FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > To take a chance or not to

To take a chance or not to

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

As of 2016 more than 40% of couples who get married file for divorce ( me included 13 year marriage), and most relationships at my age are meaningless hookups where the guy ends up being called an idiot and the girl a psycho.

Of course there is exception to every rule.

We’ve been relying on sexual tension and physical attraction rather than actually getting to know someone and giving them the time of day, as they are entitled to.

Dates now rarely finish off with the man walking his significant other to the door of her house without the expectation of receiving a “happy ending” before midnight. If you decide not to- don't expect him to call the day after. (But there is always the kind of men that have patient and wait..but after...)

Those fleeting romances were fun at the time, but now they're just predictable.

I can literally smell booty call from a mile away — and I'm not interested.

I've spent plenty of Friday and Saturday nights wasting my time with men who seemed SUPER important at the time, but who's names I've now forgotten. They all turned out to be losers and on some special occasions, total dickheads.

?So yeah, I'll gladly spend some quality time with myself and my books over some guy who isn't interested in anything beyond the bedroom. It sounds cynical, I know, but I like to believe after years of personal experience that I'm being smart.

A friend once told me that if someone wants to be with you they will make it happen. The fact that I became a choice in someone's life is a position I never had. Or will have.

I know deep in my heart at some point in my exes's life they did actually care about me, but I also know my worth… and that’s something that unfortunately they cannot see- or any other man.

But I can, and I know I deserve someone who does not think twice about being by my side, someone whom I know that despite my crazy personality and hundreds of flaws, will accept me and love me for who I am- a.k.a - UNICORN

I never intended to be that girl, the one who kept waiting for months for a boy, not a man, but a boy, to make up his mind about whether I was the right fit for his life.

Eating from his trail of breadcrumbs. Waiting and wasting my time. It's emotionally draining. Can do damage to ones self esteem and perspective how relationships should be.

This doesn’t make a man a bad person, on the contrary, he deserves to be 100% sure of the girl he wants to be with. But it does not give him the privilege to come and go as he please.

Putting all my energy and time and effort onto someone or something that at the end of the day has been taking me for granted is something I’ll probably never do again.

Not only do I think it’s morally unethical for a person to not communicate their feelings and constantly keep someone on limbo, but I also have confidence that as more support towards young women grows as having a voice and seeking their self-worth, they will easily distinguish someone who truly treasures them and someone who just cannot see how valuable they are.

At the same time, I have not given up hope, that somewhere, someone is out there for me. For you. All we want, is to find someone to share happiness with. Take the risk open up and embrace the good and the bad life has to offer us.

Some will say this does not belong on a swingers site. I believe alot of people on this site are more open minded and more open to discussing such a topic.

Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I am right.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/03/17 18:36:22]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Until you find them, always.

It makes us vulnerable but to form a new bond you must be soft and pliable not hard & rigid (well he can be), get the chemistry right and it grows and one day you might have a mighty Oak that can stand against any wind.

Let there be Love.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You are truly right and never doubt yourself...

Regardless people of wanting to be swingers or certain fetishes it doesn't distract from the situation that we all wanted treated like a human.

We have physical demands but we also have emotional ones including men. I want that one and would trade the world for the one. I may not expect her to be here but doesn't mean I can't have fun while looking for the right one.

Yes we want to have fun too but doesn't mean we cant be respectful of the other person and not just rush past the idea of getting to know the other person.

I've been told I'm too emotional or too needy for a place like this but I always felt I understand the balance of a place like here and a one woman relationship.

I'll always want that at the end of the day with babies and grow old with

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There's a lot of damaging rhetoric these days about self worth and "deserving". It may well be true or it may not... The romantic equivalent of an x factor wannabe "deserving" fame and fortune if they just believe in their dream and wait for their "true ralent" to be seen.

A relationship is a two way street of compatibility... Physical, mental and ambition teamed with a lot of hard work... Although it should feel easy.

Modern technology is killing romance, we have too many options, are too fickle and spread ourselves too thinly rather than investing in somebody. Plus it spawns egotistical hasbeens who mistake someone wanting to fuck them (or anything) for being "the bomb"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There's a lot of damaging rhetoric these days about self worth and "deserving". It may well be true or it may not... The romantic equivalent of an x factor wannabe "deserving" fame and fortune if they just believe in their dream and wait for their "true ralent" to be seen.

A relationship is a two way street of compatibility... Physical, mental and ambition teamed with a lot of hard work... Although it should feel easy.

