FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Is contact on instagram cross a line?
Is contact on instagram cross a line?
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We, by coincidence came across a “suggested profile” on instagram- obviously we are both following lots of swinger content on instagram so they suggested this profile to us.
We have a private account on instagram for obvious reasons with no pictures showing to the public, but they have an open profile.
She looks very good looking and looks to be married according to her profile pic…..if we had come across her profile on fab we would have contacted her straight away.
but
With it being on instagram, with her using her public profile we are unsure if it would be crossing a line??
Maybe she’s unaware that she’s openly following swinger content and other can see, maybe she’s not even a swinger but just watched open house and has a little fascination but would be mortified if we contacted her…..
We are crazy paranoid about our privacy and we know not everyone else is, maybe our paranoia skews our perception but others wouldn’t think this is a big deal?? Give us your opinion??
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"Yes it’s crossing a line imo.
Unless it says in their bio that they’re looking for contact then you shouldn’t contact them "
That’s what we worried, if it was us, we’d probably have a heart attack if someone contacted our instagram. But sometimes we are over cautious! |
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Not on Instagram so im not sure.
If someone's doesn't want accounts that arent contacts to DM them can they set that up?
If so and if they havent then I dont see an issue approaching them respectfully and telling them you admire their accounts 🤷♂️ |
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By *affa31Woman 22 hours ago
Galway |
"Yes it’s crossing a line imo.
Unless it says in their bio that they’re looking for contact then you shouldn’t contact them
That’s what we worried, if it was us, we’d probably have a heart attack if someone contacted our instagram. But sometimes we are over cautious! "
Am I right in thinking that their profile has nothing indicating that they’re swingers? They’ve just come up in suggestions because you happen to be following some of the same pages? |
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"Good job it's a couple asking this and not a guy. Obviously you shouldn't contact them.
Oh? You think single guys are unfairly vilified?  "
Differently vilified. Do you think the replies would be the same or more strongly worded?? |
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"Good job it's a couple asking this and not a guy. Obviously you shouldn't contact them.
Oh? You think single guys are unfairly vilified?
Differently vilified. Do you think the replies would be the same or more strongly worded??"
The question was are they “unfairly” vilified ?!
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"Yes it’s crossing a line imo.
Unless it says in their bio that they’re looking for contact then you shouldn’t contact them
That’s what we worried, if it was us, we’d probably have a heart attack if someone contacted our instagram. But sometimes we are over cautious!
Am I right in thinking that their profile has nothing indicating that they’re swingers? They’ve just come up in suggestions because you happen to be following some of the same pages?"
Nothing other than that , yes!
Ok, we suspended and the women in the comments have confirmed we aren’t over cautious
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By *affa31Woman 22 hours ago
Galway |
There’s no way I would consider contacting in that case.
Insta suggests random people all the time, she may have zero interest in swinging but liked a post that was liked by someone you follow. Thats how tenuous they make the connections!
If she was interested in you and swinging, she’d reach out. |
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"
The question was are they “unfairly” vilified ?!
You are generalising 80%+? of the site. Probably ~25% of that cohort are fairly vilified"
As a single male yourself what understand would you have of the issue? Do you regularly get contacted by single males? Where did you find the statistics? |
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"
Do you regularly get contacted by single males?
Where did you find the statistics?
