FabSwingers.com > Forums > Ireland > Dealing with an alcoholic.
Dealing with an alcoholic.
Jump to: Newest in thread
Had to finish my last relationship because of his serious drink problem . He'd become really nasty and say the most horrible things , very very hurtful , was so selfish and just couldn't see the damage he was causing. He thought saying sorry should be enough, mostly because he couldn't remember most of the shit he'd put me through just a few hours previously . My dad died just before Christmas and there was just no sympathy or empathy coming from him . I was going through the worst time in my life , and all I got from him was him wanting me to be there for his selfish needs . To be honest one of the reasons I've not been meeting since I finished with him just after Christmas , is all the damage that he did me in the last year . It's like I've just totally lost my mojo / sex drive . Which is a pity , because prior to that relationship I had a fantastic time on here . ( I stupidly deleted my old profile when I got with him , biggest feckin mistake ever !!!) |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Had to finish my last relationship because of his serious drink problem . He'd become really nasty and say the most horrible things , very very hurtful , was so selfish and just couldn't see the damage he was causing. He thought saying sorry should be enough, mostly because he couldn't remember most of the shit he'd put me through just a few hours previously . My dad died just before Christmas and there was just no sympathy or empathy coming from him . I was going through the worst time in my life , and all I got from him was him wanting me to be there for his selfish needs . To be honest one of the reasons I've not been meeting since I finished with him just after Christmas , is all the damage that he did me in the last year . It's like I've just totally lost my mojo / sex drive . Which is a pity , because prior to that relationship I had a fantastic time on here . ( I stupidly deleted my old profile when I got with him , biggest feckin mistake ever !!!) "
I'm so sorry to read your story, you have had to deal with so much  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Bit of a serious topic but if there's anyone here who has or is dealing with either a family member or someone close to you who drinks way too much, could you pm me please."
I'm an alcoholic..no shame in admitting it..I went through 5 years of heavy drinking wont say it was all bad for the most part I enjoyed it but when it was shit it was the worst ever..quitting was very difficult..the first dry weekend I had in 5 years I was like a fish out of water..extremely self conscious to the point of a panic attack..I then knew i had a problem and this was only going 1 way either I quit now or I keep going I decided to quit..if I kept going the way I was going I'd be dead now..I stayed off it for a year and ahalf..the first 6 months I felt numb..almost dead inside but things gradully got better..I can drink now no bother to me and get d*unk but its not habit anymore..before it was every weekend or every second night religiously but now it could be once every 2 months or special occasions and I dont miss it when im off it the way it should be  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By *ineMan
over a year ago
In cave behind a waterfall on a hill |
It's not even admitting there is a problem for many....its their desire and determination to seek a solution.
Watching someone destroy their life and leaving a trail of misery behind them is not easy but until the individual takes control of their addiction and overcomes it then there is sadly little anyone can do to change them.
Only you can decide your relationship with the person who suffers from any addiction but no one can change that person's life no matter how you try.
I hope you find a solution that works for you. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I walked away from a relationship with an alcoholic. Definitely the right thing to do. They would never change, despite the endless empty promises, will probably end up dead or in a gutter. The one thing I had control of was whether I stood round and watched them do it.
Unless they are willing to admit they have a problem and are prepared to change then they will always put alcohol before you. You have to decide if that is the life you want. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I walked away from a relationship with an alcoholic. Definitely the right thing to do. They would never change, despite the endless empty promises, will probably end up dead or in a gutter. The one thing I had control of was whether I stood round and watched them do it.
Unless they are willing to admit they have a problem and are prepared to change then they will always put alcohol before you. You have to decide if that is the life you want."
100% |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Had to finish my last relationship because of his serious drink problem . He'd become really nasty and say the most horrible things , very very hurtful , was so selfish and just couldn't see the damage he was causing. He thought saying sorry should be enough, mostly because he couldn't remember most of the shit he'd put me through just a few hours previously . My dad died just before Christmas and there was just no sympathy or empathy coming from him . I was going through the worst time in my life , and all I got from him was him wanting me to be there for his selfish needs . To be honest one of the reasons I've not been meeting since I finished with him just after Christmas , is all the damage that he did me in the last year . It's like I've just totally lost my mojo / sex drive . Which is a pity , because prior to that relationship I had a fantastic time on here . ( I stupidly deleted my old profile when I got with him , biggest feckin mistake ever !!!)
