FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Divorce advice please.
Divorce advice please.
Jump to: Newest in thread
Have a friend that is thinking of getting a divorce as her husband is cheating.
Married over 10yrs and have young children in their teens.
He has moved out and still seeing that other woman.
My friend needs to move on and we told her to get a divorce.
How long does it take roughly to get a divorce?
How much was the divorce?
What should she need to be aware of or ask regarding the divorce?
And anything else would be helpful.
Thanks. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
My first piece of advice
She needs to talk to her husband, rationally
Hopefully, both can be patent in their wants, needs & considerations
Then they both need to take legal advice from family solicitors
'telling' her to get a divorce isn't a wise move
Should they work things out (and this does happen), you could be seen as the friends who encouraged her to give it all up
There really is a fine balance between friendships and relationship advice |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My first piece of advice
She needs to talk to her husband, rationally
Hopefully, both can be patent in their wants, needs & considerations
Then they both need to take legal advice from family solicitors
'telling' her to get a divorce isn't a wise move
Should they work things out (and this does happen), you could be seen as the friends who encouraged her to give it all up
There really is a fine balance between friendships and relationship advice"
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have a friend that is thinking of getting a divorce as her husband is cheating.
Married over 10yrs and have young children in their teens.
He has moved out and still seeing that other woman.
My friend needs to move on and we told her to get a divorce.
How long does it take roughly to get a divorce?
How much was the divorce?
What should she need to be aware of or ask regarding the divorce?
And anything else would be helpful.
Thanks. "
I have no idea, but they probably will have to go through mediation and all.
Hopefully it won’t turn out nasty
My parents divorced when I was 5, and to be honest, I think people should part ways and be amicable rather than staying together for the “sake” of the kids but are miserable together x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Divorce is expensive. Would be better to sit, talk, divide up assets. Get that done in a legal document and then divorce after 2 year separation where they can file themselves and not have all the solicitor fees. If they can’t come to an agreement together then this obviously won’t work |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have a friend that is thinking of getting a divorce as her husband is cheating.
Married over 10yrs and have young children in their teens.
He has moved out and still seeing that other woman.
My friend needs to move on and we told her to get a divorce.
How long does it take roughly to get a divorce?
How much was the divorce?
What should she need to be aware of or ask regarding the divorce?
And anything else would be helpful.
Thanks.
I have no idea, but they probably will have to go through mediation and all.
Hopefully it won’t turn out nasty
My parents divorced when I was 5, and to be honest, I think people should part ways and be amicable rather than staying together for the “sake” of the kids but are miserable together x "
My parents split up when I was 5 too... and then re-married each other when I was 15
They are 36 years into their second marriage to each other  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have a friend that is thinking of getting a divorce as her husband is cheating.
Married over 10yrs and have young children in their teens.
He has moved out and still seeing that other woman.
My friend needs to move on and we told her to get a divorce.
How long does it take roughly to get a divorce?
How much was the divorce?
What should she need to be aware of or ask regarding the divorce?
And anything else would be helpful.
Thanks.
I have no idea, but they probably will have to go through mediation and all.
Hopefully it won’t turn out nasty
My parents divorced when I was 5, and to be honest, I think people should part ways and be amicable rather than staying together for the “sake” of the kids but are miserable together x
My parents split up when I was 5 too... and then re-married each other when I was 15
They are 36 years into their second marriage to each other "
Mine never remarried BUT they stayed friends and there for each other till the end x it was beautiful to see how their relationship developed after..  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have a friend that is thinking of getting a divorce as her husband is cheating.
Married over 10yrs and have young children in their teens.
He has moved out and still seeing that other woman.
My friend needs to move on and we told her to get a divorce.
How long does it take roughly to get a divorce?
How much was the divorce?
What should she need to be aware of or ask regarding the divorce?
And anything else would be helpful.
Thanks.
I have no idea, but they probably will have to go through mediation and all.
Hopefully it won’t turn out nasty
My parents divorced when I was 5, and to be honest, I think people should part ways and be amicable rather than staying together for the “sake” of the kids but are miserable together x
My parents split up when I was 5 too... and then re-married each other when I was 15
They are 36 years into their second marriage to each other
Mine never remarried BUT they stayed friends and there for each other till the end x it was beautiful to see how their relationship developed after.. "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Thanks.
