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A newbie guide for reading profiles
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Over 18's only and a sense of humour required for this tongue in cheek cynical post. 
Profiles and what they really mean.
Adventurous = Total slut
30 something = 41
Fun = Annoying
Wild = Gets pissed easily
6ft = 5'8
Beautiful eyes = Face like a slapped arse
Slim = About 5yrs ago
Headstrong = Argumentative
Enjoys pubbing n clubbing = Alcoholic
New age = Hairy with a smelly fanny
Age 18-99 = Would fuck anything
Watersports = Incontinent
Gusher = Weak bladder
Squirter = Come on we all know it's piss
Living the dream = Lives at home
Loves being fisted = Huge vag
Reliable = Won't turn up
I'm good looking = Family and friend's are liars
Experienced = In masterbation
Discreet = Will share your pics and details with everyone
Has Kik = Give me your pics
Has whatsapp = Give me your pics
Has email = Give me your pics
Curvy = Fat fecker
Likes eating out = Greedy fat fecker
Cuddly = Fat Fecker
Likes night's in = Lazy fat fecker
Athletic = No tits
Rugby build = Huge fat fecker who's never ran for a bus let alone with a rugby ball
Slim and fit = Zero personalities and no fun
Can't accom = Lives at home
Can't accom = Married
Seeks knight in shining armour = Ex husbands a fucking nutter
Giving = Will let you suck my cock
Generous = Will let you suck my cock
We meet separately = We don't give a fuck about each other and rarely talk anymore
NSA = Wants to fuck every member of the site
Up for anything = Please I beg you to fuck me
Loves dogging = Miserable mean feckers that wouldn't spend Xmas
Outdoor fun = See above
Will fill out later = Has realised they're not very interesting
Open minded = Will look down and judge you
Up for banter = Probably a misogynist who loves to insult. It's banter!
No drama please = Creates WW3 wherever they go
Profile picture = High chance it isn't them
I work out a lot = Spends far too long in front of a mirror and has bad breath from protein shakes.
Loves all women = Just a pulse needed
Has Skype = Professional wanker
I'm sure there's loads more |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Can travel. Has bus pass.
Trimmed where it counts. Married.
No veries in a year. Under the care of an std clinic.
Not meeting right now. Chuff like a wizards sleeve.
Fit and looking for same. Shallow.
No time wasters. Time waster.
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By *iktikiCouple
over a year ago
city centre |
"Over 18's only and a sense of humour required for this tongue in cheek cynical post.
Profiles and what they really mean.
Adventurous = Total slut
30 something = 41
Fun = Annoying
Wild = Gets pissed easily
6ft = 5'8
Beautiful eyes = Face like a slapped arse
Slim = About 5yrs ago
Headstrong = Argumentative
Enjoys pubbing n clubbing = Alcoholic
New age = Hairy with a smelly fanny
Age 18-99 = Would fuck anything
Watersports = Incontinent
Gusher = Weak bladder
Squirter = Come on we all know it's piss
Living the dream = Lives at home
Loves being fisted = Huge vag
Reliable = Won't turn up
I'm good looking = Family and friend's are liars
Experienced = In masterbation
Discreet = Will share your pics and details with everyone
Has Kik = Give me your pics
Has whatsapp = Give me your pics
Has email = Give me your pics
Curvy = Fat fecker
Likes eating out = Greedy fat fecker
Cuddly = Fat Fecker
Likes night's in = Lazy fat fecker
Athletic = No tits
Rugby build = Huge fat fecker who's never ran for a bus let alone with a rugby ball
Slim and fit = Zero personalities and no fun
Can't accom = Lives at home
Can't accom = Married
Seeks knight in shining armour = Ex husbands a fucking nutter
Giving = Will let you suck my cock
Generous = Will let you suck my cock
We meet separately = We don't give a fuck about each other and rarely talk anymore
NSA = Wants to fuck every member of the site
Up for anything = Please I beg you to fuck me
Loves dogging = Miserable mean feckers that wouldn't spend Xmas
Outdoor fun = See above
Will fill out later = Has realised they're not very interesting
Open minded = Will look down and judge you
Up for banter = Probably a misogynist who loves to insult. It's banter!