I'm so sorry to read your story, you have had to deal with so much "
Thank you xx , . I was going through the absolute worst time in my life , my poor dad was so ill for so long , and when my then boyfriend would have a few drinks he'd just start slagging me off ( for absolutely no reason , other than the focus wasn't on him !) . Gave him a thousand chances and forgave him time and time again . The whole situation has ruined myself confidence . It's so hard to come back from that kind of abuse . He was oblivious to what he was doing , as long as he could get d*unk , he didn't care about anyone or anything else |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Bit of a serious topic but if there's anyone here who has or is dealing with either a family member or someone close to you who drinks way too much, could you pm me please.
I'm an alcoholic..no shame in admitting it..I went through 5 years of heavy drinking wont say it was all bad for the most part I enjoyed it but when it was shit it was the worst ever..quitting was very difficult..the first dry weekend I had in 5 years I was like a fish out of water..extremely self conscious to the point of a panic attack..I then knew i had a problem and this was only going 1 way either I quit now or I keep going I decided to quit..if I kept going the way I was going I'd be dead now..I stayed off it for a year and ahalf..the first 6 months I felt numb..almost dead inside but things gradully got better..I can drink now no bother to me and get d*unk but its not habit anymore..before it was every weekend or every second night religiously but now it could be once every 2 months or special occasions and I dont miss it when im off it the way it should be "
Fair play fella |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Had to finish my last relationship because of his serious drink problem . He'd become really nasty and say the most horrible things , very very hurtful , was so selfish and just couldn't see the damage he was causing. He thought saying sorry should be enough, mostly because he couldn't remember most of the shit he'd put me through just a few hours previously . My dad died just before Christmas and there was just no sympathy or empathy coming from him . I was going through the worst time in my life , and all I got from him was him wanting me to be there for his selfish needs . To be honest one of the reasons I've not been meeting since I finished with him just after Christmas , is all the damage that he did me in the last year . It's like I've just totally lost my mojo / sex drive . Which is a pity , because prior to that relationship I had a fantastic time on here . ( I stupidly deleted my old profile when I got with him , biggest feckin mistake ever !!!)
I'm so sorry to read your story, you have had to deal with so much Thank you xx , . I was going through the absolute worst time in my life , my poor dad was so ill for so long , and when my then boyfriend would have a few drinks he'd just start slagging me off ( for absolutely no reason , other than the focus wasn't on him !) . Gave him a thousand chances and forgave him time and time again . The whole situation has ruined myself confidence . It's so hard to come back from that kind of abuse . He was oblivious to what he was doing , as long as he could get d*unk , he didn't care about anyone or anything else "
Unfortunately it happens, I went through a similar thing but luckily enough I was able to walk away. Not before my confidence and self esteem were destroyed and left me seriously afraid and closed off to people |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
By the way , I gave nothing against drinking , and I love a drink myself . It's the abuse of alcohol to the point of abusing yourself and those around you that's the problem . Alcoholism is a terrible disease , and destroys lives . |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I left a 20 yr relationship had 2 children with him ... it's only now that I've left him do I see I enabled him to continue his behaviour ... I didn't walk away unscathed but with the support of a few good friends i just about made it through and I'm now 3yrs in a new relationship with a non drinker all is good ... get support don't be afraid to ask for help and don't brush things under the carpet
Best of luck with it all xxx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Had to finish my last relationship because of his serious drink problem . He'd become really nasty and say the most horrible things , very very hurtful , was so selfish and just couldn't see the damage he was causing. He thought saying sorry should be enough, mostly because he couldn't remember most of the shit he'd put me through just a few hours previously . My dad died just before Christmas and there was just no sympathy or empathy coming from him . I was going through the worst time in my life , and all I got from him was him wanting me to be there for his selfish needs . To be honest one of the reasons I've not been meeting since I finished with him just after Christmas , is all the damage that he did me in the last year . It's like I've just totally lost my mojo / sex drive . Which is a pity , because prior to that relationship I had a fantastic time on here . ( I stupidly deleted my old profile when I got with him , biggest feckin mistake ever !!!)