Beautifully put

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's a great thought provoking post by the way.... Give up your sins and return to "family values" for 2017

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

35% stay together for the sake of "family", financial security, afraid of change, or just because it's convenient. Is it better to stay together and be unhappy, or separate each go their own way And find happiness with other people.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's the quote about the majority of men living quiet lives of discontent?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"What's the quote about the majority of men living quiet lives of discontent? "

I can only guess ...

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By *j47Man over a year ago

limerick

"What's the quote about the majority of men living quiet lives of discontent? "

She's happy and I am married

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

An actuall thoughtful post such as this deserves to be discussed and belongs on any forum.

The lack of family values is the number one destroyer of not just relationships and families but also people.

Technology has a major part also.

Individuals not being capable of dealing with the hardships of relationships wasting time and energy fighting with each other instead of fighting for each other.

Fairytale stories don't help the cause.

The more advanced a society becomes the less meaningful life becomes.

Distractions, options, wants over needs. Greed lack of ability to communicate properly which in turn causes hostility.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A relationship is a two way street of compatibility... Physical, mental and ambition teamed with a lot of hard work... Although it should feel easy.

Very well put! I only had this conversation with a colleague yesterday and I agree that sadly modern technology is slowly destroying the dating scene for the majority of us single pringles.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Went and saw beauty and the beast yesterday. Love fairy tale. Yes Stockholm syndrome comes to mind here if you want to analyse it. But it also shows that beauty of the soul of the person is more important than looks.we are also so shallow. And vain. I am not throwing stones. I am guilty also.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

There are too many "distractions " now a days.

Ever see a couple out on a date with no phones??

No sign of the relationship on social media is a good sign. I believe in that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

All you girls that are too good to fuck on the first date get in touch

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oh ffs copy and paste something shorter.

Who can read all that?

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By *ir1967Man over a year ago

in da sticks, london, amsterdam, madrid

Gosh, reading all this statements I am reminded how lucky I am . Al those statements have their point, the only thing I am missing is the idea that love for anyone or anything is in one self. Love is a verb, something you do. The shallowness of the modern works with all its gadgets has alienated us from the true values of human relationships , and I am not talking about patriarchistic monogame family concept which is based on mutual ownership of the spouses of one and another.

I am talking about soul connection where one completes the other, not by intend but by deed. And I can tell it exist, it ain't an intangible fantasy

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There are too many "distractions " now a days.

Ever see a couple out on a date with no phones??

No sign of the relationship on social media is a good sign. I believe in that.

Phone out on a date is an instant goodbye from me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Oh ffs copy and paste something shorter.

Who can read all that?"

Ahem, we're having a moment here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Oh ffs copy and paste something shorter.

Who can read all that?

Ahem, we're having a moment here "

You mean we agree?

Oh ffs

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

And technically sex is the most intimate way to get to know someone so we are skipping the getting to know one another fully and embarking on the deep end first.

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By *ilderMan over a year ago

dublin

I'm more of an ass man myself, oh sorry wrong thread!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"An actuall thoughtful post such as this deserves to be discussed and belongs on any forum.

The lack of family values is the number one destroyer of not just relationships and families but also people.

Technology has a major part also.

Individuals not being capable of dealing with the hardships of relationships wasting time and energy fighting with each other instead of fighting for each other.

Fairytale stories don't help the cause.

The more advanced a society becomes the less meaningful life becomes.

Distractions, options, wants over needs. Greed lack of ability to communicate properly which in turn causes hostility.

Little to add except Supper flash and yourself have responded with very well put and apt responses. I would add to your list that 'I' has been replaced where 'we' should be in modern relationships. I want be happy and I expect to be happy is all to commonly banded around forgetting there's two in the relationship and 'we' needs to be considered before 'I'.

If we would consider giving more that expecting then a relationship will usually succeed. Unfortunately at the first hiccup we start to look for ourselves rather that at the joint sum. That's the first step downwards.

This was initially be short lol.

It's how we react and manage the hard times together that determine the strength or weakness of a relationship.

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By *ir1967Man over a year ago

in da sticks, london, amsterdam, madrid

"And technically sex is the most intimate way to get to know someone so we are skipping the getting to know one another fully and embarking on the deep end first. "

...with the collateral result that if we have sex at first encounter we usually don't have much to give anymore as we exposed our most intimate vulnerability already at first shot. "Post Coitum Animum Triste"

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'm more of an ass man myself, oh sorry wrong thread!!

Trust you to be the wild one

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Sex is normally the last step in a relationship...and other more important things are tested first...sex should never make nor break a relationship... Friendship and getting to know someone fully before hand ensures that when you do sleep with someone you are ready for that side of the relationship... I'm no expert but that's one thing I learned on the way.

Something which probably not to be found on fab.

