FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > A daily ponder: What do we gain from being mean? 🤔
A daily ponder: What do we gain from being mean? 🤔
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This is a bit of heavier post. Just feeling in a bit of a philosophical mood at the moment 🙃
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We all judge and Fab is of course rife with strong opinions on a variety of topics. Generally speaking however, I often wonder this:
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What do we actually get out of being negatively judgemental and acerbic towards others?
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Does it bring you joy or some sort of inner fulfillment or simply a dopamine hit to verbally and emotionally trounce other people?
Does it make you feel better about yourself to insult and lord over people you perceive to be lesser?
Open to all discussions of course but genuinely curious to hear from those of us who may think and act out in harsher and more aggressive ways:
What's your motivation when you make snide remarks or casually dish out criticisms? Do you think about what you're doing/saying and how it might affect the other human beings you're dealing with? |
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Brilliant post. Loving it. Many years ago have been guilty of acerbic posts in response on old single profile and regretted immediately as was negative energy primarily damaging myself and of course others. I apologised after the event to others privately. But after life experiences have learnt its not worth it to be negative... its essentially short term gain long term pain... i mean yes you might boost your ego temporarily or boost your "fab friends" egos but does that really matter to the long term happiness of YOU and others??? Ask yourselves WHY do i do it. Is this really helping anyone .. both here and in real life!
Love and LIGHT to all  |
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Its a difficult question to answer in such broad and vague terms.
I think we all have different internal barometers for when comments seem out of order, or when judgement is negative.
And we have all grown into different types of communication from the environments we were raised in and our life experiences.
Im not sure if you solely mean people who are clearly just trolling or as a broader view on interactions here?
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"Its a difficult question to answer in such broad and vague terms.
I think we all have different internal barometers for when comments seem out of order, or when judgement is negative.
And we have all grown into different types of communication from the environments we were raised in and our life experiences.
Im not sure if you solely mean people who are clearly just trolling or as a broader view on interactions here?
"
Oh there's certainly a broad spectrum of behaviour but there is certainly objectively harsh and negative communication, of which we're all guilty of at some stage.
I think trolling is a specific topic in itself as that's repetitive, willful behaviour and expectant of backlash - it's kinda of the whole point; to get a rise out of people.
I'm more curious about the personal motivation and subsequent introspection (if any) of typical people (not intentional trolls) when they choose to be horrible to each other, particularly strangers. Just looking for some individual perspectives here, that's all.
Not the easiest thing to discuss over an internet forum on a sex site 😅 but felt like putting it out there anyway. |
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Do you think the people you perceive to be objectively harsh, negative or nasty view themselves that way though?
Like I dont think anyone that comes on to an Internet forum with the intention of being cruel is then going to come on a thread like this and give an honest answer about their motivation and feelings |
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"Do you think the people you perceive to be objectively harsh, negative or nasty view themselves that way though?
Like I dont think anyone that comes on to an Internet forum with the intention of being cruel is then going to come on a thread like this and give an honest answer about their motivation and feelings"
I know, it's a bit of a rose-tinted wish, isn't it 😅
That being said- people do change or say off-colour things to which they might think twice about after the fact, e.g. tantricterrier's response.
Overall, I'm curious about introspection, mindfulness, and if/how people perceive their actions affecting others.
Remarking on how this topic might not be easily discussed and generalising why people might not engage in the conversation is a bit defeatist, don't you think? |
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"Do you think the people you perceive to be objectively harsh, negative or nasty view themselves that way though?
Like I dont think anyone that comes on to an Internet forum with the intention of being cruel is then going to come on a thread like this and give an honest answer about their motivation and feelings
I know, it's a bit of a rose-tinted wish, isn't it 😅
That being said- people do change or say off-colour things to which they might think twice about after the fact, e.g. tantricterrier's response.
Overall, I'm curious about introspection, mindfulness, and if/how people perceive their actions affecting others.
Remarking on how this topic might not be easily discussed and generalising why people might not engage in the conversation is a bit defeatist, don't you think?"
