too, but with a strong, loving and understanding partner, who can and does step up to give her a break and a breathing space to restart - she will manage it easier and will not shut that partner out. So do absolutely all the daily household chores every single day single handedly for a month. It'll do an absolute world of good for both of you. You have nothing to lose this way. Being on fab and cheating on her - you not only have everything to lose, but also could potentially hurt her so much - she will never be the same person again. Do you resent and hate her so much to be capable of hurting her in that way? Missus " Worst advice ever.. | |||
"Everyone's lived experience is unique and observing this thread, from the vantage point of a spare bedroom, I feel it goes to show how little those people who have not experienced this particular situation can understand about the dynamics of a relationship which functions in every other aspect but is void of sexual intimacy. (Also btw, anyone who has to have it pointed out that they need to do their fair share of the household chores, probably shouldn't have gotten into a domestic relationship in the first place and would be better off living a single life at home with their mammy. Such banal advice is at best redundant and at worst a bit too late to be of any real value in trying to remedy what was probably a relationship doomed to fail from the start). Very few relationship between two individuals can be perfect and as sex probably constitutes less than 0.5% of the total interactions between any cohabiting couple it is never going to be the most important or absolutely defining feature of any normal relationship. If everything else is working ok in a relationship then there are surely ways and means to sort out the 0.5% which may be causing a problem. Those that find themselves in the absolutely privileged place in their lives of not having the problem of a sexless relationship may indeed count their blessings but they are probably not best qualified to judge or give advice on something of which they have no personal experience. Perhaps the old adage applies that one should "walk a mile in my shoes", or more specifically "sleep for a year in my bed", before feeling comfortable to offer advice to those who are living the sad but true reality which the OP and many others experience in their ordinary everyday lives. My advice OP, for what it is worth, is to work hard at holding onto what you have. But if cheating is your only relief valve, pun intended, and you feel you can handle the pressure that the guilt and shame that comes with it inevitably brings, then grab whatever bit of happiness you can get from letting off the odd bit of steam with someone who is happy to share that part of your life with you." This is just a very long winded rational for cheating. I dont consider it cheating of the person being 'cheated on' knows. Cheating is cheating no matter what the reason. If you can live with that, going behind your loved one's back to fulfill a need in your relationship.....do it. But it is cheating. To me, it's always B&W. | |||
"Everyone's lived experience is unique and observing this thread, from the vantage point of a spare bedroom, I feel it goes to show how little those people who have not experienced this particular situation can understand about the dynamics of a relationship which functions in every other aspect but is void of sexual intimacy. (Also btw, anyone who has to have it pointed out that they need to do their fair share of the household chores, probably shouldn't have gotten into a domestic relationship in the first place and would be better off living a single life at home with their mammy. Such banal advice is at best redundant and at worst a bit too late to be of any real value in trying to remedy what was probably a relationship doomed to fail from the start). Very few relationship between two individuals can be perfect and as sex probably constitutes less than 0.5% of the total interactions between any cohabiting couple it is never going to be the most important or absolutely defining feature of any normal relationship. If everything else is working ok in a relationship then there are surely ways and means to sort out the 0.5% which may be causing a problem. Those that find themselves in the absolutely privileged place in their lives of not having the problem of a sexless relationship may indeed count their blessings but they are probably not best qualified to judge or give advice on something of which they have no personal experience. Perhaps the old adage applies that one should "walk a mile in my shoes", or more specifically "sleep for a year in my bed", before feeling comfortable to offer advice to those who are living the sad but true reality which the OP and many others experience in their ordinary everyday lives. My advice OP, for what it is worth, is to work hard at holding onto what you have. But if cheating is your only relief valve, pun intended, and you feel you can handle the pressure that the guilt and shame that comes with it inevitably brings, then grab whatever bit of happiness you can get from letting off the odd bit of steam with someone who is happy to share that part of your life with you. This is just a very long winded rational for cheating. I dont consider it cheating of the person being 'cheated on' knows. Cheating is cheating no matter what the reason. If you can live with that, going behind your loved one's back to fulfill a need in your relationship.....do it. But it is cheating. To me, it's always B&W. " 10000% It's funny how women agree that sometimes we just need to reset and have breathing space and to be looked after by our partners. That we need to see that our partners actually care about us and are willing to "sacrifice" some time out of their own life to pull us up when we're feeling down and put in some effort. All men's responses to my advice are either "fuck off, you're stupid, you don't know what you're talking about, I already do so much" (nah, buddy, your woman doesn't find you attractive enough to have sex with you, so obviously you arent doing enough of something somewhere outside the bedroom) or "Cheating is great" 🙄 Missus P.S. Obviously breaking up is the best option, when all hope is gone. At least give her a chance to maybe meet someone she's also attracted to in future instead of cheating? But I know it's too much to ask off some... Last but not least. Just from personal experience years ago... I had an ex, who's bedroom game just went to crap after a few years together. From an attentive, adventurous lover he turned into a two pump wonder, so having sex with him became more of a chore than something to enjoy. Many people become lazy in their sex lives when they end up in a committed monogamous relationship. No massages, no foreplay, finding the clit is too much effort.. I think most women would turn down that kind of sex if it was the only sex that a man had to offer for many years on end... (I don't know OP's situation. He never specified it. He just said he's bored. I don't know what "bored" means as there's always a million things to do around the house as well as new projects to start, dates to plan (with Dirk) as we do love constantly reconnecting and spending quality time in each other's company. I'm lucky to get to sit down some days, so the word "bored" is not in my vocabulary. | |||
"Any advice " Just be honest | |||
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"Nothing like a good fucking pile on. "Well, if you start a thread as vaguely as that and respond as silly as that...you'll probably have it coming. Look inward first at your own actions, your own attitude. You may be unlikely to do that honestly, so that's why many need professional help in doing so. | |||
"OP, this is a very common problem for bot men and women. It's also a problem that's isn't discussed enough in Ireland. The incidence of sexless marriages is huge, but hidden. Try posting this on the UK forum. You'll get very different responses than here. In Ireland there are cultural and moral influences which are obvious in many of the responses. I find , on the UK forum, you have a bigger audience, less moralising, and more considered practical suggestions. Best of luck. " I'd disagree, this is quite obviously a huge unsolved issue in the UK also. The British, like the Americans, are quite blasé about marriage. Hence, nearly 45% end in divorce. So unless you want that, they're unlikely to have answers for you. That's not really the kind of cultural or moral influence I'd personally be interested in if I had marriage issues that I honestly wanted to resolve. | |||
"OP, this is a very common problem for bot men and women. It's also a problem that's isn't discussed enough in Ireland. The incidence of sexless marriages is huge, but hidden. Try posting this on the UK forum. You'll get very different responses than here. In Ireland there are cultural and moral influences which are obvious in many of the responses. I find , on the UK forum, you have a bigger audience, less moralising, and more considered practical suggestions. Best of luck. " That really isn't true of any thread I've seen on the lounge. There is just as even a spread of people who condone and condem cheating on the UK forum, there are just more voices in general so its easier to filter out the ones you disagree with | |||