"
Yes, I get contacted, even as a single straight male
Numbers from looking at the number of online members and then approximating and generalising like you did, hence the ~ |
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That paranoid about your privacy you invited 7 couples to a well known bar in Dublin City and didn't bother to introduce yourself just watched on lol As it happens we all knew eachother but what an awful way to treat 14 people. We'd suggest leaving that person well enough alone |
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"That paranoid about your privacy you invited 7 couples to a well known bar in Dublin City and didn't bother to introduce yourself just watched on lol As it happens we all knew eachother but what an awful way to treat 14 people. We'd suggest leaving that person well enough alone "
We did organise to meet you, but in our defence….. We would have preferred to have this conversation in private, we tried to message you at the time to explain in a nice way but you blocked us. And we dont want to seem rude now but you just weren’t our type and we didn’t want to be cruel and tell you that to your face…… Your picture probably made you look a lot younger and in our heads that’s who we were meeting, sorry we should have just met you and explained |
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"That paranoid about your privacy you invited 7 couples to a well known bar in Dublin City and didn't bother to introduce yourself just watched on lol As it happens we all knew eachother but what an awful way to treat 14 people. We'd suggest leaving that person well enough alone
We did organise to meet you, but in our defence….. We would have preferred to have this conversation in private, we tried to message you at the time to explain in a nice way but you blocked us. And we dont want to seem rude now but you just weren’t our type and we didn’t want to be cruel and tell you that to your face…… Your picture probably made you look a lot younger and in our heads that’s who we were meeting, sorry we should have just met you and explained "
Wow!! 🍿🍿🍿 |
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"That paranoid about your privacy you invited 7 couples to a well known bar in Dublin City and didn't bother to introduce yourself just watched on lol As it happens we all knew eachother but what an awful way to treat 14 people. We'd suggest leaving that person well enough alone
We did organise to meet you, but in our defence….. We would have preferred to have this conversation in private, we tried to message you at the time to explain in a nice way but you blocked us. And we dont want to seem rude now but you just weren’t our type and we didn’t want to be cruel and tell you that to your face…… Your picture probably made you look a lot younger and in our heads that’s who we were meeting, sorry we should have just met you and explained
Wow!! 🍿🍿🍿"
No!! Please don’t get the popcorn out, there’s no drama here!! I’m sure they are very nice people! |
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By *og-ManMan 16 hours ago
somewhere |
"That paranoid about your privacy you invited 7 couples to a well known bar in Dublin City and didn't bother to introduce yourself just watched on lol As it happens we all knew eachother but what an awful way to treat 14 people. We'd suggest leaving that person well enough alone
We did organise to meet you, but in our defence….. We would have preferred to have this conversation in private, we tried to message you at the time to explain in a nice way but you blocked us. And we dont want to seem rude now but you just weren’t our type and we didn’t want to be cruel and tell you that to your face…… Your picture probably made you look a lot younger and in our heads that’s who we were meeting, sorry we should have just met you and explained
Wow!! 🍿🍿🍿
No!! Please don’t get the popcorn out, there’s no drama here!! I’m sure they are very nice people! "
So what about the other 12 people
If a single profile organised to meet 14 people and didnt bother to show up or just watched them in a pub without saying anything they'd be rightly vilified
Actually they have and got roasted out of it for phantom hotel and coffee meets
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By *panishRebelMan 15 hours ago
Cork City Ireland ...(Alicante Spain on hold) |
"That paranoid about your privacy you invited 7 couples to a well known bar in Dublin City and didn't bother to introduce yourself just watched on lol As it happens we all knew eachother but what an awful way to treat 14 people. We'd suggest leaving that person well enough alone
We did organise to meet you, but in our defence….. We would have preferred to have this conversation in private, we tried to message you at the time to explain in a nice way but you blocked us. And we dont want to seem rude now but you just weren’t our type and we didn’t want to be cruel and tell you that to your face…… Your picture probably made you look a lot younger and in our heads that’s who we were meeting, sorry we should have just met you and explained
Wow!! 🍿🍿🍿
No!! Please don’t get the popcorn out, there’s no drama here!! I’m sure they are very nice people! "
Respect for other people's time, effort and for just being people, includes not organising a meet then watching but not turning up yourself.
Forget the IG approach. Sort this one out first. I reckon they all are owed apologies. |
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"That paranoid about your privacy you invited 7 couples to a well known bar in Dublin City and didn't bother to introduce yourself just watched on lol As it happens we all knew eachother but what an awful way to treat 14 people. We'd suggest leaving that person well enough alone
We did organise to meet you, but in our defence….. We would have preferred to have this conversation in private, we tried to message you at the time to explain in a nice way but you blocked us. And we dont want to seem rude now but you just weren’t our type and we didn’t want to be cruel and tell you that to your face…… Your picture probably made you look a lot younger and in our heads that’s who we were meeting, sorry we should have just met you and explained
Wow!! 🍿🍿🍿
No!! Please don’t get the popcorn out, there’s no drama here!! I’m sure they are very nice people!