See thats the difference in view and approach I mean.
You see it as defeatist and I'd see it as clarifying what might be a reasonable expectation for responses.
The Original post was phrased as below:
"Does it bring you joy or some sort of inner fulfillment or simply a dopamine hit to verbally and emotionally trounce other people?
Does it make you feel better about yourself to insult and lord over people you perceive to be lesser?"
And we have gotten to:
"Overall, I'm curious about introspection, mindfulness, and if/how people perceive their actions affecting others"
Which I think is more inviting for people to give honest feedback.
Thats a worthwhile interaction dont you think? |
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I don’t know if many people actively think they are being mean. There is clearly a minority who get an emotional buzz out of just being viscious. You can’t fix them.
I think many more people think they are being normal and feel the other person is reacting weakly. People usually think that their world view is the right one (pretty much everyone does this) and if someone disagrees then there is something wrong with that person. What is one persons “meanness” is another persons “don’t be such an idiot”. |
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There are many reasons why people say and do things that others feel is hurtful or mean.
Some do it for attention, as for some, any attention is good attention.
Some do it because they have a negative outlook on everything (reasons are personal to them), maybe they feel the world is against them.
Others don't realise they have stepped over the line as well as sometimes people are too quick to play the victim when it's not warranted.
There is also the real world versus online culture and while it's not right to be mean to anyone either on or offline, I personally think if you are getting upset by something a random internet stranger says, it's probably time to switch off the phone and stay only in the real world for the long term. |
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This is heavy but here it goes...
"What do we actually get out of being negatively judgemental and acerbic towards others?"
Its power but its based on a quick buzz where their is a feeling of superiority but in reality, the person is an empty vessel — and not much else.
"Does it bring you joy or some sort of inner fulfillment or simply a dopamine hit to verbally and emotionally trounce other people?"
It’s not real fulfillment, the dopamine hit is a short-lived rush which fades fast, leaving emptiness/hostility to cover insecurity.
"Does it make you feel better about yourself to insult and lord over people you perceive to be lesser?"
Sadly, for some, It does. Putting someone down can make a person feel bigger, safer, or more in control for a moment, but it’s brittle.
We all know the people who do it and we have no respect for them.
What's their motivation when someone makes a snide remarks or casually dishes out criticisms?
Its their insecurity, their need for control, to look smart as "the big I am" - they have poor social skills but they can work a room quicker than Bertie looking for an auld whip around in the Galway tent.
There will be a snide remark to discharge frustration without direct confrontation - strike first to protect the ego
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"Do you think the people you perceive to be objectively harsh, negative or nasty view themselves that way though?
Like I dont think anyone that comes on to an Internet forum with the intention of being cruel is then going to come on a thread like this and give an honest answer about their motivation and feelings
I know, it's a bit of a rose-tinted wish, isn't it 😅
That being said- people do change or say off-colour things to which they might think twice about after the fact, e.g. tantricterrier's response.
Overall, I'm curious about introspection, mindfulness, and if/how people perceive their actions affecting others.
Remarking on how this topic might not be easily discussed and generalising why people might not engage in the conversation is a bit defeatist, don't you think?
See thats the difference in view and approach I mean.
You see it as defeatist and I'd see it as clarifying what might be a reasonable expectation for responses.
The Original post was phrased as below:
"Does it bring you joy or some sort of inner fulfillment or simply a dopamine hit to verbally and emotionally trounce other people?
Does it make you feel better about yourself to insult and lord over people you perceive to be lesser?"
And we have gotten to:
"Overall, I'm curious about introspection, mindfulness, and if/how people perceive their actions affecting others"
Which I think is more inviting for people to give honest feedback.
Thats a worthwhile interaction dont you think?"
Fair point. It can be difficult to ask somewhat rhetorical questions without adding a touch of bias, especially as I'm so pacifist 😅
I think the mood I was in when I first wrote was, "if I can get one person to just think about their actions, then job done 😄"
I don't even care to know if they thought about it (as we all know, there are plenty more lurkers than active engagement on the forums)
Thanks as always for your contributions though kak 👏 |
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I have definitely been mean to people on here in the past (I think I’m less abrasive now than I used to be).