"OP, this is a very common problem for bot men and women. It's also a problem that's isn't discussed enough in Ireland. The incidence of sexless marriages is huge, but hidden. Try posting this on the UK forum. You'll get very different responses than here. In Ireland there are cultural and moral influences which are obvious in many of the responses. I find , on the UK forum, you have a bigger audience, less moralising, and more considered practical suggestions. Best of luck. " You must be reading a different lounge than I read because these posts get the exact same responses on there as here most of the time. OP you need to talk to your wife no one here can help you. Like others said maybe she finds the sex boring after so many years and can't be bothered anymore. Maybe she is exhausted and sex is the last thing on her mind .Maybe she doesn't feel sexy herself anymore maybe she doesn't find you sexy anymore. It could be stress it could be hormone based, there are lots of reasons and some can be fixed and some may take a lot of honest and non judgemental talk to help.Maybe even seeing a marriage therapist. But no one on here can actually help you. It's between you and your wife. | |||
"OP, this is a very common problem for bot men and women. It's also a problem that's isn't discussed enough in Ireland. The incidence of sexless marriages is huge, but hidden. Try posting this on the UK forum. You'll get very different responses than here. In Ireland there are cultural and moral influences which are obvious in many of the responses. I find , on the UK forum, you have a bigger audience, less moralising, and more considered practical suggestions. Best of luck. You must be reading a different lounge than I read because these posts get the exact same responses on there as here most of the time. OP you need to talk to your wife no one here can help you. Like others said maybe she finds the sex boring after so many years and can't be bothered anymore. Maybe she is exhausted and sex is the last thing on her mind .Maybe she doesn't feel sexy herself anymore maybe she doesn't find you sexy anymore. It could be stress it could be hormone based, there are lots of reasons and some can be fixed and some may take a lot of honest and non judgemental talk to help.Maybe even seeing a marriage therapist. But no one on here can actually help you. It's between you and your wife. " Agree 100% Everyone has an opinion, usually based on their own morals and life experiences. The earlier comment about 'walking a mile in their shoes' is very true, as is the personal circumstances in your relationship. I hope you have gained some help from the posts, but overall it is between you and your wife as previous post stated. One thing I will say, and I say it to any newbie guy or someone that hasn't met another for sex outside their marriage, whatever your reasons, once you have sex with someone else, you are a cheat. No ifs nor buts and no undoing it!! So think carefully what is more important in your life. | |||
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"Take on 100% of domestic chores - decide what's for dinner and cook it, clean up after it too. Every single day for a few months. Be on top of all the laundry, ironing and putting it away too. Make sure no pubes are left behind after you wash yourself. Dust all surfaces and hoover all floors at least once every few days. Plan and execute all the grocery shopping. If you take on all of those daily chores and solely do them on your own without asking her how or intentionally fucking something up so you can escape the chore, be motivated to do them and not leave them till last minute - it'll give her more space to look after herself more, to take some peaceful "me" time, be it a nice walk outside, catching up with her friends, a visit to a spa or even getting her hair down. Give her at least month to find herself again. Then start taking her out on dates. Be creative, seduce her again, spend some quality time together. Win her over with your commitment and support. Women's libido doesn't start with sexy words and a dick pic. We want to feel safe and looked after. We want to feel like our partner cares about us and shows it with actions, not words. Hormonal fluctuations of course will affect woman's libido too, but with a strong, loving and understanding partner, who can and does step up to give her a break and a breathing space to restart - she will manage it easier and will not shut that partner out. So do absolutely all the daily household chores every single day single handedly for a month. It'll do an absolute world of good for both of you. You have nothing to lose this way. Being on fab and cheating on her - you not only have everything to lose, but also could potentially hurt her so much - she will never be the same person again. Do you resent and hate her so much to be capable of hurting her in that way? Missus " Maybe he's doing all the Chores already ? As regards being here behind his wife's back isn't the answer either , its only kicking the can down the road , cheating isn't the way to solve anything , cheating is a decision, everyone is here for their own reasons so absolutely no judgement but if a marriage is Sexless it's Sexless for a reason , not the 1st guy to be in a Sexless marriage & won't be the last . | |||
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"Take on 100% of domestic chores - decide what's for dinner and cook it, clean up after it too. Every single day for a few months. Be on top of all the laundry, ironing and putting it away too. Make sure no pubes are left behind after you wash yourself. Dust all surfaces and hoover all floors at least once every few days. Plan and execute all the grocery shopping. If you take on all of those daily chores and solely do them on your own without asking her how or intentionally fucking something up so you can escape the chore, be motivated to do them and not leave them till last minute - it'll give her more space to look after herself more, to take some peaceful "me" time, be it a nice walk outside, catching up with her friends, a visit to a spa or even getting her hair down. Give her at least month to find herself again. Then start taking her out on dates. Be creative, seduce her again, spend some quality time together. Win her over with your commitment and support. Women's libido doesn't start with sexy words and a dick pic. We want to feel safe and looked after. We want to feel like our partner cares about us and shows it with actions, not words. Hormonal fluctuations of course will affect woman's libido too, but with a strong, loving and understanding partner, who can and does step up to give her a break and a breathing space to restart - she will manage it easier and will not shut that partner out. So do absolutely all the daily household chores every single day single handedly for a month. It'll do an absolute world of good for both of you. You have nothing to lose this way. Being on fab and cheating on her - you not only have everything to lose, but also could potentially hurt her so much - she will never be the same person again. Do you resent and hate her so much to be capable of hurting her in that way? Missus " Omg! This! For sure! Thank you Missus HC Cherry ❤️ | |||
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"First up, define sexless Is it 6 months- one year after a newborn baby? Is it non penetrative? Is there any oral or touching? Date night, dinner, drinks, night away. A date night can be staying at home trying new bed room things There should be 3 nights away (non negotiable) for couples every year Her birthday, his birthday and anniversary. However, too many women, once they become a mother that’s it, they forget to be a wife What’s worse, they expect their husband to fall in line and be accepting of that, which should not happen. Men crave intimacy and closeness as well So a difficult conversation needs to be had. You have to be open about it, even if it offends your wife/gf. There maybe something you don’t want to hear as well by the way. Too many times men and women are not honest/afraid to talk in case they offend They will respect you more for being honest. If they don’t, well at that stage it’s therapy then. " There is this "thing" in society amongst your average woman and in my opinion it's an epidemic that needs serious intervention. In most cases we see amongst friends an colleagues it's the woman that is the problem. This bulshit narrative like "he only wants one thing" so she provides zero intimacy in the relationship and not open to any discussion, or things like " I'm too tired" so she just sits on the couch in her pyjamas day after day, week after week. with no enthusiasm for their relationship. Women in society have normalised that behaviour. It is not normal and shouldn't be treated as so. Very rarely these people are victims. They're quite often the architect. | |||
"See alot of similar threads to this one on here, replies are always the same, but one thing I cam never understand is why are men or women in this situation doing on fab , what's the end game of them is it hoping to cheat on partners? If they find a situation where they get to meet someone on here are they going to tell partners of that ? I find this part baffling of it all tbh, pardon my ignorance. " Here for nsa sex. | |||
" Sexless marriage was less than once a month. " 9 times in 2025,nearly broke a record and got into double digits. An average of once ever 40 days/nights, kind of biblical | |||
"First up, define sexless Is it 6 months- one year after a newborn baby? Is it non penetrative? Is there any oral or touching? Date night, dinner, drinks, night away. A date night can be staying at home trying new bed room things There should be 3 nights away (non negotiable) for couples every year Her birthday, his birthday and anniversary. However, too many women, once they become a mother that’s it, they forget to be a wife What’s worse, they expect their husband to fall in line and be accepting of that, which should not happen. Men crave intimacy and closeness as well So a difficult conversation needs to be had. You have to be open about it, even if it offends your wife/gf. There maybe something you don’t want to hear as well by the way. Too many times men and women are not honest/afraid to talk in case they offend They will respect you more for being honest. If they don’t, well at that stage it’s therapy then. " Did I go to bed and waken up in the 1950s? 
