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Confidence
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sexually, workwise, in general...
Do you have it? Do you want it? Do you think you need it? How do we get it?
Mrs kf x"
Generally I do. There are few things it might tremble at when encountered, because they trigger past stuff, but that's just it. I do like to push myself out there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My confidence comes from loving and believing in myself"
^ this 100 per cent, and also knowing im enough and worth it , if I'm not in somebody else's else's then adios |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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From my experience, self acceptance is the key to confidence. Once you have this it's easier to be confident in life.
Also, everyone is judge,jury and executioner.. if your seen as not confident enough, people will have an opinion. If your seen as too confident, people will have an opinion.
You should have confidence in yourself absolutely but whether you need it or not is up to an individual to decide  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When my confidence needs a boost I just open up my profile. 1 cleavage pic and no text but they know I'm hot and sexy and fuckable. Hundreds of messages and my ego is all happy again.  |
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"Sexually, workwise, in general...
Do you have it? Do you want it? Do you think you need it? How do we get it?
Mrs kf x"
I have it sexually but not for work. It's down to experience.
I don't consider myself sexy but I do know from experience that women have wanted to go to bed with me. I'm not going to argue. It's certainly the minority that want to have sex with me, but I know how to find that minority and how to treat them. I haven't gone wanting for several years.
On the work front I have had long periods of unemployment and been in jobs where I don't know what the hell I'm doing.
I know people talk about the importance of self-confidence, but I don't want false confidence. I don't want to say or think I can do something that I can't because I don't want to end up in a situation in which I can't deliver what is rightfully expected of me. That's no good for anybody. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From my experience, self acceptance is the key to confidence. Once you have this it's easier to be confident in life.
Also, everyone is judge,jury and executioner.. if your seen as not confident enough, people will have an opinion. If your seen as too confident, people will have an opinion.
You should have confidence in yourself absolutely but whether you need it or not is up to an individual to decide "
Very well put. |
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"From my experience, self acceptance is the key to confidence. Once you have this it's easier to be confident in life.
Also, everyone is judge,jury and executioner.. if your seen as not confident enough, people will have an opinion. If your seen as too confident, people will have an opinion.
You should have confidence in yourself absolutely but whether you need it or not is up to an individual to decide "
If someone doesn't have confidence in themselves, how can they build it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have confidence but wouldn’t message someone saying I’m the best fuck you will ever have
Would that be more arrogance than confidence? "
Only those that genuinely believe know the answer to that question I think |
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"Sexually, workwise, in general...
Do you have it? Do you want it? Do you think you need it? How do we get it?
Mrs kf x
I have it sexually but not for work. It's down to experience.
I don't consider myself sexy but I do know from experience that women have wanted to go to bed with me. I'm not going to argue. It's certainly the minority that want to have sex with me, but I know how to find that minority and how to treat them. I haven't gone wanting for several years.
On the work front I have had long periods of unemployment and been in jobs where I don't know what the hell I'm doing.
I know people talk about the importance of self-confidence, but I don't want false confidence. I don't want to say or think I can do something that I can't because I don't want to end up in a situation in which I can't deliver what is rightfully expected of me. That's no good for anybody. "
I tend to agree - pretending you're something you're not never ends well in the long run, to my mind! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think my confidence came mostly from watching those around me
Including on here
Seeing people fake there's made mine as reality
What about if you don't compare yourself with others? "
I didn't compare myself with others
I compared others with myself
No it's not the same
Not for me anyway
Confidence is an individual belief about ourselves.
Some may be mistaken and call it arrogance
I call it self worth |
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My confidence is based on what I achieve and positive reinforcement.
Most of the time it's me trying to give myself the pep talk to keep my spirits up but occasionally, my confidence can be on the floor so I guess I have to work hard to be confident instead of it coming naturally which I would love  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have some...
I'd like more!
I'm not sure how it's achieved tbh, how I see myself has changed massively in the past few years.
Lu
Why do you think it's changed? "
Partially because of how I treat myself...i used to be 'orrible to me. Partially the love, respect and encouragement of a good man. And lots of following and admiring other women! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm self assured mostly
How? Because I realised that it's far too tiring for me to spend a life worrying about insecurities
Is being aware of insecurities the same as worrying about them? "
I don't think so. I'm aware of mine |
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"Sexually, workwise, in general...
