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What do you think constitutes a gentleman?
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By *hubaysi OP Woman
over a year ago
Leeds |
Following on from my other thread which was very nice thank you all for giving input to it.
This is for all, men and ladies.
What do you think constitutes a gentleman?
Ladies do you like doors opening for you? Do you like being thanked if you hold the door for a man when you’ve walked through? What other things do you think a ‘gentleman’ should do? Do you think men say too easily they are one?
Men do you act like a gentleman? Do you get annoyed at women that don’t acknowledge you being a gentleman? If you are one, do you like being a gentleman?
I myself like a gentleman but for me it’s all about manners and respect.
I’m intrigued.
This is not a thread to upset or hurt anyone. I’m just musing.
Thank you
Bhubaysi xx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Holding a door for any person or saying thank you is called manners and not being a gentleman x
I'm glad somebody said that!  "
I think that's the definition of a gentleman though isn't it? Having manners and treating others with respect, regardless of gender. The female term is a lady, not sure there really needs to be gender defined terms these days, but the principle is the same. It's how you treat others, showing respect and manners to all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Holding a door for any person or saying thank you is called manners and not being a gentleman x
I'm glad somebody said that!
I think that's the definition of a gentleman though isn't it? Having manners and treating others with respect, regardless of gender. The female term is a lady, not sure there really needs to be gender defined terms these days, but the principle is the same. It's how you treat others, showing respect and manners to all."
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"Holding a door for any person or saying thank you is called manners and not being a gentleman x
I'm glad somebody said that!
I think that's the definition of a gentleman though isn't it? Having manners and treating others with respect, regardless of gender. The female term is a lady, not sure there really needs to be gender defined terms these days, but the principle is the same. It's how you treat others, showing respect and manners to all."
Agree. Manners and respect full stop. Doesn’t matter who. I’d hold a door for a guy as well... just good manners |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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chivalrous, courteous, honourable, polite, well mannered, acting a certain way because its right and not for any kind of acclaim and treating all people the right way.
I consider myself a gentleman, but dont mind if its not acknowledged as for me it's just how i am and not something that really needs to be pointed out as special or out of the ordinary. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A man who asks where you want his jizz! 
A man who always comes second, surely  "
Depends if he's a repeater or not! I'm not fussed who cums first, or even if I do cum, just so long as everyone is having fun! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like courtesy and good manners in everyone, not just men, and I'm always polite if people are considerate. However, I really don't like being infantilsed. My ex wanted me to wait in the car until he got out to open my door for me. If I'd had mobility issues I'd have appreciated the concern, but since I didn't it just felt patronising. I'd been opening my own car doors for many years prior to meeting him! He also used to try to place himself on the road side of the pavement whenever we walked anywhere as he thought it was chivalrous. As one of my autistic foibles is to walk on the left of a person it didn't go down well. I'm an adult, not a child or an invalid. A man who has to tell me he is a gentleman raises my hackles. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A man who asks where you want his jizz!
A man who always comes second, surely
Depends if he's a repeater or not! I'm not fussed who cums first, or even if I do cum, just so long as everyone is having fun!"
Now that is what I call good manners ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Following on from my other thread which was very nice thank you all for giving input to it.
This is for all, men and ladies.
What do you think constitutes a gentleman?
Ladies do you like doors opening for you? Do you like being thanked if you hold the door for a man when you’ve walked through? What other things do you think a ‘gentleman’ should do? Do you think men say too easily they are one?
Men do you act like a gentleman? Do you get annoyed at women that don’t acknowledge you being a gentleman? If you are one, do you like being a gentleman?
I myself like a gentleman but for me it’s all about manners and respect.
I’m intrigued.
This is not a thread to upset or hurt anyone. I’m just musing.
Thank you
Bhubaysi xx
"
I don’t think there’s many traditional gentlemen out there anymore sadly, I think chivalry died out.
I do like doors being opened for me, not because I expect it but in this day and age it’s so rare for a man to act like a gentlemen and do small things like open the car door for you etc.
Also there aren’t many men who dress like “gentlemen” these days, that’s fine and all because fashion has changed but for me there’s nothing classier. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I honestly think the term gentleman has morphed into misogynist....
If I take a woman out , I never let them pay.. This has caused fights in the past...
If I stand up when a woman returns to the dinner table. Women have given me Wierd looks...
If a successful man tells a woman to give up her career and become a housewife... Some people would view him as a Neanderthal.....
