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Things not to say on your first social coffee with someone
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"I heard a guy had a condom on the table when his date arrived 
I tried that once. She said it would have been even better if it hadn't been a used one.  "
But we are meant to recycle everything these days |
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"I heard a guy had a condom on the table when his date arrived
I tried that once. She said it would have been even better if it hadn't been a used one.
But we are meant to recycle everything these days "
Don't think it qualifies as reduce, reuse, recycle - if it did, the greens would of created a quango strategy to make recommendations for viability as part of the sustainable plan entitled...
Jobs for the boys! |
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By *og-Man OP Man 4 weeks ago
somewhere |
"Your making a big big mistake not fucking me....
(Actually happened recently, and everyone knows how telling someone that will change their mind straight away 🤣🤣)"
You told me you wouldn't tell anyone
 |
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"Your making a big big mistake not fucking me....
(Actually happened recently, and everyone knows how telling someone that will change their mind straight away 🤣🤣)
You told me you wouldn't tell anyone
"
Ffs, how unlucky must she be to have two of us say the exact same thing to her? |
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The worst has to be the accidental slip of the tongue that can happen so innocently but can be quite hard to row back from.
I was having a coffee with the missus the other day when one of those happened. The cream was over on her side of the table and I went to ask her to pass it over but had one of those moments where it comes out all wrong.
Instead of saying "can you pass me the sugar darling?" as I intended to say, I accidently said...
"you fucking bitch, you've ruined my life!".
Oh how we laughed! |
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'Oh Miss -------- it's lovely to finally sit by your side,
Seeing you in the flesh, you're much more than a ride,
Your maned tresses are sexy and your eyes they are stunning,
Not forgetting your smile, I'm so happy I'm grinning....
Oh Eddie be silent, forget all of that,
Look under the table where my booty is sat,
Feast on my calves and tongueable thighs 'neath my dress,
Can you see where the 8 incher's hidden, please guess!
I think I can see - is it pulsating your pussy?
I wish I could make it vibrate till your Juicy,
Good news for you Eddie, it's battery operated,
If I give you control can you stroke till I'm sated?
No problem Miss Pussy, please pass the BOB knob,
Slide your loins wider so I can see when you throb,
Oh Eddie this sure is a fun way to meet,
You can stop if you want to, or my honey might seep'
💋
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So, what's your body count?
Me hole is still in tatters.
Your titties look smaller in real life.
What age did you say you are? I usually only fuck younger women.
I don't really believe in foreplay - just batter straight in.
Can you sit a bit closer? I don't want everyone knowing I'm having a wank.
WTF is going on with the world these days? I'm on my 4th therapist this year!
Fab is shite! I'm 6'7", hung like a donkey, my ma reckons I'm handsome, I send out 58 messages a day, not including the repeat dick pics, but just because I'm too busy to go to a meet, or any events, I can't even get a poxy reply! Oh woe is me.
Hey, remember me? I offered you good money for your worn knickers, you never replied?
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"Are we done here? My next one has just arrived "
Someone told me years ago about meeting a woman for coffee round the corner from where he worked and during the day he had to pass that coffee shop 3 or 4 more times when running errands from work.
Every time he passed the window that woman was sitting at the same table meeting with a different guy from he had met her at 10am until shortly after 4pm. |
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"Are we done here? My next one has just arrived
Someone told me years ago about meeting a woman for coffee round the corner from where he worked and during the day he had to pass that coffee shop 3 or 4 more times when running errands from work.
Every time he passed the window that woman was sitting at the same table meeting with a different guy from he had met her at 10am until shortly after 4pm."
I'd have to be on decaff 🤣 otherwise who knows what could happen 🤣 |
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"Are we done here? My next one has just arrived
Someone told me years ago about meeting a woman for coffee round the corner from where he worked and during the day he had to pass that coffee shop 3 or 4 more times when running errands from work.
Every time he passed the window that woman was sitting at the same table meeting with a different guy from he had met her at 10am until shortly after 4pm.
I'd have to be on decaff 🤣 otherwise who knows what could happen 🤣"
Tena pants? |
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"Are we done here? My next one has just arrived
Someone told me years ago about meeting a woman for coffee round the corner from where he worked and during the day he had to pass that coffee shop 3 or 4 more times when running errands from work.
Every time he passed the window that woman was sitting at the same table meeting with a different guy from he had met her at 10am until shortly after 4pm.
I'd have to be on decaff 🤣 otherwise who knows what could happen 🤣
Tena pants? "
Table dancing in my underwear more like...
Ya cheeky fecker |
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"Have ya any sisters?
I took a bluey an hour ago and have a blanket in the back of me transit.
"
I was told once by a guy he'd drive his van to the coffee meet because he had a mattress in the back. |
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"Have ya any sisters?
I took a bluey an hour ago and have a blanket in the back of me transit.
I was told once by a guy he'd drive his van to the coffee meet because he had a mattress in the back."
He might’ve been trying to sell you the mattress |
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"Have ya any sisters?
I took a bluey an hour ago and have a blanket in the back of me transit.
I was told once by a guy he'd drive his van to the coffee meet because he had a mattress in the back."
It wasn't Mattressmick by any chance.  |
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"Do I play ▶️ any games ?
Sure , loads
I play hurling , soccer ⚽️ and a bit of golf ⛳️.
Sometimes in a crowded room I'll suggest we turn out the lights ✨️ and play "who's in my mouth" "
Reminds me of a party I was at with our soccer team and the wives and girlfriends "interviewed us" with some sexually orientated questions to embarrass us.
They asked one lad "What's your favourite position?"
Quick as a flash he responded "centre forward" |
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By *om365483Man 4 weeks ago
Dungannon/Belfast/Donegal |
"I've my mickey out under the table, do you wanna feel?"
Something tells me you took a look under the table, pointed and laughed until you wet yourself. Eventually saying I’ve seen bigger cocktail sausages than that. Note to self, should really stop doing that at socials. It’s just too embarrassing!!! |
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