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Swinging/NSA Sex -vs- "Normal" Sex
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By *emini Man OP Man
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
It doesn't happen often but the thread title "Is swinging sex an art?" got me pondering.
That thread was all about how you prepare for meets, but the title led to me thinking about whether there is an "art" to swinging/NSA sex that is somehow different from "normal" sex within the context of a relationship or similar?
Not so much about the emotional side of it, but whether you feel more pressure to perform, or that you have to bring your "A" game every time with NSA as opposed to "normal" sex where if it's not great (for whatever reason) it doesn't matter, there's always next time kind of thing.
And conversely do you have that expectation of the person you meet? Having, as the other thread suggested, prepared and pampered and chosen your best underwear for an NSA meet (which you might not always do for "normal" sex) does it raise expectations that it will be good sex?
Perhaps there's a different approach, or tricks, you use for NSA sex.
I'm rambling now but you get the idea - I throw it open to the forums - will pop in and out and add my two pennorth as and when  |
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So many questions for a Sunday morning 
I think it is different, mainly because of the first time excitement (nerves for some people). You have the excitement of how a new body looks, feels and tastes, how well it fits against yours, and how they do the getting jiggy part. You obviously lose that with a long term/regular partner, but instead gain familiarity of their body (and mind) and knowing exactly what to do to turn them on, develop trust to experiment, and have that deeper mental connection alongside the physical.
I approach both with the same "go with the flow" attitude...I just personally don't like a "scripted" session, I prefer it when it's organic and we both read each other and respond accordingly.
I think any "pressure to perform" is mainly internal - I certainly have no expectations of anyone I meet, in fact some of the best sex can be when everything doesn't go exactly to plan and you end up in fits of laughter (yes, I find fanny farts hilarious  ).
To sum up, yes it is different, and both have their pros and cons. I enjoy both, but a long term/regular partner is my favourite as it allows for more adventurous play. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Would 'normal' sex be the kind with an ongoing partner? Like dating?
'Pressure to perform' - that's one of the reasons I won't meet people with more than 4 veris showing. I feel they approach sex as a competition. |
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"Would 'normal' sex be the kind with an ongoing partner? Like dating?
'Pressure to perform' - that's one of the reasons I won't meet people with more than 4 veris showing. I feel they approach sex as a competition. "
Or just not found a person that is compatible to meet regularly ? Or people who just enjoy spontaneity..... |
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I miss normal sex. Guys trying and doing the A-Z of sex in one session becomes boring. Where as Sunday morning sex I really miss. It doesn't need to be stunning sex, but the intimacy would be good instead of fuck n go.
It's like anything, 'super' sex is unsustainable, where as 'normal' sex is if you know it's part of life. Constantly seeking 'super' sex will lead to a frustrating life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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On the performance front, I read things about sessions that go on for hours
I just can't be arsed with all that these days
Let's just get each other off and get back to the important stuff; nattering, toast, brews |
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"Based purely on what I read on here, quite often I don't think 'swinger ' sex is about sex at all"
I don't understand this comment (probably me, I haven't had nearly enough tea yet this morning  )
What is it about, if it's not about sex? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Based purely on what I read on here, quite often I don't think 'swinger ' sex is about sex at all
I don't understand this comment (probably me, I haven't had nearly enough tea yet this morning )
What is it about, if it's not about sex? "
I think they mean it's more about attention, need and love and filling a different type of hole. A brain hole if you will.  . I could be wrong  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Based purely on what I read on here, quite often I don't think 'swinger ' sex is about sex at all
I don't understand this comment (probably me, I haven't had nearly enough tea yet this morning )
What is it about, if it's not about sex? "
I'm not sure, but quite often it all sounds like it's more about following rituals laid out in some kind of play book. The ceremony of it all sounds quite clinical to me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Based purely on what I read on here, quite often I don't think 'swinger ' sex is about sex at all
I don't understand this comment (probably me, I haven't had nearly enough tea yet this morning )
What is it about, if it's not about sex?
I'm not sure, but quite often it all sounds like it's more about following rituals laid out in some kind of play book. The ceremony of it all sounds quite clinical to me"
Yep, I was wrong  |
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"Based purely on what I read on here, quite often I don't think 'swinger ' sex is about sex at all
I don't understand this comment (probably me, I haven't had nearly enough tea yet this morning )
What is it about, if it's not about sex?
I'm not sure, but quite often it all sounds like it's more about following rituals laid out in some kind of play book. The ceremony of it all sounds quite clinical to me"
Yeah, I can see that, and I agree, some people do seem to have a kind of meet ritual |
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"Based purely on what I read on here, quite often I don't think 'swinger ' sex is about sex at all
I don't understand this comment (probably me, I haven't had nearly enough tea yet this morning )
What is it about, if it's not about sex?
I'm not sure, but quite often it all sounds like it's more about following rituals laid out in some kind of play book. The ceremony of it all sounds quite clinical to me
Yep, I was wrong "
Your theory does make sense though...I often read things that make me think the posters are using this place to fill an emotional void |
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By *emini Man OP Man
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I miss normal sex. Guys trying and doing the A-Z of sex in one session becomes boring. Where as Sunday morning sex I really miss. It doesn't need to be stunning sex, but the intimacy would be good instead of fuck n go.
It's like anything, 'super' sex is unsustainable, where as 'normal' sex is if you know it's part of life. Constantly seeking 'super' sex will lead to a frustrating life."
