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Just had a child and GF seems to have lost interest
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I've never had children, but I should imagine that a mother's instinct will always kick in, it's only natural for them to nurture and protect a new-born. You're a grown man who can defend for yourself, go be a man and be a hunter gatherer.
Hope this helps   |
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I've heard its quite common for women to lose interest in sex after a baby. She's properly super tired, hormonal and focused on being a parent. It'll come back in time, especially if you're supportive  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It can massively change how you feel....
Apart from all the hormonal changes, just the fact you have this new little human to protect and nurture can be overwhelming...so yes... a new mums focus changes.
Most women’s bodies change too... so she might feel self conscious about body image too.
She just needs support, pampering, treats... and maybe try take her out on a date if you can with no pressure... make her feel like she did when you met!!
You’ll get it back... takes time, understanding and patience. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ok. ....
As a mum..... and a female that has bewn through childbirth. ......
No.....actually, stuff the public reply...... im offering my inbox as a means of chat. I can't do this in public....wouldnt be the right thing to do
If you don't wish to talk, thats fine, but I'll say now....yes, its so normal
. Hugs to you, if you dont want a mums-eye-view on the subject, but if you want to chat, the offer is 100% there xx |
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"It can massively change how you feel....
Apart from all the hormonal changes, just the fact you have this new little human to protect and nurture can be overwhelming...so yes... a new mums focus changes.
Most women’s bodies change too... so she might feel self conscious about body image too.
She just needs support, pampering, treats... and maybe try take her out on a date if you can with no pressure... make her feel like she did when you met!!
You’ll get it back... takes time, understanding and patience. Xx"
Much better put! |
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There’s huge things going on, she really hasn’t long given birth, give her time to heal emotionally and physically. Took me 2-3 years to resemble some sort of normality after my 2nd.
She’s likely to be tired, possibly very self conscious of her body. She’ll have bigger things on her mind, particularly protecting her child.
Give her time, be there for her, it’s not all about sex and I suggest coming off here |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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CONGRATULATIONS on your daddy’s little girl!!
It’a not uncommon for your girlfriend to be like this OP. Talk to her. Talks to her. Talk to her.
Have patience, try to focus on your daughter and understand that your girlfriend is doing the same for now. I’ll need to let a woman explain it from their perspective but you’ll need to find the beauty in her motherhood until she gets through this stage and becomes a ‘girlfriend’ again.
It isn’t exhaustion because I’ve known women with staff to do everything go through this, hence don’t think that by helping means she will change. It is some sort of mothering instinct, from what I can see.
There is no telling how long it will last but it will subside to a degree. In the meantime, you may feel that she has forgotten you. In a way, she has because her priority is ALWAYS the baby and you will feel forgotten about.
It isn’t you. She needs you more than she can show and certainly more than you think.
Focus on your daughter and prioritise her above yourself and you will understand your girlfriend a little better.
Good luck and I hope you’ll get through this together. |
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"I've never had children, but I should imagine that a mother's instinct will always kick in, it's only natural for them to nurture and protect a new-born. You're a grown man who can defend for yourself, go be a man and be a hunter gatherer.
Hope this helps "
Ace, that's not even half of it. She didn't make a choice to nurture the baby and not live her old life.
Babies demand attention 24/7 she is more than likely totally fucking shattered.
Show me the baby that came out of the end of their dads cock and the dad isn't totally changed by having a tiny human being that needs, feeding, dressing, changing, burping , feeding , changing , burping all day long while they cry, the baby and the parent from sheer exhaustion - whilst in addition washing clothes, hoovering , shopping , cleaning up after everyone, dealing with bills etc, god forbid you have any pets......
N go on ... tell me he'd still be raring to fuck someone as he crawled shattered into bed......
Sex becomes a tag on job at the end of a tiring day for most women / new mothers ....... utter shit.
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I must be super slow. Mind you ive been up since 5 and done all sorts but ..............
Why worry O.P. You are on here looking for people to meet. All's good in your world. A woman to raise your child and other women for sex...... all you need now is one to cut your hair and trim your nails .... job done.
I hope your girlfriend gets the support she needs and enjoys life loads.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sadly have to say it was for my ex of 8months after 34 yrs married. Following the birth she went from sexxy girl to no interest at all. We tried all sorts, injections n counselling the lot but alas her mojo never returned and we accepted the fact n lived happily together in seperate rooms. We are biggest friends of all but we decided at our age it was silly to continue and now live seperate but are still buddies. It does happen sadly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Her body has been through the most brutal time physically and emotionally, lack of sleep along with trying to figure out your place in the world now is scary. You become a Mum and your priorities change....Add to that a baby who needs you 24/7. Are you surprised really?
