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Right, I knew this day would come.
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Hello forumites. I’m not sure the Lounge is the best place for this thread but then again I can’t find a specific home for a thread to sell my wife.
Mrs TMN has awoken today in what, in her mind, is a mischievous and humorous mood but is, in fact, MASSIVELY IRRITATING.
Accordingly, the time has come to get rid of her. This popped up in a thread the other night when Estella offered to take her off my hands for £5 plus P&P which, with hindsight, I really should have accepted. I don’t expect the bids to go that high today and, I should say, I enjoy a bit of bartering so if there’s anything you need to get off your hands, let me know. I’m sure we can reach an accommodation.
With that in mind, I must make clear that I do not accept returns. Once yours, you’re stuck with her. Great tits, yes, but, I repeat, massively irritating.
Thanks!
Mr TMN |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm on my way to the supermarket to get some double cream.
I could swing round to take her off your hands for free. That's my best offer.
She'll be great for helping carry the tub of cream into the house when we get back. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just chortled a little too much at this!!! Your wife is fabulous… I’ll give you drama free and the contents of my downstairs bathroom… hes proper irritating too 
 "
Hahaha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Can I sell my irritating split personality on here too? Actually, I’ll pay whoever is up for roller coaster ride, to take her 
Ps: I get u OP, the number of days I wanted to plant my ex in the garden and piss on his skull…  ahhh the good days |
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So, a bit about what you’ll be getting:
Mrs TMN:
1. Great at making potato salad
2. Dislikes hoovering
3. Likes a list
4. Plays piano
5. Still has trouble with the single remote controlling various media
6. Refuses to watch most films, particularly after 9pm, as that’s “too late”
7. Enjoys being naked in front of/with others
8. Has a cleaning schedule for the house
and
9. Never remembers to put on the bloody dishwasher.
Hope that helps.
Mr TMN |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can I sell my irritating split personality on here too? Actually, I’ll pay whoever is up for roller coaster ride, to take her
Ps: I get u OP, the number of days I wanted to plant my ex in the garden and piss on his skull… ahhh the good days "
"piss on his skull" |
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"So, a bit about what you’ll be getting:
Mrs TMN:
1. Great at making potato salad
2. Dislikes hoovering
3. Likes a list
4. Plays piano
5. Still has trouble with the single remote controlling various media
6. Refuses to watch most films, particularly after 9pm, as that’s “too late”
7. Enjoys being naked in front of/with others
8. Has a cleaning schedule for the house
and
9. Never remembers to put on the bloody dishwasher.
Hope that helps.
Mr TMN"
Ahhh I withdraw my offer. Number 6 is a step too far  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"Can I sell my irritating split personality on here too? Actually, I’ll pay whoever is up for roller coaster ride, to take her
Ps: I get u OP, the number of days I wanted to plant my ex in the garden and piss on his skull… ahhh the good days "
Piss on his skull
Is that where you're at OP?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So, a bit about what you’ll be getting:
Mrs TMN:
1. Great at making potato salad
2. Dislikes hoovering
3. Likes a list
4. Plays piano
5. Still has trouble with the single remote controlling various media
6. Refuses to watch most films, particularly after 9pm, as that’s “too late”
7. Enjoys being naked in front of/with others
8. Has a cleaning schedule for the house
and
9. Never remembers to put on the bloody dishwasher.
Hope that helps.
Mr TMN"
It seems like I'm the opposite of Mrs TMN so I reckon I could make this work..
I'll bid all the change I've got in the centre console of my car (there's at least £3 in there in a combination of various coins). Also, you can have 3 unused condoms and a packet of custard creams  |
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LISTEN..listen… forget all those other lacking offers and let me tell you I’ve the offer for you.
I have on my kitchen side at room temperature the half remains of last night kebab.. I removed the tomato but it comes with Asda’s finest squirty chilli on it..
No wait .. there’s more.
I can also throw in assorted selection of pick and mix that I bought my grandson, but I’m going to need an answer before he arrives this afternoon so I can lie to him appropriately about forgetting to get them. I mean that right there stolen sweets off a child is special in itself.