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"Cheating is always an option of "last resort"." Nonsense. Plenty of people just enjoy a bit on the side | |||
"First up, define sexless Is it 6 months- one year after a newborn baby? Is it non penetrative? Is there any oral or touching? Date night, dinner, drinks, night away. A date night can be staying at home trying new bed room things There should be 3 nights away (non negotiable) for couples every year Her birthday, his birthday and anniversary. However, too many women, once they become a mother that’s it, they forget to be a wife What’s worse, they expect their husband to fall in line and be accepting of that, which should not happen. Men crave intimacy and closeness as well So a difficult conversation needs to be had. You have to be open about it, even if it offends your wife/gf. There maybe something you don’t want to hear as well by the way. Too many times men and women are not honest/afraid to talk in case they offend They will respect you more for being honest. If they don’t, well at that stage it’s therapy then. There is this "thing" in society amongst your average woman and in my opinion it's an epidemic that needs serious intervention. In most cases we see amongst friends an colleagues it's the woman that is the problem. This bulshit narrative like "he only wants one thing" so she provides zero intimacy in the relationship and not open to any discussion, or things like " I'm too tired" so she just sits on the couch in her pyjamas day after day, week after week. with no enthusiasm for their relationship. Women in society have normalised that behaviour. It is not normal and shouldn't be treated as so. Very rarely these people are victims. They're quite often the architect. " I'm not sure I know any woman who sits on the sofa in her pyjamas day after day, week after week. Certainly not in today's economic climate. But I do agree that the apportioning of blame solely on "the cheater" can be wide of the mark. My husband cheated. Was it solely his fault? I don't believe so. At that time I was in a new job working up to 16 hour night shifts - sometimes 6 nights a week - for the best part of a year after we were got married. I was exhausted. I had no time or energy for me let alone us. We rarely saw each other and communicated by Post-It note. The day I asked him to leave, I didn't even have the energy to fight to save our marriage and, looking back, by that time he had lost the will. I don't blame either of us for anything other than not tackling it sooner. But I say all this with the benefit of 25 years of hindsight. It's rarely black and white. I think when a failing marriage is picked apart there are often a myriad of behaviours on BOTH sides, a multitude of micro-resentments that have built up and become insurmountable in the heads of each partner. Confronting those problems takes one to be brave AND the other to be open and receptive. For many, and for various reasons, it can feel easier not to face uncomfortable truths | |||
" I'm not sure I know any woman who sits on the sofa in her pyjamas day after day, week after week. Certainly not in today's economic climate. But I do agree that the apportioning of blame solely on "the cheater" can be wide of the mark. My husband cheated. Was it solely his fault? I don't believe so. At that time I was in a new job working up to 16 hour night shifts - sometimes 6 nights a week - for the best part of a year after we were got married. I was exhausted. I had no time or energy for me let alone us. We rarely saw each other and communicated by Post-It note. The day I asked him to leave, I didn't even have the energy to fight to save our marriage and, looking back, by that time he had lost the will. I don't blame either of us for anything other than not tackling it sooner. But I say all this with the benefit of 25 years of hindsight. It's rarely black and white. I think when a failing marriage is picked apart there are often a myriad of behaviours on BOTH sides, a multitude of micro-resentments that have built up and become insurmountable in the heads of each partner. Confronting those problems takes one to be brave AND the other to be open and receptive. For many, and for various reasons, it can feel easier not to face uncomfortable truths" That's a really good post!..You are spot on regarding: "Confronting those problems takes one to be brave AND the other to be open and receptive". Too often there isn't the level of communication in relationships to do this and more often, the other half is not receptive and turns defensive. It's a cliché at this stage, but communication is massive and requires both parties. | |||
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"Take on 100% of domestic chores - decide what's for dinner and cook it, clean up after it too. Every single day for a few months. Be on top of all the laundry, ironing and putting it away too. Make sure no pubes are left behind after you wash yourself. Dust all surfaces and hoover all floors at least once every few days. Plan and execute all the grocery shopping. If you take on all of those daily chores and solely do them on your own without asking her how or intentionally fucking something up so you can escape the chore, be motivated to do them and not leave them till last minute - it'll give her more space to look after herself more, to take some peaceful "me" time, be it a nice walk outside, catching up with her friends, a visit to a spa or even getting her hair down. Give her at least month to find herself again. Then start taking her out on dates. Be creative, seduce her again, spend some quality time together. Win her over with your commitment and support. Women's libido doesn't start with sexy words and a dick pic. We want to feel safe and looked after. We want to feel like our partner cares about us and shows it with actions, not words. Hormonal fluctuations of course will affect woman's libido too, but with a strong, loving and understanding partner, who can and does step up to give her a break and a breathing space to restart - she will manage it easier and will not shut that partner out. So do absolutely all the daily household chores every single day single handedly for a month. It'll do an absolute world of good for both of you. You have nothing to lose this way. Being on fab and cheating on her - you not only have everything to lose, but also could potentially hurt her so much - she will never be the same person again. Do you resent and hate her so much to be capable of hurting her in that way? Missus How could he possibly do 100% of domestic chores and everything else you suggest if he is working ? Most men work. I don’t think being on here is necessarily a bad thing either. Don’t judge. Find sex elsewhere if it’s not happening at home and enjoy the non sexual aspect to your relationship with your wife. You can be sad that your wife no longer wants sex but still love her and fulfil your sexual needs elsewhere. It’s her loss too that sexual intimacy gone but it is what it is. Life is short. Look after yourself. Maybe counselling might help but doing everything at home and very possibly not getting sex on top of that … not great Oh I love the sexist nature of your reply - His wife probably has a full time job, children to look after and all the house work to do why shouldn’t he do it for a change !! " I really hope that last comment was sarcastic and you haven't completely missed the irony of your initial comment where you assume the woman was doing the domestic chores to begin with | |||
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"Advising to have a difficult conversation/opening up is hardly 1950s thinking " "However, too many women, once they become a mother that’s it, they forget to be a wife What’s worse, they expect their husband to fall in line and be accepting of that, which should not happen" I was referring to this. Also the 3 nights away on set dates with no negotiation is a little...prescriptive. | |||
"Are these threads genuine or just an attempt to increase traffic to their profile. Why would anyone seek advice about their private life on fab, I am perplexed more and more by life each day! " Why not its an open forum I know in my case I've never told anyone of my circumstances It was a lot easier to talk and discuss issues on here with strangers Now some of those strangers are really good friends in real life and not just fab life I've never used real issues like that to drive traffic to my profile I just wanted help | |||
"Are these threads genuine or just an attempt to increase traffic to their profile. Why would anyone seek advice about their private life on fab, I am perplexed more and more by life each day! " Why not? Id suggest fab has a lot of experience in this area. We are a lot more tolerant here to cheating than most people in everyday life are though. I guess because some of us perceive that we have something to gain from tolerating it. | |||