For some it’s tough love. Sometimes I would regret being quite as harsh, sometimes I wouldn’t.
For some, it’s in reaction to them being absolute wankbags and I have zero regrets about it. It was probably a waste of my time but emotions are better out than in. |
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"Two people I had hoped would weigh in 😄🙌
And your answers are exactly what I'd expect 👏
Unrelated: @_ilthynights- you're probably the loveliest asshole I know 😂"
🤣🤣 I dunno why you would think this thread applies to us! |
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I don't see anyone on fab as lesser just as I don't see others as better than me.
If I'm judgemental in any forum comment it's based either on their own forum history or on my personal experience with them.
I'm not one of those who claims to say it as it is because those are usually people who like the sound of their own voice and don't care about the consequence of their words.
I dislike manipulation so I will call that out within the rules of the site even when I know that I'm pissing in the wind. |
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"Two people I had hoped would weigh in 😄🙌
And your answers are exactly what I'd expect 👏
Unrelated: @_ilthynights- you're probably the loveliest asshole I know 😂
🤣🤣 I dunno why you would think this thread applies to us!"
😇🤐🫡😘 |
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I always assume that people who make snide remarks or comments trying to run down others are just being cunts
Ive made comments that afterwards I sometimes think it would be taken up wrong and I'd usually write something back in the forums to apologise
Apart from that treat others like I like others to treat me. |
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When people message me and I'm not keen on, I try to reply with a "thank you for the message but"
When some one fabs my pictures which is rare, I'll also say "thank you", most of the time.
People are disposable to others, I don't think it's a new way of thinking as well.
I also understand that many people get absue on here so it's kind of swings and roundabouts.
It's a funny wee place this, full of socail hurdles and egos.
;) |
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No good can come from being a dick but everyone has an opinion. Sometimes you just have to keep your opinions to yourself. I see people pulling dick moves here sl the time and a lot of it is totally unnecessary. Some people have notions about themselves given to them by fab in a lot of cases.
Have your notions if it makes you feel good but just don't be a dick no good will come of it. |
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"No good can come from being a dick but everyone has an opinion. Sometimes you just have to keep your opinions to yourself. I see people pulling dick moves here sl the time and a lot of it is totally unnecessary. Some people have notions about themselves given to them by fab in a lot of cases.
Have your notions if it makes you feel good but just don't be a dick no good will come of it. "
Can I get an amen 🙌👏 |
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"No good can come from being a dick but everyone has an opinion. Sometimes you just have to keep your opinions to yourself. I see people pulling dick moves here sl the time and a lot of it is totally unnecessary. Some people have notions about themselves given to them by fab in a lot of cases.
Have your notions if it makes you feel good but just don't be a dick no good will come of it. "
I agree with this.
l do think that it's sport for a lot of people and arguing and being thick about something anonymously on the internet is just entertainment.
Conversely I think taking internet jerks too seriously means we might need to go outside and enjoy trees for a while. I know I have.
It's easy get sucked into a bun fight when there's no stakes.
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"No good can come from being a dick but everyone has an opinion. Sometimes you just have to keep your opinions to yourself. I see people pulling dick moves here sl the time and a lot of it is totally unnecessary. Some people have notions about themselves given to them by fab in a lot of cases.
Have your notions if it makes you feel good but just don't be a dick no good will come of it.
I agree with this.
l do think that it's sport for a lot of people and arguing and being thick about something anonymously on the internet is just entertainment.
Conversely I think taking internet jerks too seriously means we might need to go outside and enjoy trees for a while. I know I have.
It's easy get sucked into a bun fight when there's no stakes.
"
💯
Why try to argue with strangers who's opinion you dont even care about?