So what about the other 12 people
If a single profile organised to meet 14 people and didnt bother to show up or just watched them in a pub without saying anything they'd be rightly vilified
Actually they have and got roasted out of it for phantom hotel and coffee meets
"
We have no idea about anyone else there. we organised a last minute meet with one couple that showed up as nearby (in the same pub) and when they told us where they were sitting they were with a group of people. We didn’t organise to meet anyone else!
We had no interest in any of them so passed on the meet!
Maybe you are right…. We should respect others time, but our time was also wasted by inaccurate pictures and age stated! Fuc* if we owe anyone our time or anything else if they aren’t what we’d agreed to meet! |
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Isn't the whole point of a social meet to give everyone a chance to say yay or nay?
Imagine a single guy wrote:
'I'm sorry but you were just so unattractive I couldn't bring myself to talk to you because it would be cruel to deny you chance to be with me' |
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"That is incredibly selfish and cruel. If a couple did that to you what would your reaction be?
"
If a couple didn’t show up to a meet?? Vs they did show up but were confessed they were expecting us to be younger and they weren’t into us?
I’d prefer they didnt show up! |
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"That is incredibly selfish and cruel. If a couple did that to you what would your reaction be?
If a couple didn’t show up to a meet?? Vs they did show up but were confessed they were expecting us to be younger and they weren’t into us?
I’d prefer they didnt show up! "
Honestly, considering there was a group of people there you could have been decent - had a quick chat, made your excuses and left. You didn't have to tell them anything to their face - you could have messaged after and said you weren't feeling it. The option you chose, and how you've spoken about them here, is just shitty behaviour |
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"That is incredibly selfish and cruel. If a couple did that to you what would your reaction be?
If a couple didn’t show up to a meet?? Vs they did show up but were confessed they were expecting us to be younger and they weren’t into us?
I’d prefer they didnt show up! "
So you guys did exactly what you wouldn't want someone to do to you.
Lovely. |
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I am lost here.
One person is saying the other arranged to meet 7 couples.
The other is saying they arranged to meet one couple but they were with 6 other couples when they told them where they were seated.
I dont agree with not letting them know they weren't interested but it can be also intimidating to walk into a group you dont know.
So having to tell someone you aren't interested in them under those circumstances could be very daunting.
Either way there is no winner in this situation. |
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By *rRiosMan 14 hours ago
dublin |
"I am lost here.
One person is saying the other arranged to meet 7 couples.
The other is saying they arranged to meet one couple but they were with 6 other couples when they told them where they were seated.
I dont agree with not letting them know they weren't interested but it can be also intimidating to walk into a group you dont know.
So having to tell someone you aren't interested in them under those circumstances could be very daunting.
Either way there is no winner in this situation."
I could be wrong but my guess is the OP tried to make a spontaneous meet with a couple but upon seeing the couple had second thoughts. The aforementioned couple happened to be out with other couples at the time. |
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"I am lost here.
One person is saying the other arranged to meet 7 couples.
The other is saying they arranged to meet one couple but they were with 6 other couples when they told them where they were seated.
I dont agree with not letting them know they weren't interested but it can be also intimidating to walk into a group you dont know.
So having to tell someone you aren't interested in them under those circumstances could be very daunting.
Either way there is no winner in this situation.
I could be wrong but my guess is the OP tried to make a spontaneous meet based on “see who’s near” with a couple but upon seeing the couple had second thoughts. The aforementioned couple happened to be out with other couples at the time. "
Alright like....
I got it the first time😁😁😁 |
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"I am lost here.
One person is saying the other arranged to meet 7 couples.
The other is saying they arranged to meet one couple but they were with 6 other couples when they told them where they were seated.
I dont agree with not letting them know they weren't interested but it can be also intimidating to walk into a group you dont know.
So having to tell someone you aren't interested in them under those circumstances could be very daunting.
Either way there is no winner in this situation."
You don't have to tell them there and then though, do you? |
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"That is incredibly selfish and cruel. If a couple did that to you what would your reaction be?