I'm so sorry to read your story, you have had to deal with so much Thank you xx , . I was going through the absolute worst time in my life , my poor dad was so ill for so long , and when my then boyfriend would have a few drinks he'd just start slagging me off ( for absolutely no reason , other than the focus wasn't on him !) . Gave him a thousand chances and forgave him time and time again . The whole situation has ruined myself confidence . It's so hard to come back from that kind of abuse . He was oblivious to what he was doing , as long as he could get d*unk , he didn't care about anyone or anything else "
You are doing great though, active on Fab is am achievement in itself  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
God, luckily I haven't anyone with such a struggle. Between alcohol and gambling addiction our country is in a difficult place. Gambling addiction and a fascination with being a punter seems to have engulfed society. If it's any consolation - at least with alcohol you know there's a problem and you can try and take steps to help, with gambling sometimes we don't know until it's too late. Gambling if paralysing our country imo. Good luck OP! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Its not an addiction, its a choice.. Dont care what anyone says, same as drugs.
You choose to drink or do drugs, every day the choice is there.
While this person is happy with their choice its others that suffer. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Its not an addiction, its a choice.. Dont care what anyone says, same as drugs.
You choose to drink or do drugs, every day the choice is there.
While this person is happy with their choice its others that suffer."
It starts off as a choice then leads to addiction, then the choice isn't there... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Its not an addiction, its a choice.. Dont care what anyone says, same as drugs.
You choose to drink or do drugs, every day the choice is there.
While this person is happy with their choice its others that suffer.
It starts off as a choice then leads to addiction, then the choice isn't there..."
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"God, luckily I haven't anyone with such a struggle. Between alcohol and gambling addiction our country is in a difficult place. Gambling addiction and a fascination with being a punter seems to have engulfed society. If it's any consolation - at least with alcohol you know there's a problem and you can try and take steps to help, with gambling sometimes we don't know until it's too late. Gambling if paralysing our country imo. Good luck OP! "
Yes , huge huge gambling problem here and in the uk , you only have to look at the telly to see all the adds for online bingo etc etc and adds for payday loans with crippling interest rates . It really is a slippery slope . Drinking ( to excess ) gambling , drugs , you're making a deal with the devil , and you'll not come out the better of it ! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ineMan
over a year ago
In cave behind a waterfall on a hill |
"Its not an addiction, its a choice.. Dont care what anyone says, same as drugs.
You choose to drink or do drugs, every day the choice is there.
While this person is happy with their choice its others that suffer.
It starts off as a choice then leads to addiction, then the choice isn't there..."
All addictions start by choice until the need becomes so great that pouring vodka on cornflakes becomes the only way a person can function. My brother is at that stage and has been told his next drink could kill him. But he's still my brother.
I cannot tell OP what he should do or pass judgement on the decisions others have taken in their lives. Sometimes walking away from a situation can be the only way to protect yourself from the damage others can and do cause.
There are no simple solutions and each of us needs to find our own route to our own peace.
I hope OP you find yours. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ineMan
over a year ago
In cave behind a waterfall on a hill |
"My goodness, pouring vodka on cornflakes is drastic...so so sorry to hear about your brother,terrible terrible times for your family "
Thank you. I cannot change his life and will not judge how others deal with their problem in any similar situation.
We all have a duty to ourselves to seek our own peace our own happiness our own contentment ...
Whatever that may be.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Its not an addiction, its a choice.. Dont care what anyone says, same as drugs.
You choose to drink or do drugs, every day the choice is there.
While this person is happy with their choice its others that suffer.
It starts off as a choice then leads to addiction, then the choice isn't there..."
This 100%. Watched it destroy too often to count. Once it's an addiction no matter what it is...choice plays no part in preventing it. It plays a part is starting to stop when the realisation that you're ruined and you're ruining those who love you.... untill then choice plays little part except taking more.
Getting behind the cause is the key to then unlock the slow healing process and break it's grip.
To the poster above who admits to bring an alcoholic and thinks they're in control of their drink now, youre playing with fire, wait till the cause looks at you in your face again, you'll be back before 2 clicks. To know what it can do and to dance with it is craziness. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"By the way , I gave nothing against drinking , and I love a drink myself . It's the abuse of alcohol to the point of abusing yourself and those around you that's the problem . Alcoholism is a terrible disease , and destroys lives . "
Alcoholism is an addiction, not a disease. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I know its different but i was a huge pot head.
Weed isnt body addictive more mental i had a few panic attacks and when i got stoned i thought i was gonna have another 1 they call it the chronic.