"Take on 100% of domestic chores - decide what's for dinner and cook it, clean up after it too. Every single day for a few months. Be on top of all the laundry, ironing and putting it away too. Make sure no pubes are left behind after you wash yourself. Dust all surfaces and hoover all floors at least once every few days. Plan and execute all the grocery shopping. If you take on all of those daily chores and solely do them on your own without asking her how or intentionally fucking something up so you can escape the chore, be motivated to do them and not leave them till last minute - it'll give her more space to look after herself more, to take some peaceful "me" time, be it a nice walk outside, catching up with her friends, a visit to a spa or even getting her hair down. Give her at least month to find herself again. Then start taking her out on dates. Be creative, seduce her again, spend some quality time together. Win her over with your commitment and support. Women's libido doesn't start with sexy words and a dick pic. We want to feel safe and looked after. We want to feel like our partner cares about us and shows it with actions, not words. Hormonal fluctuations of course will affect woman's libido too, but with a strong, loving and understanding partner, who can and does step up to give her a break and a breathing space to restart - she will manage it easier and will not shut that partner out. So do absolutely all the daily household chores every single day single handedly for a month. It'll do an absolute world of good for both of you. You have nothing to lose this way. Being on fab and cheating on her - you not only have everything to lose, but also could potentially hurt her so much - she will never be the same person again. Do you resent and hate her so much to be capable of hurting her in that way? Missus " This !!👍 Love it !! SPOT ON!! Best advice ever...& so so true😉 | |||
"Any advice " Without reading all the replies cause there's been so many, your sexless marriage will be different to mine, and different everybody else that comments here. I left my marriage because I felt it was the right thing to do for both of us and so far it's proved to be the right decision. That doesn't mean that's the right decision for you. Being on here will only prolong the inevitable and possibly cause lots of unnecessary extra hurt along the way if you're found out. My advice is to talk to her, ask her how she feels and be prepared to hear some stuff that hurts. Then send me her number | |||
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"Advising to have a difficult conversation/opening up is hardly 1950s thinking "However, too many women, once they become a mother that’s it, they forget to be a wife What’s worse, they expect their husband to fall in line and be accepting of that, which should not happen" I was referring to this. Also the 3 nights away on set dates with no negotiation is a little...prescriptive. " Ah get you sorry. Just to say, this is my opinion based on what I’ve seen/see, I have no intention of insulting anyone or offending. Just healthy debate. It’s a modern problem though. I know friends and family who are going through/gone through this. The first 6-12 months is fine as so much changes and a man should accept that. It’s after that then. Where a baby is in creche (usually after 12/14 months) parents are back to a routine, life semi normal, there should be a return to some form of intimacy. Where both husband and wife are working similar hours (9-5) with similar levels of normal job stress commute etc, there is no excuse for non intimacy. Both parents are tired and both working. I think a conversation with OPs wife is better than a conversation here that’s for sure. You won’t know, other half may be wanting to try some thing new as they don’t feel themselves anymore and something new might help them reconnect the “fun me” Date night once a month/twice if the baby is good to sleep and you have good babysitters (Americanism I know) will help Spending time as a family as well, I know it’s corny, but a good Saturday or Sunday trip will go a long way. It will release happy hormones. Harder to do that in winter when weather is shite. The 3 nights away may be prescriptive but when there’s children, I’m afraid organised fun comes into it. Can’t just say on a Thursday- will we go away tomorrow or Saturday night, try organise grandparents/aunt/babysitter etc Plus, on top of this, given cost of hotels, organised fun away becomes necessary 3 nights based around birthdays and anniversary is a pretty decent offering. If I was offered to go away for my birthday for a night of “us time” I would be thrilled. Have yee tried shopping for lingerie together? I’m not talking Penny’s or shein, proper nice lingerie where she will feel a million dollars. Pour moi lingerie, again expensive but if she picked a few outfits and you buy one so it’s a surprise which one she’s getting. Have you thought about maybe a spa present for her so she can bring a friend or her sister A voucher for a restaurant she loves that she could use with her friends for girls night. I know these are expensive things and also that those last 2 suggestions don’t involve you OP, but they are thoughtful things and again, makes her feel like herself again. Sometimes gotta think outside the box (excuse the pun) | |||
"Advising to have a difficult conversation/opening up is hardly 1950s thinking "However, too many women, once they become a mother that’s it, they forget to be a wife What’s worse, they expect their husband to fall in line and be accepting of that, which should not happen" I was referring to this. Also the 3 nights away on set dates with no negotiation is a little...prescriptive. Ah get you sorry. Just to say, this is my opinion based on what I’ve seen/see, I have no intention of insulting anyone or offending. Just healthy debate. It’s a modern problem though. I know friends and family who are going through/gone through this. The first 6-12 months is fine as so much changes and a man should accept that. It’s after that then. Where a baby is in creche (usually after 12/14 months) parents are back to a routine, life semi normal, there should be a return to some form of intimacy. Where both husband and wife are working similar hours (9-5) with similar levels of normal job stress commute etc, there is no excuse for non intimacy. Both parents are tired and both working. I think a conversation with OPs wife is better than a conversation here that’s for sure. You won’t know, other half may be wanting to try some thing new as they don’t feel themselves anymore and something new might help them reconnect the “fun me” Date night once a month/twice if the baby is good to sleep and you have good babysitters (Americanism I know) will help Spending time as a family as well, I know it’s corny, but a good Saturday or Sunday trip will go a long way. It will release happy hormones. Harder to do that in winter when weather is shite. The 3 nights away may be prescriptive but when there’s children, I’m afraid organised fun comes into it. Can’t just say on a Thursday- will we go away tomorrow or Saturday night, try organise grandparents/aunt/babysitter etc Plus, on top of this, given cost of hotels, organised fun away becomes necessary 3 nights based around birthdays and anniversary is a pretty decent offering. If I was offered to go away for my birthday for a night of “us time” I would be thrilled. Have yee tried shopping for lingerie together? I’m not talking Penny’s or shein, proper nice lingerie where she will feel a million dollars. Pour moi lingerie, again expensive but if she picked a few outfits and you buy one so it’s a surprise which one she’s getting. Have you thought about maybe a spa present for her so she can bring a friend or her sister A voucher for a restaurant she loves that she could use with her friends for girls night. I know these are expensive things and also that those last 2 suggestions don’t involve you OP, but they are thoughtful things and again, makes her feel like herself again. Sometimes gotta think outside the box (excuse the pun) " I don't necessarily agree on a lot of your points (or maybe it's just a delivery/language thing) but appreciate the gist of what you're saying and that it's coming from a good place  | |||
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"To summarise the suggestions so far that seem reasonable…. Have a conversation with your wife Make a decision on whether having a sexless marriage is enough to walk away A couple of debatable suggestions Purchase her more gifts, lingerie, trips away The laughable ones… Do all the chores A question for the group. Is there anything that OPs wife can do to improve this situation ?? Or is this all on the OP? " In fairness how can anyone know? It's a problem presented from one perspective only. One would hope that open, honest and receptive communication between them would highlight areas to work on for both parties. Communication isn't effective if it's one way so, by default, it requires the involvement of both. There are several references in the posts above to deciding together, working on it together, the requirement for one to be brave and the other receptive. These all presume both being involved, not just the OP. What would you suggest she does, given the limited information provided? | |||
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"It's very eye opening to see how women actually understand where my point is coming from and men find it laughable with a touch of "go and take a short hike off a hill". I'm one of the unfortunate ones, who got their menopause medically induced about 20 years too early. I know first hand how it changes your body and mental health. Constant brain fog, weight gain and loss, headaches, lethargy, joint and bone pain, vaginal dryness, mood swings, hot flushes, headaches, depression, anxiety.... on a daily. Yah, women have it easy and should make sure to pleasure their man on a regular to make sure he's satisfied 🙄 otherwise he's fully justified to fuck off and cheat 🫠 Just goes to show how little some men care to understand and support their partners. Missus " That's all well and good, but as a couple they need to discuss and communicate this. Which probably needs to be led by her. Some of the women prefer your point because that's the easy option. Nowhere in it did you mention her responsibility to communicate with her husband about what she is going through. Most women expect the man to just know what she's going through. Even worse many women would discuss this with their friends, or colleagues before ever discussing it with their partner. This happens all the time and its totally unacceptable! I dont accept the whole narrative that a man should know, understand and stay quite and the woman has no part to play, the simple innocent women. Now that's 1950s! | |||