If a couple didn’t show up to a meet?? Vs they did show up but were confessed they were expecting us to be younger and they weren’t into us?
I’d prefer they didnt show up!
So you guys did exactly what you wouldn't want someone to do to you.
Lovely."
👏👏👏 |
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"I am lost here.
One person is saying the other arranged to meet 7 couples.
The other is saying they arranged to meet one couple but they were with 6 other couples when they told them where they were seated.
I dont agree with not letting them know they weren't interested but it can be also intimidating to walk into a group you dont know.
So having to tell someone you aren't interested in them under those circumstances could be very daunting.
Either way there is no winner in this situation.
You don't have to tell them there and then though, do you? "
I know that but they also said they were blocked immediately so they couldn't tell them after.
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By *og-ManMan 13 hours ago
somewhere |
"I am lost here.
One person is saying the other arranged to meet 7 couples.
The other is saying they arranged to meet one couple but they were with 6 other couples when they told them where they were seated.
I dont agree with not letting them know they weren't interested but it can be also intimidating to walk into a group you dont know.
So having to tell someone you aren't interested in them under those circumstances could be very daunting.
Either way there is no winner in this situation.
You don't have to tell them there and then though, do you?
I know that but they also said they were blocked immediately so they couldn't tell them after.
"
But how can you be blocked if you were able to make contact to set up a social meet off the cuff in a pub |
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"I am lost here.
One person is saying the other arranged to meet 7 couples.
The other is saying they arranged to meet one couple but they were with 6 other couples when they told them where they were seated.
I dont agree with not letting them know they weren't interested but it can be also intimidating to walk into a group you dont know.
So having to tell someone you aren't interested in them under those circumstances could be very daunting.
Either way there is no winner in this situation.
You don't have to tell them there and then though, do you?
I know that but they also said they were blocked immediately so they couldn't tell them after.
"
But the grown up thing to do would to have told them to their face. Are we not all adults here, capable of showing the smallest bit of respect?
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"I am lost here.
One person is saying the other arranged to meet 7 couples.
The other is saying they arranged to meet one couple but they were with 6 other couples when they told them where they were seated.
I dont agree with not letting them know they weren't interested but it can be also intimidating to walk into a group you dont know.
So having to tell someone you aren't interested in them under those circumstances could be very daunting.
Either way there is no winner in this situation.
You don't have to tell them there and then though, do you?
I know that but they also said they were blocked immediately so they couldn't tell them after.
But the grown up thing to do would to have told them to their face. Are we not all adults here, capable of showing the smallest bit of respect?
"
I would fully agree with you on this.
But the other thing is did they know there was 7 couples there or did they think it was one couple there when they messaged to set it up when they saw the couple on their who's near?
There are alot of factors to this situation and sorry for not just jumping on the usual bandwagon and joining in to fab version of a public stoning. 🤷 |
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"I am lost here.
One person is saying the other arranged to meet 7 couples.
The other is saying they arranged to meet one couple but they were with 6 other couples when they told them where they were seated.
I dont agree with not letting them know they weren't interested but it can be also intimidating to walk into a group you dont know.
So having to tell someone you aren't interested in them under those circumstances could be very daunting.
Either way there is no winner in this situation.
You don't have to tell them there and then though, do you?
I know that but they also said they were blocked immediately so they couldn't tell them after.
But the grown up thing to do would to have told them to their face. Are we not all adults here, capable of showing the smallest bit of respect?
I would fully agree with you on this.
But the other thing is did they know there was 7 couples there or did they think it was one couple there when they messaged to set it up when they saw the couple on their who's near?
There are alot of factors to this situation and sorry for not just jumping on the usual bandwagon and joining in to fab version of a public stoning. 🤷"
Oh feel free to join in, but maybe read the entire thread first so you have the correct info. |
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"I am lost here.
One person is saying the other arranged to meet 7 couples.
The other is saying they arranged to meet one couple but they were with 6 other couples when they told them where they were seated.
I dont agree with not letting them know they weren't interested but it can be also intimidating to walk into a group you dont know.
