Just started reading this book by Rachel Thompson, full title ‘Rough: How violence has found its way into the bedroom and what we can do about it’.
Has anybody else read it?
It’s an interesting look at issues around grey areas and consent and the normalisation of practices such as choking which was traditionally part of BDSM and as such was covered by discussion, limits and aftercare. Plenty of other issues such as stealthing are covered too. The back cover reads ‘A handbook for anyone who has ever been made to feel uncomfortable, frightened, powerless or small.’
It’s genuinely surprised me that actually the way I’ve felt during some situations isn’t really ok, but we often accept things because of society’s attitudes towards sex and consent |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ohhh seems interesting! I’m gonna have a look at that! I’m sure there are some explanations when it comes to certain acts that are actually rooted to some trauma
Its never just a “I like being ch0ked and beaten” in the bedroom or made felt like absolutely crap.
Its quite interesting subject as I’ve seen some tv series or film I forgot the name of that covered something really similar.
Was it nymphomaniac? Not sure if you saw that |
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"Ohhh seems interesting! I’m gonna have a look at that! I’m sure there are some explanations when it comes to certain acts that are actually rooted to some trauma
Its never just a “I like being ch0ked and beaten” in the bedroom or made felt like absolutely crap.
Its quite interesting subject as I’ve seen some tv series or film I forgot the name of that covered something really similar.
Was it nymphomaniac? Not sure if you saw that "
No, I didn’t see that but I’d be interested to.
And I agree that there’s usually a reason behind the more extreme preferences, the difference now is that it can be viewed as mainstream and just assumed that women want it. The statistic that shocked me the most so far is that 13% of sexually active girls between 14-17 have already had a hand placed around their throat (it won’t let me post the word) during sex! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ohhh seems interesting! I’m gonna have a look at that! I’m sure there are some explanations when it comes to certain acts that are actually rooted to some trauma
Its never just a “I like being ch0ked and beaten” in the bedroom or made felt like absolutely crap.
Its quite interesting subject as I’ve seen some tv series or film I forgot the name of that covered something really similar.
Was it nymphomaniac? Not sure if you saw that
No, I didn’t see that but I’d be interested to.
And I agree that there’s usually a reason behind the more extreme preferences, the difference now is that it can be viewed as mainstream and just assumed that women want it. The statistic that shocked me the most so far is that 13% of sexually active girls between 14-17 have already had a hand placed around their throat (it won’t let me post the word) during sex!"
Which is incredibly frightening, because in the wrong hands it could be fatal, and that before you start with consent etc as you said in your op. |
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"No, I didn’t see that but I’d be interested to.
And I agree that there’s usually a reason behind the more extreme preferences, the difference now is that it can be viewed as mainstream and just assumed that women want it. The statistic that shocked me the most so far is that 13% of sexually active girls between 14-17 have already had a hand placed around their throat (it won’t let me post the word) during sex!
Which is incredibly frightening, because in the wrong hands it could be fatal, and that before you start with consent etc as you said in your op. "
Yes! As it says, it’s sexual violence basically |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There sounds like a fascinating read OP and as someone that is interested in the human mind I will be reading it.
On the subject of a hand around the throat from a males perspective it has surprised me how many more women actively ask for this. It made come down to a power thing and they are prepared to giveaway that power. Is this more deep rooted? Is it because it is was is deemed as mainstream? I’m not so sure.
They are also shocking stats.
Okay like that should only be done with full trust and with someone experienced and can read bodily language and get the right hand positioning so the act isn’t forced without thinking and it doesn’t become actual chocking |
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"There sounds like a fascinating read OP and as someone that is interested in the human mind I will be reading it.
On the subject of a hand around the throat from a males perspective it has surprised me how many more women actively ask for this. It made come down to a power thing and they are prepared to giveaway that power. Is this more deep rooted? Is it because it is was is deemed as mainstream? I’m not so sure.
They are also shocking stats.
Okay like that should only be done with full trust and with someone experienced and can read bodily language and get the right hand positioning so the act isn’t forced without thinking and it doesn’t become actual chocking "
You should definitely read it! It explores everything in a lot of detail, including the influence of good old Fifty Shades and whether it’s a real desire, not wanting to appear boring or that it’s the idea that appeals more than the reality of it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There sounds like a fascinating read OP and as someone that is interested in the human mind I will be reading it.