Marriage beyond saving. Everyone knows he is seeing this other lady.
He is happier with this other lady, she is about 10yrs younger than his wife. He is taking this other woman to fancy hotels,weekends away and buying her things that he never did with his wife or kids.
He has been cheating on his wife for the last 8 months with this lady.
His kids hate him and he doesnt contact his kids anymore.
We have had to hear everything and support her when she was down, shes seen a dr and counsellor. Hes not interested in seeing a counsellor together and has already told her to get a divorce.
He has posted pics of him and his girlfriend on fb,snapchat etc
I think the marriage is over for those that have said we should not have told her to get a divorce.
Im I just after some advice about the divorce process and cost etc.
They dont talk much now. They just text each other about child arrangements.
Thanks
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
£550 online.
Couple of months all sorted.
They should agree beforehand what they both want, including separating finances.
Include a financial order that permanently separates finances- 'consent order'.
Good luck. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
There’s a website called, rightsofwomen.org (didn’t want to put the link incase not allowed) it’s a great starting point and has all relevant information if she decides to take this path.
My parents split when I was 8 and if I’m honest I am relieved they did, the constant fighting, cheating and arguing left me with some issues that wouldn’t of been there had they broke up earlier. Both hated each other by this point but stayed together because of me. I will always resent them for using me as an excuse.
Lily |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks.
Marriage beyond saving. Everyone knows he is seeing this other lady.
He is happier with this other lady, she is about 10yrs younger than his wife. He is taking this other woman to fancy hotels,weekends away and buying her things that he never did with his wife or kids.
He has been cheating on his wife for the last 8 months with this lady.
His kids hate him and he doesnt contact his kids anymore.
We have had to hear everything and support her when she was down, shes seen a dr and counsellor. Hes not interested in seeing a counsellor together and has already told her to get a divorce.
He has posted pics of him and his girlfriend on fb,snapchat etc
I think the marriage is over for those that have said we should not have told her to get a divorce.
Im I just after some advice about the divorce process and cost etc.
They dont talk much now. They just text each other about child arrangements.
Thanks
"
If he's being a cunt she should speak to a solicitor about making sure he pays child maintenance. Also to separate the finances and get her share so she can look after the kids.
If it's not amicable it will be more difficult but still possible.
Some solicitors do a free half hour of advice. She can see more than one for free advice, just maybe ask them all different questions to get the most out of it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks.
Marriage beyond saving. Everyone knows he is seeing this other lady.
He is happier with this other lady, she is about 10yrs younger than his wife. He is taking this other woman to fancy hotels,weekends away and buying her things that he never did with his wife or kids.
He has been cheating on his wife for the last 8 months with this lady.
His kids hate him and he doesnt contact his kids anymore.
We have had to hear everything and support her when she was down, shes seen a dr and counsellor. Hes not interested in seeing a counsellor together and has already told her to get a divorce.
He has posted pics of him and his girlfriend on fb,snapchat etc
I think the marriage is over for those that have said we should not have told her to get a divorce.
Im I just after some advice about the divorce process and cost etc.
They dont talk much now. They just text each other about child arrangements.
Thanks
"
I may be wrong, obviously she can prove the cheating so she has an advantage in the divorce timings and everything. But either way, the fact he told her to get a divorce means that they should be able to do it quick and efficiently. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Look at the government website for advice. My and my ex were separated over 2 years and assets, child maintenance etc were already agreed between us. The cost of the online process was £550. There are a few time bound steps before decree absolute is granted.
I have to stress my divorce was amicable and no need for solicitors, mediation etc. This is generally not the case. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have a friend that is thinking of getting a divorce as her husband is cheating.
Married over 10yrs and have young children in their teens.
He has moved out and still seeing that other woman.
My friend needs to move on and we told her to get a divorce.
How long does it take roughly to get a divorce?
How much was the divorce?
What should she need to be aware of or ask regarding the divorce?
And anything else would be helpful.
Thanks.
I have no idea, but they probably will have to go through mediation and all.