This offer does expire in an hour then your stick with her and I’m still possibly going to lie about the sweeties as I put my favs in there
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So, a bit about what you’ll be getting:
Mrs TMN:
1. Great at making potato salad
2. Dislikes hoovering
3. Likes a list
4. Plays piano
5. Still has trouble with the single remote controlling various media
6. Refuses to watch most films, particularly after 9pm, as that’s “too late”
7. Enjoys being naked in front of/with others
8. Has a cleaning schedule for the house
and
9. Never remembers to put on the bloody dishwasher.
Hope that helps.
Mr TMN"
Oh, good God man, I withdraw my offer and am exiting the motorway at the next exit to turn around.
Number 9.....really? Loads it and then forgets to turn it on?? Shocking and I can't be having that. Sorry.  |
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"Can I sell my irritating split personality on here too? Actually, I’ll pay whoever is up for roller coaster ride, to take her
Ps: I get u OP, the number of days I wanted to plant my ex in the garden and piss on his skull… ahhh the good days
Piss on his skull
Is that where you're at OP? "
I mean, try anything once, right? Mr TMN |
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I have been looking for a Naked Cleaner for some time, It would appear that your wife could fulfil my requirement.
With regard to payment I am able to offer a regular delivery of homemade cakes for a period of 12 months. |
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"So, a bit about what you’ll be getting:
Mrs TMN:
1. Great at making potato salad
2. Dislikes hoovering
3. Likes a list
4. Plays piano
5. Still has trouble with the single remote controlling various media
6. Refuses to watch most films, particularly after 9pm, as that’s “too late”
7. Enjoys being naked in front of/with others
8. Has a cleaning schedule for the house
and
9. Never remembers to put on the bloody dishwasher.
Hope that helps.
Mr TMN"
1. The only downer, I don't like potato salad.
However:
2. I usually do the hoovering.
3. I also like lists so you can tick off what you've done.
4. I play keyboards and guitar so we can form a duo.
5. I usually handle the remote so she needn't worry.
6. I'm not bothered about late films, far more interesting things to do in bed than Netflix!
7. I'd definitely enjoy seeing her naked.
8. Cleaning schedules are good, you know where you are with the cleaning.
9. I look after the dishwasher.
So we'd be a perfect fit. How does an old Spanish 100 peseta note and a half chewed pencil sound? If not enough I'd be willing to stretch to a fully chewed pencil!
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So many options! I think, in terms of full disclosure, there’s a few other things potential purchasers/adopters should know about Mrs TMN:
1. She likes to talk
2. She can’t really be bothered with a bath. I don’t mean she doesn’t wash, she just prefers a shower
3. She’ll let her mail build up for a year or more before dealing with it
4. She absolutely hates it if you jump out at her so definitely don’t do that
5. She likes boobs
6. And willies
7. But don’t give her lamb. Does terrible things to her insides.
Mr TMN |
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"So many options! I think, in terms of full disclosure, there’s a few other things potential purchasers/adopters should know about Mrs TMN:
1. She likes to talk
2. She can’t really be bothered with a bath. I don’t mean she doesn’t wash, she just prefers a shower
3. She’ll let her mail build up for a year or more before dealing with it
4. She absolutely hates it if you jump out at her so definitely don’t do that
5. She likes boobs
6. And willies
7. But don’t give her lamb. Does terrible things to her insides.
Mr TMN"
I'm out, number 4 is a deal breaker |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know it’s a extremely rare offer and as I write this I’m feeling extremely nervous about offering it… the “whole” contents of my man draw
Many useful things including keys to cars I owned many years ago , batteries that are probably flat , a plug with the flex cut off and lots more luxury items that I can’t do without |
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I hope you`re not at the stage where you are like Arthur from On the Buses and calling her " A flamin great lump"
My cure for annoying people living with me is ear plugs.