"So if a woman decides that she's got everything she wanted in life Marriage, kids, health,decent job, good lifestyle but no longer wants sex and doesn't want the marriage to end why should it be down to the man to walk away from everything he wanted and worked for too. No matter how many times the subject of sex is raised its not discussed and its very very lonely sharing a bed with someone that gives you no comfort or companionship Should the man end up broke in a small flat just to do the right thing or stay in what looks like a great life Fuck away everything....family, friends, comfort , money Should he just use a sex worker every now and then Without cheating what the hell can he do " Are you speaking from your own experience/situation by any chance? | |||
"It's very eye opening to see how women actually understand where my point is coming from and men find it laughable with a touch of "go and take a short hike off a hill". I'm one of the unfortunate ones, who got their menopause medically induced about 20 years too early. I know first hand how it changes your body and mental health. Constant brain fog, weight gain and loss, headaches, lethargy, joint and bone pain, vaginal dryness, mood swings, hot flushes, headaches, depression, anxiety.... on a daily. Yah, women have it easy and should make sure to pleasure their man on a regular to make sure he's satisfied 🙄 otherwise he's fully justified to fuck off and cheat 🫠 Just goes to show how little some men care to understand and support their partners. Missus " After all that lived experience, your only advice is to do all the chores and clean up a few beard hairs? | |||
"So if a woman decides that she's got everything she wanted in life Marriage, kids, health,decent job, good lifestyle but no longer wants sex and doesn't want the marriage to end why should it be down to the man to walk away from everything he wanted and worked for too. No matter how many times the subject of sex is raised its not discussed and its very very lonely sharing a bed with someone that gives you no comfort or companionship Should the man end up broke in a small flat just to do the right thing or stay in what looks like a great life Fuck away everything....family, friends, comfort , money Should he just use a sex worker every now and then Without cheating what the hell can he do " Too often the relationship is looked at from the woman's perspective. Some women like to portray a facade of modern, confident women. But in your scenario above when the women no longer wants sex the acceptable attitude is that she's an innocent little woman and the guilt is on the man. In my opinion, in this situation, that woman is failing her husband and failing their marriage! But society and women will revert back to old school when it suits them. | |||
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"It's very eye opening to see how women actually understand where my point is coming from and men find it laughable with a touch of "go and take a short hike off a hill". I'm one of the unfortunate ones, who got their menopause medically induced about 20 years too early. I know first hand how it changes your body and mental health. Constant brain fog, weight gain and loss, headaches, lethargy, joint and bone pain, vaginal dryness, mood swings, hot flushes, headaches, depression, anxiety.... on a daily. Yah, women have it easy and should make sure to pleasure their man on a regular to make sure he's satisfied 🙄 otherwise he's fully justified to fuck off and cheat 🫠 Just goes to show how little some men care to understand and support their partners. Missus That's all well and good, but as a couple they need to discuss and communicate this. Which probably needs to be led by her. Some of the women prefer your point because that's the easy option. Nowhere in it did you mention her responsibility to communicate with her husband about what she is going through. Most women expect the man to just know what she's going through. Even worse many women would discuss this with their friends, or colleagues before ever discussing it with their partner. This happens all the time and its totally unacceptable! I dont accept the whole narrative that a man should know, understand and stay quite and the woman has no part to play, the simple innocent women. Now that's 1950s! " 100% there should be a rational discussion between both parties and a compromised agreement of some kind should be made. That said menopause wasn't discovered yesterday, so two adults getting into a relationship should expect that it will eventually happen sooner or later. Helping your significant other a little and giving them some space to breathe and find themselves again shouldn't be a massive task if you truly love and care for the person. The worst symptoms do eventually calm down. Pregnancy brings a massive shift in woman's hormones too and it comes with similar symptoms, it is also temporary (granted, shorter than the actual menopause), but everyone is understanding, compassionate and happy to accommodate that 🤷♀️ I never once said that once the menopause hit - that's it, a husband should become some sexless chore master for the rest of his days. All I said was: just like any other medical shift in anyone's life - menopause shouldn't be brushed off as "she suddenly became a frigid psycho, so I'll go find sex elsewhere". Yes, communication is key, but many women are still too shy to talk about it with their partners too as they get treated by them as if "aaah ball and chain is nagging me about something". You would bring your partner some chicken soup if they had a cold. You would bring them a bouquet of flowers and a get well soon card if they were in a hospital with a broken leg. How is caring for someone you're in a commited relationship with, who is going through a menopause any different? Missus | |||
"It's very eye opening to see how women actually understand where my point is coming from and men find it laughable with a touch of "go and take a short hike off a hill". I'm one of the unfortunate ones, who got their menopause medically induced about 20 years too early. I know first hand how it changes your body and mental health. Constant brain fog, weight gain and loss, headaches, lethargy, joint and bone pain, vaginal dryness, mood swings, hot flushes, headaches, depression, anxiety.... on a daily. Yah, women have it easy and should make sure to pleasure their man on a regular to make sure he's satisfied 🙄 otherwise he's fully justified to fuck off and cheat 🫠 Just goes to show how little some men care to understand and support their partners. Missus After all that lived experience, your only advice is to do all the chores and clean up a few beard hairs?" You see what you choose to see in my advice. What it meant was give her space to find herself and her confidence again. What you heard was "clean your beard hairs". Prime example of when a woman communicates something directly and clearly with provided examples and a man choosing to cherrypick a specific point out of context and throw it back in her face by diminishing what she's actually saying. Missus | |||
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"It's very eye opening to see how women actually understand where my point is coming from and men find it laughable with a touch of "go and take a short hike off a hill". I'm one of the unfortunate ones, who got their menopause medically induced about 20 years too early. I know first hand how it changes your body and mental health. Constant brain fog, weight gain and loss, headaches, lethargy, joint and bone pain, vaginal dryness, mood swings, hot flushes, headaches, depression, anxiety.... on a daily. Yah, women have it easy and should make sure to pleasure their man on a regular to make sure he's satisfied 🙄 otherwise he's fully justified to fuck off and cheat 🫠 Just goes to show how little some men care to understand and support their partners. Missus That's all well and good, but as a couple they need to discuss and communicate this. Which probably needs to be led by her. Some of the women prefer your point because that's the easy option. Nowhere in it did you mention her responsibility to communicate with her husband about what she is going through. Most women expect the man to just know what she's going through. Even worse many women would discuss this with their friends, or colleagues before ever discussing it with their partner. This happens all the time and its totally unacceptable! I dont accept the whole narrative that a man should know, understand and stay quite and the woman has no part to play, the simple innocent women. Now that's 1950s! 100% there should be a rational discussion between both parties and a compromised agreement of some kind should be made. That said menopause wasn't discovered yesterday, so two adults getting into a relationship should expect that it will eventually happen sooner or later. Helping your significant other a little and giving them some space to breathe and find themselves again shouldn't be a massive task if you truly love and care for the person. The worst symptoms do eventually calm down. Pregnancy brings a massive shift in woman's hormones too and it comes with similar symptoms, it is also temporary (granted, shorter than the actual menopause), but everyone is understanding, compassionate and happy to accommodate that 🤷♀️ I never once said that once the menopause hit - that's it, a husband should become some sexless chore master for the rest of his days. All I said was: just like any other medical shift in anyone's life - menopause shouldn't be brushed off as "she suddenly became a frigid psycho, so I'll go find sex elsewhere". Yes, communication is key, but many women are still too shy to talk about it with their partners too as they get treated by them as if "aaah ball and chain is nagging me about something". You would bring your partner some chicken soup if they had a cold. You would bring them a bouquet of flowers and a get well soon card if they were in a hospital with a broken leg. How is caring for someone you're in a commited relationship with, who is going through a menopause any different? Missus " Agree 💯 | |||