Hopefully it won’t turn out nasty
My parents divorced when I was 5, and to be honest, I think people should part ways and be amicable rather than staying together for the “sake” of the kids but are miserable together x
My parents split up when I was 5 too... and then re-married each other when I was 15
They are 36 years into their second marriage to each other "
Meant to be |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It can be cheap and painless if it's uncontested and if the money aspect gets sorted quickly. Mine was easy, due to the length of time we'd been separated she couldn't contest it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *tue555Man
over a year ago
Passed Beyond Reach |
Personally I think this is no business of anyone else's other than theirs. Certainly not for open discussions in these forums, especially as it is a third party your talking about and assuming not someone on this site.
There is a lot of hostility towards the male which means any advice is going to be marred with bad feeling and not constructive. You seem to have made the judgement that their marriage is beyond saving.
A true friend would just be there for them (her). They need to seek marriage gudence and talk through things.
Ultimately need to come to so sort of agreement between them through family solicitors and not through bitterness and fab forums
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Thanks.
Marriage beyond saving. Everyone knows he is seeing this other lady.
He is happier with this other lady, she is about 10yrs younger than his wife. He is taking this other woman to fancy hotels,weekends away and buying her things that he never did with his wife or kids.
He has been cheating on his wife for the last 8 months with this lady.
His kids hate him and he doesnt contact his kids anymore.
We have had to hear everything and support her when she was down, shes seen a dr and counsellor. Hes not interested in seeing a counsellor together and has already told her to get a divorce.
He has posted pics of him and his girlfriend on fb,snapchat etc
I think the marriage is over for those that have said we should not have told her to get a divorce.
Im I just after some advice about the divorce process and cost etc.
They dont talk much now. They just text each other about child arrangements.
Thanks
"
It sounds like he has had his head dramatically turned. This will burn out faster than it developed.
This all sounds so familiar.
It's important that they really try not to fall out.
I have some useful numbers if interested? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Thanks.
Marriage beyond saving. Everyone knows he is seeing this other lady.
He is happier with this other lady, she is about 10yrs younger than his wife. He is taking this other woman to fancy hotels,weekends away and buying her things that he never did with his wife or kids.
He has been cheating on his wife for the last 8 months with this lady.
His kids hate him and he doesnt contact his kids anymore.
We have had to hear everything and support her when she was down, shes seen a dr and counsellor. Hes not interested in seeing a counsellor together and has already told her to get a divorce.
He has posted pics of him and his girlfriend on fb,snapchat etc
I think the marriage is over for those that have said we should not have told her to get a divorce.
Im I just after some advice about the divorce process and cost etc.
They dont talk much now. They just text each other about child arrangements.
Thanks
"
Why do the kids hate him? And why does he not have contact? How old are the kids?
My parents divorced and I wish they did it sooner. Parents turning kids against another parent is an terrible thing to do to a child. And it really can wreak havoc with children's mental health.
My personal opinion as a child who went through divorce and who has gone through a divorce with my ex husband. Is that putting the kids first and not be bitter regardless of circumstances is what is best for the children. I'd be more concerned about sorting my kids than my divorce.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Going to be cynical , if she definitely wants a divorce tell her to do it as quick as she can as she will get up to 70 percent of what they both have because of the children , if she waits till children are older it will split 50 50 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
Southern Wales |
The legal Secretary within me tells me she should seek a shit hot divorce lawyer and protect her and the kids assets before he spends it all on his bit of fluff.
Stuff mediation, he’s shagging another bird!
And, of course, they need to make sure things are put in place for the kids etc. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"The legal Secretary within me tells me she should seek a shit hot divorce lawyer and protect her and the kids assets before he spends it all on his bit of fluff.
Stuff mediation, he’s shagging another bird!
And, of course, they need to make sure things are put in place for the kids etc."
Thats what we said.
Thank you lady x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Thanks.
Marriage beyond saving. Everyone knows he is seeing this other lady.
He is happier with this other lady, she is about 10yrs younger than his wife. He is taking this other woman to fancy hotels,weekends away and buying her things that he never did with his wife or kids.
He has been cheating on his wife for the last 8 months with this lady.
His kids hate him and he doesnt contact his kids anymore.