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By *elfastDMan over a year ago

belfast

Very beautifully put unicorn

You are very good with words

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Sex is normally the last step in a relationship...and other more important things are tested first...sex should never make nor break a relationship... Friendship and getting to know someone fully before hand ensures that when you do sleep with someone you are ready for that side of the relationship... I'm no expert but that's one thing I learned on the way.

Something which probably not to be found on fab. "

Nah, sorry, but I'm not spending 6 months getting to know someone only to then find out that he sucks in the sack.

Maybe it's an age thing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

So when do you have sex ??

3rd date ?? 6th ??

You never stop getting to know your partner.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Something which probably not to be found on fab.

Nah, sorry, but I'm not spending 6 months getting to know someone only to then find out that he sucks in the sack.

Maybe it's an age thing."

Nope I completely agree. Not willing to fuck on the first few dates but I'm not willing to investigate a significant amount of my time in someone to end up in a relationship with shit sex.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So when do you have sex ??

3rd date ?? 6th ??

You never stop getting to know your partner. "

You should have sex when you want to, not as a third date clincher. Far too many women seem to see sex as a carrot to be dangled to induce the man to "earn" it. Intimacy to me is about knowing I can trust the person with my thoughts, hopes and fears - the inner me that I don't reveal to many.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You have to want to tear each others clothes off by date 2 in my opinion. #chemistry

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You have to want to tear each others clothes off by date 2 in my opinion. #chemistry "

It only took us an hour

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By *kcoupleCouple over a year ago

.....

"And technically sex is the most intimate way to get to know someone so we are skipping the getting to know one another fully and embarking on the deep end first. "

Sorry but I couldn't disagree more with this. Maybe in my younger days this might have sounded right but delving into the mind of a partner should stimulate you just as much as crap sex after two or three dates.

I'm not sure if you are a victim of the usual dating sites which leave most jaded and resentful of the opposite sex going in what real world friends have told me. Keep in mind d the same can be said for the girls men meet. A two way street if I've ever seen one. Cutting away all the bullshit sometimes we just have to look at ourselves and the choices we make. I seriously doubt I am anywhere near the perfect husband but my array of faults fuck ups amazing recoverys from the brink must count for something

The day you stop looking for perfection you might stand some chance of getting what you crave. Feck all point blaming? others for our bad choices though. Technology is only another option. We click the buttons

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There are too many "distractions " now a days.

Ever see a couple out on a date with no phones??

No sign of the relationship on social media is a good sign. I believe in that.

I don't ask him to but Mr usually leaves his at home when we go out on a date...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And we don't Bookface...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There are too many "distractions " now a days.

Ever see a couple out on a date with no phones??

No sign of the relationship on social media is a good sign. I believe in that.

I don't ask him to but Mr usually leaves his at home when we go out on a date..."
Must have had his phone today?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Until you find them, always.

Let there be Love."

Couldn't agree more with you Candy especially this post.

If you have sex first off then the relationship could be based on the lust of the new sex and not building on the relationship first.

A month or 2 depending on how many times you meet up with them before sex. I think it shows the person they should always make the effort for you

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By *vpamelaTV/TS over a year ago

kinkville

You're all forgetting that 200 years ago most of us would be dead by now because the average life expectancy was a lot less. Relationships naturally didn't last very long due to war, famine disease, accidents etc.humans weren't meant to be stuck together for such a long life. I'm surprised the divorce rate isn't higher actually. Oh wait, it probably would be if it wasn't so ridiculously expensive.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"You're all forgetting that 200 years ago most of us would be dead by now because the average life expectancy was a lot less. Relationships naturally didn't last very long due to war, famine disease, accidents etc.humans weren't meant to be stuck together for such a long life. I'm surprised the divorce rate isn't higher actually. Oh wait, it probably would be if it wasn't so ridiculously expensive.

40% is alot. Taking in consideration Ireland has the longest separation trial of 4 years whereas even our neighbours ask for 2 year trial separation, then delegation, court costs. If you spread it over 4-6 years and the lawyers get paid at the end it's not that expensive. Spread the cost.

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By *kcoupleCouple over a year ago

.....

The divorce rate in Ireland is 0.6% per 1000 person's. I don't think that translates to 40% in any level here. It many Eastern European countries it is up around that figure but not here. I have no doubt however that if more were financially better off the figure would increase dramatically

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

That figure is from couple of years ago. Yes Ireland has the lowest divorce rate. All down to the simple fact Ireland is still very much against divorce. 15-18 years ago divorce was unheard of.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ireland has the lowest divorce rate in the EU, don't know where the OP is getting 40% from, but I don't believe the divorce rate here is any kind of accurate reflection of the extent of marriage failure. Due to the ridiculous length of separation requirement prior to filing for a divorce, many couples arrange separation terms and often remain in that limbo rather than finalising a divorce.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"That figure is from couple of years ago. Yes Ireland has the lowest divorce rate. All down to the simple fact Ireland is still very much against divorce. 15-18 years ago divorce was unheard of. "

Well, it is only 21 years since it was signed into law, so that's hardly surprising.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"That figure is from couple of years ago. Yes Ireland has the lowest divorce rate. All down to the simple fact Ireland is still very much against divorce. 15-18 years ago divorce was unheard of. "

Have you a link for where you got these figures from?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Ladies stop jumping on the bandwagon.

