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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I feel rubbish

I feel worthless, ugly, just totally shitty.

I won't go into the reasons why...

But can someone send a hug or tell me a really shit joke?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Moosive bear hug from me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I feel rubbish

I feel worthless, ugly, just totally shitty.

I won't go into the reasons why...

But can someone send a hug or tell me a really shit joke?

You want shite well ok you asked for it:- West Ham United!!!!!!!!

I’ve written it now and can’t take it back but I’m not sorry.

Get out if you can and get some fresh COVID free air.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why did 8 hate 7?

Because 7 was in the way of his 69..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's purple and blurry?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"What's purple and blurry?"

Me?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a woman with 6 cans of bear on hear head

Beartrix

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By *uke olovingmanMan over a year ago

Gravesend

Awww big hugs

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What's purple and blurry?

Me?

Purple Haze - correcto.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I feel rubbish

I feel worthless, ugly, just totally shitty.

I won't go into the reasons why...

But can someone send a hug or tell me a really shit joke?

Did you hear about the huge fight in the chippy

The sausage got battered

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By *alty surpriseMan over a year ago

Uttoxeter

I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was "shit I was going to eat that later, but now it's going to taste like carrots!".. Boom boom. X

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What did 0 say to 8...Nice belt

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By *uke olovingmanMan over a year ago

Gravesend

There's a girl I've been perving for days

She's been the subject of many a gaze

I've fabbed all her pics

Examined her bits

You're delectable purple haze

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By *riar BelisseWoman over a year ago

Holibobs

What do you call a fairy who fell in a toilet....

STINKERBELL

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Big hugs. This too shall pass.

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By *tephanjMan over a year ago

Kettering

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I feel rubbish

I feel worthless, ugly, just totally shitty.

I won't go into the reasons why...

But can someone send a hug or tell me a really shit joke?

Sending you all my positive energy and thoughts

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What do you call a fairy who fell in a toilet....

STINKERBELL"

I must tell my 10 Yr old that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Feel better Lu x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

You're all sweethearts

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By *ocksareoffMan over a year ago

Lincolnshire

Sending hugs.

What do you call a Spaniard that's left hospital?

Manuel

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By *issminxymooWoman over a year ago

Button Moon

I got fired from my job at the bank today. An elderly lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Hope you feel brighter soon, hugs xx

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By *lenn FairlightMan over a year ago

East Kent

I failed yet another job interview the other day. They asked me how well I perform under pressure, which I thought was a bit odd. I said not great but my Bohemian Rhapsody is spot on.

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By *edeWoman over a year ago

the abyss

Hugs all round

Also - What did the banana say to the vibrator?

'Why are you shaking? She's going to eat me!'

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By *ty31Man over a year ago

NW London

"I feel rubbish

I feel worthless, ugly, just totally shitty.

I won't go into the reasons why...

But can someone send a hug or tell me a really shit joke?

You want shite well ok you asked for it:- West Ham United!!!!!!!!

I’ve written it now and can’t take it back but I’m not sorry.

Get out if you can and get some fresh COVID free air.

Why doesn't viagra work on West Ham fans?

They only get hard when 10 of their mates are standing behind them.

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By *etcplCouple over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"I feel rubbish

I feel worthless, ugly, just totally shitty.

I won't go into the reasons why...

But can someone send a hug or tell me a really shit joke?

I don’t trust stairs....

They are always up to something!

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By *uke olovingmanMan over a year ago

Gravesend

That strumpet they call purple haze

Claimed she could keep going for days

She chose who was next

By examining text

And rejecting the too far aways

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 14/04/21 14:23:12]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why does Edward Woodward have 4 d’s in his name?

Because otherwise he’d be Ewar Woowar!

Also, huge booby snuggles.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"I feel rubbish

I feel worthless, ugly, just totally shitty.

I won't go into the reasons why...

But can someone send a hug or tell me a really shit joke?

You want shite well ok you asked for it:- West Ham United!!!!!!!!

I’ve written it now and can’t take it back but I’m not sorry.

Get out if you can and get some fresh COVID free air.

Ahem... West Ham fan here

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"I feel rubbish

I feel worthless, ugly, just totally shitty.

I won't go into the reasons why...

But can someone send a hug or tell me a really shit joke?

You want shite well ok you asked for it:- West Ham United!!!!!!!!

I’ve written it now and can’t take it back but I’m not sorry.

Get out if you can and get some fresh COVID free air.

Why doesn't viagra work on West Ham fans?

They only get hard when 10 of their mates are standing behind them."

Is it anti West Ham day today

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

Ya Lu

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By *incskittenWoman over a year ago

Nottingham

OP , im rubbish with jokes but wanted to say you are not ugly or worthless.

