FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > The whole of you...
The whole of you...
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
Bare with me this may be a little long and rambling..
We recently discovered that when war approached in her native home, my Nanna one day didn’t go home. She and her best friend got on a boat and left their country.. She didn’t/couldn’t go back for over 40 years.. as the oldest of her community she took her secrets with her...
Got me thinking... who knows all of you?!?!
Where you’ve lived, what you’ve done, who you’ve loved, etc.... does anyone know the full picture or do many know snippets?
I’ve known my best mate since I was 3 and she’s the only human who knows every piece. If I was to go tomorrow she would truly be the one person on this planet that knows the full picture. I found that really surreal...
So how about you? Who knows all of you?
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
even jay doesnt know the whole of me he knows most everything but i still surprise him after 15 years when i mention something that i hadnt before. Its not that im hiding anything from him just parts of my past ive forgotten about until something reminds me. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I'm struggling to think of much my best friends, sister and ex dont know about me. It's probably only my fab connection that they have limited info on, but I think they know me through and through on the whole. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
No one. I have so many secrets that my secrets have secrets.
I’m in a really tight friendship group and we tell each other pretty much everything but there’s still a lot I keep to myself that they have no idea about
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
See the thing is we're all still learning even now.
In my head for years I thought I accidentally caught my mum shagging the bloke who did the pebble dashing on our house (I was about 7)
Only last year did it hit me that she wasn't having sex with him, he was fucking her whilst she was pissed up telling him to stop. We know what that equates to.
Yeah... explains a fair bit as to why she was so cold. Fighting her own demons.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Do you find it weird that so many experiences and magic times may disappear because of how few people know about them? They’re so important.. yet will vanish in the greater scheme of life... "
Im not sure i understand that. I rarely sit and think about my past.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Nobody knows me. I got close to someone and they often remind me that they are the only one that “knows” me.
I only allowed them to know what I wanted. I don’t want to hurt their feelings so I don’t tell them.
I don’t think I will ever trust another with the true me. I’m too damaged in my mind. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"See the thing is we're all still learning even now.
In my head for years I thought I accidentally caught my mum shagging the bloke who did the pebble dashing on our house (I was about 7)
Only last year did it hit me that she wasn't having sex with him, he was fucking her whilst she was pissed up telling him to stop. We know what that equates to.
Yeah... explains a fair bit as to why she was so cold. Fighting her own demons.
"
yeah I get that too.. some weird stuff has emerged recently about my parents and it made me really understand how little I know there too x
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do you find it weird that so many experiences and magic times may disappear because of how few people know about them? They’re so important.. yet will vanish in the greater scheme of life... "
I do always think this when I look at old family photographs. They all had their own lives and thoughts and experiences that I know nothing about apart from what I can see on the photo, and yet they are part of my history too. I worry about when I just become that unknown person on a photograph. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"Do you find it weird that so many experiences and magic times may disappear because of how few people know about them? They’re so important.. yet will vanish in the greater scheme of life... Im not sure i understand that. I rarely sit and think about my past. "
More a question of what we leave behind.. what we’d like those behind us to know. I think it may be enhanced by the fact that much of my family don’t understand mental illness so may never really understand the fuller picture because they’re unaware of how it all came to be.. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"Do you find it weird that so many experiences and magic times may disappear because of how few people know about them? They’re so important.. yet will vanish in the greater scheme of life...
I do always think this when I look at old family photographs. They all had their own lives and thoughts and experiences that I know nothing about apart from what I can see on the photo, and yet they are part of my history too. I worry about when I just become that unknown person on a photograph. "
Exactly this.. x I won’t have kids so I wonder what will be remembered. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Bare with me this may be a little long and rambling..
We recently discovered that when war approached in her native home, my Nanna one day didn’t go home. She and her best friend got on a boat and left their country.. She didn’t/couldn’t go back for over 40 years.. as the oldest of her community she took her secrets with her...
Got me thinking... who knows all of you?!?!
Where you’ve lived, what you’ve done, who you’ve loved, etc.... does anyone know the full picture or do many know snippets?
I’ve known my best mate since I was 3 and she’s the only human who knows every piece. If I was to go tomorrow she would truly be the one person on this planet that knows the full picture. I found that really surreal...
So how about you? Who knows all of you?
"
Me and me only 
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
No one. It’s a deeply sad thought.
Moreover my dad is unwell and I’m finding it hard to have what feel like more meaningful conversations with him to make sure I’m getting the most of each moment with him as it’s all so overly poignant. I want him to really know me and me him. He’s amazing and I adore him. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Noone. Not even close either.
Not being close to my parents means even my childhood isn't even a fully story to another human except me. I can't ever see it changing. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"No one. It’s a deeply sad thought.