Just have a wee think.

Out of all the weddings you have attended in the last 10 years.

How many couples are happily married ??

How many are not wanting to get out ??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ladies stop jumping on the bandwagon.

Just have a wee think.

Out of all the weddings you have attended in the last 10 years.

How many couples are happily married ??

How many are not wanting to get out ?? "

So you pulled the 40% out of a hat then.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I don't have any hats apart from Caps.

Oh no wait. I have some wooly hats.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ladies stop jumping on the bandwagon.

Just have a wee think.

Out of all the weddings you have attended in the last 10 years.

How many couples are happily married ??

How many are not wanting to get out ?? "

I'm not jumping on any band wagon.

You gave statistics and I'm asking where you got them from because in the articles I've just read - 40% doesn't appear in any of them, not even close.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"As of 2016 more than 40% of couples who get married file for divorce"

That is not a statistic.

That is saying 40% of couple who get married file for divorce.

It did not say " 40% of couples who get married end in divorce "

That would be a statistic.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

""As of 2016 more than 40% of couples who get married file for divorce"

That is not a statistic.

That is saying 40% of couple who get married file for divorce.

It did not say " 40% of couples who get married end in divorce "

That would be a statistic.

Of course its a statistic

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By *kcoupleCouple over a year ago

.....

"Ladies stop jumping on the bandwagon.

Just have a wee think.

Out of all the weddings you have attended in the last 10 years.

How many couples are happily married ??

How many are not wanting to get out ?? "

Bandwagon ??? Not a term I would use when I disagree with someone. I simply provided an accurate figure from 2016. My job intails dealing with the effects of broken relationships and marriages. When stating a fact to make a point it's usually best to back it up with a source like eorustat or a recent census not following a statement with question marks.

I have not doubt your own experiences intitle you to a wide opinion but it's not wise to generalize on such an important topic when the facts are easy to come by. Please don't take this as anything other than me trying to correct some wrong figures. It is an interesting topic

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

""As of 2016 more than 40% of couples who get married file for divorce"

That is not a statistic.

That is saying 40% of couple who get married file for divorce.

It did not say " 40% of couples who get married end in divorce "

That would be a statistic.

Of course its a statistic"

Currently it's looking more like an "alternative fact".

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By *vpamelaTV/TS over a year ago

kinkville

"Ireland has the lowest divorce rate in the EU, don't know where the OP is getting 40% from, but I don't believe the divorce rate here is any kind of accurate reflection of the extent of marriage failure. Due to the ridiculous length of separation requirement prior to filing for a divorce, many couples arrange separation terms and often remain in that limbo rather than finalising a divorce."

Yes you can end up paying twice - judicial separation then divorce. Only in Ireland

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

This topic is not about the divorce rate in Ireland. How high or low.

This is how in the midst of all that entails dating, which may or may not end in marriage, a woman or man, falls for someone but it doesn't end well. How you have to pick up the pieces and not give up. How technology impacts relationships nowadays. How it's not about "me" it should be about "us".

Fight for what you want. If it's love. Then. Fight for it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Everyone just needs to put themselves out there

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By *ingerrrrWoman over a year ago

Meath

I love your post.

That is all.

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By *vpamelaTV/TS over a year ago

kinkville

"This topic is not about the divorce rate in Ireland. How high or low.

Fight for what you want. If it's love. Then. Fight for it.

But maybe most of us prefer a shorter, passionate fling than a long drawn out fight?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I love your post.

That is all. "

Thank you.

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By *it_tribesmanMan over a year ago

Galway

You are very lucky to have had 13 years of a relationship. Many people (myself included) have never had a relationship for 13 weeks! And probably never will.

It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"This topic is not about the divorce rate in Ireland. How high or low.

Fight for what you want. If it's love. Then. Fight for it.

But maybe most of us prefer a shorter, passionate fling than a long drawn out fight?"

Then go for it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Everyone just needs to put themselves out there "

Yes we do

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By *vpamelaTV/TS over a year ago

kinkville

"You are very lucky to have had 13 years of a relationship. Many people (myself included) have never had a relationship for 13 weeks! And probably never will.