No drama please = Creates WW3 wherever they go
Profile picture = High chance it isn't them
I work out a lot = Spends far too long in front of a mirror and has bad breath from protein shakes.
Loves all women = Just a pulse needed
Has Skype = Professional wanker
I'm sure there's loads more "
I though I warned you about using our profile,,,,Jez just gonna have to set dat aussie university on you now 
Brilliant post btw  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Seeking my own Mr grey = I haven't the faintest idea about bdsm nor do I realise how shite those books are or the fact that Christian grey is a abusive psychopath."
Now now john i wouldnt agree with that .Each to their own an all that
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"Seeking my own Mr grey = I haven't the faintest idea about bdsm nor do I realise how shite those books are or the fact that Christian grey is a abusive psychopath. Now now john i wouldnt agree with that .Each to their own an all that"
We'll agree to disagree KL, nothing against you but when I see that on a profile I just cringe. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Seeking my own Mr grey = I haven't the faintest idea about bdsm nor do I realise how shite those books are or the fact that Christian grey is a abusive psychopath. Now now john i wouldnt agree with that .Each to their own an all that
We'll agree to disagree KL, nothing against you but when I see that on a profile I just cringe. "
Agree to disagree then mr mingo |
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By *ilderMan
over a year ago
dublin |
"Seeking my own Mr grey = I haven't the faintest idea about bdsm nor do I realise how shite those books are or the fact that Christian grey is a abusive psychopath. Now now john i wouldnt agree with that .Each to their own an all that
We'll agree to disagree KL, nothing against you but when I see that on a profile I just cringe. "
Ditto Mr Mingo! |
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By *ean0001Man
over a year ago
Dublin West |
"Seeking my own Mr grey = I haven't the faintest idea about bdsm nor do I realise how shite those books are or the fact that Christian grey is a abusive psychopath. Now now john i wouldnt agree with that .Each to their own an all that
We'll agree to disagree KL, nothing against you but when I see that on a profile I just cringe.
Ditto Mr Mingo! "
Its only going to get worse again next year when the movie part 2 is out again...
Duracell already ramping up production of batteries.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Cue 90% of guys running off to change their profile...!!
Excellent post OP"
No I won't I can whloeheartly say that what I say I'm telling it honestly as it is |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Over 18's only and a sense of humour required for this tongue in cheek cynical post.
Profiles and what they really mean.
Adventurous = Total slut
30 something = 41
Fun = Annoying
Wild = Gets pissed easily
6ft = 5'8
Beautiful eyes = Face like a slapped arse
Slim = About 5yrs ago
Headstrong = Argumentative
Enjoys pubbing n clubbing = Alcoholic
New age = Hairy with a smelly fanny
Age 18-99 = Would fuck anything
Watersports = Incontinent
Gusher = Weak bladder
Squirter = Come on we all know it's piss
Living the dream = Lives at home
Loves being fisted = Huge vag
Reliable = Won't turn up
I'm good looking = Family and friend's are liars
Experienced = In masterbation
Discreet = Will share your pics and details with everyone
Has Kik = Give me your pics
Has whatsapp = Give me your pics
Has email = Give me your pics
Curvy = Fat fecker
Likes eating out = Greedy fat fecker
Cuddly = Fat Fecker
Likes night's in = Lazy fat fecker
Athletic = No tits
Rugby build = Huge fat fecker who's never ran for a bus let alone with a rugby ball
Slim and fit = Zero personalities and no fun
Can't accom = Lives at home
Can't accom = Married
Seeks knight in shining armour = Ex husbands a fucking nutter
Giving = Will let you suck my cock
Generous = Will let you suck my cock
We meet separately = We don't give a fuck about each other and rarely talk anymore
NSA = Wants to fuck every member of the site
Up for anything = Please I beg you to fuck me
Loves dogging = Miserable mean feckers that wouldn't spend Xmas
Outdoor fun = See above
Will fill out later = Has realised they're not very interesting
Open minded = Will look down and judge you
Up for banter = Probably a misogynist who loves to insult. It's banter!