Moreover my dad is unwell and I’m finding it hard to have what feel like more meaningful conversations with him to make sure I’m getting the most of each moment with him as it’s all so overly poignant. I want him to really know me and me him. He’s amazing and I adore him. "
I’m sorry chuck.. didn’t mean to make you sad!! I think the later years with loved ones make us realise how valuable their lives and experiences are x sending love. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
A good question OP.
I think we all show (or hide) different facets to different people.
My trusted friends know bits and pieces about me but I dont think any one person knows all and everything about me.
Same with my parents. They've both died in the last three years and I realise now how much I don't know about them, apart from pretty broad brush strokes or the parts they chose to reveal.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
"No one. It’s a deeply sad thought.
Moreover my dad is unwell and I’m finding it hard to have what feel like more meaningful conversations with him to make sure I’m getting the most of each moment with him as it’s all so overly poignant. I want him to really know me and me him. He’s amazing and I adore him.
I’m sorry chuck.. didn’t mean to make you sad!! I think the later years with loved ones make us realise how valuable their lives and experiences are x sending love. "
Oh you didn’t, I mean I was already and it was cathartic to post. Xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
People only know about me what I care to share with them.
Parents for example really don’t know much except where I’ve lived and who long term partners were that I’ve lived with. From age 11 -16 I was at boarding school, left home at 18 so they only know what I choose to share with them.
Friends is the same, no one really knows me, just bits and actually different bits from each other
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"No one. It’s a deeply sad thought.
Moreover my dad is unwell and I’m finding it hard to have what feel like more meaningful conversations with him to make sure I’m getting the most of each moment with him as it’s all so overly poignant. I want him to really know me and me him. He’s amazing and I adore him.
I’m sorry chuck.. didn’t mean to make you sad!! I think the later years with loved ones make us realise how valuable their lives and experiences are x sending love.
Oh you didn’t, I mean I was already and it was cathartic to post. Xx"
Ah good  cherish your time. I’m sure your dad is loving every minute x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"No one. It’s a deeply sad thought.
Moreover my dad is unwell and I’m finding it hard to have what feel like more meaningful conversations with him to make sure I’m getting the most of each moment with him as it’s all so overly poignant. I want him to really know me and me him. He’s amazing and I adore him. "
Oh this hit home...my dad is recovering from kidney failure. Recovering thankfully but we almost lost him. My folks live in Bulgaria and being stuck here whilst he was so ill broke my heart. I love my daddy and I couldn't help but think of all the things I wanted to ask and say to him but hadn't yet. I'm going to make every second of my future visits count!
Sending you so much love Estella, I'm sorry your dad's not well
Lu  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"See the thing is we're all still learning even now.
In my head for years I thought I accidentally caught my mum shagging the bloke who did the pebble dashing on our house (I was about 7)
Only last year did it hit me that she wasn't having sex with him, he was fucking her whilst she was pissed up telling him to stop. We know what that equates to.
Yeah... explains a fair bit as to why she was so cold. Fighting her own demons.
yeah I get that too.. some weird stuff has emerged recently about my parents and it made me really understand how little I know there too x
"
And I think sometimes instead of trying to "protect us" they do more harm than good. I'm sure that's not the only reason my mum was cold, I think she's a cold person anyway but at least I may not have internalised so much and realised that I wasn't the problem, I wasn't as unlovable as she made me feel, and that actually, she had issues.
Her behaviour caused a great deal of damage, and it was unnecessary. It shouldn't need to take me to the age of 42 to be able to go "oh, that's part of why she was a bitch, it wasn't that she hated me, she probably hated herself and was projecting" |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"No one. It’s a deeply sad thought.
Moreover my dad is unwell and I’m finding it hard to have what feel like more meaningful conversations with him to make sure I’m getting the most of each moment with him as it’s all so overly poignant. I want him to really know me and me him. He’s amazing and I adore him. "
Please try
I would give anything to go back and have 'that' conversation with my Dad, he knew me better than anyone and I saw a side of him that no one saw, not even my Mum.
I think back and realise I knew him better than anyone.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Thinking about this has literally brought me to tears!
The few people who knew just about everything about me have all been in my past for 4 years.
Even fewer people who i have known only in the last 4 years know parts of my past, but they are also in the past and don't know me now.
A handful of people know little bits, but that's only the bits i've mentioned on the fab forums.
So basically nobody knows much about me, not having any family or friends means i have nobody to tell, and if i did have somebody to tell id be scared to open up and tell them everything as id be scared they would turn their back on me.
Probably doesnt make sense to a lot of people who read this so i'll stop typing  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"See the thing is we're all still learning even now.