It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."

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By *vpamelaTV/TS over a year ago

kinkville

"This topic is not about the divorce rate in Ireland. How high or low.

Fight for what you want. If it's love. Then. Fight for it.

But maybe most of us prefer a shorter, passionate fling than a long drawn out fight?

Then go for it.

Living the dream now

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I wonder if its not technology but consumerism thats had more impact. Everything these days seems more disposable. If it breaks, we dont belittle ourselves by trying to fix it, but always opt for the new because its there and we can. Seems to me that in relationships nowadays, we're looking for that perfect thing, instead of having something and trying to mould it into something better. People ebb and flow and change, and so too should a relationship, and that takes work. I think sometimes it just doesnt work out and isnt meant to be, but i do think theres times where it can but sadly for parties involved its given up on too early?!?!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

In the olden days if it was broken you worked at it till you fixed it. That's what my granddad always said. I've seen it written as well.

Yes I think that is also very true.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

When youve tried everything and it still doesnt work then call a halt. Always hope

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By *oggoneMan over a year ago

Derry

"What's the quote about the majority of men living quiet lives of discontent? "

Maybe I'm wrong but thing you're misquoting Henry Thoreau, 'the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myX1jQe8oXY. You may more familiar with Christy Moore singing this

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You are truly right and never doubt yourself...

Regardless people of wanting to be swingers or certain fetishes it doesn't distract from the situation that we all wanted treated like a human.

Yes we want to have fun too but doesn't mean we cant be respectful of the other person and not just rush past the idea of getting to know the other person.

I've been told I'm too emotional or too needy for a place like this but I always felt I understand the balance of a place like here and a one woman relationship.

I'll always want that at the end of the day with babies and grow old with "

Love this

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"35% stay together for the sake of "family", financial security, afraid of change, or just because it's convenient. Is it better to stay together and be unhappy, or separate each go their own way And find happiness with other people.

Ive always thought two happy homes is better than one unhappy home, i know this doesn't cover the financial aspect...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"When youve tried everything and it still doesnt work then call a halt. Always hope

Remember, it takes two, you can't fix it without a partner's willing co-operation.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ladies stop jumping on the bandwagon.

Just have a wee think.

Out of all the weddings you have attended in the last 10 years.

How many couples are happily married ??

How many are not wanting to get out ??

You can get yourself in awful trouble around here if you start questioning the veracity of certain statistics

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What's the quote about the majority of men living quiet lives of discontent?

Maybe I'm wrong but thing you're misquoting Henry Thoreau, 'the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myX1jQe8oXY. You may more familiar with Christy Moore singing this"

That's the one, thanks

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"When youve tried everything and it still doesnt work then call a halt. Always hope

Remember, it takes two, you can't fix it without a partner's willing co-operation."

Oh god yeah..sorry, thats what i meant...takes two to tango.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Interesting fact is that arranged marriages are proven to be happier marriages - they work at it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You're clearing ignoring or omitting Judicial Separation which you along with Italy have...a two tier separation/divorce system. If you include those who opt for the judicial separation which a larger portion are now opting for as it's quicker and cheaper then the figures In Ireland are almost the same as the rest of Europe.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ive always thought two happy homes is better than one unhappy home, i know this doesn't cover the financial aspect..."

We often carry our baggage into the next simply by the fact that we haven't left it or worked at it. The stats of divorce/reseparation exponentially increase without that have already gone through the process too.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ive always thought two happy homes is better than one unhappy home, i know this doesn't cover the financial aspect...

Without = with those*

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By *onygirl19Woman over a year ago

co dublin

"Interesting fact is that arranged marriages are proven to be happier marriages - they work at it "
I've heard that said as well , and apparently it is true

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Interesting fact is that arranged marriages are proven to be happier marriages - they work at it I've heard that said as well , and apparently it is true "

Is this really true though? Is it happiness measured by divorce rate? Because I doubt that the culture which forces people into arranged marriages supports divorce?!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Uh,that was my point....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Interesting fact is that arranged marriages are proven to be happier marriages - they work at it I've heard that said as well , and apparently it is true

Is this really true though? Is it happiness measured by divorce rate? Because I doubt that the culture which forces people into arranged marriages supports divorce?!"

It's not that long since we had a culture of "put up and shut up" where marriage was concerned either.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Interesting fact is that arranged marriages are proven to be happier marriages - they work at it I've heard that said as well , and apparently it is true

Is this really true though? Is it happiness measured by divorce rate? Because I doubt that the culture which forces people into arranged marriages supports divorce?!"

"researchers have found".... Could be bullshit, need the original papers to be sure.