Don`t sell go for a trade in. |
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"So many options! I think, in terms of full disclosure, there’s a few other things potential purchasers/adopters should know about Mrs TMN:
1. She likes to talk
2. She can’t really be bothered with a bath. I don’t mean she doesn’t wash, she just prefers a shower
3. She’ll let her mail build up for a year or more before dealing with it
4. She absolutely hates it if you jump out at her so definitely don’t do that
5. She likes boobs
6. And willies
7. But don’t give her lamb. Does terrible things to her insides.
Mr TMN"
Hmm, well further to my previous offer I can add:
1. I'm a good listener.
2. I like showers, I also like having sex in a shower.
3. I handle all the mail at home.
4. I can manage not to jump out at her, although I can't vouch for Wildman junior as he is likely to jump out of my pants at the sight of her.
5. I also like boobs.
6. I've got a willy.
7. I don't mind lamb, but it's not my favourite so I can go without.
I'm also prepared to up my offer of an old Spanish 100 peseta note and a fully chewed pencil by adding a lemon freshener wipe from KFC. Where do I collect her from?
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Oh my.
Where to start?!
I think I'm particularly enjoying the irony of Mr TMN claiming *I* was the one thinking I was hilarious, whereas clearly, he needs to take a wee look at his own behaviour here today...
Mrs TMN |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you want to outsource your revenge, you’re welcome to send her my way.
I can guarantee painfully dull conversation and narcolepsy-inducing sex, such that her self-managed return to you will be swift and with an appetite for doing whatever it takes to avoid such punishment again.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Two bacon sandwiches and a night with Carol Vorderman "
Oh, I see, that's how it's going to be. I ask for Carol and now you're pimping her out!!! I'm shocked H², truly shocked. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well, OP, I can possibly offer you a PetiteWoman, though you may find her alleged maths problems a little on the calorific side. I was hoping to part ex her for a Carol Vordaman - for her maths problem solving skills only (of course) - but now I've seen what H² is up to, it looks like that little avenue of pleasure is well and truly closed!! I could end up empty handed! |
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By *JB1954Man
over a year ago
Reading |
"So, a bit about what you’ll be getting:
Mrs TMN:
1. Great at making potato salad
2. Dislikes hoovering
3. Likes a list
4. Plays piano
5. Still has trouble with the single remote controlling various media
6. Refuses to watch most films, particularly after 9pm, as that’s “too late”
7. Enjoys being naked in front of/with others
8. Has a cleaning schedule for the house
and
9. Never remembers to put on the bloody dishwasher.
Hope that helps.
Mr TMN"
Was going to offer more . But 4,6 and 8 . Ensures down value. My offer £5 , two bananas that are ripe. Plus if in good working order . When you deliver. Bottle of red wine.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So many options! I think, in terms of full disclosure, there’s a few other things potential purchasers/adopters should know about Mrs TMN:
1. She likes to talk
2. She can’t really be bothered with a bath. I don’t mean she doesn’t wash, she just prefers a shower
3. She’ll let her mail build up for a year or more before dealing with it
4. She absolutely hates it if you jump out at her so definitely don’t do that
5. She likes boobs
6. And willies
7. But don’t give her lamb. Does terrible things to her insides.
Mr TMN"
This woman sounds priceless. Why are you giving her away? I would rent her but I like to jump out from behind random objects. |
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"Two bacon sandwiches and a night with Carol Vorderman
Oh, I see, that's how it's going to be. I ask for Carol and now you're pimping her out!!! I'm shocked H², truly shocked. "
I told you IS she's my bargaining chip |
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I checked out your pics and she doesn't seem to be doing much cleaning or gardening to me .....
so ...... my best offer is a spare bin lid that blew over my fence last high wind....
Take it or leave it. |
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Dear all,
Thanks very much for for all your offers. I regret to advise that Mrs TMN sought legal advice and a cease and desist letter was served on me yesterday. If I continue down this route then she will withhold my conjugal rights to adequate (the quality to be determined afterwards between us) monthly intercourse, as well as ensuring that the batteries on my PS5 controller are never properly charged by wiggling the lead so it looks like it’s in but in fact it’s not.
Accordingly, and let’s be clear, largely because of the PS situation, Mrs TMN is withdrawn from sale or barter. However disappointed some of you may be, it’s nothing in comparison to my disappointment that I’ve got to keep her.
Mr TMN |
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shhhhh it’s a good deal!!!! 
Mr TMN
