FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > sept jokes (at last) join in

sept jokes (at last) join in

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw element in the world what would it be?"

Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."

The teacher nodded and called on little Susie.

Little Susie said, "I would want platinum, because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette"

The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny.

Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicon."

The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"

He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!"

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Little Johnny goes to his father and asks, "Dad, is god a man or a woman?"

His Dad replies, "Johnny, both. God is both."

Johnny asks, "Dad, is god black or white?'

His Dad says, "Both. God is both."

Ok, then Johnny asks, "Dad, is Michael Jackson God?"

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on television with British TV host Anne Diamond when he used the word 'manyana'. Diamond asked him to explain what it meant. He said that the term means "maybe the job will be done tomorrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that. Perhaps next week, next month, next year. Who cares?" The host turned to Irishman Shay Brennan who was also on the show and asked him if there was an equivalent term in Irish. "No. In Ireland we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency.", replied Brennan.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

therecwas 2 twins joan and mary mary was very big busted and joan had tiny ones so 1 nite mary was sick so she she said to joan use my bra and stuff it with paper and go clubbing so joan got stufed up met a guy went bk to his place and as they where stripping off joan says ive got a confession to make she says my tits are made of paper well says ur man i dont mind as long as ur box isnt made of cardboard lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

a blond calls for a pizza, the man says

would you like that cut into 6 or 8

pieces, the blond replies better cut it

into 6, i don't think i could eat 8 lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

paddy runs into the bar "mick some ones

nicked ya car"mick sez did u see who did

it?paddy sez "no but i got the

registration.

pmsl here at that 1

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm thinking of trading my car in. Every

morning, no matter what I do, it keeps

driving me straight to work. lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a sleep walking nun? A

roamin Catholic !!

pmsl

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OK there are 300 blonds and 1 brunette

hanging on a plane.the pilot say that one

needs to let go.the brunette says,"i

will!" and all the blonds start clapping

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

fifa have decided to let girls be

goalkeepers for the world cup because no

matter how far they spread there legs

they will never let the balls in

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A blond drops off a shirt at the

cleaners.On the way out the door,the lady

at the counter says Come Again.The blond

says no its toothpaste this time. lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

brill stunna

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

all the english players said they would arrive at the match in their fancy cars but rooney said he would come in a 19 year old escort...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

FIVE SHORT STORIES BY MEN

ONE

I was walking through the cemetery this morning and saw a guy

crouching down behind a tombstone. I said, "Morning."

He said, "No, just taking a shit."

TWO

When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I

realized that God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked

Him to forgive me.

THREE

My girlfriend was in labor with our first child. She was shouting,

"Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!" She looked at me and yelled,

"You did this to me, you bastard!" I casually replied, "If you

remember, I wanted to stick it up your ass but you said, 'That would

hurt too much'."

FOUR

I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual

checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why and

she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

FIVE

I was walking down the road and saw my Afghanistan neighbor Abdul

standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet. I

shouted up to him, "What's wrong, Abdul? Won't it start?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Finally some good news about the economy

A friend of mine just started his own business, making landmines that look like prayer mats.

It's doing well.

He says Prophets are going through the roof.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

One day in the future, OJ Simpson has a heart-attack and dies.

He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

OJ thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.

In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.

"No," OJ said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the door of the next room.

In it was Richard Nixon with a sledgehammer and a room full of tape recorders. All he did was swing that sledgehammer, time after time after time but all the taped voices kept blaring on and on.

"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was swing a heavy sledgehammer all day," commented OJ.

The devil opened a third door.

Through it, OJ saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

OJ looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said .. . . . .

........"OK Monica, you're free to go." (Priceless)

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By *oantrimcpl2010Couple over a year ago

Lisburn

Is this familiar to anyone besides me?

I just wanted to let you know that I have recently been diagnosed with AAADD .....Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it goes... I decide to wash the car, start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table. OK, I'm going to wash the car... BUT FIRST I'm going to read the newspaper. After that, I notice the mail on the table. OK, I'll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack .... BUT FIRST I'll look through the pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid. Yes, Now where is the checkbook? Oops.. there's the empty glass from yesterday on the coffee table. I'm going to look for that checkbook... BUT FIRST I need to put the glass in the sink. I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice my poor flowers need a drink of water, I put the glass in the sink and there's the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter. What's it doing here? I'll just put it away... BUT FIRST I need to water those plants. I head for the door and...Aaaagh! stepped on the cat. Cat needs to be fed. Okay, I'll put the remote away and water the plants... BUT FIRST I need to feed the cat.