We have had to hear everything and support her when she was down, shes seen a dr and counsellor. Hes not interested in seeing a counsellor together and has already told her to get a divorce.
He has posted pics of him and his girlfriend on fb,snapchat etc
I think the marriage is over for those that have said we should not have told her to get a divorce.
Im I just after some advice about the divorce process and cost etc.
They dont talk much now. They just text each other about child arrangements.
Thanks
"
Have you heard his side?
Hating a parent does more harm to the child than the adult.
Tell her to seek legal advice.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ookie46Woman
over a year ago
Deepest darkest Peru |
"Look at the government website for advice. My and my ex were separated over 2 years and assets, child maintenance etc were already agreed between us. The cost of the online process was £550. There are a few time bound steps before decree absolute is granted.
I have to stress my divorce was amicable and no need for solicitors, mediation etc. This is generally not the case. "
I’m going through this process now and so far been very straightforward and stress free |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Thanks.
Marriage beyond saving. Everyone knows he is seeing this other lady.
He is happier with this other lady, she is about 10yrs younger than his wife. He is taking this other woman to fancy hotels,weekends away and buying her things that he never did with his wife or kids.
He has been cheating on his wife for the last 8 months with this lady.
His kids hate him and he doesnt contact his kids anymore.
We have had to hear everything and support her when she was down, shes seen a dr and counsellor. Hes not interested in seeing a counsellor together and has already told her to get a divorce.
He has posted pics of him and his girlfriend on fb,snapchat etc
I think the marriage is over for those that have said we should not have told her to get a divorce.
Im I just after some advice about the divorce process and cost etc.
They dont talk much now. They just text each other about child arrangements.
Thanks
Have you heard his side?
Hating a parent does more harm to the child than the adult.
Tell her to seek legal advice.
"
He doesnt talk to any of his family,friends since he met this lady.
His side is a younger lady to fuck and no kids to tie him down.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Thanks.
Marriage beyond saving. Everyone knows he is seeing this other lady.
He is happier with this other lady, she is about 10yrs younger than his wife. He is taking this other woman to fancy hotels,weekends away and buying her things that he never did with his wife or kids.
He has been cheating on his wife for the last 8 months with this lady.
His kids hate him and he doesnt contact his kids anymore.
We have had to hear everything and support her when she was down, shes seen a dr and counsellor. Hes not interested in seeing a counsellor together and has already told her to get a divorce.
He has posted pics of him and his girlfriend on fb,snapchat etc
I think the marriage is over for those that have said we should not have told her to get a divorce.
Im I just after some advice about the divorce process and cost etc.
They dont talk much now. They just text each other about child arrangements.
Thanks
Have you heard his side?
Hating a parent does more harm to the child than the adult.
Tell her to seek legal advice.
He doesnt talk to any of his family,friends since he met this lady.
His side is a younger lady to fuck and no kids to tie him down.
"
So you haven't heard his side. On the face of it he's wrong but nobody knows what goes on in other people's relationships.
I'd say support her, especially support the children they don't need to be told their dad's a bastard and best of luck to you all. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have a friend that is thinking of getting a divorce as her husband is cheating.
Married over 10yrs and have young children in their teens.
He has moved out and still seeing that other woman.
My friend needs to move on and we told her to get a divorce.
How long does it take roughly to get a divorce?
How much was the divorce?
What should she need to be aware of or ask regarding the divorce?
And anything else would be helpful.
Thanks. "
She can divorce on grounds of adultery if she found out with 6 months (if still living with him). He will have to pay all costs.
I’ve had 3 and been handed the whole bill twice.
Tell her to speak to a solicitor ASAP |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *iving Bi a TryMan
over a year ago
Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales) |
"
Im I just after some advice about the divorce process and cost etc.
"
Contact Citizen's Advice, you will get more accurate info than people's poorly remembered personal experience on a swinger site.
Gbat |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Apart from being a shoulder to cry on back away as you seem to be too involved and don't forget there's always two sides to every story.
Generally speaking though, it's best to remain amicable but since kids are involved obviously money will quickly become an issue I'd say. Consequently, my advice is seek a really good solicitor and leave everything to them. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Slow down. Take your time. He's gone. Leave him gone. This gives you time to re adjust and to make sensible decisions that will enable you to receive that to which you are entitled.