Do you have it? Do you want it? Do you think you need it? How do we get it?
Mrs kf x"
Yes, mostly and yes.
I'm confident, I enjoy being confident, I wouldn't be me without it.
As for getting it, I did a lot of public presentation and speaking at school, it helped me learn that then world doesn't crash and burn if you make a slip up. Life goes on! Just enjoy it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sexually, workwise, in general...
Do you have it? Do you want it? Do you think you need it? How do we get it?
Mrs kf x"
I go in fits and starts, my confidence and esteem are improving all the time, and I put the work into achieving that, but as with anything, there are always steps back.
I think we do need it, but only we know how we can get it, as we are all different. |
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"Confidence is a preference for the habitual voyeur if what is known as parklife"
Though I jest, I think Blur got it kinda right. Confidence is when you're familiar with something so it doesn't phase you. I'll use the example of me public speaking in front of ten people, used to reduce me to tears. But through perseverance and stubbornness I can now talk in front of hundreds of people. I still get nervous etc but I'm a lot better at it.
Same with anything it's learnt I think, remember when you first got in a car for your first lesson. Shear panic and nervousness. Now you jump in and start the engine without thinking. And it's the habit of doing something so it becomes unnoteworthy I guess. |
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I used to think other people knew more than I did and were better at things than I was. I then discovered that most of these people were big talkers and not as knowledgeable or as expert as they made out. However, they often oozed confidence despite being grounded in very poor foundations. That's when I became more confident because I realised that I was as good as others or in a better position to make decisions or give opinions etc. Despite that, it's always important to show respect and assume others know more than we do until they prove otherwise. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From my experience, self acceptance is the key to confidence. Once you have this it's easier to be confident in life.
Also, everyone is judge,jury and executioner.. if your seen as not confident enough, people will have an opinion. If your seen as too confident, people will have an opinion.
You should have confidence in yourself absolutely but whether you need it or not is up to an individual to decide
If someone doesn't have confidence in themselves, how can they build it? "
I guess if someone doesn't have confidence in theirselves, there are certain things they don't like about theirselves. For me, it took me a long time to accept me. My flaws and hang ups were all decided on what society told me I needed to be. Now I acknowledge my good traits, accept the flaws and accept who I am.
If someone is not making you feel confident, remove them from your life. If something is not making you feel confident, make a change. Small steps make a big difference and one day it will happen. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
I'll know it when I find it. |
It's good to read one of your threads again Mrs kf.
I have confidence in some areas, probably verging on too much. I'm confident in terms of my work, I know I can succeed in something if I put my mind to it and I know I'm good at it (shock horror, a person has openly said they are good at something).
In terms of other areas, as in being confident in my appearance etc, I'm working on it. The past few months I lost a fair amount of confidence in terms of who I am as a person and my general appearance, as a result of some less than pleasant behaviour that became a bit headfucky.
I'm working now on rebuilding that, I think I'll find confidence again by embracing the positives and self love. Also, exercising and enjoying the capabilities of my body helps massively as well - I feel more confident when I lost weight. I've got to be kinder to myself and stop focusing on a couple of flaws. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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""Confidence is a preference for the habitual voyeur if what is known as parklife"
Though I jest, I think Blur got it kinda right. Confidence is when you're familiar with something so it doesn't phase you. I'll use the example of me public speaking in front of ten people, used to reduce me to tears. But through perseverance and stubbornness I can now talk in front of hundreds of people. I still get nervous etc but I'm a lot better at it.
Same with anything it's learnt I think, remember when you first got in a car for your first lesson. Shear panic and nervousness. Now you jump in and start the engine without thinking. And it's the habit of doing something so it becomes unnoteworthy I guess. "
That's just it. Familiarity and practice.. |
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
I am very comfortable with who I am, what I want from life and who I allow to be part of it
I’ve been a dancer practically all my life and it’s certainly helped, getting up on stage in front of thousands of people over the years could be classed as a ‘performance’ and outer body experience or mask you dawn for an audience but it’s so much more than that, it’s believing in yourself and finding contentment x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Read someone's post about being judged
I think that's how we partly over come our fears around confidence
Like I give 2 fucks what anyone thinks of me my life or how I choose to live it
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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With confidence comes honesty
I do believe that if you cannot begin to be honest with yourself your not likely to be honest with those around you
Yes I know for a fact I have a very very nice meaty cock
I also know fine well exactly how good it feels
Am i suppose to apologise for these things I was in fact given ?
