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Funny one liners

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Scrolling threw Fbook and saw a few funny phrases and one liners. One of the funniest I've seen is

'Some people think they're a tall glass of champagne, when in fact they're a glass of warm piss in a plastic cup' lol

Just too funny!!

Anyone got some funny/sarky ones??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Forget about Prince Charming.

Go for the Wolf, he can see you better, hear you better and Eat you better!!

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By *aughtyTippcplCouple over a year ago

Nearby

"Thought my ex was my knight in shining armour, instead he was a tosspot in tinfoil"

Tina

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sometimes your knight in shining armour turns out to be just a retard in tin foil

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By *j47Man over a year ago

limerick

Be aware of some one treating u like a princess, princesses end up locked in towers

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By *aughtyTippcplCouple over a year ago

Nearby

Having sex is like playing bridge,, if u don't have a good partner u better have a good hand

Tina

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I'm no Cactus expert but I know a prick when I see one!!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

""Thought my ex was my knight in shining armour, instead he was a tosspot in tinfoil"

Tina

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By *aughtyTippcplCouple over a year ago

Nearby

Its not the fall that kills u,, its the sudden stop

Tina

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By *cjoyCouple over a year ago

Galway

What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.

Miss Mcjoy

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chickens ass and wait.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Its better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a window licker...rather than opening it and removing all doubt..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm not a qualified gynecologist but I'll have a bloody good look at it for you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Are you working in RSPCA? No? Good, as I am about to smash your pussy.

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By *irdnBorisMan over a year ago

meath

About as usefull as an ashtray on a honda 50 on a windy day

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That boy would bend a bar in a bog

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"That boy would bend a bar in a bog"

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"No my status wasn't about you but if the shoe fits,feel free to lace that that bitch up and wear it!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

""No my status wasn't about you but if the shoe fits,feel free to lace that that bitch up and wear it!!

I like it!

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By *olita xxWoman over a year ago

derry

I've met many pricks in my day but u sir are a fucking cactus

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By *olita xxWoman over a year ago

derry

So much for a knight in shining armour ! Your just a twat wrapped in tinfoil

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You my friend will act the pig till the butcher comes!!

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By *aughtyTippcplCouple over a year ago

Nearby

Wouldn't ride him/her into battle

Tina

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There's more brains in a used Durex.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Fuck this for a game of darts....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If people could read my mind , id get punched in the face alot!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

go way ya langer

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My cock AIT that big, but I can fill a pram.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Wouldn't ride him/her into battle

Tina

Love that!!!lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The tide wouldn't take him out

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By *aywhatnowMan over a year ago

North County

Wouldn't get a kick in a stampede

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 24/05/16 16:46:40]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I wouldn't touch her with a Bargepole

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The odds are good, but the goods are odd

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By *aywhatnowMan over a year ago

North County

I wouldn't get up on her to get over a wall..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

She's two lovely blue eyes one blew east and the other blew west

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By *arnal DesiresCouple over a year ago

Limerick

"You my friend will act the pig till the butcher comes!!"

Lmao class one

Fee

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Wind your neck in

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Im not made of stone but i do rock

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If brains were dynamite you would not have enough to blow the wax from your ears

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm not calling you a slut but even the label on your knickers says Next

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chickens ass and wait.

Good one ????

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"She said give me 12 inches, make bleed.... so I gave her my three inches 4 times and punched her in the nose....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If brains were made of cotton wool you wouldn't have enough to make a tampon for a Barbie doll.

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By *ichael McCarthyMan over a year ago

Lucan

She's no show pony but she'd do for riding around the house.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Is that a prolapse my dear or is your arse having for anal?

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By *oupleuncutCouple over a year ago

dun laoghaire

You must have diarrhea of the mouth...because there's a whole lot of shit coming from it.

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By *oughandCurvyCouple over a year ago

galway

Quick check your face cause I just found a nose in my business!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

*not mine!

"She's built for comfort, not speed..."

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By *ir1967Man over a year ago

in da sticks, london, amsterdam, madrid

Some peoples talk attracts flies

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Saucier than a direct hit on a Heinz factory

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By *ir1967Man over a year ago

in da sticks, london, amsterdam, madrid

He has a divine body, like a god ...really...i think Buddha that is

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By *oupleuncutCouple over a year ago

dun laoghaire

Sicker than a small plane to Lourdes

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Wouldn't ride him/her into battle

Tina

Love that!!!lol"

Absolutely brilliant!!

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By *aughtyTippcplCouple over a year ago

Nearby

He has the I.Q of a corn plaster

Tina

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hey your crazy is showing you might want to tuck that in a bit

Your IQ test came back negative

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Body off baywatch, face off crimewatch"

Have to say i use that alot

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As useless as a Bull with tits

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By *lmost Mary PoppinsWoman over a year ago

Slippery When Wetville

"The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chickens ass and wait.