END OF DAY: Car not washed, newspapers are still on the floor, glass is still in the sink, bills are not paid, checkbook is still lost, and the cat ate the remote control...And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because...I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY! I realize this condition is serious...I'll get help... BUT FIRST...I think I'll check my e-mail

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Hello?"

"Hi honey.

This is Daddy.

Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom

with Uncle Paul."

After a brief pause, Daddy says,

"But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."

Brief Pause.

"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table,

run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door

and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car

just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

"I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey?"

Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed

with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug,

hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know

that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool

and I think he's dead."

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause***

***Even Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool?

Is this 486-5731?"

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Letter to local council

We have a huge council house in our street. The extended family is run by a grumpy old woman with a pack of fierce dogs. Her car isn't taxed or insured, and doesn't even have a number plate, but the police still do nothing.

Her bad tempered old man is forever upsetting foreigners with racist comments. A shopkeeper blames him for ordering the murder of his son and his son's girlfriend, but nothing has been proved yet.

All their kids have broken marriages except the youngest, whom everyone thought was gay.

Two grandsons are meant to be in the Army but are always seen out in nightclubs. The family's odd antics are always in the papers. They are out of control.

Honestly - who'd live near Windsor Castle?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

HOW RETIRED FOLKS STAY HAPPY

Working people frequently ask retired people what

they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day, Mary my wife and I

went into town and visited a shop. We were only in

there for about 5 minutes. When we came out,

there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man,

how about giving a senior citizen a break?'

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.

I called him a dumb ass. He glared at me and started

writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.

So Mary called him a shit head. He finished the

second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing a third ticket.

This went on for about 20 minutes.

The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then, our bus arrived, and we got on it

and went home. We try to have a little fun each day

now that we're retired. It's important at our age

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I couldn't believe it when my wife said she saw a friend using a deodrant can as a dildo.

But she seemed to be fucking Sure.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

pmsl. Must try that one day lol

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By *uckscouple2007Couple over a year ago

Bucks

this forum is always a pleasure to pop in to to read the monthly joke thread

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By *oantrimcpl2010Couple over a year ago

Lisburn

YOU KNOW YOU ARE GETTING OLDER WHEN . . .

Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

You feel like the morning after and you didn't have a night before.

A dripping tap causes an uncontrollable bladder urge.

You get winded playing cards.

Your children begin to look middle aged.

You join a health club and you don't go.

You know all the answers but nobody asks the questions.

You look forward to a dull evening.

You need glasses to find your glasses.

You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.

You sit in a rocking chair and you can't get it going.

You sink your teeth in a steak and they stay there.

Your back goes out more than you do.

You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine chest.

Your knees buckle, but your belt won't.

You look for something well built with nice legs and it's furniture.

You talk louder because everyone else seems to be talking so quietly.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"pmsl. Must try that one day lol"

on yourself ? or........

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"this forum is always a pleasure to pop in to to read the monthly joke thread

glad you like it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

There are four kinds of sex :

HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"

COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

A man goes to the doctor after feeling ill. The doctor says, "You know, you should have come to see me sooner. Unfortunately you have waited too long and you are going to die this evening." The man is distraught and wonders how he is going to tell his wife. Well, he tells her and she takes it pretty well. "Honey, this is going to be a night that you will always remember," she says. "I am going to treat you like a king." She prepares a scrumptious gourmet dinner with wine, candles-the works.

After dinner she slips away and returns in the most incredible negligee the man has ever seen. She leads him into their bedroom. They make the most passionate love they have ever made. The man is beside himself. Once done, the wife rolls over to go to sleep knowing she kept her promise. Well, the husband is wide awake watching the clock.

He knows that he is doomed. He taps her..."Honey?" he whispers. She rolls over and again proceed to make love. Again when they were done she rolls over and he taps her. She is getting cranky, but under the circumstances she grants her husband's dying wishes. Finally the wife rolls over and begins to snore. Well, the man decides to tap her again. "Honey?" he whispers. She rolls over and yells, "Oh sure! You don't have to get up in the morning!!!"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

ROFLMFAO...... Stunna, thats a classic....

Bippy xxx

"A blond drops off a shirt at the

cleaners.On the way out the door,the lady

at the counter says Come Again.The blond

says no its toothpaste this time. lol "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

AUSTRALIAN WAY!!