On the subject of a hand around the throat from a males perspective it has surprised me how many more women actively ask for this. It made come down to a power thing and they are prepared to giveaway that power. Is this more deep rooted? Is it because it is was is deemed as mainstream? I’m not so sure.
They are also shocking stats.
Okay like that should only be done with full trust and with someone experienced and can read bodily language and get the right hand positioning so the act isn’t forced without thinking and it doesn’t become actual chocking
You should definitely read it! It explores everything in a lot of detail, including the influence of good old Fifty Shades and whether it’s a real desire, not wanting to appear boring or that it’s the idea that appeals more than the reality of it "
I had completely forgotten about that the film and the influence it had not just on making certain things seem acceptable but also the insane amount of drivel that followed by people thinking they could self publish a book because they had fantasies locked away |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It does sound an interesting read. I've seen a lot of discussion on the dangers of choking on kink sites - whenever anyone posts there are always warning messages. I remember a woman posting that she loved passing out from it. Despite being told all of the risks of going that far. And men who don't know a damn thing still wanting to do it to me. It's dangerous. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It does sound an interesting read. I've seen a lot of discussion on the dangers of choking on kink sites - whenever anyone posts there are always warning messages. I remember a woman posting that she loved passing out from it. Despite being told all of the risks of going that far. And men who don't know a damn thing still wanting to do it to me. It's dangerous. "
It is very dangerous I agree. Passing out is never the goal and I would never touch anyone that wanted to go to that extreme |
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I’m not one of life’s acceptors in most situations, I question most things. As for sex and sexual acts if I’m not interested in something it won’t happen. Any hint it’s a preference that is enough to put me off. Ppl put all sorts of stuff on their profile that they don’t like, just why? Because it’s expected? It’s a sex site? You don’t want to appear vanilla? You need to kind to yourselves folks and put yourself first  |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I’m not one of life’s acceptors in most situations, I question most things. As for sex and sexual acts if I’m not interested in something it won’t happen. Any hint it’s a preference that is enough to put me off. Ppl put all sorts of stuff on their profile that they don’t like, just why? Because it’s expected? It’s a sex site? You don’t want to appear vanilla? You need to kind to yourselves folks and put yourself first "
And plenty of people are into it and love the feeling of danger and domination. When I first joined fab it was the females who opened my eyes and pushed my boundaries and and I liked it and learned about it online, before I’d even seen it online |
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"I’m not one of life’s acceptors in most situations, I question most things. As for sex and sexual acts if I’m not interested in something it won’t happen. Any hint it’s a preference that is enough to put me off. Ppl put all sorts of stuff on their profile that they don’t like, just why? Because it’s expected? It’s a sex site? You don’t want to appear vanilla? You need to kind to yourselves folks and put yourself first
And plenty of people are into it and love the feeling of danger and domination. When I first joined fab it was the females who opened my eyes and pushed my boundaries and and I liked it and learned about it online, before I’d even seen it online "
I’m not just talking about females, men also do it. Yes some folk like it but there are lots doing things because they feel obliged to. I wouldn’t want anyone doing anything they felt obliged to do if I was meeting |
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And plenty of people are into it and love the feeling of danger and domination. When I first joined fab it was the females who opened my eyes and pushed my boundaries and and I liked it and learned about it online, before I’d even seen it online "
Which is fine if you’ve had that conversation and discussed consent beforehand. This isn’t a kink-shaming book, it’s raising awareness around the grey areas, consent and things that have made you feel uncomfortable and how you process that! |
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"I’m not one of life’s acceptors in most situations, I question most things. As for sex and sexual acts if I’m not interested in something it won’t happen. Any hint it’s a preference that is enough to put me off. Ppl put all sorts of stuff on their profile that they don’t like, just why? Because it’s expected? It’s a sex site? You don’t want to appear vanilla? You need to kind to yourselves folks and put yourself first "
 |
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I've been exploring the BDSM world recently and the big thing for me is that the practices and any sexual act are very separate. Breathing control can heighten orgasm, but it must all be based on solid trust and actual affection for each other. Otherwise it is simply abuse. I blame the 50 phenomenon! |
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"Just started reading this book by Rachel Thompson, full title ‘Rough: How violence has found its way into the bedroom and what we can do about it’.
Has anybody else read it?