No one is going to have their mindset changed by someone on a swinging profile. And even if it makes me angry I've better things to do with my time. |
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I deliberately toned down my interactions on here when I came to realise that some people are more easily annoyed, insulted or unable to take a joke than others. This is not a criticism but an acknowledgement of the differing personality types that go to make up the site's membership. Some may be a little less self-aware or more fragile in terms of social skills than others, so I figured it best to err on the side of caution and temper my contributions so as not to risk causing unintended upset.
There are of course some proper kuntz on here, a few blissfully unaware of just how big a kunt they really are, and also a few who unashamedly describe themselves as such and who seem to take pleasure in putting others down in their efforts to shine a more positive light on their own profiles. Their efforts may succeed for a while but eventually the leopard will always reveal it's true spots.
It is often amusing to note those whose comments are sometimes conspicuous by their absence but whose mean-spirited opinions may still shine through when posted on their behalf by knights of the whiter variety.
Fab is for having fun and making friends. Anyone not similarly inclined can continue to marinate in their miserable meanness while those less kuntish by nature can continue on an interesting and enjoyable Fab journey.
🫶🤗🫶 |
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By *aseylee324Couple 5 days ago
Valley of Squinting Windows |
"No good can come from being a dick but everyone has an opinion. Sometimes you just have to keep your opinions to yourself. I see people pulling dick moves here sl the time and a lot of it is totally unnecessary. Some people have notions about themselves given to them by fab in a lot of cases.
Have your notions if it makes you feel good but just don't be a dick no good will come of it. "
I have to say I quite like some people's dick moves  |
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"No good can come from being a dick but everyone has an opinion. Sometimes you just have to keep your opinions to yourself. I see people pulling dick moves here sl the time and a lot of it is totally unnecessary. Some people have notions about themselves given to them by fab in a lot of cases.
Have your notions if it makes you feel good but just don't be a dick no good will come of it.
I have to say I quite like some people's dick moves "
That's because you love the entertainment from the forum muckrakers and the drama quee... oh, you meant quite literally? 😄👍🍆 |
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"I'm fair keeking myself 
Aaaanyway! As a self aware and self confessed acerb, I'd just like to point out that acerbic doesn't mean wilfully unkind and hurtful.
As you were!
"
If we're going to get pedantic here..
Cambridge dictionary:
"used to describe something that is spoken or written in a way that is direct, clever, and cruel"
And others use words like, "sour, bitter, cynical"
I'd argue that someone who's aware of their acerbity should also be aware that there's a significant likelihood of ruffling some feathers |
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"I'm fair keeking myself
Aaaanyway! As a self aware and self confessed acerb, I'd just like to point out that acerbic doesn't mean wilfully unkind and hurtful.
As you were!
If we're going to get pedantic here..
Cambridge dictionary:
"used to describe something that is spoken or written in a way that is direct, clever, and cruel"
And others use words like, "sour, bitter, cynical"
I'd argue that someone who's aware of their acerbity should also be aware that there's a significant likelihood of ruffling some feathers"
No argument there |
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"I'm fair keeking myself
Aaaanyway! As a self aware and self confessed acerb, I'd just like to point out that acerbic doesn't mean wilfully unkind and hurtful.
As you were!
If we're going to get pedantic here..
Cambridge dictionary:
"used to describe something that is spoken or written in a way that is direct, clever, and cruel"
And others use words like, "sour, bitter, cynical"
I'd argue that someone who's aware of their acerbity should also be aware that there's a significant likelihood of ruffling some feathers
No argument there "
🤣 you know yourself alright 😄👏 |
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"There once was a lip kissing fabber
Who's mean posts were just jibber jabber
Then as a treat
She tried being sweet
Now all the guys just want to grab her.
Finally, I've become a muse! 🙌"
I cant believe I missed your mean phase |
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"There once was a lip kissing fabber
Who's mean posts were just jibber jabber
Then as a treat
She tried being sweet
Now all the guys just want to grab her.
Finally, I've become a muse! 🙌
I cant believe I missed your mean phase"
You're grand, it's in my DNA |
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