In my head for years I thought I accidentally caught my mum shagging the bloke who did the pebble dashing on our house (I was about 7)
Only last year did it hit me that she wasn't having sex with him, he was fucking her whilst she was pissed up telling him to stop. We know what that equates to.
Yeah... explains a fair bit as to why she was so cold. Fighting her own demons.
yeah I get that too.. some weird stuff has emerged recently about my parents and it made me really understand how little I know there too x
And I think sometimes instead of trying to "protect us" they do more harm than good. I'm sure that's not the only reason my mum was cold, I think she's a cold person anyway but at least I may not have internalised so much and realised that I wasn't the problem, I wasn't as unlovable as she made me feel, and that actually, she had issues.
Her behaviour caused a great deal of damage, and it was unnecessary. It shouldn't need to take me to the age of 42 to be able to go "oh, that's part of why she was a bitch, it wasn't that she hated me, she probably hated herself and was projecting" "
Rings bells x Starting to understand a different picture to the one o remember and it’s tough. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
"No one. It’s a deeply sad thought.
Moreover my dad is unwell and I’m finding it hard to have what feel like more meaningful conversations with him to make sure I’m getting the most of each moment with him as it’s all so overly poignant. I want him to really know me and me him. He’s amazing and I adore him.
Please try
I would give anything to go back and have 'that' conversation with my Dad, he knew me better than anyone and I saw a side of him that no one saw, not even my Mum.
I think back and realise I knew him better than anyone.
"
I will keep trying, and in memory of your dad too. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *stellaWoman
over a year ago
London |
"No one. It’s a deeply sad thought.
Moreover my dad is unwell and I’m finding it hard to have what feel like more meaningful conversations with him to make sure I’m getting the most of each moment with him as it’s all so overly poignant. I want him to really know me and me him. He’s amazing and I adore him.
Oh this hit home...my dad is recovering from kidney failure. Recovering thankfully but we almost lost him. My folks live in Bulgaria and being stuck here whilst he was so ill broke my heart. I love my daddy and I couldn't help but think of all the things I wanted to ask and say to him but hadn't yet. I'm going to make every second of my future visits count!
Sending you so much love Estella, I'm sorry your dad's not well
Lu "
Thanks Lu. So pleased for your papa’s recovery |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I'm a fairly open book and tend to overshare if anything and have always believed in talking things through when I'm able to - that said very few people know all of me, the whole unexpurgated me - and those that do are people I trust implicitly and can talk to about anything and everything.
Others get snippets of the whole me, but very few know me inside and out. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Different people know different things
I'm of the thinking that we all need something just for ourselves
It doesn't have to all be known by someone else |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
No one anymore. There was one, once but I've changed and grown as a person since then, had more experiences, life has changed. Now they only know what I choose to share. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"Thinking about this has literally brought me to tears!
The few people who knew just about everything about me have all been in my past for 4 years.
Even fewer people who i have known only in the last 4 years know parts of my past, but they are also in the past and don't know me now.
A handful of people know little bits, but that's only the bits i've mentioned on the fab forums.
So basically nobody knows much about me, not having any family or friends means i have nobody to tell, and if i did have somebody to tell id be scared to open up and tell them everything as id be scared they would turn their back on me.
Probably doesnt make sense to a lot of people who read this so i'll stop typing "
I’m sorry  I think you’ll see it makes perfect sense to many of us. Some people are never meant to know the whole picture,, but maybe some are.. I don’t know. Don’t think there’s a universal answer. But sometimes it just good to stop and think and make any changes you deem important whilst you can. I think losing someone you love has this affect... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I feel for everyone who's struggling with this . I just thought i'd mention one thing in case it helps anyone. I write a journal to my daughter. Not daily, I just update it occasionally with things about me and our daily life that she might forget or misremember when she's older. I genuinely love talking to future her, it's like another best friend I havent met yet and I want her to know the me as I am now, as well as her mum when she's grown. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I feel for everyone who's struggling with this . I just thought i'd mention one thing in case it helps anyone. I write a journal to my daughter. Not daily, I just update it occasionally with things about me and our daily life that she might forget or misremember when she's older. I genuinely love talking to future her, it's like another best friend I havent met yet and I want her to know the me as I am now, as well as her mum when she's grown. "
That's such a lovely idea. Might give this a go ! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *affron40 OP Woman
over a year ago
manchester |
"I feel for everyone who's struggling with this . I just thought i'd mention one thing in case it helps anyone. I write a journal to my daughter. Not daily, I just update it occasionally with things about me and our daily life that she might forget or misremember when she's older. I genuinely love talking to future her, it's like another best friend I havent met yet and I want her to know the me as I am now, as well as her mum when she's grown. "
That’s such a beautiful idea!!! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
No one knows all of me. Not even the people I’m closest to.
