FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Divorce and separation - Ireland
Divorce and separation - Ireland
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By *om TangoMan 2 weeks ago
Tedavnet Co.Monaghan |
You may add me. Wouldn’t say I’m going through a difficult time but it’s all ahead of me. Will be 2 years separated this September so as far as I know I can go for a separate. All advice would be welcome |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Been there and done that. But here's a few tips.
1 keep a record of all financial transactions, if you are supporting your ex financially do it through bank transfer or revolut.
2 any letters from solicitors that has "Without Prejudice" cannot be used in court. They are simply a way for solicitors to get mire money from both parties. Tell them you will not entertain theses letters.
3 If you have a community property, you will not be able to get anything out of it until kids have finished tertiary education.
4 General rule of thumb for dividing up assets after divorce is 2/3s and 1/3 in favour of who looks after kids mostly.
5 in most cases the man will be asked what his mortgage capacity is, it helps the judge make his final decision.
6 solicitors are the only ones who make money out of a divorce. It helps if you and your ex can come to an amicable arrangement prior to going to solicitors.
Hope these help you guys. Mine was an amicable divorce back in 2012 but still cost us € 80k. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"This group is for people who are going through a difficult time and simply want someone to talk to — without judgment 😊"
All l will say it there are no winners when something like that happens, it sets you back enormously , everything you once had is gone & your time if there's kids involved is seriously reduced.
People maybe have their own take on things but thats mine ,l lived it & did not find it pretty in anyway. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I've been through this and it was incredibly difficult, but just to say things get easier over time and your life will return to a normality. Stand tall through it, be honest, but stand up for yourself and your happiness. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Twice divorced first one was a long process because he wouldn't respond but in the end it meant I basically got what I asked for and the second he took care of everything, reading the previous messages I feel very lucky |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Haven't married yet any willing participants lol. I would like to get it right if I do but I would imagine easier said then done.
Okay now I'm leaving this thread where I really don't belong lol  "
Sorry but I honestly can't understand why you'd say that on this thread.. of course we all wanted to get it right, but sh!t happens. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *aseylee324Couple 7 days ago
Valley of Squinting Windows |
"Been there and done that. But here's a few tips.
1 keep a record of all financial transactions, if you are supporting your ex financially do it through bank transfer or revolut.
2 any letters from solicitors that has "Without Prejudice" cannot be used in court. They are simply a way for solicitors to get mire money from both parties. Tell them you will not entertain theses letters.
3 If you have a community property, you will not be able to get anything out of it until kids have finished tertiary education.
4 General rule of thumb for dividing up assets after divorce is 2/3s and 1/3 in favour of who looks after kids mostly.
5 in most cases the man will be asked what his mortgage capacity is, it helps the judge make his final decision.
6 solicitors are the only ones who make money out of a divorce. It helps if you and your ex can come to an amicable arrangement prior to going to solicitors.
Hope these help you guys. Mine was an amicable divorce back in 2012 but still cost us € 80k."
How does an amicable divorce cost 80k 14 years ago?
L |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Not an easy experience to navigate especially if you've kids. My experience was challenging but after a few tough and painful years we have all come out of it relatively intact and have a decent relationship now.
Only advice I'd offer is that money and property while important are not worth the loss of your decency and that the other person will continue to be your children's other parent. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *hantomfemmeWoman 7 days ago
Sligo/Galway/limerick depends on the day |
Been there done that. Finalised last yr but tbh we r better off as friends. Married stupid and young. Lived separate lives as he worked over seasm problems started when ilhe got a job closer to home. Separation and divorces can be as difficult as you make them. But stick to wat u believe in. Dont juat agree for a easier life. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I would have never imagined that so many people are going through this. I made this forum randomly and honestly didn’t expect so many replies.
Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences. It makes me realise that I’m not alone ❤️
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"This group is for people who are going through a difficult time and simply want someone to talk to — without judgment 😊"
I'm nearly 2 years separated after herself deciding she was gay after 23 years together |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I would have never imagined that so many people are going through this. I made this forum randomly and honestly didn’t expect so many replies.
Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences. It makes me realise that I’m not alone ❤️
"
Approx 1 in 6 marriages here end in divorce. There are many hundreds of thousands of people who have gone through this.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Divorced 3 years. And as a previous person said , ""only solicitors make money in divorce"". That statement is a fact.
Both parties are emotionally drained by the end of it, and just want it done ✔️ and dusted. The twoing and froing with stupid letters and correspondence between the solicitors is just a money racket. They literally couldn't give a fu£k who gets what. They'll still be sitting on their own couch 🛋 at 19.30 watching eastenders.