It’s a very tricky slope being a gentleman... Some women would view your actions as not treating them as equals.... |
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Bien a gentleman is something I try 2 b ..call me old fashioned but thats my values .kindness .respectfull honest open all values my dad installed in me growing up .think also ur attitude towards orther people
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"I like courtesy and good manners in everyone, not just men, and I'm always polite if people are considerate. However, I really don't like being infantilsed. My ex wanted me to wait in the car until he got out to open my door for me. If I'd had mobility issues I'd have appreciated the concern, but since I didn't it just felt patronising. I'd been opening my own car doors for many years prior to meeting him! He also used to try to place himself on the road side of the pavement whenever we walked anywhere as he thought it was chivalrous. As one of my autistic foibles is to walk on the left of a person it didn't go down well. I'm an adult, not a child or an invalid. A man who has to tell me he is a gentleman raises my hackles."
Same sentiments here. And I DO have mobility issues, but I can still open a door and move myself from A to B. I will ask for help if I need it. Someone tried to push my wheelchair the other day. I presume it looked like I was struggling but actually I was fine and him grabbing the chair was a) unnerving and b) unhelpful and counterproductive.
I don't believe in gendered roles so I won't be trying to define a gentleman or lady. |
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"I find it a bit creepy when a bloke feels he has to call himself a gentleman. "
This. It's a quiet confidence, owning a room just by their prescence. Uses respectful language and treats everyone like a decent human being.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I honestly think the term gentleman has morphed into misogynist....
If I take a woman out , I never let them pay.. This has caused fights in the past...
If I stand up when a woman returns to the dinner table. Women have given me Wierd looks...
If a successful man tells a woman to give up her career and become a housewife... Some people would view him as a Neanderthal.....
It’s a very tricky slope being a gentleman... Some women would view your actions as not treating them as equals...."
Saying stuff like "would never let" or "tells a woman" are the complete oppostie of gentlemanly behaviour. Taking other people's feeling into consideration are a part of being a gent, whereas forcing your will upon someone isnt. |
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Don't think anyone would call themselves a gentleman. That's up to those he interacts with to consider him to be one.
If treating others in a kind, considerate, caring, generous, helpful way is gentlemanly then that's fine by me. However that should be considered the norm not the exception.
Treat others as you'd wish to be treated and the world would be a better place. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I honestly think the term gentleman has morphed into misogynist....
If I take a woman out , I never let them pay.. This has caused fights in the past...
If I stand up when a woman returns to the dinner table. Women have given me Wierd looks...
If a successful man tells a woman to give up her career and become a housewife... Some people would view him as a Neanderthal.....
It’s a very tricky slope being a gentleman... Some women would view your actions as not treating them as equals....
Saying stuff like "would never let" or "tells a woman" are the complete oppostie of gentlemanly behaviour. Taking other people's feeling into consideration are a part of being a gent, whereas forcing your will upon someone isnt."
You are 100 percent right......
My mind is really stuck in the 50’s - 60’s.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Calling someone a gentleman is quite old fashioned. I think all genders should uphold the same standards towards each other. "
Agreed, but unfortunately many are equally unpleasant and rude. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Being a gentleman isn't just about holding a door for a lady or insisting on paying the bill, any fool can replicate such acts Falseley in an attempt to impress.
Being a gentleman is a state of mind, when this is the case everything you do naturally exudes kindness and respect and not just a few predetermined ideals and clichés.
Its about respect, manners, kindness and natural thought process that always puts the lady first without smothering or patronising her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Gentleman is an overly evolved and broad term, so means different things to different people.
A 'decent person' is probably a more acurite term nowadays.
Someone who :-
naturally considers others,
accepts they themselves have weaknesses,
are mostly without malice,
knows their own power and doesn't abuse it.
A hundred years ago a gentleman meant a property owner of 'respectable' stock, with independent means who did not need to work....none of which ever ensured more decency than others.
Unfortunately decency can't be gauged by opening doors or standing when others join a table. It takes time and familiarity to recognize but it's always something I appreciate when I do get to know these people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find it a bit creepy when a bloke feels he has to call himself a gentleman.
This. Massive red flag.
Remember the "supreme gentleman" murdered six people and wounded another fourteen. "
David Niven was a monster. |
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"I find it a bit creepy when a bloke feels he has to call himself a gentleman.
This. Massive red flag.
Remember the "supreme gentleman" murdered six people and wounded another fourteen.