Seems to be based on survey responses on objective measures of happiness with the conclusion that they never get into the trap of looking for the "perfect" person from day one.... Losing the grass is greener effect

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Nobody is perfect.

It's being with a person despite their flaws. Accepting them and working together on the relationship. Make it work. But both parties have to be honest from day 1.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Nobody is perfect.

It's being with a person despite their flaws. Accepting them and working together on the relationship. Make it work. But both parties have to be honest from day 1.

If only it were that simple

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

People complicate relationships.

It could be easy.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"People complicate relationships.

It could be easy. "

Just make the man a sandwich after some Love Making and you have him forever

Your welcome

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"People complicate relationships.

It could be easy. "

It's never going to be easy, two disparate individuals with their own wants, needs and desires, which evolve and change over the years, as well as the stresses of work, children, money, illness, third party relationships and whatever else life throws at you - worth it, maybe, easy, I think not.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"People complicate relationships.

It could be easy.

Just make the man a sandwich after some Love Making and you have him forever

Your welcome "

If she's able to make you a sandwich, I then you haven't done the job properly

Juicy

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Interesting fact is that arranged marriages are proven to be happier marriages - they work at it I've heard that said as well , and apparently it is true

Is this problems true though? Is it happiness measured by divorce rate? Because I doubt that the culture which forces people into arranged marriages supports divorce?!"

I've lived and grew up in two of those cultures. It's actually a more compelling argument for marriage preparation than our own in many more ways. Ours is about 'me' more often than not. Theirs is more inclusive and brings in others. After all we are not Islands...We need others...We have to have others to survive. Our has changed too from 100 years ago...its been affected more recently by the easily disposable/replacement culture that no longer fixes anything. ( we're less Green today that we were 50 yrs ago...but that's a different topic)

To answer your question though....

1. most are not forced into arranged marriages, they are very much part of the decision making (that idea of forced has now been so generalised that's it's obscene. There are those who are indeed and we see and hear about it on the news but I that's not true arranged marriage.

2. They do allow divorce, separation, polygomy and other models in place too. What they also have is a system where family or in extreme cases village elders will redress problems that the couple or an individual faces.

Our system really leave the couple to sort out their own problem...partly to do with pride butaalso we don't want others to interfere and do see the benefits of family support and intervention as a norm.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"People complicate relationships.

It could be easy.

Just make the man a sandwich after some Love Making and you have him forever

....

Your welcome "

That works for me everytime...

Fuck him and feed him... Simply as

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"People complicate relationships.

It could be easy.

Just make the man a sandwich after some Love Making and you have him forever

....

Your welcome

That works for me everytime...

Fuck him and feed him... Simply as

I had a croissant with ham and melted cheese and a cinnamon pastry afterwards yesterday.

Do I return or not....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"People complicate relationships.

It could be easy.

Just make the man a sandwich after some Love Making and you have him forever

....

Your welcome

That works for me everytime...

Fuck him and feed him... Simply as

amen

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I would feed him steak .. and veggies ... that's what I would need ... then have a go at it again ... and again ...

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"People complicate relationships.

It could be easy.

That life. You have to be able to not loose sight of what's important.

Outside factors will always try and strain a relationship. Do you let it ?? Or do you see past it ??

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By *kcoupleCouple over a year ago

.....

"Nobody is perfect.

It's being with a person despite their flaws. Accepting them and working together on the relationship. Make it work. But both parties have to be honest from day 1.

I agree all but for the last line, if we were 100% from day one about all of our kinks and fantasies been would have called each other freaks and ran for the hills. Some things are best drip fed

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I would feed him steak .. and veggies ... that's what I would need ... then have a go at it again ... and again ...

Medium rare please

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I would feed him steak .. and veggies ... that's what I would need ... then have a go at it again ... and again ...

Medium rare please"

Wouldn't have it any other way...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Uh,that was my point...."

You seem to contradict yoyrself unless im mistaken. You took issue with the 40% that OP was suggesting, yet your following statement seems to the support that with so many opting for judicial separation and limbo ( both are characteristics of broken marriage which is what the OP is about). Marriage break down in Ireland is at similar % levels as the European average.

The stats should really look at like for like.... Catholic cultured countries, as this would give insight into comparable reflections for thought and analysis.

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By *kcoupleCouple over a year ago

.....

Uh,that was my point....

The stats should really look at like for like.... Catholic cultured countries, as this would give insight into comparable reflections for thought and analysis. "

Can you produce sources to back up your figures because as far as I and Eurostar are aware Ireland is substantially below the euro average. If you can't back up you shouldn't quote exact figures

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By *kcoupleCouple over a year ago

.....