Not a fucking chance
I am me and only me and never ever you
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"I think my confidence came mostly from watching those around me
Including on here
Seeing people fake there's made mine as reality
What about if you don't compare yourself with others?
I didn't compare myself with others
I compared others with myself
No it's not the same
Not for me anyway
Confidence is an individual belief about ourselves.
Some may be mistaken and call it arrogance
I call it self worth "
I don't think you can do any kind of comparison without taking both sides into account - blue and green vs green and blue, you're still comparing two things? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Arrogance
The belittling of others for self entitlement
I don't believe I do and I try my very very best not to be belittling anybody
Am i suppose to stop being the best version I like of me to make others feel better about themselves ?
No I won't
I will however encourage them to seek the things they love about themselves
Be it there bodies or there minds
The good deeds they do and have done
The light that they know shines within themselves
Confidence is always in the head
Allow it to flow through your body and embrace the fucker
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"My confidence is based on what I achieve and positive reinforcement.
Most of the time it's me trying to give myself the pep talk to keep my spirits up but occasionally, my confidence can be on the floor so I guess I have to work hard to be confident instead of it coming naturally which I would love "
I think a lot of people take confidence from what they achieve and getting a positive reaction from others, and judging by the comments here I don't think it's uncommon for that to fluctuate over time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sexually, workwise, in general...
Do you have it? Do you want it? Do you think you need it? How do we get it?
Mrs kf x"
No. Not at all. I like to wollow in self pity and live with the crushing feeling of inadequacy.
*sarcasm.
Confidence will breed confidence, even when I am around a confident person makes me feel good. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't look to Google for my answers from the head and the heart
Google is not always correct on subjects like this considering most things written ate from a text book trained source rather than actual life experience
Its not about being better than everyone else
Its about No one else being better than you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Confidence is just about doing something (practice) until you know you can do it to your standards! (Putting it simply) hence why you can be confident at one thing or in one part of your life and not others
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I have it when I truly need it, but do not carry it unnecessarily. I would say in general I am quite shy and retiring but I am not above putting myself out there should I wish too.
A good example is parties, I dislike being in large group social occasions and will dread the approaching date on the calendar, huffing and puffing and general unhappy that I have to go. However once I am there I will “act up” and be the “life and soul” as I don’t wish to ruin someone’s occasion, in fact many times I will lead on injecting a bit of energy if the occasion falls flat.
When I get home I need at least 6 months to recover. It just isn’t me to be that person, but sometimes you have to be. I don’t know whether that’s confidence but it takes a force of will to get me there, but once there I will not sit in the corner alone. |
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"I'm getting there .
It's improving slowly
Is it something you're purposefully working on? "
At first not intentionally no , but some recent events have made me understand I am worthit and am desirable, more than one event actually. And that in turn has made me feel more confident , so not intentionally no but events and a better understanding of my worth really |
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I am confident to say that anyone with confidence is by no means confident on all matters except that which they confidently know for themselves for no one person can confidently say they are aware of all things. |
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Mrs KC has confidence in bucket loads about just about everything. It's very attractive, but it's part of her personality and general attitude.
I'm more quiet and often less confident, but if I'm comfortable then I have enough. Work wise, I'm usually very confident, sexually it varies and it depends on the person.
Mr KC |
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"Sexually, workwise, in general...
Do you have it? Do you want it? Do you think you need it? How do we get it?
Mrs kf x"
I lost my confidence years ago! Only recently got it back and don’t wanna lose it, it’s all about self love people |
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I’m confident when I need to be confident. I have a quiet confidence about myself rather than in a look at me way.
At work I’m quite laid back but only because I have the confidence to deal with any situation. I’m a problem solver and don’t stress under pressure. I’m in between work at present but I’m confident something will come up for me.
The same for sex....I’m confident in my ability to excite someone, get into their mind and really turn them on. But that’s all about building the connection...I’d be the complete opposite if just thrown into a situation.
But generally I would say I’m comfortable rather than confident...I worry little bit still do on occasions.
K
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Sexually, workwise, in general...