Judy Rudd an amateur genealogy researcher in southern Queensland ’s, was doing some personal work on her own family tree.

She discovered that Prime Minister Kevin Rudd's great-great uncle, Remus Rudd, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Melbourne in 1889. Both Judy and Kevin Rudd share this common ancestor.

The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows at the Melbourne Gaol. On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription:

'Remus Rudd horse thief, sent to Melbourne Gaol 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Melbourne-Geelong train six times.

Caught by Victoria Police Force, convicted and hanged in 1889.'

So Judy recently e-mailed Prime Minister Rudd for information about their great-great uncle Remus Rudd. Believe it or not, Kevin Rudd's staff sent back the following biographical sketch for her genealogy research:

"Remus Rudd was famous in Victoria during the mid to late 1800s. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Melbourne-Geelong Railroad. Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the Victoria Police Force. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honour when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed."

NOW That’s how it's done, Folks!

That's real POLITICAL SPIN!

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By *uckscouple2007Couple over a year ago

Bucks

An Englishman, a Welshman and a Pakistani are congregated outside the maternity ward where their respective wives have just given birth to their first born son’s

A doctor comes into the waiting area and informs the new fathers that the hospital have had a mix up with records and are unable to confirm which child is which

Being proud new fathers they all agree that they don’t need to wait until the results of DNA tests as they should each be identify their own child

The Englishman goes in first with the doctor to get his son and emerges with what is obviously the Pakistani child

The Pakistani father challenges him “What are you doing, that is clearly my child”

To which the Englishman replies…

“Maybe, but there is a risk that one of the other 2 is Welsh !”

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This morning I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who

called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around.

We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together.

I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and

rekindling a little of that 'old magic'.

'Wow!' I was flabbergasted. 'I don't know if I could keep pace with you

now', I said, 'I'm a bit older and a bit grayer and balder than when you

last saw me. Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have.'

She just giggled and said she was sure I would 'rise to the challenge'.

'Yeah.' I said. 'Just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline

that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of

muscle

tone...everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and I am

developing jowls like a Great Dane!'

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me saying

that

tubby gray haired older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be

great lover. Anyway, she giggled, 'I've put on a few pounds myself!'

So I told her to fuck off.

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By *uckscouple2007Couple over a year ago

Bucks

heehee

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By *etillanteWoman over a year ago

A boy turns up a school with a cat peeping out of his school bag. His teacher is very puzzled and asks the kid, "Tommy, what's your cat doing at school today?" Tommy answers, "I heard the postman telling me mammy when your kids go to school I'm going to eat your pussy! So I wasn't taking any chances".

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Man in ice cream shop says to his wife what flavour do u want? Chocolate she says. He slaps his son around the head and says what flavour do you want fat head? The shop keeper is shocked and says why did you slap your son and call him fat head? Man replies there are 3 things in life a man wants. A big car which I have, a great big house, which I have and a wife with a nice tight pussy. I had that too...until fat head came along!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Mick & Paddy were walkin home from the pub, mick says 2 paddy, i cant b bothered 2 walk all that way. I know says paddy, but weve no money 4 a cab & weve missed the bus home. Mick says we'll steal a bus from the depot. They arrive at the depot & mick tells paddy 2 go & get a bus while i keep lookout. 10 mins l8r mick shouts have u not found 1 yet, paddy shouts back, i cant find a number 91. Ah for fucks sake ya daft cunt ye, take the number 14 & we'll walk from the roundabout.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

2 women talking.

'Do u look @ ur husband's face when u have sex?'

'I did once & he looked really angry.'

'Why angry?'

'Because he was watching from the window.'

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Tiger Woods, Wayne Rooney, Ashley Cole, John Terry, Vernon Kay, Mark Owen.

What have they all got in common?

Wives who obviously need to make more of a fucking effort..Lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Shortly after being assigned to a new base, a Lieutenant and his wife were invited to the Colonel's home for an evening of bridge. The Lieutenant was partnered with the Colonel's wife and vice versa.

After many hands, the Lieutenant excused himself to use the toilet, but accidentally left the door ajar. When the sound of splashing echoed through the family room, his wife was greatly embarrassed and attempted to apologize.

The Colonel's wife smiled demurely, "Don't worry about it; this is the first time all evening that I've been able to tell what he has in his hand."

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?"