Just to add the most recent complete divorce data available is for 2014. There were 2,629 divorces granted by the Circuit Court and the High Court in 2014. This was an decrease of 320 on the 2013 figure. A drop of 10% on the previous year

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Uh,that was my point....

The stats should really look at like for like.... Catholic cultured countries, as this would give insight into comparable reflections for thought and analysis.

Can you produce sources to back up your figures because as far as I and Eurostar are aware Ireland is substantially below the euro average. If you can't back up you shouldn't quote exact figures"

Yes. The same articles they got their figures from...but you need to read the rest of the articles. ..not the initial paragraph. They were only quoting specific divorce %, no account of judicial separation which amounts to the same thing. If you also read further you'll notice it dies state what I stated about Catholic countries and to add in the mix..It quotes only 13% in Ireland compared to 40% in the UK get married...yet the divorce/separation and judicial seems to be the same %. That's an interesting status! Proportionally it's constant irrespective of the total sum.

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By *kcoupleCouple over a year ago

.....

It's also interesting to see how year in year marriages are going away from any religious aspect. Personally I think that can only be a positive, people are free to dictate there own terms rather than an unmarried preacher waving? a finger for not following certain teachings that have no real place in modern society

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Uh,that was my point....

The stats should really look at like for like.... Catholic cultured countries, as this would give insight into comparable reflections for thought and analysis. "

My point was that the blunt divorce statistic (which for Ireland is far lower than 40% as claimed by the OP) is not an accurate reflection of the level of marital breakdown in Ireland. I'm not disputing that we are as good at messing it up as anyone else, but to use inaccurate statistics serves nobody well.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's also interesting to see how year in year marriages are going away from any religious aspect. Personally I think that can only be a positive, people are free to dictate there own terms rather than an unmarried preacher waving? a finger for not following certain teachings that have no real place in modern society"

But is it not dictating our own terms as opposed to allowing family or other influences that causes divorce rates to rise? This is a reflection of the culture of "me, me, me" so prevalent in western society now.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Which teachings would those be? Many people still wish to be monogamous and faithful, are you suggesting that these are unacceptable in "modern" society? Whatever happened to tolerance?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why is it a negative? The freedom to divorce is a hard won freedom. Need we remember what people (especially women) had to endure before the had this freedom. The loss of traditional values is largely exaggerated. Many traditional values were well worth dispensing with. Many of them are not flexible or fluid and designed to maintain a heirarchy of power and influence. Kids aren't suffering more from high divorce rates as they were in the prevalence of abusive toxic relationships. We should trust in people to govern over their own lives and the opportunity to marry and divorce purely for legal reasons outside the hocum of religion is a hard worn freedom

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Unfortunately many people prove rather inept at self-government. And oddly enough, many still remain in toxic and abusive relationships, there is more to it than being legally free to divorce.

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By *kcoupleCouple over a year ago

.....

I'm not so sure having more control over how we build our relationships is such a bad thing. Some say me me me while others say it's freedom of choice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Personal freedom comes with a price too.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm not so sure having more control over how we build our relationships is such a bad thing. Some say me me me while others say it's freedom of choice. "

It's a positive for some, whether it's a positive for society at large is open to debate.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Unfortunately many people prove rather inept at self-government. And oddly enough, many still remain in toxic and abusive relationships, there is more to it than being legally free to divorce."

Having the freedom is the be all and end all. Of course people still make bad decisions regardless of how many legal freedoms they have. But bemoaning a selfish uncommitted society is actually quite selfish in itself. It hints at holier than thou tendencies. Legal freedoms are fundamental for a happy society. Let people be free to make their own mistakes. Advice from friends and family is the only governance any one needs regarding their personal relationships and how they choose to navigate them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Unfortunately many people prove rather inept at self-government. And oddly enough, many still remain in toxic and abusive relationships, there is more to it than being legally free to divorce.

Failure is stitched into the fabric of life. It's fundamental. Not really something that needs to be eradicated. Or glossed over

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Unfortunately many people prove rather inept at self-government. And oddly enough, many still remain in toxic and abusive relationships, there is more to it than being legally free to divorce.

This would all be great if it were only the adults themselves suffering the fallout from relationship breakdown, sadly children are too.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Unfortunately many people prove rather inept at self-government. And oddly enough, many still remain in toxic and abusive relationships, there is more to it than being legally free to divorce.

This would all be great if it were only the adults themselves suffering the fallout from relationship breakdown, sadly children are too."