"I ain't taking on the rest of the chores. I already pay all the bills, do 90% of the cooking, my own ironing, all the outside work, 50% of the cleaning of house and kids homework n taxi service. Where's the quid pro quo? Do every household task for a month? Go take a running jump off a short cliff face would ya. Some women have it too fucking easy in my opinion and to deny sexual intimacy on top of that is the bitter pill many guys are swallowing. Time to stand up for ourselves and say we both got into this family life and we both need to pull our weight but mostly, we both deserve to reap the benefits and be able to enjoy our time together. Ranting with beer! In case ye were wondering "I think if a person's starting point is that they deserve to have sex (if that's what you meant by reaping the rewards or quid pro quo) then they're already on a hiding to nothing. No-one "deserves" to be intimate with another. Who the hell wants a duty fuck anyway? Framing it as being denied intimacy implies something intentional when often it's far from it - it's a symptom of something else, or many things. I'll say it again, a failing marriage - however it manifests itself - is rarely simple. There's one side of the story, the other side of the story and the truth lies somewhere in between. Unless there's willingness to meet each other in this middle ground, accept that both had a part to play in getting to that point, and a genuine desire to rebuild, I don't think things can move forward. The return of intimacy is only a small part of that. | |||
"I ain't taking on the rest of the chores. I already pay all the bills, do 90% of the cooking, my own ironing, all the outside work, 50% of the cleaning of house and kids homework n taxi service. Where's the quid pro quo? Do every household task for a month? Go take a running jump off a short cliff face would ya. Some women have it too fucking easy in my opinion and to deny sexual intimacy on top of that is the bitter pill many guys are swallowing. Time to stand up for ourselves and say we both got into this family life and we both need to pull our weight but mostly, we both deserve to reap the benefits and be able to enjoy our time together. Ranting with beer! In case ye were wondering
I think if a person's starting point is that they deserve to have sex (if that's what you meant by reaping the rewards or quid pro quo) then they're already on a hiding to nothing. No-one "deserves" to be intimate with another. Who the hell wants a duty fuck anyway?
Framing it as being denied intimacy implies something intentional when often it's far from it - it's a symptom of something else, or many things.
I'll say it again, a failing marriage - however it manifests itself - is rarely simple. There's one side of the story, the other side of the story and the truth lies somewhere in between. Unless there's willingness to meet each other in this middle ground, accept that both had a part to play in getting to that point, and a genuine desire to rebuild, I don't think things can move forward. The return of intimacy is only a small part of that."Very well said | |||
" A question for the group. Is there anything that OPs wife can do to improve this situation ?? Or is this all on the OP? " Of course, but she's not reading the thread so there isn't much point giving her advice here | |||
"Take on 100% of domestic chores - decide what's for dinner and cook it, clean up after it too. Every single day for a few months. Be on top of all the laundry, ironing and putting it away too. Make sure no pubes are left behind after you wash yourself. Dust all surfaces and hoover all floors at least once every few days. Plan and execute all the grocery shopping. If you take on all of those daily chores and solely do them on your own without asking her how or intentionally fucking something up so you can escape the chore, be motivated to do them and not leave them till last minute - it'll give her more space to look after herself more, to take some peaceful "me" time, be it a nice walk outside, catching up with her friends, a visit to a spa or even getting her hair down. Give her at least month to find herself again. Then start taking her out on dates. Be creative, seduce her again, spend some quality time together. Win her over with your commitment and support. Women's libido doesn't start with sexy words and a dick pic. We want to feel safe and looked after. We want to feel like our partner cares about us and shows it with actions, not words. Hormonal fluctuations of course will affect woman's libido too, but with a strong, loving and understanding partner, who can and does step up to give her a break and a breathing space to restart - she will manage it easier and will not shut that partner out. So do absolutely all the daily household chores every single day single handedly for a month. It'll do an absolute world of good for both of you. You have nothing to lose this way. Being on fab and cheating on her - you not only have everything to lose, but also could potentially hurt her so much - she will never be the same person again. Do you resent and hate her so much to be capable of hurting her in that way? Missus " Hmm. This sounds like a trap. | |||
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"Take on 100% of domestic chores - decide what's for dinner and cook it, clean up after it too. Every single day for a few months. Be on top of all the laundry, ironing and putting it away too. Make sure no pubes are left behind after you wash yourself. Dust all surfaces and hoover all floors at least once every few days. Plan and execute all the grocery shopping. If you take on all of those daily chores and solely do them on your own without asking her how or intentionally fucking something up so you can escape the chore, be motivated to do them and not leave them till last minute - it'll give her more space to look after herself more, to take some peaceful "me" time, be it a nice walk outside, catching up with her friends, a visit to a spa or even getting her hair down. Give her at least month to find herself again. Then start taking her out on dates. Be creative, seduce her again, spend some quality time together. Win her over with your commitment and support. Women's libido doesn't start with sexy words and a dick pic. We want to feel safe and looked after. We want to feel like our partner cares about us and shows it with actions, not words. Hormonal fluctuations of course will affect woman's libido too, but with a strong, loving and understanding partner, who can and does step up to give her a break and a breathing space to restart - she will manage it easier and will not shut that partner out. So do absolutely all the daily household chores every single day single handedly for a month. It'll do an absolute world of good for both of you. You have nothing to lose this way. Being on fab and cheating on her - you not only have everything to lose, but also could potentially hurt her so much - she will never be the same person again. Do you resent and hate her so much to be capable of hurting her in that way? Missus " This | |||
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"End the marriage. It's an option." Buddy my advice is end the marriage or fix it somehow Don’t cheat | |||
"I have talked to her she was very dismissive of me Ah right, so you decided to join Fab and discuss the intimacies of your marriage publicly with a bunch of strangers" Well fab is strangers been intimate AND discussing intimate things,acts,desires with a BUNCH OF STRANGERS.!! Glass houses | |||
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"Get a degree in Ironing, Dishwashering lol, Hoovering and a full licence to drive the Washing Machine, be able to operate independently on your own without anyone beside you. If you get a degree in the above, do the extra year to earn a Masters in cooking, if you want to go all in Donnie Brasco, do a bit of baking. " Buy a bunch of flowers.... Bollox! I did all that and more, perhaps it was my thick head that ruined it. If your not happy, call time - the alternative is to find a way to make it work. Try having a conversation and asking what's wrong. | |||