Hope your mood improves... sending a huge hug x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Shit joke? Hold my beer.....

Wife - I think I am loosing my mind.

Husband - that’s because you keep giving me a piece of it every day!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Huggles, my dear xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I was on holiday and became quite seriously ill.

Took a fever and was rushed to hospital, lots of tests and they couldn't find out what was wrong. I was given days to live, too ill to fly home so my family was rushed to my bedside.

I knew time was short so as a final request I wanted to be taken to the tavern by the beach to watch one final sunset.

Laying in bed, hearing the waves crashing, my family by my side, I had made peace with my maker and waited for the end. The landlord asked what was wrong and my family explained.

He disappeared and a few minutes later a barman came up with a stethoscope, listened to my chest, looked into my eyes then muttered something to the landlord.

The landlord came over and put a glass to my lips, giving me the foullest smelling concoction I had ever sniffed.

I sipped, not wanting my last moments on earth to be offending the hospitality of this man.

My temperature stabilised, my breathing eased and like a miracle I felt strong as an ox. The barman had a cure!

My family were ecstatic! My dad rushed to the Landlord, thanking him and asking how this could happen so unexpectedly?

Senor, he said, no one expects the Spanish Inn Physician.

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By *stbury DavenportMan over a year ago

Nottingham

[Removed by poster at 14/04/21 14:48:09]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a French man wearing sandals?

Philippe Floppe

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By *stbury DavenportMan over a year ago

Nottingham

"I feel rubbish

I feel worthless, ugly, just totally shitty."

This just goes with the territory of using Fab, I find.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I went for a job at a Blacksmiths.

He asked if I knew how to shoe horses.

I said "no, but I once told a Donkey to fuck off"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sending big hugs. I hope you'll be better soon xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So a man tells his wife he had to show his grey chest hair to get his pension, she replied, you should show them your dick, you would get a disability allowance

Hugs to you lu

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By *ornyhappyCouple over a year ago

perth

I'm really rubbish at jokes but just wanted to send some hugs your way OP. I hear you. You are brave & strong & beautiful.

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By *ty31Man over a year ago

NW London

"I feel rubbish

I feel worthless, ugly, just totally shitty.

I won't go into the reasons why...

But can someone send a hug or tell me a really shit joke?

You want shite well ok you asked for it:- West Ham United!!!!!!!!

I’ve written it now and can’t take it back but I’m not sorry.

Get out if you can and get some fresh COVID free air.

Why doesn't viagra work on West Ham fans?

They only get hard when 10 of their mates are standing behind them.

Is it anti West Ham day today

Isn't every day???

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By *hezGeekCouple over a year ago

Bristol

A man walks in to a bar carrying a backpack, and asks for a beer. As the bartender asks for payment the guy says "I'll be honest with you, mate. I don't have any money on me, but if I show you something I guarantee will amaze you, can I have it for free?"

Impressed by the man's cheek, the bartender agrees. The man opens his backpack, and pulls out a replica grand piano. He places it on the bar, then calls into the bag. "Come on out and do your thing!"

A little man, about a foot tall and dressed in an immaculate evening suit, comes out of the backpack, sits at the piano and plays a perfect rendition of a Beethoven symphony. He stands, bows, and climbs back into the backpack.

The bartender is amazed. "That was incredible! Where did you find that little guy?"

The man takes out an empty bottle. "There's a genie in here who grants wishes. Tell you what, for another beer, I'll let you ask him for one. But you have to speak clearly - he's a little deaf." The bartender agrees, pulls another pint, and leans in and asks the genie his wish.

A few seconds later, the bar was full of tentacled sea creatures, flapping and gurgling. The bartender pulls one off his head, and yells at the man. "What the heck? I wanted a million QUID, not a million SQUID!"

The man looks at him and shrugs.

"Mate, do you really think I asked for a twelve-inch pianist?"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You're not any of those things.

sending positive vibes your way. X

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By *andyfloss2000Woman over a year ago

ashford

Hugs u gourgeous girl!! Xx

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By *parkle1974Woman over a year ago

Leeds

Sending hugs OP x

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By *partharmonyCouple over a year ago

Ruislip

"I feel rubbish

I feel worthless, ugly, just totally shitty.

I won't go into the reasons why...

But can someone send a hug or tell me a really shit joke?

How about telling you that you are gorgeous and sexy? Would that do you any good?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What bees make milk?

BooBees

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

When my husband told me to stop impersonating a flamingo...

I had to put my foot down

Feeling like that is shit, hope you feel better soon. Jus remember it won’t last and tomorrow is another day x

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By *iddlesticksMan over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

I hope you’re feeling a bit cheerier.

I’m not too happy myself. I went for a shower and found I’d run out of shampoo.