Best bit of advice for anyone is try and go to a mediator. I know its hard and there's grievences but you gotta try.
My solicitors and barristers fees alone was €12,000. Paid €10,500 cash i believe in the end.
So ya, head up, document everything. Makes yourself out to be an apsulte pauper eating pot noodles 🍜 everyday and hope and pray 🙏 you get a decent judge.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Can I ask did you think it was going to be amicable and it just turned into a shit show between the two of ye
Did the solicitors make it a shit show
Does everyone get bitter towards the other side if there's a no fault divorce
Just grew apart |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Would completely agree with the advice here of using mediation before going to a solicitor. You can save a lot of money using the free services provided, come out with an agreement and use that agreement to legally separate/divorce. I onoy spent about 3500 getting divorced going this route.
Its a long hard road regardless of how you do it, my best advice would be to mind yourself and go to therapy if you can so you have someone objective to talk to.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Currently going through separation. We done the marriage counselling which broke down.
We done a few mediation sessions but this also broke down when I offered a fair deal but the other person wanted more.
We are currently using solicitors but nothing seems to be happening.
We have 2 teenage kids and I am happy to accept less than “half” to ensure the kids are looked after and less hassle for them.
Communication has completely broken down between us and it’s only WhatsApp message to communicate.
Can we go back to mediation ?
Any advise as to try and get an agreement without it actually costing us a bloody fortune ?
Thanks. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Currently going through separation. We done the marriage counselling which broke down.
We done a few mediation sessions but this also broke down when I offered a fair deal but the other person wanted more.
We are currently using solicitors but nothing seems to be happening.
We have 2 teenage kids and I am happy to accept less than “half” to ensure the kids are looked after and less hassle for them.
Communication has completely broken down between us and it’s only WhatsApp message to communicate.
Can we go back to mediation ?
Any advise as to try and get an agreement without it actually costing us a bloody fortune ?
Thanks. "
Im fairly certain you can go back to mediation if both parties are willing to engage again. Give them a ring. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
The only winner in divorces is solicitors. Family member went through a divorce started off as amicable as can be expected then went to a completely shit show with lawyers. Now both out the other side and both agree the cat and mouse scenario the lawyers caused. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Currently going through separation. We done the marriage counselling which broke down.
We done a few mediation sessions but this also broke down when I offered a fair deal but the other person wanted more.
We are currently using solicitors but nothing seems to be happening.
We have 2 teenage kids and I am happy to accept less than “half” to ensure the kids are looked after and less hassle for them.
Communication has completely broken down between us and it’s only WhatsApp message to communicate.
Can we go back to mediation ?
Any advise as to try and get an agreement without it actually costing us a bloody fortune ?
Thanks. "
You can go back to mediation, but that's at the discretion of your ex who could just say no. At the end of the day you are better off with an agreement, but it's not necessary to get the divorce. You could just let the judge decide for you. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"The only winner in divorces is solicitors. Family member went through a divorce started off as amicable as can be expected then went to a completely shit show with lawyers. Now both out the other side and both agree the cat and mouse scenario the lawyers caused. "
It takes a very strong person to say no to a solilcitor who is telling the individual they can "get more" than they are being offered. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Can I ask did you think it was going to be amicable and it just turned into a shit show between the two of ye
Did the solicitors make it a shit show
Does everyone get bitter towards the other side if there's a no fault divorce
Just grew apart "
Hi Bog,
In my case we separated during lockdown 2. There was very little mediation we could do at the time. But I do remember from the start the solicitors just kept saying yer done ✔️ its over , forget it move on all that stuff. We didnt even no about mediation or marriage counselling. I 100000% think the solicitors made everything worse. Shur we were in court in like 5 minutes for kid access and just steam rolled from there. 5.5 years on you'd always kinda think what may of happened had we not of been in lockdown but look theres no point looking back. We get on great for our daughter , after years of realising it was solicitors pulling us apart from each other, and not us. So be wide, and be careful guys. All a money 💰 racket. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Been there and done that. But here's a few tips.
1 keep a record of all financial transactions, if you are supporting your ex financially do it through bank transfer or revolut.
2 any letters from solicitors that has "Without Prejudice" cannot be used in court. They are simply a way for solicitors to get mire money from both parties. Tell them you will not entertain theses letters.
3 If you have a community property, you will not be able to get anything out of it until kids have finished tertiary education.
4 General rule of thumb for dividing up assets after divorce is 2/3s and 1/3 in favour of who looks after kids mostly.
5 in most cases the man will be asked what his mortgage capacity is, it helps the judge make his final decision.
6 solicitors are the only ones who make money out of a divorce. It helps if you and your ex can come to an amicable arrangement prior to going to solicitors.