I hope she has the support she needs..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Her body has been through the most brutal time physically and emotionally, lack of sleep along with trying to figure out your place in the world now is scary. You become a Mum and your priorities change....Add to that a baby who needs you 24/7. Are you surprised really?
I hope she has the support she needs..
"
Is that reply to me ? We loved each other its what kept us together all the years. We understood the reasons as you so rightly said, but alas for her, and we tried everything it never came back to her previous instincts. She accepted it, it was never something that was at forefront of her mind coz we had a wonderful son to look after who is 33 now n living abroad and we loved each other. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Get rid. It's been 6 months, plenty of time for her to sort he priorities out. If she cares more about a small helpless human than her boyfriend, why have her around. There's loads of women out there who will shag you.
If she can't do all the jobs in the house, work to bring money in, look after the kid and also shag you, why put up with that.
Find a woman without a kid to use as an excuse for not taking care of all your needs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Her body has been through the most brutal time physically and emotionally, lack of sleep along with trying to figure out your place in the world now is scary. You become a Mum and your priorities change....Add to that a baby who needs you 24/7. Are you surprised really?
I hope she has the support she needs..
Is that reply to me ? We loved each other its what kept us together all the years. We understood the reasons as you so rightly said, but alas for her, and we tried everything it never came back to her previous instincts. She accepted it, it was never something that was at forefront of her mind coz we had a wonderful son to look after who is 33 now n living abroad and we loved each other."
For whoever needed to hear it. Not commenting on your situation but if that sounds she put too much pressure on herself? And maybe you put pressure on her too.....why not accept that this stuff takes time and just be patient...
My partner would be knocked out sparko for even suggesting it |
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Have a Google of what the body and mind go through. Do as much reading up on pregnancy and birth as you did practising making the baby. It may open your eyes somewhat and who knows, you may end up respecting her enough after that to concentrate your efforts on her, on your baby, and away from getting your dick wet.
She's just given you a small human, and you're here looking for somewhere else to dock your cock after a mere 6 months. 6 months is fuck all when you've had a baby. Man alive. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Her body has been through the most brutal time physically and emotionally, lack of sleep along with trying to figure out your place in the world now is scary. You become a Mum and your priorities change....Add to that a baby who needs you 24/7. Are you surprised really?
I hope she has the support she needs..
Is that reply to me ? We loved each other its what kept us together all the years. We understood the reasons as you so rightly said, but alas for her, and we tried everything it never came back to her previous instincts. She accepted it, it was never something that was at forefront of her mind coz we had a wonderful son to look after who is 33 now n living abroad and we loved each other.
For whoever needed to hear it. Not commenting on your situation but if that sounds she put too much pressure on herself? And maybe you put pressure on her too.....why not accept that this stuff takes time and just be patient...
My partner would be knocked out sparko for even suggesting it"
U obviously didnt read my reply, we were married 34yrs n my son was 33yrs. We tried everything. There was no pressure put on by either of us but if things could have been done to help we would have. You dont know or understand what we went thru, i merely pointed out these things do happen, i didnt ask for ur opinion or suggestion that i put pressure on her, how dare you ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Her body has been through the most brutal time physically and emotionally, lack of sleep along with trying to figure out your place in the world now is scary. You become a Mum and your priorities change....Add to that a baby who needs you 24/7. Are you surprised really?
I hope she has the support she needs..
Is that reply to me ? We loved each other its what kept us together all the years. We understood the reasons as you so rightly said, but alas for her, and we tried everything it never came back to her previous instincts. She accepted it, it was never something that was at forefront of her mind coz we had a wonderful son to look after who is 33 now n living abroad and we loved each other.
For whoever needed to hear it. Not commenting on your situation but if that sounds she put too much pressure on herself? And maybe you put pressure on her too.....why not accept that this stuff takes time and just be patient...
My partner would be knocked out sparko for even suggesting it
U obviously didnt read my reply, we were married 34yrs n my son was 33yrs. We tried everything. There was no pressure put on by either of us but if things could have been done to help we would have. You dont know or understand what we went thru, i merely pointed out these things do happen, i didnt ask for ur opinion or suggestion that i put pressure on her, how dare you !"
I did read it thanks and if you read my reply my wording was; "sounds like' 'maybe'
Having two sons of my own and going through post natal depression I do think I have some idea thank you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Her body has been through the most brutal time physically and emotionally, lack of sleep along with trying to figure out your place in the world now is scary. You become a Mum and your priorities change....Add to that a baby who needs you 24/7. Are you surprised really?