But anyway i thought i was always gonna be a stoner but health reasons was why i stopped.
When you think of it purly selfish reasons.
Ive an addictive personality done the gambling heres another 1 i think i ended up getting a kick out of my horses losing would have went into a rant about jockeys fucked up but you kinda feel alive being angry |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I read in one of the replies that someone said the only way to protect yourself is to walk away.. I 100% agree with this.
The mental and emotional torture that gets thrown at you, makes yourself doubt in yourself.
We all have opinions, that is mine from plenty of experience |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"By the way , I gave nothing against drinking , and I love a drink myself . It's the abuse of alcohol to the point of abusing yourself and those around you that's the problem . Alcoholism is a terrible disease , and destroys lives .
Alcoholism is an addiction, not a disease."
Addiction/ disease , to me the addiction is the disease , but I really don't want to split hairs . The end result is the same , lives ruined . And even when you get far far away from it , the effects are still in you . Takes a long time to get over the toxic mess .  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"By the way , I gave nothing against drinking , and I love a drink myself . It's the abuse of alcohol to the point of abusing yourself and those around you that's the problem . Alcoholism is a terrible disease , and destroys lives .
Alcoholism is an addiction, not a disease. Addiction/ disease , to me the addiction is the disease , but I really don't want to split hairs . The end result is the same , lives ruined . And even when you get far far away from it , the effects are still in you . Takes a long time to get over the toxic mess . "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I read in one of the replies that someone said the only way to protect yourself is to walk away.. I 100% agree with this.
The mental and emotional torture that gets thrown at you, makes yourself doubt in yourself.
We all have opinions, that is mine from plenty of experience "
You are 100% right , but not always easy to just walk away when you care for someone . Usually in the end the only thing you can do is to walk away . It's just all so sad . |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I read in one of the replies that someone said the only way to protect yourself is to walk away.. I 100% agree with this.
The mental and emotional torture that gets thrown at you, makes yourself doubt in yourself.
We all have opinions, that is mine from plenty of experience You are 100% right , but not always easy to just walk away when you care for someone . Usually in the end the only thing you can do is to walk away . It's just all so sad . "
Tis, but only so much a person can take, so many 'I will change' I will get help or are you going to walk out too,'s you can handle.
I'm not telling OP or anyone else what to do, but I've no tolerance for this shit.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I read in one of the replies that someone said the only way to protect yourself is to walk away.. I 100% agree with this.
The mental and emotional torture that gets thrown at you, makes yourself doubt in yourself.
We all have opinions, that is mine from plenty of experience You are 100% right , but not always easy to just walk away when you care for someone . Usually in the end the only thing you can do is to walk away . It's just all so sad .
Tis, but only so much a person can take, so many 'I will change' I will get help or are you going to walk out too,'s you can handle.
I'm not telling OP or anyone else what to do, but I've no tolerance for this shit. "
Yep , I've had my fill in the last year , and in other scenarios previously. Enough to last me a lifetime! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"By the way , I gave nothing against drinking , and I love a drink myself . It's the abuse of alcohol to the point of abusing yourself and those around you that's the problem . Alcoholism is a terrible disease , and destroys lives .
Alcoholism is an addiction, not a disease."
The official position is that "alcoholism is a disease. The craving that an alcoholic feels for alcohol can be as strong as the need for food
We all choose freely to take a drink but no one chooses to suffer from alcoholism. OP there are fantastic support groups in place for families coping with alcoholism ,have a chat with your GP. You can offer support to the recovery of an alcoholic, but only them and them alone can take the first steps
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The sad factor op until the person admits they have the problem there, is little more that can be done. "
Tuck the words out of my mouth. Totaly agree with you. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Op you need to build yourself up again don't let anyone ever put you down. You look a gorgeous sexy lady and start believing in yourself saying every day I am a sexy lady and if guys want me they have to woo me . Wish you the best of luck . Stop putting yourself down will you |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Op you need to build yourself up again don't let anyone ever put you down. You look a gorgeous sexy lady and start believing in yourself saying every day I am a sexy lady and if guys want me they have to woo me . Wish you the best of luck . Stop putting yourself down will you "
Choco , take the beer goggles off
Op is male |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Op you need to build yourself up again don't let anyone ever put you down. You look a gorgeous sexy lady and start believing in yourself saying every day I am a sexy lady and if guys want me they have to woo me . Wish you the best of luck . Stop putting yourself down will you
Choco , take the beer goggles off
Op is male "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"By the way , I gave nothing against drinking , and I love a drink myself . It's the abuse of alcohol to the point of abusing yourself and those around you that's the problem . Alcoholism is a terrible disease , and destroys lives .