Hope these help you guys. Mine was an amicable divorce back in 2012 but still cost us € 80k.
How does an amicable divorce cost 80k 14 years ago?
L"
Solicitors, solicitors,  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Can I ask did you think it was going to be amicable and it just turned into a shit show between the two of ye
Did the solicitors make it a shit show
Does everyone get bitter towards the other side if there's a no fault divorce
Just grew apart "
In my case , it was her solicitors that told her she would get it all and she went for it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
It was a very long and taxing process here.
Lack of engagement, co-operation and communication from one side made it so much more difficult.
Can't turn the clocks back but have definitely learnt from it.
Finally out the other side here...so there is hope if you're going through this x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I’ve gone through divorce and I can say it’s a very draining process and exhausting. A lot of nasty stuff and going from living with my wife and kids to absolutely nothing is devastating. The worst thing for me, was not being able to go into my children at night and say good night and give them a kiss good night. However, they are older now and every time we see each other, the first thing we do is give each other a hug and say hello. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
You just need to deal with one day at a time. Whatever your estimates are for elapsed time and cost, it will always be more than you had planned. Most solicitors will try to make the process contentious, so they can make more money. The final outcome is unpredictable, and depends on the judge you get assigned more than anything, and can even come down to whether they’ve had a bad day or not.
Also important to note is the process never really becomes final even with the stamped Separation Agreement or Divorce Decree - either party can come back for additional bits of the apple regardless of how much time has passed, especially if financial circumstances have changed. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I ended a 20 plus year marriage in 2012, there are no winners here, what is of importance is any children, their wellbeing and stability. I have 3 well adjusted youngish adults now and share business interests still with my x. It can be done, no need for this war of the roses shite, if ye built wealth together split it fairly and carry on. Best of luck. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Been there and done that. But here's a few tips.
1 keep a record of all financial transactions, if you are supporting your ex financially do it through bank transfer or revolut.
2 any letters from solicitors that has "Without Prejudice" cannot be used in court. They are simply a way for solicitors to get mire money from both parties. Tell them you will not entertain theses letters.
3 If you have a community property, you will not be able to get anything out of it until kids have finished tertiary education.
4 General rule of thumb for dividing up assets after divorce is 2/3s and 1/3 in favour of who looks after kids mostly.
5 in most cases the man will be asked what his mortgage capacity is, it helps the judge make his final decision.
6 solicitors are the only ones who make money out of a divorce. It helps if you and your ex can come to an amicable arrangement prior to going to solicitors.
Hope these help you guys. Mine was an amicable divorce back in 2012 but still cost us € 80k."
This is good advice. If the legal profession know you have money they will drag it out ie property. If you are down the country and the legal profession say we can adjourned to Dublin as Dublin Circuit court sits 5 days a week you will have to pay travel expenses. If the case goes beyond 5pm the legal profession get a refresher fee. During long vacation August and September there are 2 sittings in August and September in Dublin Circuit Court but as it is vacation they can charge a higher fee as it is vacation.
I am happily married unfortunately my wife has Multiple sclerosis. And you are all wondering why I am here and so am I.
The best thing a couple can do is be mature and accept that the relationship is over. Just go to a coffee shop and have a civil chat. Work it out between you if you can. If you can't talk go to mediation but be careful the legal profession are moving into mediation.
The legal forms are not difficult to fill out. The staff in Dublin office were very helpful but the volume of applications is huge.
Another note down the country in the circuits they don't sit on the Monday as the Judge has to travel! The real reason is the legal profession want to be in the High Court on Mondays for the motion lists.
There are a number of consultations rooms in Dublin and in other court buildings, they are free you should not be charged for these.
Always asked for a full breakdown of the fees you are charged. Keep a diary and don't be ringing solicitor he/she will charge you.
If you are not happy with fees discuss with solicitor if you can't agree asked Courts to go to taxation which is were Dublin County Registrar will go through all fees and decide what is allowed or not.
If you have Senior Counsel you will be charged more.
There are lot of DIY divorces who can help with forms. I think the forms are on Courts webpage. There are no court fees in family law.
You need a civil bill. Hope this helps |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I would have never imagined that so many people are going through this. I made this forum randomly and honestly didn’t expect so many replies.
Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences. It makes me realise that I’m not alone ❤️
"
Youre not alone x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I’ve gone through divorce and I can say it’s a very draining process and exhausting. A lot of nasty stuff and going from living with my wife and kids to absolutely nothing is devastating. The worst thing for me, was not being able to go into my children at night and say good night and give them a kiss good night. However, they are older now and every time we see each other, the first thing we do is give each other a hug and say hello."
