I like a man to treat me with respect but not go overboard. If I'm struggling to carry something sure I'd love a hand, but pulling out chairs for me or always insisting on paying or choosing what I have off a menu for me would be a major turn off and annoyance. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
If you ask someone what being a gentleman is, you will get a different answer for every person.
Chivalry isn’t dead, it just looks different to everyone.
Gender politics and equality has nothing to do with being polite and considerate |
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"Madam, please allow me to fling my coat gallantly into yonder puddle of muddy water in order that thou may step upon it 
Fuck that, just gimme a backie "
 Jump aboard m’lady  I’ll even make clipperty-clop sounds as you ride me. ‘Neigghhhh!’  |
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By *hesblokeMan
over a year ago
Derbyshire village |
Depends on your definition I suppose. Is it chivalrous to hold a door open for someone or is it just polite (like if I go through a door at work and there's someone behind me, not just holding random doors open - that would be odd I think)? Being a gentleman to me means being Not A Dick as much as possible.
But that's just how we all should be anyway, right? |
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"Madam, please allow me to fling my coat gallantly into yonder puddle of muddy water in order that thou may step upon it
Fuck that, just gimme a backie
Jump aboard m’lady I’ll even make clipperty-clop sounds as you ride me. ‘Neigghhhh!’ "
Yeeehaw! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I love a bit of chivalry in the right place.
Yes I can open my own doors and tuck my chair under as I sit at a table. But I appreciate a man doing it for me.
I don't appreciate a man insisting on paying for everything. I don't appreciate a man assuming he is stronger than I am so trying to carry stuff. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t know anymore. I’m sometimes even pilloried for doing what I thought was normal behaviour but is deemed to be sexist, even misogynistic.
I haven’t kept up with the times, clearly. |
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If chivalry dead then I'll happily be a zombie.
The day I stop opening/holding a door for someone, walking on the curb side of a pavement, asking the lady what she'd like to drink, etc. is the day they bury me. |
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The age of chivalry never existed, it is a myth built by the victorians on top of middle age folk tales. The idea of chivalry was just a pretty gloss over the reality of a time when men treated women as property.
However it would be quite nice if all people could behave as decent human beings, with fairness and respect to others regardless of gender, race, religion, class, sexual orientation, bodily ability, etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Chivalry is duty, loyalty, kindness, compassion, protecting those who aren’t able to protect themselves, never disparaging others.....such qualities. Holding doors open and walking on the outside of a pavement, those superficialities are politeness.
That’s my understanding of the term. |
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"Chivalry is duty, loyalty, kindness, compassion, protecting those who aren’t able to protect themselves, never disparaging others.....such qualities. Holding doors open and walking on the outside of a pavement, those superficialities are politeness.
That’s my understanding of the term."
I'll get me coat.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Chivalry is duty, loyalty, kindness, compassion, protecting those who aren’t able to protect themselves, never disparaging others.....such qualities. Holding doors open and walking on the outside of a pavement, those superficialities are politeness.
That’s my understanding of the term.
I'll get me coat. "
What? Why? You, kind a air fit many a gentlemanly qualities. You leave your coat where it hangs. |
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By *nfin8yWoman
over a year ago
Newcastle-under-Lyme |
"I like people to be respectful and polite to each other regardless of gender. I think certain customs and rules of etiquette oil the wheels of daily life though.
"
I would add consideration for others to that as well as being polite and respectful but therein lies the difficulty ie. different perceptions and expectations. If I see someone physically struggling to do something my perception may be that they need help. Theirs may be that they prefer to manage on their own. If I ask if they would like some assistance rather than just assuming they do. Maybe that gives them the chance to politely decline. People may not always be aware of specific customs and rules of etiquette in some situations but we can learn from each other.