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"Advising to have a difficult conversation/opening up is hardly 1950s thinking "However, too many women, once they become a mother that’s it, they forget to be a wife What’s worse, they expect their husband to fall in line and be accepting of that, which should not happen" I was referring to this. Also the 3 nights away on set dates with no negotiation is a little...prescriptive. Ah get you sorry. Just to say, this is my opinion based on what I’ve seen/see, I have no intention of insulting anyone or offending. Just healthy debate. It’s a modern problem though. I know friends and family who are going through/gone through this. The first 6-12 months is fine as so much changes and a man should accept that. It’s after that then. Where a baby is in creche (usually after 12/14 months) parents are back to a routine, life semi normal, there should be a return to some form of intimacy. Where both husband and wife are working similar hours (9-5) with similar levels of normal job stress commute etc, there is no excuse for non intimacy. Both parents are tired and both working. I think a conversation with OPs wife is better than a conversation here that’s for sure. You won’t know, other half may be wanting to try some thing new as they don’t feel themselves anymore and something new might help them reconnect the “fun me” Date night once a month/twice if the baby is good to sleep and you have good babysitters (Americanism I know) will help Spending time as a family as well, I know it’s corny, but a good Saturday or Sunday trip will go a long way. It will release happy hormones. Harder to do that in winter when weather is shite. The 3 nights away may be prescriptive but when there’s children, I’m afraid organised fun comes into it. Can’t just say on a Thursday- will we go away tomorrow or Saturday night, try organise grandparents/aunt/babysitter etc Plus, on top of this, given cost of hotels, organised fun away becomes necessary 3 nights based around birthdays and anniversary is a pretty decent offering. If I was offered to go away for my birthday for a night of “us time” I would be thrilled. Have yee tried shopping for lingerie together? I’m not talking Penny’s or shein, proper nice lingerie where she will feel a million dollars. Pour moi lingerie, again expensive but if she picked a few outfits and you buy one so it’s a surprise which one she’s getting. Have you thought about maybe a spa present for her so she can bring a friend or her sister A voucher for a restaurant she loves that she could use with her friends for girls night. I know these are expensive things and also that those last 2 suggestions don’t involve you OP, but they are thoughtful things and again, makes her feel like herself again. Sometimes gotta think outside the box (excuse the pun) " | |||
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"I have talked to her she was very dismissive of me Ah right, so you decided to join Fab and discuss the intimacies of your marriage publicly with a bunch of strangers" Very judgemental. Sometimes it's easier to open up to and talk to a stranger at a bus stop than to talk to people who you know. Would you say the same about a person who decides to ask for advice about being depressed or suicidal on here because they feel they can't talk to a partner about it. People need to pipe down with their judgement or don't respond at all | |||
" Fantastic reply. If you are that deeply unhappy no matter the complications you should open up to her about you feel or leave ! " I think some people take the approach making life decisions are as easy if you've talked about it and not happy, just leave. These people probably struggle to decide on what they want to order for dinner. | |||
"Everyone's lived experience is unique and observing this thread, from the vantage point of a spare bedroom, I feel it goes to show how little those people who have not experienced this particular situation can understand about the dynamics of a relationship which functions in every other aspect but is void of sexual intimacy. (Also btw, anyone who has to have it pointed out that they need to do their fair share of the household chores, probably shouldn't have gotten into a domestic relationship in the first place and would be better off living a single life at home with their mammy. Such banal advice is at best redundant and at worst a bit too late to be of any real value in trying to remedy what was probably a relationship doomed to fail from the start). Very few relationship between two individuals can be perfect and as sex probably constitutes less than 0.5% of the total interactions between any cohabiting couple it is never going to be the most important or absolutely defining feature of any normal relationship. If everything else is working ok in a relationship then there are surely ways and means to sort out the 0.5% which may be causing a problem. Those that find themselves in the absolutely privileged place in their lives of not having the problem of a sexless relationship may indeed count their blessings but they are probably not best qualified to judge or give advice on something of which they have no personal experience. Perhaps the old adage applies that one should "walk a mile in my shoes", or more specifically "sleep for a year in my bed", before feeling comfortable to offer advice to those who are living the sad but true reality which the OP and many others experience in their ordinary everyday lives. My advice OP, for what it is worth, is to work hard at holding onto what you have. But if cheating is your only relief valve, pun intended, and you feel you can handle the pressure that the guilt and shame that comes with it inevitably brings, then grab whatever bit of happiness you can get from letting off the odd bit of steam with someone who is happy to share that part of your life with you." Where is this 0.5% data coming from 😂😂 | |||
"I ain't taking on the rest of the chores. I already pay all the bills, do 90% of the cooking, my own ironing, all the outside work, 50% of the cleaning of house and kids homework n taxi service. Where's the quid pro quo? Do every household task for a month? Go take a running jump off a short cliff face would ya. Some women have it too fucking easy in my opinion and to deny sexual intimacy on top of that is the bitter pill many guys are swallowing. Time to stand up for ourselves and say we both got into this family life and we both need to pull our weight but mostly, we both deserve to reap the benefits and be able to enjoy our time together. Ranting with beer! In case ye were wondering " | |||
"Any advice " divorce | |||
"I have talked to her she was very dismissive of me Ah right, so you decided to join Fab and discuss the intimacies of your marriage publicly with a bunch of strangers Well fab is strangers been intimate AND discussing intimate things,acts,desires with a BUNCH OF STRANGERS.!! Glass houses "true babe | |||
"Everyone's lived experience is unique and observing this thread, from the vantage point of a spare bedroom, I feel it goes to show how little those people who have not experienced this particular situation can understand about the dynamics of a relationship which functions in every other aspect but is void of sexual intimacy. (Also btw, anyone who has to have it pointed out that they need to do their fair share of the household chores, probably shouldn't have gotten into a domestic relationship in the first place and would be better off living a single life at home with their mammy. Such banal advice is at best redundant and at worst a bit too late to be of any real value in trying to remedy what was probably a relationship doomed to fail from the start). Very few relationship between two individuals can be perfect and as sex probably constitutes less than 0.5% of the total interactions between any cohabiting couple it is never going to be the most important or absolutely defining feature of any normal relationship. If everything else is working ok in a relationship then there are surely ways and means to sort out the 0.5% which may be causing a problem. Those that find themselves in the absolutely privileged place in their lives of not having the problem of a sexless relationship may indeed count their blessings but they are probably not best qualified to judge or give advice on something of which they have no personal experience. Perhaps the old adage applies that one should "walk a mile in my shoes", or more specifically "sleep for a year in my bed", before feeling comfortable to offer advice to those who are living the sad but true reality which the OP and many others experience in their ordinary everyday lives. My advice OP, for what it is worth, is to work hard at holding onto what you have. But if cheating is your only relief valve, pun intended, and you feel you can handle the pressure that the guilt and shame that comes with it inevitably brings, then grab whatever bit of happiness you can get from letting off the odd bit of steam with someone who is happy to share that part of your life with you. Where is this 0.5% data coming from 😂😂" ..... Various international studies suggest that co-habiting couples engage in sexual activity on average for approximately 15 minutes once per week which is 0.15% of the total time in a week. If you allow for sleep, work, commuting, meals, and other family activity the average percentage of time engaged in sexual activity equates to approximately 0.5% of the time available. | |||
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"Get a grip, you only have one life , why spend it miserable and asking strangers what should you do? grow a pair! " Forum for discussion and possibly good advice. Up to readers on how to act on any suggestions. No need for your questioning of such  | |||
"Get a grip, you only have one life , why spend it miserable and asking strangers what should you do? grow a pair! Forum for discussion and possibly good advice. Up to readers on how to act on any suggestions. No need for your questioning of such "Just to add, it's often not one life, it's your partners and possibly multiple children's lives that all these decisions affect, so perhaps consider all these factors before your blasé response. Nice pics though  | |||
"Do all the chores??? Seriously.. All chores should be equally done between both of you. It's not like a crash diet then all goes back to the way it was What I would say is talk it over with her , tell her how u feel , listen to how she feels Act on a resolve Support one another . Be there for each other Not all relationships are the same what works for doesn't necessarily work for another Don't let chores and kids and life in general take over. Make time for each other . " 100% this, however it’s very disheartening when one half wants to be supportive but left constantly shut out. Communication is key and needs to be two way, even if you have different sexual desires, keeping secrets and hiding them from each other just causes more issues and distance between you grows further. | |||