So having to tell someone you aren't interested in them under those circumstances could be very daunting.
Either way there is no winner in this situation.
You don't have to tell them there and then though, do you?
I know that but they also said they were blocked immediately so they couldn't tell them after.
But the grown up thing to do would to have told them to their face. Are we not all adults here, capable of showing the smallest bit of respect?
I would fully agree with you on this.
But the other thing is did they know there was 7 couples there or did they think it was one couple there when they messaged to set it up when they saw the couple on their who's near?
There are alot of factors to this situation and sorry for not just jumping on the usual bandwagon and joining in to fab version of a public stoning. 🤷
Oh feel free to join in, but maybe read the entire thread first so you have the correct info."
"We have no idea about anyone else there. we organised a last minute meet with one couple that showed up as nearby (in the same pub) and when they told us where they were sitting they were with a group of people. We didn’t organise to meet anyone else!
We had no interest in any of them so passed on the meet!
Maybe you are right…. We should respect others time, but our time was also wasted by inaccurate pictures and age stated! Fuc* if we owe anyone our time or anything else if they aren’t what we’d agreed to meet!"
This is what she said.
And I have read it all again to see what I missed.
So maybe you could do the same and enlighten me to what I missed.
But the IG thing is definitely a no go. |
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Going back to your original question I'm not sure why it's even a question?
If, as you say, you are "crazy paranoid" about your own privacy why would you think that contacting someone just because they are following content is ever going to be a good idea?
As has already been said, if a man were to start a similar thread he would be shot down and told he was being creepy.
I haven't used Instagram for years but I've had lots of friend suggestions on Facebook for people I recognise from group socials but have never spoken to. I therefore know that they are definitely on here but I would never contact them through fab for that reason alone and I definitely wouldn't be contacting them through Facebook.
Maybe have a little respect for other people's privacy and don't make assumptions. |
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By *adJennyWoman 3 hours ago
Cougar Village |
Personally, I’d consider it crossing a line.
I keep my fab life and my social media completely separate. My private life is private for a reason. If I happened to recognise someone from here on any social media platforms I wouldn’t follow them, message them or even interact with their profile unless they had specifically invited that contact. And I wouldn’t even contemplate sending them a message on here saying “ oh I came across your account on such and such platform” that’s what discretion means. Keeping my mouth shut.
Following swinger-related content doesn’t necessarily mean someone wants that part of their life acknowledged outside the space where they chose to share it. Curiosity, interest and actually being involved are three very different things.
For me, the safest rule is what happens on fab stays on fab unless both people agree otherwise. It avoids awkward situations and, more importantly, respects everyone’s privacy and boundaries.
So if I were in your shoes, I’d admire from afar and leave Instagram out of it 😂 |
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By *rRiosMan 36 minutes ago
dublin |
Talking about the topic, not in the context of the OP’s question, I see no issues in “sliding into the DMs” of someone you find attractive on Instagram. It wouldn’t be for me but people use IG for dating all the time these days, why not swinging? Swingers exist outside of fab and there is only one way to find out.
Now, navigating that conversation is a different matter |
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"Talking about the topic, not in the context of the OP’s question, I see no issues in “sliding into the DMs” of someone you find attractive on Instagram. It wouldn’t be for me but people use IG for dating all the time these days, why not swinging? Swingers exist outside of fab and there is only one way to find out.
Now, navigating that conversation is a different matter"
I agree with this. If someone had their DM's open then you can shoot your shot. If they can identify you then that's the risk you are taking yourself. |
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By *affa31Woman 2 minutes ago
Galway |
"Talking about the topic, not in the context of the OP’s question, I see no issues in “sliding into the DMs” of someone you find attractive on Instagram. It wouldn’t be for me but people use IG for dating all the time these days, why not swinging? Swingers exist outside of fab and there is only one way to find out.
Now, navigating that conversation is a different matter
I agree with this. If someone had their DM's open then you can shoot your shot. If they can identify you then that's the risk you are taking yourself."
DMs are open by default though so I don’t think that alone is an invite for contact. |
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we’ll have to hope we stumble across their fab profile! 