It’s an interesting look at issues around grey areas and consent and the normalisation of practices such as choking which was traditionally part of BDSM and as such was covered by discussion, limits and aftercare. Plenty of other issues such as stealthing are covered too. The back cover reads ‘A handbook for anyone who has ever been made to feel uncomfortable, frightened, powerless or small.’
It’s genuinely surprised me that actually the way I’ve felt during some situations isn’t really ok, but we often accept things because of society’s attitudes towards sex and consent "
This sounds a good read and I shall look out for the book. Can I also recommend Adele by Leila Slimani which is about a female sex addict. It will give you an insight into the sex addicts mind and how it destroys peoples lives. |
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This sounds a good read and I shall look out for the book. Can I also recommend Adele by Leila Slimani which is about a female sex addict. It will give you an insight into the sex addicts mind and how it destroys peoples lives."
Thank you! I’ll go and look now x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m not one of life’s acceptors in most situations, I question most things. As for sex and sexual acts if I’m not interested in something it won’t happen. Any hint it’s a preference that is enough to put me off. Ppl put all sorts of stuff on their profile that they don’t like, just why? Because it’s expected? It’s a sex site? You don’t want to appear vanilla? You need to kind to yourselves folks and put yourself first
And plenty of people are into it and love the feeling of danger and domination. When I first joined fab it was the females who opened my eyes and pushed my boundaries and and I liked it and learned about it online, before I’d even seen it online "
I think a lot of people get into it without doing the learning they need to do it safely. And no-one should feel that have to participate because of changing sexual norms. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ohhh seems interesting! I’m gonna have a look at that! I’m sure there are some explanations when it comes to certain acts that are actually rooted to some trauma
Its never just a “I like being ch0ked and beaten” in the bedroom or made felt like absolutely crap.
Its quite interesting subject as I’ve seen some tv series or film I forgot the name of that covered something really similar.
Was it nymphomaniac? Not sure if you saw that
No, I didn’t see that but I’d be interested to.
And I agree that there’s usually a reason behind the more extreme preferences, the difference now is that it can be viewed as mainstream and just assumed that women want it. The statistic that shocked me the most so far is that 13% of sexually active girls between 14-17 have already had a hand placed around their throat (it won’t let me post the word) during sex!"
Absolutely, it’s become so main stream it’s become almost normal.
I hate being ch0ked. Like not really my thing to be fair and I can be quite extreme on certain things..
but yeah I don’t understand when guys ask me or tell me they ch0ked some girls that they fainted… LIKE WUT?
No i dont wanna faint |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just started reading this book by Rachel Thompson, full title ‘Rough: How violence has found its way into the bedroom and what we can do about it’.
Has anybody else read it?
It’s an interesting look at issues around grey areas and consent and the normalisation of practices such as choking which was traditionally part of BDSM and as such was covered by discussion, limits and aftercare. Plenty of other issues such as stealthing are covered too. The back cover reads ‘A handbook for anyone who has ever been made to feel uncomfortable, frightened, powerless or small.’
It’s genuinely surprised me that actually the way I’ve felt during some situations isn’t really ok, but we often accept things because of society’s attitudes towards sex and consent
This sounds a good read and I shall look out for the book. Can I also recommend Adele by Leila Slimani which is about a female sex addict. It will give you an insight into the sex addicts mind and how it destroys peoples lives."
I’m gonna add that book to my list x |
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I can easily see how it happens. Really easily. Especially if you're wanting to impress or "be cool" with things coz maybe you're insecure, wanting to "be enough" for someone.
Sometimes tho others use "experimentation" or willingness to try stuff as a gauge to how much they can manipulate or control. Telling you about other women and adventures and making you feel inferior or boring.
Bluegh. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can easily see how it happens. Really easily. Especially if you're wanting to impress or "be cool" with things coz maybe you're insecure, wanting to "be enough" for someone.
Sometimes tho others use "experimentation" or willingness to try stuff as a gauge to how much they can manipulate or control. Telling you about other women and adventures and making you feel inferior or boring.
Bluegh. "
Theres a scene on the tv show Euphoria (they portray teens) where this character has sex with his gf Cassie and that was their first time. And he grabs her by the throat and starts being very rough and she stops him and he wonders what’s wrong
And she says.. what are you doing?
He then replies saying: I thought u’d like that
And she comes back with: why the fuck would you think I’d like that?
Then it moves to a scene about porn etc and explains how nowadays porn has distorted the vision of what sex should be like. So much pressure on performing something that isn’t even real to begin with!!!
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