I think children are more adaptable than you're giving them credit for and would in most cases prefer a mum and dad with two homesteads than everyone been forced to endure a toxic one. I know I would have. And if seen evidence of it plenty of other kids who have had to deal with divorcing parents. Some of the most toxic societies prioritised outward appearances over all else. At the expense of any real honesty and freedom

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Unfortunately many people prove rather inept at self-government. And oddly enough, many still remain in toxic and abusive relationships, there is more to it than being legally free to divorce.

This would all be great if it were only the adults themselves suffering the fallout from relationship breakdown, sadly children are too.

Not all unhappy relationships are "toxic".

As a divorced parent, I can tell you that the effect on my kids was devastating and unbelievably painful to witness at the time, and for kids whos parents don't manage divorce and custody amicably, the effects will be lifelong

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sounds like it's little to do with marriage but more to do with anti religion feelings. Not sure all most ministers are single..may need in the Catholic Church it is but outside that most are married.

Would you say Marriage has no place in modern society then?

Does society dictate what it should do and how or should other pressures come to bare in forming and regulating how society progresses? Interesting topic but that's for another time .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Unfortunately many people prove rather inept at self-government. And oddly enough, many still remain in toxic and abusive relationships, there is more to it than being legally free to divorce.

This would all be great if it were only the adults themselves suffering the fallout from relationship breakdown, sadly children are too.

Not all unhappy relationships are "toxic".

Very true.

Another interesting status born out by many many surveys is that if you've been a child from a divorced family during your formative years who marries you're 3x more likely to end in divorce than if you came from a stable marriage. Also stats show that fewer from divorced families take that route. We are conditioned by our past.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I can only go by what I know.

My son is a much happier child now then when his father and I were together.

My son has come out of the very ugly messy divorce and has since started the healing process. I believe that it all has to do with how the adults deal with the situation.Children know the truth. If the child gets the support and is able to communicate with someone then the healing process is more effective. I know there are extreme cases and every family is different.

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By *shoreMan over a year ago

cork

I have not read all the coments....i just want to say.....that it was beautifuly said......

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I can only go by what I know.

My son is a much happier child now then when his father and I were together.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I can only go by what I know.

My son is a much happier child now then when his father and I were together.

Unfortunately most divorces are ugly and messy for various reasons. Few are civil and amicable leaving all parties in a good place.

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By *r rightABCMan over a year ago

cork

O l would if I meet the right person

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By *ilderMan over a year ago

dublin

"Nobody is perfect.

It's being with a person despite their flaws. Accepting them and working together on the relationship. Make it work. But both parties have to be honest from day 1.

I agree all but for the last line, if we were 100% from day one about all of our kinks and fantasies been would have called each other freaks and ran for the hills. Some things are best drip fed

I fully agree on the drip feed policy, if i were to lay bare my idiosyncrasies in one go it'd be a lot to take in. I'd like to think my good parts outweigh my bad and i may find someone that sees that but only time will tell if i ever get to have that conversation again

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Nobody is perfect.

It's being with a person despite their flaws. Accepting them and working together on the relationship. Make it work. But both parties have to be honest from day 1.

I agree all but for the last line, if we were 100% from day one about all of our kinks and fantasies been would have called each other freaks and ran for the hills. Some things are best drip fed

Crossing my fingers for you

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By *ex0x28Man over a year ago

the middle

Great point and so well put Redunicorn

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Great point and so well put Redunicorn

Thank you charming

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By *ineMan over a year ago

In cave behind a waterfall on a hill

"I can only go by what I know.

My son is a much happier child now then when his father and I were together.

If we fail ( wrong word but not sure how else to say it) at relationships for whatever reason there can be nothing more important ever that protecting any child. They are not only our future but precious beyond all compare.

No one has the right to expect a perfect life a perfect marriage a perfect anything. We are all flawed by our own experiences and owe it to each other to be more tolerant of each others beliefs experiences desires and goals.

How can we judge anyone unless we have walked in thier shoes...and then we might discover that our views are more tempered by understanding of their experience.

In a world of instant everything sometimes to simply stop watch the clouds listen to the waves look at the stars....

And then think of that kiss or touch or memory or even a dream of what might have been or what might yet be...

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

When do you give up ?? When do you know it's time to move on ??

Dare you break your own heart ??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Unfortunately I tend to be the sucker who won't give up, who'd rather fix the problems than to let them stay that way.

Most times the other party takes the easy way out, calls it a day for the relationship and I'm left looking like a fool again.

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By *kmanMan over a year ago

Letterkenny

[Removed by poster at 30/03/17 16:34:45]

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By *akemecum2018Woman over a year ago

Galway

"As of 2016 more than 40% of couples who get married file for divorce ( me included 13 year marriage), and most relationships at my age are meaningless hookups where the guy ends up being called an idiot and the girl a psycho.

Of course there is exception to every rul