Whilst you are taking your time, make enquiries via the internet , read the family law court advice, read Citizens Advice Bureau, seek help from women's organisations , check in with your bank about bills etc and let them know what's going on. He is still legally bound to pay for you and the children so unfortunately you will have to begin action on that. If you are employed full time you may not be entitled to money from him but you should still claim. Make sure he pays for existing agreements / purchases etc and then get the papers changed so everything is in your name.
Always be polite to him. Not stupid...... not giving him his way but polite so that you can kill him with kindness and not lose it when court comes around.
There is NO rush for you to divorce. Think ROOF. Think INCOME. Think PENSION........ Food , kids and you.
Seriously, if he's in with another woman , leave him there. She can have him.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
P.S. I did my own divorce. No solicitors but I was savvy enough to get what I wanted, what I thought was fair under the circumstances.
You just fill in the forms. Send them to the court. Decree nisi , Decree absolute , it was about £350 then ...
The only pain I felt was that they kept my marriage certificate. Apparently they do ...... I didn't want to let them have it but had to let it go. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"P.S. I did my own divorce. No solicitors but I was savvy enough to get what I wanted, what I thought was fair under the circumstances.
You just fill in the forms. Send them to the court. Decree nisi , Decree absolute , it was about £350 then ...
The only pain I felt was that they kept my marriage certificate. Apparently they do ...... I didn't want to let them have it but had to let it go."
That's interesting, wondered what happened to mine.
I had a friend, don't we all say that  , who was told that even if both parties apparently agree on the settlement the Judge still has to sanction it to see that it's fair and above board. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Look at the government website for advice. My and my ex were separated over 2 years and assets, child maintenance etc were already agreed between us. The cost of the online process was £550. There are a few time bound steps before decree absolute is granted.
I have to stress my divorce was amicable and no need for solicitors, mediation etc. This is generally not the case.
I’m going through this process now and so far been very straightforward and stress free "
Got my decree absolute last week. Hassle free from start to finish tbh. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"P.S. I did my own divorce. No solicitors but I was savvy enough to get what I wanted, what I thought was fair under the circumstances.
You just fill in the forms. Send them to the court. Decree nisi , Decree absolute , it was about £350 then ...
The only pain I felt was that they kept my marriage certificate. Apparently they do ...... I didn't want to let them have it but had to let it go.
That's interesting, wondered what happened to mine.
I had a friend, don't we all say that , who was told that even if both parties apparently agree on the settlement the Judge still has to sanction it to see that it's fair and above board."
Tell your 'friend' that's aint so ....
Maybe it's wise if one of the parties feels they've been roller coastered but my divorce is legal in this land...... fair or not. I thought it was fair |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Thanks.
Marriage beyond saving. Everyone knows he is seeing this other lady.
He is happier with this other lady, she is about 10yrs younger than his wife. He is taking this other woman to fancy hotels,weekends away and buying her things that he never did with his wife or kids.
He has been cheating on his wife for the last 8 months with this lady.
His kids hate him and he doesnt contact his kids anymore.
We have had to hear everything and support her when she was down, shes seen a dr and counsellor. Hes not interested in seeing a counsellor together and has already told her to get a divorce.
He has posted pics of him and his girlfriend on fb,snapchat etc
I think the marriage is over for those that have said we should not have told her to get a divorce.
Im I just after some advice about the divorce process and cost etc.
They dont talk much now. They just text each other about child arrangements.
Thanks
Why do the kids hate him? And why does he not have contact? How old are the kids?
My parents divorced and I wish they did it sooner. Parents turning kids against another parent is an terrible thing to do to a child. And it really can wreak havoc with children's mental health.
My personal opinion as a child who went through divorce and who has gone through a divorce with my ex husband. Is that putting the kids first and not be bitter regardless of circumstances is what is best for the children. I'd be more concerned about sorting my kids than my divorce.
"
AGREE!
but the teens are totally entitled to feel anger /hate at the fact their dad has effectively abandoned them. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Most solicitors do a free 30 minute telephone conference if that is the route she really wants to take. There is no rush to divorce & I would suggest time is taken.