This hit hard with me, when I moved out that first night when I came home to my “new home” and closed that door behind me, knowing that nobody was coming in that door for the night and all you have is silence in the house where once all you could hear was laughter of children is very hard. It was without doubht the hardest night of my life but slowly it gets easier and now when I pull up to my ex’s house to collect the kids and I see their excitement that I’m there just confirms it was the right decision. You take a backseat when there are kids involved and once they are happy is all that matters really. They did not ask to be brought into these kinds of messes so all you can do is give them the best form of yourself going forward and once they know they are loved they will figure out the rest. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Just want to say that it doesn't always descend into hell.
I'm a co-parent of two kids in equal custody.
We have good boundaries and respect each other's differences as parent and we put the kids first in every decision. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Been separated 6 years now not one day I've regretted and as for marriage for me it's nothing but a fools game granted some last but most ends in tears and a massive dent in your pocket so no thank you I certainly don't need a piece of paper to prove my love for someone they either love me or they don't simples |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Been separated 6 years now not one day I've regretted and as for marriage for me it's nothing but a fools game granted some last but most ends in tears and a massive dent in your pocket so no thank you I certainly don't need a piece of paper to prove my love for someone they either love me or they don't simples "
You're so wrong.. most do not end in tears. And actually, I'd guess that the majority that do end, don't end in tears either. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Been separated 6 years now not one day I've regretted and as for marriage for me it's nothing but a fools game granted some last but most ends in tears and a massive dent in your pocket so no thank you I certainly don't need a piece of paper to prove my love for someone they either love me or they don't simples
You're so wrong.. most do not end in tears. And actually, I'd guess that the majority that do end, don't end in tears either."
Why am I wrong never have I heard a relationship ending where both parties are happy about it 10 years of mental abuse says you're the one that is wrong |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I (kitty) was married 21 years separated 11 years ago..3 kids that's he didn't support from the day he left the home.. I did my divorce myself with the help of a divorce company. He didn't detest anything. It took me about 6 months and in total I think it cost me about 1,000..
It was very stress free.. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"In the middle of Court as I type....such a horrible stressful balancing act time when have kids together too. "
Court is not nice i went through that.
Dicorced 11 years my saving grace was ww both had houses so their was nothing to split just sort out time with kids.
Stay strong and talk about it to a close freind |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I (kitty) was married 21 years separated 11 years ago..3 kids that's he didn't support from the day he left the home.. I did my divorce myself with the help of a divorce company. He didn't detest anything. It took me about 6 months and in total I think it cost me about 1,000..
It was very stress free.."
I'm sorry but I have absolutely zero time for any guy that doesn't support his kids I'll be damned to allow anyone stop me from supporting my kids in the end of the day he is very much the reason as you are that the kids exist today I'm sick to death of guys not stepping up taking responsibility whatever happens between a relationship you don't abandon your kids pure selfishness is what that is just sad there's guys out there that are like this how the hell they look at themselves in the mirror and be ok with that is beyond me😳 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *adJennyWoman 4 days ago
Cougar Village |
Celebrating 10 year divorce anniversary this year.
Divorce from hell, cost 5k because why not 🙄the dear ex husband threw everything at me, think of the worst he done it.
He’s happily moved on to wifey Nr 3.
And I have happily moved on to here
Only advice I would give anyone going through divorce separation, if kids are involved, keep their best interest at all time, your private life make it more private.
That’s just my two cents.
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
10 months into the divorce process itself and still not there yet. Poor engagement and communication, a couple of solicitor changes on her side and then numerous requests for extensions and delays, and now doesn't agree with what we originally agreed to in mediation.
I've aged about 10 years in the last 2 years. Very stressful. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Focused on the kids and put everything else to one side. We had done counselling but was too late and things where not going to improve. We are friends today and we can sit down for cuppa in public places. We're two adults who share two kids and that's it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
What an amazing tread! Thank you everyone for sharing.
I'm heading to family court in two weeks with a barrister, I am hoping to obtain the rights to bring my child on holiday.
In time, maybe he can spend weekends with me. It's seems pretty reasonable too me, but I am bias.
I can't afford a legal battle, so I won't go there.
I won't see a cent of what I gave to her while we lived together.
I was a fool, who was in love and that's me.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Celebrating 10 year divorce anniversary this year.
Divorce from hell, cost 5k because why not 🙄the dear ex husband threw everything at me, think of the worst he done it.
He’s happily moved on to wifey Nr 3.
And I have happily moved on to here
Only advice I would give anyone going through divorce separation, if kids are involved, keep their best interest at all time, your private life make it more private.
That’s just my two cents.
"
Well your two cents is a very valuable two cents .💪👊 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