Do you have it? Do you want it? Do you think you need it? How do we get it?
Mrs kf x
Sexually...I think I have it
Workwise...Definitely need and have it in my job
In general.....not much x |
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"Confident people are more likely to repeat their mistakes. "
Do you think so? I find in work especially I'm confident enough to put my hands up when I've fucked up, knowing that I won't do it again. And that my boss isn't going to think terribly of me because I'm good at my job and everyone will make mistakes sometimes. |
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"Confident people are more likely to repeat their mistakes.
I think a confident person is more likely to be willing to learn from their mistakes "
There are loads of types of mistake. Impossible to ascribe a meaning to the statement I'd say. Being a non-confident person I've made the same mistake again and again and again as I've not had the courage to demand the right outcomes, and instead hoped that others would make the right choice without confrontation. They never do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mine goes up and down. If I've gained a few pounds, it drops!
Could that be due to what you feel others can or might be able to see ? "
Yes, it's exactly this x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Confident people are more likely to repeat their mistakes. "
Oh I'm happy to admit to my mistakes and learn from them, especially at work! In my experience it's usually the confident people who have no worries about getting things wrong and learning from mistakes ... definitely as confidence comes from learning and practice anyway! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Confident people are more likely to repeat their mistakes.
I think a confident person is more likely to be willing to learn from their mistakes
There are loads of types of mistake. Impossible to ascribe a meaning to the statement I'd say. Being a non-confident person I've made the same mistake again and again and again as I've not had the courage to demand the right outcomes, and instead hoped that others would make the right choice without confrontation. They never do."
That's vague enough to beg the question...the right choice? Or the choice you wanted them to make? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sexually, workwise, in general...
Do you have it? Do you want it? Do you think you need it? How do we get it?
Mrs kf x"
Yes I have it
Yes I want to keep it
Yes I would say it is useful
I have no idea how I got it, but I would say it mostly came from clubs and naturist beaches.
Becoming more confident in my body spread to feeling more confident in myself in general |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Isn't confidence essentially knowing your not perfect, never going to be. But you're doing your best to be the best possible person you can be? "
I see it this way too.
I am confident in my body but still see its flaws.
The same for my personality.
It is the realisation that nobody is perfect and being happy with what you have/who you are.
There was a point I decided to stop tearing myself apart and just embrace myself.
This, to me, is confidence |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Confident people are more likely to repeat their mistakes.
Huh, that’s literally the opposite of what confidence is "
Lol my second jump at jumpschool I forgot to drop my rucksack.I face planted. Third jump pretty confident in myself I wouldn't do it again.  |
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"Isn't confidence essentially knowing your not perfect, never going to be. But you're doing your best to be the best possible person you can be?
I see it this way too.
I am confident in my body but still see its flaws.
The same for my personality.
It is the realisation that nobody is perfect and being happy with what you have/who you are.
There was a point I decided to stop tearing myself apart and just embrace myself.
This, to me, is confidence "
Totally agree with you Ivy. Embracing me, even when I make a mistake or put on a bit weight. So what really, not one thing should define you, it should be about you as a whole. I'm not perfect at thinking like this but it's what I'm striving for. |
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"Confident people are more likely to repeat their mistakes.
I think a confident person is more likely to be willing to learn from their mistakes
There are loads of types of mistake. Impossible to ascribe a meaning to the statement I'd say. Being a non-confident person I've made the same mistake again and again and again as I've not had the courage to demand the right outcomes, and instead hoped that others would make the right choice without confrontation. They never do.
That's vague enough to beg the question...the right choice? Or the choice you wanted them to make?"
oh totally... I think I know the right answers to that generally though. Quick, to the therapists couch! |
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See, I love the variety of answers here
For me, I think the definition of confidence can be different in different situations. Social situations - some who's the life and soul may not feel confident inside, it may be a mask. But to others, they may appear super confident. So is that person really more confident than the person who sits quietly in the corner, content to observe? Or is that just other people's perception?
Our profile used to say we were looking for confident men. Over time we found that this attracted "I'm the best shag you'll ever have" "I'll give you what your husband can't" types. So we changed it to read "men who are comfortable in their own skin". We had much more success making the kind of connections we were looking for.