No drama please = Creates WW3 wherever they go
Profile picture = High chance it isn't them
I work out a lot = Spends far too long in front of a mirror and has bad breath from protein shakes.
Loves all women = Just a pulse needed
Has Skype = Professional wanker
I'm sure there's loads more "
A side splittingly concise users guide index for fab! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Any verification that reads 'to die for'
I'm afraid to add any definitions but armed with a pussy between her legs and a caustic sense of humour coquette is the perfect woman for the job |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Any verification that reads 'to die for'
I'm afraid to add any definitions but armed with a pussy between her legs and a caustic sense of humour coquette is the perfect woman for the job "
That's what I love about you Flash, I just never know what the fuck you're on about. Thanks for the veri
Please tell me I told you you had a cock to die for?  |
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Absolutely brilliant
"Over 18's only and a sense of humour required for this tongue in cheek cynical post.
Profiles and what they really mean.
Adventurous = Total slut
30 something = 41
Fun = Annoying
Wild = Gets pissed easily
6ft = 5'8
Beautiful eyes = Face like a slapped arse
Slim = About 5yrs ago
Headstrong = Argumentative
Enjoys pubbing n clubbing = Alcoholic
New age = Hairy with a smelly fanny
Age 18-99 = Would fuck anything
Watersports = Incontinent
Gusher = Weak bladder
Squirter = Come on we all know it's piss
Living the dream = Lives at home
Loves being fisted = Huge vag
Reliable = Won't turn up
I'm good looking = Family and friend's are liars
Experienced = In masterbation
Discreet = Will share your pics and details with everyone
Has Kik = Give me your pics
Has whatsapp = Give me your pics
Has email = Give me your pics
Curvy = Fat fecker
Likes eating out = Greedy fat fecker
Cuddly = Fat Fecker
Likes night's in = Lazy fat fecker
Athletic = No tits
Rugby build = Huge fat fecker who's never ran for a bus let alone with a rugby ball
Slim and fit = Zero personalities and no fun
Can't accom = Lives at home
Can't accom = Married
Seeks knight in shining armour = Ex husbands a fucking nutter
Giving = Will let you suck my cock
Generous = Will let you suck my cock
We meet separately = We don't give a fuck about each other and rarely talk anymore
NSA = Wants to fuck every member of the site
Up for anything = Please I beg you to fuck me
Loves dogging = Miserable mean feckers that wouldn't spend Xmas
Outdoor fun = See above
Will fill out later = Has realised they're not very interesting
Open minded = Will look down and judge you
Up for banter = Probably a misogynist who loves to insult. It's banter!
No drama please = Creates WW3 wherever they go
Profile picture = High chance it isn't them
I work out a lot = Spends far too long in front of a mirror and has bad breath from protein shakes.
Loves all women = Just a pulse needed
Has Skype = Professional wanker
I'm sure there's loads more "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Any verification that reads 'to die for'
I'm afraid to add any definitions but armed with a pussy between her legs and a caustic sense of humour coquette is the perfect woman for the job
That's what I love about you Flash, I just never know what the fuck you're on about. Thanks for the veri
Please tell me I told you you had a cock to die for? "
Oh yeah I was supposed to do that. Lads she has a pussy 'made for premature ejaculation' |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Any verification that reads 'to die for'
I'm afraid to add any definitions but armed with a pussy between her legs and a caustic sense of humour coquette is the perfect woman for the job
That's what I love about you Flash, I just never know what the fuck you're on about. Thanks for the veri
Please tell me I told you you had a cock to die for?
Oh yeah I was supposed to do that. Lads she has a pussy 'made for premature ejaculation' "
I always wanted to do one with wow wow wow or hot hot hot but felt people would think I was taking the piss of those with speech impediments. Good to see you and your cervix dagger are in great form Flash x |
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