I hope she has the support she needs..
Is that reply to me ? We loved each other its what kept us together all the years. We understood the reasons as you so rightly said, but alas for her, and we tried everything it never came back to her previous instincts. She accepted it, it was never something that was at forefront of her mind coz we had a wonderful son to look after who is 33 now n living abroad and we loved each other.
For whoever needed to hear it. Not commenting on your situation but if that sounds she put too much pressure on herself? And maybe you put pressure on her too.....why not accept that this stuff takes time and just be patient...
My partner would be knocked out sparko for even suggesting it
U obviously didnt read my reply, we were married 34yrs n my son was 33yrs. We tried everything. There was no pressure put on by either of us but if things could have been done to help we would have. You dont know or understand what we went thru, i merely pointed out these things do happen, i didnt ask for ur opinion or suggestion that i put pressure on her, how dare you !
I did read it thanks and if you read my reply my wording was; "sounds like' 'maybe'
Having two sons of my own and going through post natal depression I do think I have some idea thank you. "
Not replying coz youve gone through hell. But ur lil quotes were accusing me, thats how i read it, sorry. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Her body has been through the most brutal time physically and emotionally, lack of sleep along with trying to figure out your place in the world now is scary. You become a Mum and your priorities change....Add to that a baby who needs you 24/7. Are you surprised really?
I hope she has the support she needs..
Is that reply to me ? We loved each other its what kept us together all the years. We understood the reasons as you so rightly said, but alas for her, and we tried everything it never came back to her previous instincts. She accepted it, it was never something that was at forefront of her mind coz we had a wonderful son to look after who is 33 now n living abroad and we loved each other.
For whoever needed to hear it. Not commenting on your situation but if that sounds she put too much pressure on herself? And maybe you put pressure on her too.....why not accept that this stuff takes time and just be patient...
My partner would be knocked out sparko for even suggesting it
U obviously didnt read my reply, we were married 34yrs n my son was 33yrs. We tried everything. There was no pressure put on by either of us but if things could have been done to help we would have. You dont know or understand what we went thru, i merely pointed out these things do happen, i didnt ask for ur opinion or suggestion that i put pressure on her, how dare you !
I did read it thanks and if you read my reply my wording was; "sounds like' 'maybe'
Having two sons of my own and going through post natal depression I do think I have some idea thank you.
Not replying coz youve gone through hell. But ur lil quotes were accusing me, thats how i read it, sorry."
Re read the wording....I was not accusing you of anything. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Her body has been through the most brutal time physically and emotionally, lack of sleep along with trying to figure out your place in the world now is scary. You become a Mum and your priorities change....Add to that a baby who needs you 24/7. Are you surprised really?
I hope she has the support she needs..
Is that reply to me ? We loved each other its what kept us together all the years. We understood the reasons as you so rightly said, but alas for her, and we tried everything it never came back to her previous instincts. She accepted it, it was never something that was at forefront of her mind coz we had a wonderful son to look after who is 33 now n living abroad and we loved each other.
For whoever needed to hear it. Not commenting on your situation but if that sounds she put too much pressure on herself? And maybe you put pressure on her too.....why not accept that this stuff takes time and just be patient...
My partner would be knocked out sparko for even suggesting it
U obviously didnt read my reply, we were married 34yrs n my son was 33yrs. We tried everything. There was no pressure put on by either of us but if things could have been done to help we would have. You dont know or understand what we went thru, i merely pointed out these things do happen, i didnt ask for ur opinion or suggestion that i put pressure on her, how dare you !
I did read it thanks and if you read my reply my wording was; "sounds like' 'maybe'
Having two sons of my own and going through post natal depression I do think I have some idea thank you.
Not replying coz youve gone through hell. But ur lil quotes were accusing me, thats how i read it, sorry.
Re read the wording....I was not accusing you of anything."
I have, we'll have to agree to disagree, and move on. |
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"Is this normal after having a child together my GF seemed to have changed a lot. How she feels towards to and not much going on in the bedroom our child is now 6 months"
Ffs man sex is probably the last thing on her mind after having something the size of a melon being delivered via her vagina.
She'll be exhausted, scared, excited and have a million other things going through her mind and having a partner on a swingers site when you should be pampering, supporting and loving your partner at a time she needs love is ridiculous.