This is kind of what I was getting at in my OP - whether NSA sex (putting aside the emotional side) is different somehow from "normal" sex? Whether there is an "art" to it (and remember art can be good and bad) and how you approach it, and if through that there are expectations built as to how good it will be compared to "normal" sex.
And agree totally on the A-Z of sex thing, which ties in with what I meant too - the go with the flow approach works for me.
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By *emini Man OP Man
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Would 'normal' sex be the kind with an ongoing partner? Like dating?"
Yes, basically anything that isn't NSA/swinging/one-offs
"
'Pressure to perform' - that's one of the reasons I won't meet people with more than 4 veris showing. I feel they approach sex as a competition. "
I think that *can* be the case but isn't necessarily so, those veris may have built up over a number of years, or been from a one-off party but your profile, your rules  |
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I can’t really comment on swinger sex, which I see as attending clubs and having sex with someone you don’t know that well, then when done they move on to the next individual for the night, that’s my perception anyway and probably why I’ve never attended a club and find it all a bit cold, just like fuck and gos
NSA is different than “normal” sex, especially if a one off, as you are both new to each other you have that excitement of wondering what it will be like, how you will fit together, etc; whereas normal sex you’ve had time to get to know each other and how each other’s bodies react to certain things and would be more spontaneous so no time to preen & prep as you describe, as the moment just takes you both. You can get this with NSA to, but only if an ongoing, repeat meet.
As for performing, I’ve never had any expectations of anyone of how a meet should go; yes you may have discussed things before the meet, but for me that is more each other’s likes / dislikes, setting boundaries and not a tick check list of what must happen that day/night. I’m very much go with the flow see where it leads us, laughter and chatting included, it’s two people having a good time whatever that brings. |
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"For us" swinging sex is very different to "normal" sex.
We don't have expectations of our swinging partners apart from cleanliness, respect and being who they claim to be in every respect. However to us swinging is a little break away from real life. I compare it to going out to eat. I'll often take more care preparing to eat in a restaurant but it doesn't mean I enjoy it more. |
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By *yphodMan
over a year ago
London |
Depends on how NSA comes about.
If meeting through a site like FAB, there is a sense of more freedom, compared to sex with a long term partner. There are certain boundaries a long term partner may have that must not be crossed. With an NSA partner, because it's just about the sex you can approach those boundaries even if just asking without being relegated to the sofa for a week.
A d*unken ONS after meeting in the pub whilst NSA is ultimately unfulfilling. |
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"Based purely on what I read on here, quite often I don't think 'swinger ' sex is about sex at all
I don't understand this comment (probably me, I haven't had nearly enough tea yet this morning )
What is it about, if it's not about sex?
I'm not sure, but quite often it all sounds like it's more about following rituals laid out in some kind of play book. The ceremony of it all sounds quite clinical to me
Yep, I was wrong
Your theory does make sense though...I often read things that make me think the posters are using this place to fill an emotional void "
Aren't a lot of people doing that when they swing/have sex on here, I know I do. I want a lover but not a full time one, so I choose to have part time ones and that fills my emotional void which wants male time love and tenderness |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
Wales |
I prefer relationship sex.
Just chatting to some men on here, they clearly have a sexual “to do list” . Sex doesn’t work that way for me. I like passion, intensity, languid fucking. Yes you can get all that on here if you look REALLY hard. But I don’t just one night. Don’t make me hungry (for sex) and then take away my plate (fella). That is just frustrating and mood lowering.
I don’t want a FFM, I don’t want to be slapped and called a naughty slut. I just want to look into a fellas eyes and be consumed with the need of wanting his lips on mine and his dick in me.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I prefer relationship sex.
Just chatting to some men on here, they clearly have a sexual “to do list” . Sex doesn’t work that way for me. I like passion, intensity, languid fucking. Yes you can get all that on here if you look REALLY hard. But I don’t just one night. Don’t make me hungry (for sex) and then take away my plate (fella). That is just frustrating and mood lowering.
I don’t want a FFM, I don’t want to be slapped and called a naughty slut. I just want to look into a fellas eyes and be consumed with the need of wanting his lips on mine and his dick in me.
"
Yeah I feel the tick box thing often too. Tick it off and move onto the next one.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Would 'normal' sex be the kind with an ongoing partner? Like dating?
'Pressure to perform' - that's one of the reasons I won't meet people with more than 4 veris showing. I feel they approach sex as a competition.
Or just not found a person that is compatible to meet regularly ? Or people who just enjoy spontaneity..... "
Yes loads of reasons. I just mean that's how it makes me feel, not that they actually do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I prefer relationship sex.
Just chatting to some men on here, they clearly have a sexual “to do list” . Sex doesn’t work that way for me. I like passion, intensity, languid fucking. Yes you can get all that on here if you look REALLY hard. But I don’t just one night. Don’t make me hungry (for sex) and then take away my plate (fella). That is just frustrating and mood lowering.
I don’t want a FFM, I don’t want to be slapped and called a naughty slut. I just want to look into a fellas eyes and be consumed with the need of wanting his lips on mine and his dick in me.
"
100% this! |
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I like the build up to swinging sex , the chat , the picture swop before the social , the hope that your going to click when you chat during the social and if you do click the build up to getting together for some mutual fun which for me is always about it being relaxed and all for the ladies needs
Normal sex is getting it out the way as your too tired or kids around ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I like the build up to swinging sex , the chat , the picture swop before the social , the hope that your going to click when you chat during the social and if you do click the build up to getting together for some mutual fun which for me is always about it being relaxed and all for the ladies needs
Normal sex is getting it out the way as your too tired or kids around ? "
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