I did my divorce myself. He also cheated. We had a house & 2 children. I drafted the papers, he checked, amended etc until we were both happy. It took me nearly 2 years to get my head straight & actually start proceedings. 4 months from filing to decree absolute. And in reality I would have taken him back right up until I filed for the absolute.
J x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Thanks.
Marriage beyond saving. Everyone knows he is seeing this other lady.
He is happier with this other lady, she is about 10yrs younger than his wife. He is taking this other woman to fancy hotels,weekends away and buying her things that he never did with his wife or kids.
He has been cheating on his wife for the last 8 months with this lady.
His kids hate him and he doesnt contact his kids anymore.
We have had to hear everything and support her when she was down, shes seen a dr and counsellor. Hes not interested in seeing a counsellor together and has already told her to get a divorce.
He has posted pics of him and his girlfriend on fb,snapchat etc
I think the marriage is over for those that have said we should not have told her to get a divorce.
Im I just after some advice about the divorce process and cost etc.
They dont talk much now. They just text each other about child arrangements.
Thanks
Why do the kids hate him? And why does he not have contact? How old are the kids?
My parents divorced and I wish they did it sooner. Parents turning kids against another parent is an terrible thing to do to a child. And it really can wreak havoc with children's mental health.
My personal opinion as a child who went through divorce and who has gone through a divorce with my ex husband. Is that putting the kids first and not be bitter regardless of circumstances is what is best for the children. I'd be more concerned about sorting my kids than my divorce.
AGREE!
but the teens are totally entitled to feel anger /hate at the fact their dad has effectively abandoned them."
Oh definitely agree, my dad did and I did hate him. But I also see that both my parents put their own needs ahead of mine and my sister's. It's fine for them to feel upset etc but no parent should add to that. It's fine to understand and help but not encourage that hate because it makes you feel better.
I hate my ex with a passion, I tell my kids he's awesome. We hopefully will raise them to be happy individuals. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
"Only ever one winner as they say , & that’s the Lawyer
If you use one.
True. If you can agree everything up front, there's only the £550 fee to pay."
We did this. You still need a little legal support to ensure financial separation, the judge may not sign off if you can’t show that. It cost us about 800 quid all in for validation of the financial settlement and childcare order which we did ourselves too. And always worth having an hour before starting the process just to quell some of the myths about divorce.
Vx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My only advice, having been through it, is to stay out of other peoples divorces and tell her to get legal help and listen to no one else but her heart and mind and the lawyer.
V x "
Agreed.. Been through it too and they are all different. Mine took 4 years and took alot out of me. The very best to them OP. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"P.S. I did my own divorce. No solicitors but I was savvy enough to get what I wanted, what I thought was fair under the circumstances.
You just fill in the forms. Send them to the court. Decree nisi , Decree absolute , it was about £350 then ...
The only pain I felt was that they kept my marriage certificate. Apparently they do ...... I didn't want to let them have it but had to let it go.
That's interesting, wondered what happened to mine.
I had a friend, don't we all say that , who was told that even if both parties apparently agree on the settlement the Judge still has to sanction it to see that it's fair and above board.
Tell your 'friend' that's aint so ....
Maybe it's wise if one of the parties feels they've been roller coastered but my divorce is legal in this land...... fair or not. I thought it was fair "
No, seriously was a friend, mine was a years ago.
Hope you don't feel I was making any comments about yours and certainly was implying yours in invalid in anyway |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I'm afraid I don't really know all the details as I was a teenager and it was a long time ago so costs wouldn't really be reflective of what they are now but I do remember my mum telling me that my dad being willing to admit adultery actually made the process much smoother and quicker than it otherwise would have been because I think otherwise you have to prove you've been separated a long time. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My first piece of advice
She needs to talk to her husband, rationally
Hopefully, both can be patent in their wants, needs & considerations
Then they both need to take legal advice from family solicitors
'telling' her to get a divorce isn't a wise move
Should they work things out (and this does happen), you could be seen as the friends who encouraged her to give it all up
There really is a fine balance between friendships and relationship advice"
This similar to what I went through….. but I decided on the divorce and it took 18 months due to custody battle ! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ougie321Man
over a year ago
Milford Haven |
"Thanks.