I had to use real poo

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I feel rubbish

I feel worthless, ugly, just totally shitty.

I won't go into the reasons why...

But can someone send a hug or tell me a really shit joke?

Sending love and hugs. X

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"I feel rubbish

I feel worthless, ugly, just totally shitty.

I won't go into the reasons why...

But can someone send a hug or tell me a really shit joke?

You want shite well ok you asked for it:- West Ham United!!!!!!!!

I’ve written it now and can’t take it back but I’m not sorry.

Get out if you can and get some fresh COVID free air.

Why doesn't viagra work on West Ham fans?

They only get hard when 10 of their mates are standing behind them.

Is it anti West Ham day today

Isn't every day???

Cheek

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I saw two seagulls having sex today. I didn’t know birds had sex.

Not that I didn’t know, I just had never thought about it before. I was shocked to look out the window during a meeting and seeing them going at it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

All my shit jokes are really shit so I'll just send a big hug instead X

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hugzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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By *aggy dollsCouple over a year ago

bradford

As saturdays gun salute to the Duke of Edinburgh started, boris Johnson recieved a phonecall from president macron declaring their surrender.

Mr H.

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By *irenGuy70Man over a year ago

Cirencester

Hope you're feeling better Purple!

A man walks sheepishly into a bar and asks the barman if they sell shorts. "Yes, of course" says the barman. "Great", the man says, "Can I have a pair in large, I've shit mine!"

Well, you wanted a shit joke...

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By *ildbillkidMan over a year ago

where the road goes on forever

Two silk worms ran a race........ they ended up in a tie

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Today is a much better day....so far

Thank you all for the love and shockingly bad jokes

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By *ocksareoffMan over a year ago

Lincolnshire

"Today is a much better day....so far

Thank you all for the love and shockingly bad jokes

It's the only sort of jokes I know

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By *wist my nipplesCouple over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

Where does Napoleon keep his armies?

Up his sleevies!

Mrs kf x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Today is a much better day....so far

Thank you all for the love and shockingly bad jokes

It’s my specialty

. Glad you’re feeling better

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By *rder66Man over a year ago

Tatooine

Sending hugs.

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By *nabelle21Woman over a year ago

B38

I am glad today is a brighter day x

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By *nabelle21Woman over a year ago

B38

Sending big hugs to you x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Today is a much better day....so far

Thank you all for the love and shockingly bad jokes

Why do you feel better today? Write it down. All the good feelings. Save them for the next time you feel shit. No matter how small the positive feeling seems, it all adds up.

It probably won't help to make you feel better the next time you feel crap, but it gives hope. There's always a rainbow after a storm.

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By *uke olovingmanMan over a year ago

Gravesend

"Today is a much better day....so far

Thank you all for the love and shockingly bad jokes

Yay ..I reckon it was the limericks what done it

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By *uke olovingmanMan over a year ago

Gravesend

"Today is a much better day....so far

Thank you all for the love and shockingly bad jokes

Why do you feel better today? Write it down. All the good feelings. Save them for the next time you feel shit. No matter how small the positive feeling seems, it all adds up.

It probably won't help to make you feel better the next time you feel crap, but it gives hope. There's always a rainbow after a storm.

"
that's a good idea ... bookmark this thread to look back at

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Today is a much better day....so far

Thank you all for the love and shockingly bad jokes

Why do you feel better today? Write it down. All the good feelings. Save them for the next time you feel shit. No matter how small the positive feeling seems, it all adds up.

It probably won't help to make you feel better the next time you feel crap, but it gives hope. There's always a rainbow after a storm.

I have a day of tattooing ahead so won't have time to scratch my arse

Thank you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Today is a much better day....so far

Thank you all for the love and shockingly bad jokes

Why do you feel better today? Write it down. All the good feelings. Save them for the next time you feel shit. No matter how small the positive feeling seems, it all adds up.

It probably won't help to make you feel better the next time you feel crap, but it gives hope. There's always a rainbow after a storm.

I have a day of tattooing ahead so won't have time to scratch my arse

Thank you

Don't be scratching your arse with a tatt gun in your hand!

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By *inger_SnapWoman over a year ago

Hampshire

Hope you're feeling brighter today

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Today is a much better day....so far

Thank you all for the love and shockingly bad jokes

Why do you feel better today? Write it down. All the good feelings. Save them for the next time you feel shit. No matter how small the positive feeling seems, it all adds up.

It probably won't help to make you feel better the next time you feel crap, but it gives hope. There's always a rainbow after a storm.

I have a day of tattooing ahead so won't have time to scratch my arse

Thank you

Don't be scratching your arse with a tatt gun in your hand!

nooooooo I don't wanna be doing that!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Hope you're feeling brighter today

Much! Thank you lovely!

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