Alcoholism is an addiction, not a disease.
The official position is that "alcoholism is a disease. The craving that an alcoholic feels for alcohol can be as strong as the need for food
We all choose freely to take a drink but no one chooses to suffer from alcoholism. OP there are fantastic support groups in place for families coping with alcoholism ,have a chat with your GP. You can offer support to the recovery of an alcoholic, but only them and them alone can take the first steps"
Well can agree to disagree |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"By the way , I gave nothing against drinking , and I love a drink myself . It's the abuse of alcohol to the point of abusing yourself and those around you that's the problem . Alcoholism is a terrible disease , and destroys lives .
Alcoholism is an addiction, not a disease.
The official position is that "alcoholism is a disease. The craving that an alcoholic feels for alcohol can be as strong as the need for food
We all choose freely to take a drink but no one chooses to suffer from alcoholism. OP there are fantastic support groups in place for families coping with alcoholism ,have a chat with your GP. You can offer support to the recovery of an alcoholic, but only them and them alone can take the first steps
Well can agree to disagree "
You're disagreeing with me , You're disagreeing with AMA that reclassified alcoholism from an illness to a disease in 1991 But maybe you feel better informed, who knows. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"By the way , I gave nothing against drinking , and I love a drink myself . It's the abuse of alcohol to the point of abusing yourself and those around you that's the problem . Alcoholism is a terrible disease , and destroys lives .
Alcoholism is an addiction, not a disease.
The official position is that "alcoholism is a disease. The craving that an alcoholic feels for alcohol can be as strong as the need for food
We all choose freely to take a drink but no one chooses to suffer from alcoholism. OP there are fantastic support groups in place for families coping with alcoholism ,have a chat with your GP. You can offer support to the recovery of an alcoholic, but only them and them alone can take the first steps
Well can agree to disagree
You're disagreeing with me , You're disagreeing with AMA that reclassified alcoholism from an illness to a disease in 1991 But maybe you feel better informed, who knows."
Any thoughts on it being a choice and not even an addiction, no? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"By the way , I gave nothing against drinking , and I love a drink myself . It's the abuse of alcohol to the point of abusing yourself and those around you that's the problem . Alcoholism is a terrible disease , and destroys lives .
Alcoholism is an addiction, not a disease.
The official position is that "alcoholism is a disease. The craving that an alcoholic feels for alcohol can be as strong as the need for food
We all choose freely to take a drink but no one chooses to suffer from alcoholism. OP there are fantastic support groups in place for families coping with alcoholism ,have a chat with your GP. You can offer support to the recovery of an alcoholic, but only them and them alone can take the first steps
Well can agree to disagree
You're disagreeing with me , You're disagreeing with AMA that reclassified alcoholism from an illness to a disease in 1991 But maybe you feel better informed, who knows.
Any thoughts on it being a choice and not even an addiction, no?"
No |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"By the way , I gave nothing against drinking , and I love a drink myself . It's the abuse of alcohol to the point of abusing yourself and those around you that's the problem . Alcoholism is a terrible disease , and destroys lives .
Alcoholism is an addiction, not a disease.
The official position is that "alcoholism is a disease. The craving that an alcoholic feels for alcohol can be as strong as the need for food
We all choose freely to take a drink but no one chooses to suffer from alcoholism. OP there are fantastic support groups in place for families coping with alcoholism ,have a chat with your GP. You can offer support to the recovery of an alcoholic, but only them and them alone can take the first steps
Well can agree to disagree
You're disagreeing with me , You're disagreeing with AMA that reclassified alcoholism from an illness to a disease in 1991 But maybe you feel better informed, who knows.
Any thoughts on it being a choice and not even an addiction, no?
No "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Is there any scientific proof that alcoholism tends to run in families? Apologies if it's off topic, I have no wish to hijack this thread, but thought the question is related to the topic.
To the OP, I'm very sorry for the situation you're in, and don't have any real advice I can give, but I wish you well, and your friend or family member too, it can't be an easy situation for anyone involved. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