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"There are multiple factors involved in these situations. Most are common, though. To be 100% clear, I love my wife. But I can count on one hand how many times she will have sex with me in a given year. Our kids pregnancies and births took a big toll on her. To the extent she was terrified of getting pregnant again. It started with the classics... too tired, headache, need to get up early. Then it just turned to outright arguments over only wanting her for sex. By the time menopause came around everything was just 'wrong' with me. She couldn't sleep because I was too warm beside her, I breathed too loud, I moved too much, touched off her too much, woke her if I got up pee, moaned or talked in my sleep, snored... I sleep in the spare room now. Regular day to day stuff is good between us. But sex genuinely does not enter her head. It's the same with doing shit around the house or this time of year, stuff out side the house. I help out and do whatever is needed, but it's just never enough or not right. It's her way or the highway. But I know it's all just a distraction for her to not face up to the reality of our situation. I've tried to have "The Talk" about it numerous times with her. But it's an utter waste of time and just ends in an even bigger fight and more resentment. She is just never at fault and will not take ANY accountability, end of story. I've simply come to terms with it at this stage. When she feels the need to have sex, I'm here. But initiation is entirely on her at this stage. I just can't be dealing with the inevitable fight if I initiate anymore because it just means it definitely won't happen for weeks more again. I mean! What gives her the right to make me in an Incel. It's just selfish and quite frankly, Cuntish! At one point it really affected my mental health. Caused a real rift between us for about a year. It took all I had to come to terms with my situation and pull myself out if that rut. Whatever about our future down the line, I have no intention of leaving my kids. I fully intend to get them out into the World, my own wants be damned. So I'll suck it up, keep on truckin' and hopefully find something elsewhere from time to time when I need it." Have you every discussed you getting a vasectomy and her getting help with menopause, HRT etc. Probably solve a lot of your problems. Again the main issue in most of these cases is everybody consumed with their own wants, and a complete lack of open communication. | |||
"Anon4322, I feel your pain. Utterly heartbreaking way to live. Keep going, there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Your eyes will ache along the way but they will see soothe once you pass the tunnel. " Ah the sweet embrace of death | |||
"Anon4322, I feel your pain. Utterly heartbreaking way to live. Keep going, there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Your eyes will ache along the way but they will see soothe once you pass the tunnel. Ah the sweet embrace of death" Stay out of the light .....whos thinking of the little woman in Poltergeist | |||
"Anon4322, I feel your pain. Utterly heartbreaking way to live. Keep going, there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Your eyes will ache along the way but they will see soothe once you pass the tunnel. Ah the sweet embrace of death Stay out of the light .....whos thinking of the little woman in Poltergeist "Was she married? | |||
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"Anon4322, I feel your pain. Utterly heartbreaking way to live. Keep going, there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Your eyes will ache along the way but they will see soothe once you pass the tunnel. " 🤣🤣🤣 Fuck my life...!!! As for getting a vasectomy. I offered, she bawked and said I was overreacting. HRT... I've begged her to go see her doctor. She simply won't. Convinced she can manage it it with what she eats and tgevright supplements. For the most part she's actually right. She is managing it to her satisfaction, but I'm not even a blip on her radar regarding it. She is a tragically strong willed woman, which was one of the things that attracted me to her in the first. But as time passed it has become her need for total control over everything. Gaslighting, emotional manipulation, even straight up bullying... whatever it takes to just win, whether right or wrong. It's taken a huge effort, but I just don't engage anymore when I see it coming. It's the reaction she wants so I can be accused of being aggressive and a narcissist. | |||
"There are multiple factors involved in these situations. Most are common, though. ... Again the main issue in most of these cases is everybody consumed with their own wants, and a complete lack of open communication." Communication is always a mirror to the overall health of a relationship, but it's absolutely unfair to say things "always" break down because 'everyone' involved is acting out of self interest. Sometimes communication dries up just like intimacy! Relationships are always evolving and changing, and that's a good thing, but sometimes you don't realise until it's way too late that all your efforts to be supportive and take the load and give her space have been misinterpreted as enthusiastic participation in a more platonic new relationship dynamic. | |||
"Anon4322, I feel your pain. Utterly heartbreaking way to live. Keep going, there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Your eyes will ache along the way but they will see soothe once you pass the tunnel. 🤣🤣🤣 Fuck my life...!!! As for getting a vasectomy. I offered, she bawked and said I was overreacting. HRT... I've begged her to go see her doctor. She simply won't. Convinced she can manage it it with what she eats and tgevright supplements. For the most part she's actually right. She is managing it to her satisfaction, but I'm not even a blip on her radar regarding it. She is a tragically strong willed woman, which was one of the things that attracted me to her in the first. But as time passed it has become her need for total control over everything. Gaslighting, emotional manipulation, even straight up bullying... whatever it takes to just win, whether right or wrong. It's taken a huge effort, but I just don't engage anymore when I see it coming. It's the reaction she wants so I can be accused of being aggressive and a narcissist." This is scary. How do your kids cope with the gaslighting, bullying, manipulation etc? Surely they can see what she is doing to you? | |||
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"Oh! They do." I'm not sure what your living situation is, but you guys need the fuck out of there. The whole "staying together for the kids" thing can be damaging in even otherwise good situations. If they are living in a toxic environment that would be a bit fucking nope from me. | |||
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"There are multiple factors involved in these situations. Most are common, though. To be 100% clear, I love my wife. But I can count on one hand how many times she will have sex with me in a given year. ❤️❤️ Our kids pregnancies and births took a big toll on her. To the extent she was terrified of getting pregnant again. It started with the classics... too tired, headache, need to get up early. Then it just turned to outright arguments over only wanting her for sex. By the time menopause came around everything was just 'wrong' with me. She couldn't sleep because I was too warm beside her, I breathed too loud, I moved too much, touched off her too much, woke her if I got up pee, moaned or talked in my sleep, snored... I sleep in the spare room now. Regular day to day stuff is good between us. But sex genuinely does not enter her head. It's the same with doing shit around the house or this time of year, stuff out side the house. I help out and do whatever is needed, but it's just never enough or not right. It's her way or the highway. But I know it's all just a distraction for her to not face up to the reality of our situation. I've tried to have "The Talk" about it numerous times with her. But it's an utter waste of time and just ends in an even bigger fight and more resentment. She is just never at fault and will not take ANY accountability, end of story. I've simply come to terms with it at this stage. When she feels the need to have sex, I'm here. But initiation is entirely on her at this stage. I just can't be dealing with the inevitable fight if I initiate anymore because it just means it definitely won't happen for weeks more again. I mean! What gives her the right to make me in an Incel. It's just selfish and quite frankly, Cuntish! At one point it really affected my mental health. Caused a real rift between us for about a year. It took all I had to come to terms with my situation and pull myself out if that rut. Whatever about our future down the line, I have no intention of leaving my kids. I fully intend to get them out into the World, my own wants be damned. So I'll suck it up, keep on truckin' and hopefully find something elsewhere from time to time when I need it." | |||
"Oh! They do. I'm not sure what your living situation is, but you guys need the fuck out of there. The whole "staying together for the kids" thing can be damaging in even otherwise good situations. If they are living in a toxic environment that would be a bit fucking nope from me." Exactly this. Your kids, whatever age, see what's going on. Regardless of what happens they will not thank you for staying together just for them. It will work against you. And believe me, as someone who rarely sees their kids, it's shit. | |||
"Get a grip, you only have one life , why spend it miserable and asking strangers what should you do? grow a pair! " EXACTLY! 🥳 | |||
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