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
The medieval traditions of "the parfait knight" chivalry" and " courtly love" all fuse into what is described in modern times i.e 19 century to 21st as chivalry. Originally all were aspirational and in reality rarely achieved. They were also based on status and gender. The problem with chivalry in modern timee is that it retains the gender basis and is prescriptive to the rules of both genders in retaining the medieval view of the women being helpless and needing male defenders.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Chivalry is duty, loyalty, kindness, compassion, protecting those who aren’t able to protect themselves, never disparaging others.....such qualities. Holding doors open and walking on the outside of a pavement, those superficialities are politeness.
That’s my understanding of the term.
I'll get me coat.
What? Why? You, kind a air fit many a gentlemanly qualities. You leave your coat where it hangs."
I 2nd that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a good question and I think there is some definitional confusion above, as to what it means to individuals. Perhaps it's best thought of as an extension of the concept of good manners - for some, such treatment (e.g., opening of doors, helping with chairs, coats, pouring wine, etc...) will be romanticised (perhaps depending on how much Jane Austin has been digested, but also who exactly is being chivalrous). I certainly know women who loves this approach - or at least claim to. However, for others - many on this thread it seems - it may be paternalistic, patronising, annoying and so forth.
Personally, I prefer the former and enjoy going to some extra effort to make a woman feel special and she's the only girl in the world at that particular moment in time.
M |
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I actually think it can be nice and romantic, showing little gestures that a man can do for a lady to appreciate that he’s in her company. Make her feel special for the night and ensures that she’s fully aware how lucky he is.
If you’re in a long term relationship I think it’s a pleasant way to express your ongoing commitment and love to your partner.
In a new relationship it shows a level of empathy and kindness. Especially if you pick up early signs she may not appreciate too much chivalry and quite happy to pay her way, but has no issue with you opening doors for her. Women make a bit more of an effort to look beautiful for the night than men, so showing appreciation is quite right.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m always suspicious of any man that calls himself a gentlemen, what do you want a reward for behaving in a manner that the majority of people adhere to. |
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"Is the age of chivalry dead.
In this age of gender equality, do you ladies still like a man to be a gentleman
Your thought?"
.
Yes I 100% like a man to be a Gentleman. I think its something that should be more common. |
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"I like a man to treat me with respect but not go overboard. If I'm struggling to carry something sure I'd love a hand, but pulling out chairs for me or always insisting on paying or choosing what I have off a menu for me would be a major turn off and annoyance."
On a 1st or early date I'd definitely pay for a meal.. but choosing what she eats is just weird. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Chivalry? Depends, rescuing princesses from dragons sounds reasonable but clubbing peasants foot soldierd to death with a steel mace whilst mounted and wearing full armour seems a little bit off.
Mr |
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If by being a gentleman you mean they're polite and respectful to all people then yes.
If by gentleman you mean they make an excessive show of "manners" towards women and then feel that entitles them to something then no. |
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I like a gentleman but a lot of people brag about being a gentleman when they are just using common decency. Those kind of guys put me off. A gentleman doesnt feel the need to tell people. He just is |
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"I like my man to hold the door open for me , and smack my arse as I walk through "
I always hold open the door for anyone following, but I don't think I have the nerve to smack a lady on the arse as she walked through!
Knowing my luck she wouldn't appreciate it and at best I would get a smack across the face or worst get arrested! That is unless I knew she liked that kind of thing. |
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I've always considered modern chivalry to be the little things like:
Holding the door open for a lady,
Waiting for a lady to go 1st (like when getting on/off a bus),
Offering a hand when they are struggling (ie help carry the shopping to the car)...
Not massive things but still appriciate (or thought to be).
But I have heard otherwise to the point of being called anti fem..  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like when men hold a door open for me, I like when women hold a door open for me and I like holding doors open for both men and women. Being considerate isn't gendered, or it shouldn't be.
I DO NOT like it when a man assumes I need protecting from cars on the road and places me on the inside of the pavement. I'm a full grown adult, not a toddler about to run into oncoming traffic because I've seen a squirrel. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I love it but I was brought up to hold doors open for people, let someone older/less able sit in my seat, and all the polite things so I do appreciate it if I encounter chivalry.
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