Her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet-dreams...and he thinks, what the hell, and goes on to tell her the works.

He covers a wide and varied assortment of sub topics and by the time he's finished, his daughter is somewhat awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge. Her father finally asks: "So what did you want to know about sex for?"

"Oh, mommy said to tell you lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Blowjob Etiquette (by a female)

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.

3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.

4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.

5. My ears are NOT handles.

6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?

7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.

8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.

9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.

10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.

11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.

12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.

13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.

14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.

15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.

16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Blowjib Etiquette (by a male)

1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.

2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.

3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?

4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.

5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!

6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. trust me.

7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country.

8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.

9. Play with the balls.

10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.

11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!

12. Make hay when the sun shines. it's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".

13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 16/09/10 19:11:22]

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

very good cath and del

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

A mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her young daughter walks in. "Mommy, where do babies come from?"

After thinking about it for a moment, the mother explains, "Well, dear, a girl and a boy fall in love and get married. Then, one night they go into their room, hug and kiss, and have sex." The child looks puzzled.

The Mother continues, "That means that daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, dear."

The child replies, "But, the other night when I came into your bedroom, you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that, Mommy?"

"Jewellery, dear."

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

10 Things In Golf Joke

1. Look at the size of his putter.

2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.

3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.

4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.

5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.

6. Lift your head and spread your legs.

7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.

8. Just turn your back and drop it.

9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.

10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Birth Control Joke

ave you heard about the new mint-flavored birth control pill for women that they take immediately before sex?

They're called "Predickamints!"

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Chicken and egg Joke

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg is frowning and looking very frustrated.

The egg mutters, to no one in particular, "Well, I guess we answered THAT question!"

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Children in the back of the car cause accidents.

Accidents in the back of the car cause children.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

What did the man say to the toothpaste model after she gave him oral sex?

"WOW! Those are the whitest teeth I've ever come across."

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By *uckscouple2007Couple over a year ago

Bucks

I went round a mate’s house yesterday, his kids were running all over the house, screaming and causing general mayhem

He looked at me and said “Don’t ever have kids mate”

“Why, are they hard work?” I asked

“No. You’re an ugly cunt”

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Confessions Of Sodom Joke

One Sunday, my priest asked if I could cover his Confession shift for him -- he said it was easy, since he had a sin list inside the booth which listed both sins and penance. I agreed and took the booth early on Sunday morning. Soon people showed up.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have committed adultery."

"Adultery, eh?" I said. "You sly devil. That'll be three hail mary's, plus five bucks."

"Thank you, Father." Another person came into the booth.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have embezzled money from work."

"Embezzlement, eh? Naughty, naughty. That'll be 5 hail mary's, plus fourteen bucks."

"Thank you, Father." This was easy, I thought. I can handle this. Another person came into the booth.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have commited the sin of butt-sex."

"Butt-sex, huh?" I looked at the list, but I didn't see butt-sex there. I excused myself to see if I could get some help. I found a choir boy hanging out on the steps of the church.

"Excuse me," I said. "What does Father Matthew give for buttsex?"

"Well," said the boy, "usually just milk and cookies, but sometimes a Snickers."

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Finally, something other than smiley faces....

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( + )( + ) fake silicone breasts

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{ O }{ O } d cups

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( ^ )( ^ ) cold breasts

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(Q)(O) pierced breasts

(p)(p) breasts with tassled pasties

\o/\o/ Grandma's breasts

( - )( - ) flat against the shower door breasts

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By *uckscouple2007Couple over a year ago

Bucks

"Confessions Of Sodom Joke

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have committed adultery."

"Adultery, eh?" I said. "You sly devil. That'll be three hail mary's, plus five bucks."

"Thank you, Father." Another person came into the booth.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have embezzled money from work."

"Embezzlement, eh? Naughty, naughty. That'll be 5 hail mary's, plus fourteen bucks."

"Thank you, Father." This was easy, I thought. I can handle this. Another person came into the booth.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have commited the sin of butt-sex."

"Butt-sex, huh?" I looked at the list, but I didn't see butt-sex there. I excused myself to see if I could get some help. I found a choir boy hanging out on the steps of the church.

"Excuse me," I said. "What does Father Matthew give for buttsex?"

"Well," said the boy, "usually just milk and cookies, but sometimes a Snickers."

While the pope was in Scotland recently he bought a 100 cases of malt whiskey as the salesman assured him it was a cheeky 12 year old that went down very well