I don't believe you can have confidence without self-awareness. Awareness of your foibles, your strengths, your blind spots, your quirks. If you can sit with those and be comfortable, then confidence comes from there. Not bluster - vulnerability. Not all conquering - accepting your ups and downs. Perfectly imperfect and not afraid to show it.
Mrs kf x |
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"Isn't confidence essentially knowing your not perfect, never going to be. But you're doing your best to be the best possible person you can be?
I see it this way too.
I am confident in my body but still see its flaws.
The same for my personality.
It is the realisation that nobody is perfect and being happy with what you have/who you are.
There was a point I decided to stop tearing myself apart and just embrace myself.
This, to me, is confidence "
I'm on the same page |
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"I’m confident when I need to be confident. I have a quiet confidence about myself rather than in a look at me way.
At work I’m quite laid back but only because I have the confidence to deal with any situation. I’m a problem solver and don’t stress under pressure. I’m in between work at present but I’m confident something will come up for me.
The same for sex....I’m confident in my ability to excite someone, get into their mind and really turn them on. But that’s all about building the connection...I’d be the complete opposite if just thrown into a situation.
But generally I would say I’m comfortable rather than confident...I worry little bit still do on occasions.
K
"
See, for me I think that is confidence |
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"Community.
Believing I am a worthy member of communities.
Work, sex, community, otherwise.
It requires both internal work and external validation from those who matter."
Good point Swing. I think we all crave validation - even though we deny it sometimes - but where we get it from is linked to confidence for me. I'm trying not to mention Carl Rogers and look like a wanky armchair psychologist but it's challenging |
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"See, I love the variety of answers here
For me, I think the definition of confidence can be different in different situations. Social situations - some who's the life and soul may not feel confident inside, it may be a mask. But to others, they may appear super confident. So is that person really more confident than the person who sits quietly in the corner, content to observe? Or is that just other people's perception?
Our profile used to say we were looking for confident men. Over time we found that this attracted "I'm the best shag you'll ever have" "I'll give you what your husband can't" types. So we changed it to read "men who are comfortable in their own skin". We had much more success making the kind of connections we were looking for.
I don't believe you can have confidence without self-awareness. Awareness of your foibles, your strengths, your blind spots, your quirks. If you can sit with those and be comfortable, then confidence comes from there. Not bluster - vulnerability. Not all conquering - accepting your ups and downs. Perfectly imperfect and not afraid to show it.
Mrs kf x"
Agree totally
When people meet me for the first time I’m often referred to being confident and approachable. My ex wife certainly said that’s what she found attractive when she first met me.
However at that time I didn’t feel it deep down inside I just felt as if I was putting on an act.
Since my divorce however I have a new confidence as I had to start afresh, new home, job and living in a new place so new friends etc..now I feel I deserve the confidence I have, as in my head I feel I’ve earned it.
Hope this makes sense |
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"Community.
Believing I am a worthy member of communities.
Work, sex, community, otherwise.
It requires both internal work and external validation from those who matter.
Good point Swing. I think we all crave validation - even though we deny it sometimes - but where we get it from is linked to confidence for me. I'm trying not to mention Carl Rogers and look like a wanky armchair psychologist but it's challenging "
I'm all about that kind of wanking 
I don't think any man is truly an island - ultimately we're a social species |
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"How do we get it? Getting out of comfort zone, not fearing making a mistake, being a trier... a whole pot of things come into it I guess.."
Yes...and that’s when you lean and grow. If you are confident without experience or making mistakes you’re probably deluded or just arrogant |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Interesting thread. I'd say everyone on here, showing publicly their bits, have to have at least some self confidence. But I get it is easier to interact behind the screen. It's a different story face to face. Even so. Fab and other online social platforms are great to people who find awkward interacting with others. Maybe not necessarily because they lacking self confidence but sometimes its so hard to put up with the small talk and vacuous interaction. I'd define myself as very self confident but introvert that sometimes can be confused.....
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The idea that confidence is the same mistake made over isn't true. Sexually, confidence can be asking your partner if something can be improved or knowing that a safe word will be used.
I'm happy to punish Mrs KC in the bedroom, confident that if it becomes too much she'll tell me. Equally, I am pretty good at getting her to cum - not that I'm amazing in bed (though obviously I am   ) but that she had the confidence to tell me what she liked and I had the confidence to ask and improve.
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