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By *aid backMan over a year ago

by a lake with my rod out

'i may be dyslexic but you are a cnut'

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By *j47Man over a year ago

limerick

If I had a bag of Mickey's I'd not give her one

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By *isdirtygirlWoman over a year ago

Dublin

Going out like sex in the city and coming home like fair city..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You couldn't believe his radio..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You couldn't get your hole in a polo mint factory.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

More chins than a Chinese phone book...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

He couldn't organise an orgy in a whorehouse

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It wasn't for stirring his tae he got it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

He/she is as good as a chocolate firegard

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"'i may be dyslexic but you are a cnut' "

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Sicker than a small plane to Lourdes"

Love that ha!!

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By *j47Man over a year ago

limerick

If I had a face like u I'd shave me arse and walk backwards

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ill stick ur head up ur hole and make a wheelbarrow out of ya

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By *ichael McCarthyMan over a year ago

Lucan

She has a face on her like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle.

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By *ockhard and SweetcheeksCouple over a year ago

City

You don't look at the mantle piece while poking the fire

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Wouldn't ride him/her into battle

Tina

Love that!!!lol"

I would not ride it even if it had peddles

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The tide wouldn't take him out

A sniper wouldnt even take it out

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Would you kiss me under the mistletoe...i would not kiss you under an anesthetic

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've saved a euro every for every orgasm my hubby has given me since January to buy him his Xmas present. So far, he's getting a McFlurry!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Mr69: he couldn't stop a pig in a ginnel.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"She's no show pony but she'd do for riding around the house. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"She's no show pony but she'd do for riding around the house.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake !!!!!

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By *ombikerMan over a year ago

the right side of the river

If I had a garden full of mickeys, I wouldn't let her look over the wall

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Gonna start my day will 12 fucks and im gonna end it with a dozen fucks. How many am i gonna give away?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Gonna start my day will 12 fucks and im gonna end it with a dozen fucks. How many am i gonna give away?

Well id give you one and we turn that into a bakers dozen

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If i had 13 mickies i wouldnt give you the unlucky one

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By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman over a year ago

stourbridge area

I must say there are some horrid cruel people on here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I did,nt think I was overweight but I was sunbathing at the beach last week and Greenpeace tried to tow me back out to sea.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

She wouldn't get a ride in a rodeo

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I must say there are some horrid cruel people on here"

That's not a funny one liner

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why do women have orgasms

So they can moan in bed as well

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why are men like floor tiles

If you lay them properly first you can walk all of them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No honey

You're not the reason I breathe,

Ever heard of Oxygen

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nothing like the sound of a women gagging on your cock means she is chossing your cock over oxygen

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Do you have pet insurance, because your pussy is about to get fucked

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You have a face like a picture!!!...hanging

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By *aywhatnowMan over a year ago

North County

"If i had 13 mickies i wouldnt give you the unlucky one "

Ha ha

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not a one liners but v funny quote I saw today.

"My bird wanted to see Jeremy kyle live for her birthday so I got her sister pregnant. We're on next Tuesday"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If i had 13 mickies i wouldnt give you the unlucky one "

That reminds me of some of the classic Podge and Rodge one liners

"If I had a garden full of mickeys, I wouldn't let her look over the fence"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Do you have pet insurance, because your pussy is about to get fucked "

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By *aid backMan over a year ago

by a lake with my rod out

i wouldn't ride them into battle

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

She reminds me of king Billy of orange

Looks 16 from the back

But 90 from the front

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Too talk without thinking is too shoot without aiming"

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By *ichael McCarthyMan over a year ago

Lucan

She'd be like a moped... great fun to ride but you wouldn't want your friends to see you on her!

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By *oodbuddy 51Man over a year ago

Puerto Rico Gran Canaria

I wouldnt piss on her / him if they were on fire

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I always wake grumpy in the mornings then have a coffee.. this morning i just had coffee on my own and left her asleep..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

She's got a body from baywatch

And a face from crimewatch

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

They had a face like a welders bench!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

She was only the pilots daughter but she knew how to keep her cockpit clean.

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By *hangovCouple over a year ago

sheffield

Similies, what are they like?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your not as green as your cabbage looking..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Men and their penis pic's

WHY HAVE A DOUBLE DECKER, IF YOU CAN ONLY DRIVE A MINI. ..

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By *naconda 87Couple over a year ago

Derry

Let's play carpenters! First we'll get hammered and then I'm going to nail you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Even cillit wouldn't bang her...

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