David Niven was a monster. "
I think by dehumanising monsters, we fail to see that monstrous behaviour is profoundly human. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find it a bit creepy when a bloke feels he has to call himself a gentleman.
This. Massive red flag.
Remember the "supreme gentleman" murdered six people and wounded another fourteen. "
Well that’s a plot twist I didn’t see coming. |
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"I find it a bit creepy when a bloke feels he has to call himself a gentleman.
This. Massive red flag.
Remember the "supreme gentleman" murdered six people and wounded another fourteen.
David Niven was a monster.
I think by dehumanising monsters, we fail to see that monstrous behaviour is profoundly human."
Exactly right. I've been making a conscious effort not to refer to, or think of, evil people as "monsters".
They're not monsters. They're *people*. Just like we are. We don't get the comforting fiction of believing they're something else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find it a bit creepy when a bloke feels he has to call himself a gentleman.
This. Massive red flag.
Remember the "supreme gentleman" murdered six people and wounded another fourteen.
David Niven was a monster.
I think by dehumanising monsters, we fail to see that monstrous behaviour is profoundly human."
David Niven didn't actually murder six people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find it a bit creepy when a bloke feels he has to call himself a gentleman.
This. Massive red flag.
Remember the "supreme gentleman" murdered six people and wounded another fourteen.
David Niven was a monster.
I think by dehumanising monsters, we fail to see that monstrous behaviour is profoundly human.
David Niven didn't actually murder six people. "
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By *hubaysi OP Woman
over a year ago
Leeds |
A gentleman, amongst other things, is one who conducts himself properly when in public. He is a man who respects all around him, displays manners, gives his seat up for vulnerable people on public transport. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A gentleman, amongst other things, is one who conducts himself properly when in public. He is a man who respects all around him, displays manners, gives his seat up for vulnerable people on public transport. "
And he is respectful to wait staff... |
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By *hubaysi OP Woman
over a year ago
Leeds |
"A gentleman, amongst other things, is one who conducts himself properly when in public. He is a man who respects all around him, displays manners, gives his seat up for vulnerable people on public transport.
And he is respectful to wait staff..."
That comes under conducting himself properly in public category. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its nice to do gentlemanly things as long as women don't think their entitled to it and men don't feel like they have to do it. Works both ways, men deserved to be looked after too |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"A gentleman, amongst other things, is one who conducts himself properly when in public. He is a man who respects all around him, displays manners, gives his seat up for vulnerable people on public transport.
And he is respectful to wait staff...
That comes under conducting himself properly in public category. "
Good point - and integrity (which to me is quintessential a trait of a gentleman/ lady, means doing the right thing, displaying the right behaviour when nobody is looking rather than just for show. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it's an archaic or anachronistic concept that has little or no relevance today.
It has been used in recent times however as shorthand for respect, courtesy and tolerance. These are timeless attributes that every right-minded chap should subscribe to IMHO.
Cheers Mark |
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"I think it's an archaic or anachronistic concept that has little or no relevance today.
It has been used in recent times however as shorthand for respect, courtesy and tolerance. These are timeless attributes that every right-minded chap should subscribe to IMHO.
Cheers Mark"
This.
Outdated and should go the same way as 'gentlewoman'
Being respectful is not gender specific. |
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"A gentleman, amongst other things, is one who conducts himself properly when in public. He is a man who respects all around him, displays manners, gives his seat up for vulnerable people on public transport. "
Shouldn't that just be the norm?
Nothing on that list should need thinking about twice.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm another who finds it a really outdated term
And it irks me more than a little when the same trite examples are trotted out as characteristics of gentlemanly behaviour |
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"Good manners, respectful, kind, caring, chivalrous, brave, emotionally intelligent
Define emotionally intelligent? x "
Ability to understand and empathise with people, to display maturity and defuse conflict situations |
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By *hubaysi OP Woman
over a year ago
Leeds |
"Good manners, respectful, kind, caring, chivalrous, brave, emotionally intelligent
Define emotionally intelligent? x
Ability to understand and empathise with people, to display maturity and defuse conflict situations "
Which dictionary did you copy that from? |
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"Good manners, respectful, kind, caring, chivalrous, brave, emotionally intelligent
Define emotionally intelligent? x
Ability to understand and empathise with people, to display maturity and defuse conflict situations
Which dictionary did you copy that from? "
Ok Einstein please enlighten everyone with what you think it is?  |
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"I find it a bit creepy when a bloke feels he has to call himself a gentleman.
This. Massive red flag.