I would come of here and have a long think about your duties as a husband and dad
She needs you to be a real man and a rock for her now more than at anytime
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Men often find it difficult to adjust to the changes in their relationship after their partner has carried a baby for nine months, experienced all the things that pregnancy involves, gone through labour or surgical intervention, recovered from the effects labour and pregnancy has on their body, looked after a tiny infant who relies on them for every damn thing and dealt with the pressure society places on them. The father often feels side lined, left out, neglected. My advice to those men is get involved. Care for your child with your partner, plan activities the three of you can do together that sort of thing. Your lives will never be the same and this is one of the occasions in your relationship where *temporarily* your needs have to come second. You can either talk to your partner in a no blame supportive way to find a way forward for all of you and your relationship or seek a solution for yourself only. The choice is yours, this is real adult stuff now.
I really, really wish that relationship advice was part of ante natal care |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Is this normal after having a child together my GF seemed to have changed a lot. How she feels towards to and not much going on in the bedroom our child is now 6 months
Ffs man sex is probably the last thing on her mind after having something the size of a melon being delivered via her vagina.
She'll be exhausted, scared, excited and have a million other things going through her mind and having a partner on a swingers site when you should be pampering, supporting and loving your partner at a time she needs love is ridiculous.
I would come of here and have a long think about your duties as a husband and dad
She needs you to be a real man and a rock for her now more than at anytime
"
Absolutely this.
I’m on a few dads groups and I’ve lost count of the amount of times that I’ve seen this.
It usually boils down to a petulant man child that can’t handle their partner not having them as their sole focus.
If you can’t step up as a dad and accept the change in your relationship, then do the decent thing and be honest then leave.
Screwing around behind her back, disrespecting the mother of your child and betraying her trust for a bit of sex isn’t the kind of person that she needs or the person your child needs as a role model.
It may sound hard and it’s meant to be. Sort yourself out, this isn’t a game. |
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"
...
Why worry O.P. You are on here looking for people to meet. All's good in your world. A woman to raise your child and other women for sex...... all you need now is one to cut your hair and trim your nails .... job done.
...
"
I assumed that was what a previous poster meant by 'be a hunter gatherer'! |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
There are a number of things that could contribute to the lack of libido after giving birth. Most of the reasons have been mentioned.
There are potentially other reasons at stake including (you can shoot me down in flames but I have seen it more than once) that the relationship seemed ok before the birth but there were cracks below the surface. Becoming pregnant, giving birth are an incredibly powerful, hormone-driven motivation to become pregnant (So wanting "it" a lot) which then diminishes or even disappears once that objective has become reality - just like nature wants it to be in order to protect the new born from not getting wall of the maternal attention.
Ask yourself/ves whether everything was really genuinely ok beforehand. Seek independent support from Relate for example.
Above all do not put pressure on each other, do not go off cheating and rather than "talk to her" perhaps "listen to her" as well?
I wish you all the best x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Men often find it difficult to adjust to the changes in their relationship after their partner has carried a baby for nine months, experienced all the things that pregnancy involves, gone through labour or surgical intervention, recovered from the effects labour and pregnancy has on their body, looked after a tiny infant who relies on them for every damn thing and dealt with the pressure society places on them. The father often feels side lined, left out, neglected. My advice to those men is get involved. Care for your child with your partner, plan activities the three of you can do together that sort of thing. Your lives will never be the same and this is one of the occasions in your relationship where *temporarily* your needs have to come second. You can either talk to your partner in a no blame supportive way to find a way forward for all of you and your relationship or seek a solution for yourself only. The choice is yours, this is real adult stuff now.
*** I really, really wish that relationship advice was part of ante natal care *** "
Especially *** |
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It’s amazing how many women can go off sex with their partner when they get an inkling that he’s looking for casual sex with random women. We’re such fickle creatures!
I’m more likely to put out if I feel loved, desired, supported and happy. If I thought he was cheating I’d be closed for business.
Lou x |
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"Men often find it difficult to adjust to the changes in their relationship after their partner has carried a baby for nine months, experienced all the things that pregnancy involves, gone through labour or surgical intervention, recovered from the effects labour and pregnancy has on their body, looked after a tiny infant who relies on them for every damn thing and dealt with the pressure society places on them. The father often feels side lined, left out, neglected. My advice to those men is get involved. Care for your child with your partner, plan activities the three of you can do together that sort of thing. Your lives will never be the same and this is one of the occasions in your relationship where *temporarily* your needs have to come second. You can either talk to your partner in a no blame supportive way to find a way forward for all of you and your relationship or seek a solution for yourself only. The choice is yours, this is real adult stuff now.
I really, really wish that relationship advice was part of ante natal care "
^^^This |
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