Not because I’m secretive or hold back overly much but because I have a wall of protection I’ve been building since I was too young to know I was doing it that I don’t think anyone will ever breach. I’m ok with that, because I don’t think I could ever trust anyone with that level of personal vulnerability. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I feel for everyone who's struggling with this . I just thought i'd mention one thing in case it helps anyone. I write a journal to my daughter. Not daily, I just update it occasionally with things about me and our daily life that she might forget or misremember when she's older. I genuinely love talking to future her, it's like another best friend I havent met yet and I want her to know the me as I am now, as well as her mum when she's grown. "
That is a beautiful idea! xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
My life has been so totally wierd .. nothing like I imagined ..and far better at times than my fantasies...but also a few bad times ... that's life...real life I suppose ..and I consider myself very blessed and lucky  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I feel for everyone who's struggling with this . I just thought i'd mention one thing in case it helps anyone. I write a journal to my daughter. Not daily, I just update it occasionally with things about me and our daily life that she might forget or misremember when she's older. I genuinely love talking to future her, it's like another best friend I havent met yet and I want her to know the me as I am now, as well as her mum when she's grown.
That's such a lovely idea. Might give this a go ! "
It's especially helpful if we've had a fight as i don't want her memories of me to be about that, so I can write all the good things about her and why the argument didn't matter because I don't know which ones will stick in her head the way some of mine with own mum have. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"No one knows all of me. Not even the people I’m closest to.
Not because I’m secretive or hold back overly much but because I have a wall of protection I’ve been building since I was too young to know I was doing it that I don’t think anyone will ever breach. I’m ok with that, because I don’t think I could ever trust anyone with that level of personal vulnerability. "
That sounds exactly like me. I’m not sure why I’ve done it but I must have been protecting myself from something. X |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Nobody really knows me at all. I have no "friends" in real life as I am a loner, and the acquaintances that I have no only the stuff that is relevant to my dealings with them.
I have no children so when I finally shuffle off I will not be missed by anyone and my death will be as alone as my life was.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"No one. It’s a deeply sad thought.
Moreover my dad is unwell and I’m finding it hard to have what feel like more meaningful conversations with him to make sure I’m getting the most of each moment with him as it’s all so overly poignant. I want him to really know me and me him. He’s amazing and I adore him.
Please try
I would give anything to go back and have 'that' conversation with my Dad, he knew me better than anyone and I saw a side of him that no one saw, not even my Mum.
I think back and realise I knew him better than anyone.
I will keep trying, and in memory of your dad too. "
Please do, living with regret.is awful and thank you, that means a lot |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
No one knows all of me.
They only know a small amount! Even my wife!
The past is the past, dwelling on it is pointless. I am who I am today. Who, what, where, why and how I am is simply the road to how I came to be here.
The mistakes, tragedy, pain, love, joy and wonder, is all written in who I am at this very moment! I will be different tomorrow, to who I am today!
I embrace each and every moment, good or bad!
They are mine to share but, some things are simply mine!
Though saying that, i will always answer a direct Q! People just don't always like the answer! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"No one knows all of me. Not even the people I’m closest to.
Not because I’m secretive or hold back overly much but because I have a wall of protection I’ve been building since I was too young to know I was doing it that I don’t think anyone will ever breach. I’m ok with that, because I don’t think I could ever trust anyone with that level of personal vulnerability.
That sounds exactly like me. I’m not sure why I’ve done it but I must have been protecting myself from something. X "
Exactly. I don’t know what either. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
I would up until 3 years ago I would say I had two friends that knew most things about me
One got married m, so kinda felt bad in chatting to her. The other me and her fell out. Probably one of the biggest regrets I have had in last few years, we talk now but she has a new bf and the relationship between the two us is fractured
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Not even my pals that I’ve known since primary school knows all about me. Yeah they have seen me at my best-and more importantly when I was in really rotten situations and certainly not my best, but there’s things that I haven’t told them about.
Nothing sinister or anything but being on here for example |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
There is one person who knows me...I never needed or wanted to hold anything back. This I think is the closest I’ll come to someone knowing all of me...as best as someone can. Oddly enough it wasn’t an old friend or someone that had known me for very long...but somehow it was just the way things were.
Otherwise very few know me even those who have known me a lifetime. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Thanks for a really thought-provoking thread, OP.
The person who knows me best is my husband. He hasn't known me longest, though, so there are bits he doesn't know from my earlier life.
I think it also depends how well you know yourself. Many of us shy away from true self-exploration - it can be difficult and painful. You can't show a full picture of yourself to others if you haven't first found it yourself.
Mrs TMN x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I don't think anyone...I struggle to open up properly to people. I am quite open about random things but no one knows everything about me
Sometimes it gets to me but I just don't do well at letting people in |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