Remember the "supreme gentleman" murdered six people and wounded another fourteen.
David Niven was a monster.
I think by dehumanising monsters, we fail to see that monstrous behaviour is profoundly human.
David Niven didn't actually murder six people. "
Elliot "Supreme Gentleman" Rodger did, though. Look up the 2014 Isla Vista killings, if you've forgotten them already.
Again, when I see someone billing themselves as a "gentleman", I involuntarily assume they are *at best* an absolute shit merchant, and at worst a murderous incel. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Respect and manners cost nothing at all.
Being a gentleman is different like pulling the chair out for a lady to sit down or giving your coat to a lady that is cold. Buying her flowers and looking after her. |
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Gentleman actually derives itself from Latin origin meaning gentillis or noble, it came to middle English in about the 18th century to men born of nobility but without arms to name and became the standard of their conduct of behaviour amidst public surrounding.
I think somewhere in early 20th century the term began to adopt a lot of new traits and modern 21st century sees a lot of men expected to behave in a way seen as gentlemanly that should be seen as common courtesy, politeness and just plain old good manners.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Gentleman actually derives itself from Latin origin meaning gentillis or noble, it came to middle English in about the 18th century to men born of nobility but without arms"
They really shouldn't have made fun of the disabled  |
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"Gentleman actually derives itself from Latin origin meaning gentillis or noble, it came to middle English in about the 18th century to men born of nobility but without arms
They really shouldn't have made fun of the disabled "
Good lord whatever next |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Holding a door for any person or saying thank you is called manners and not being a gentleman x
I'm glad somebody said that!
I think that's the definition of a gentleman though isn't it? Having manners and treating others with respect, regardless of gender. The female term is a lady, not sure there really needs to be gender defined terms these days, but the principle is the same. It's how you treat others, showing respect and manners to all."
Agree with what the lady said |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"I find it a bit creepy when a bloke feels he has to call himself a gentleman.
This. Massive red flag.
Remember the "supreme gentleman" murdered six people and wounded another fourteen.
David Niven was a monster.
I think by dehumanising monsters, we fail to see that monstrous behaviour is profoundly human.
David Niven didn't actually murder six people.
Elliot "Supreme Gentleman" Rodger did, though. Look up the 2014 Isla Vista killings, if you've forgotten them already.
Again, when I see someone billing themselves as a "gentleman", I involuntarily assume they are *at best* an absolute shit merchant, and at worst a murderous incel. "
This isn’t projection from experience, is it?
The word is a verb, the rest semantics. |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"I find it a bit creepy when a bloke feels he has to call himself a gentleman.
This. Massive red flag.
Remember the "supreme gentleman" murdered six people and wounded another fourteen.
David Niven was a monster.
I think by dehumanising monsters, we fail to see that monstrous behaviour is profoundly human.
David Niven didn't actually murder six people.
Elliot "Supreme Gentleman" Rodger did, though. Look up the 2014 Isla Vista killings, if you've forgotten them already.
Again, when I see someone billing themselves as a "gentleman", I involuntarily assume they are *at best* an absolute shit merchant, and at worst a murderous incel.
This isn’t projection from experience, is it?
The word is a verb, the rest semantics."
Sorry, the behaviour is a verb, the noun is not real.
Bad me... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Respect and manners cost nothing at all.
Being a gentleman is different like pulling the chair out for a lady to sit down or giving your coat to a lady that is cold. Buying her flowers and looking after her. "
Which decade do you live in |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Respect and manners cost nothing at all.
Being a gentleman is different like pulling the chair out for a lady to sit down or giving your coat to a lady that is cold. Buying her flowers and looking after her.
Which decade do you live in"
In this one funny enough but I’m old school still and I don’t see a problem with that at all |
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"I find it a bit creepy when a bloke feels he has to call himself a gentleman.
This. Massive red flag.
Remember the "supreme gentleman" murdered six people and wounded another fourteen.
David Niven was a monster.
I think by dehumanising monsters, we fail to see that monstrous behaviour is profoundly human.
David Niven didn't actually murder six people.
Elliot "Supreme Gentleman" Rodger did, though. Look up the 2014 Isla Vista killings, if you've forgotten them already.
Again, when I see someone billing themselves as a "gentleman", I involuntarily assume they are *at best* an absolute shit merchant, and at worst a murderous incel.
This isn’t projection from experience, is it?
The word is a verb, the rest semantics."
"Gentleman" is a noun. |
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