Marriage beyond saving. Everyone knows he is seeing this other lady.
He is happier with this other lady, she is about 10yrs younger than his wife. He is taking this other woman to fancy hotels,weekends away and buying her things that he never did with his wife or kids.
He has been cheating on his wife for the last 8 months with this lady.
His kids hate him and he doesnt contact his kids anymore.
We have had to hear everything and support her when she was down, shes seen a dr and counsellor. Hes not interested in seeing a counsellor together and has already told her to get a divorce.
He has posted pics of him and his girlfriend on fb,snapchat etc
I think the marriage is over for those that have said we should not have told her to get a divorce.
Im I just after some advice about the divorce process and cost etc.
They dont talk much now. They just text each other about child arrangements.
Thanks
"
She has him on adultery, a good solicitor would be advised and he would end up paying for everything with their advice |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
"Thanks.
Marriage beyond saving. Everyone knows he is seeing this other lady.
He is happier with this other lady, she is about 10yrs younger than his wife. He is taking this other woman to fancy hotels,weekends away and buying her things that he never did with his wife or kids.
He has been cheating on his wife for the last 8 months with this lady.
His kids hate him and he doesnt contact his kids anymore.
We have had to hear everything and support her when she was down, shes seen a dr and counsellor. Hes not interested in seeing a counsellor together and has already told her to get a divorce.
He has posted pics of him and his girlfriend on fb,snapchat etc
I think the marriage is over for those that have said we should not have told her to get a divorce.
Im I just after some advice about the divorce process and cost etc.
They dont talk much now. They just text each other about child arrangements.
Thanks
She has him on adultery, a good solicitor would be advised and he would end up paying for everything with their advice "
See this is the sort of myth that a lawyer will properly advise on.
V x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Most information can be found on gov.uk including cost.
My best advice is to avoid solicitors and for them to talk it out between them including assets and the kids. Meditation if they are struggling to agree which can be around £100 per sessions.
If it goes smoothly and everyone agrees then it can take around 6 months.
But the hardest part will be managing how the kids deal with it though them being separated already should make it easier but still not easy. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Thanks.
Marriage beyond saving. Everyone knows he is seeing this other lady.
He is happier with this other lady, she is about 10yrs younger than his wife. He is taking this other woman to fancy hotels,weekends away and buying her things that he never did with his wife or kids.
He has been cheating on his wife for the last 8 months with this lady.
His kids hate him and he doesnt contact his kids anymore.
We have had to hear everything and support her when she was down, shes seen a dr and counsellor. Hes not interested in seeing a counsellor together and has already told her to get a divorce.
He has posted pics of him and his girlfriend on fb,snapchat etc
I think the marriage is over for those that have said we should not have told her to get a divorce.
Im I just after some advice about the divorce process and cost etc.
They dont talk much now. They just text each other about child arrangements.
Thanks
She has him on adultery, a good solicitor would be advised and he would end up paying for everything with their advice
See this is the sort of myth that a lawyer will properly advise on.
V x "
I missed this part before my first message but I agree. The reason for divorce actually doesn’t matter anymore and solicitors only want messy cases coz then they get more money outta it.
Best to leave them out. You can have financial arrangements written into the order which will legally bind both parties to you. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Time is really dictated by how agreeable the both of you are. My divorce was very quick. I made all the the arrangements and did the paperwork. She didn't contest my grounds for divorce on her infidelity, agreed on a fair clean break order and signed it all off no problem. When nothing is contested its a fairly quick and inexpensive process? The best policy would always be to get him on board with the idea of a divorce being mutually beneficial.
However if he's not willing to accept the grounds it will take time, regardless of fancy solicitor or not. If you can prove infidelity it's a simple process but a time consuming process regardless of who's representing you. But just like a JML advert that's not all. Then going onwards there's the issuse of arrangements for kids and settling the assets. This can carry things on and on if no one agrees. So even if you have to swallow your pride (for example he may agree a no fault divorce) and take a division of assets that doesn't seem fair it may still work out better than a long and expensive divorce.
(Mr) |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
