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Halloween jokes please
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Last Halloween there was a knock on the door. I looked out of the window and then shouted upstairs to my wife, “Honey there’s a witch at the door. What shall I do?”
She shouted back, “Just give her some candy and tell her to get lost.”
My mother-in-law hasn’t spoken to me since. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not a joke but my Halloween decorations are actually scaring me. I have things hanging outside, grim reapers, skeletons and this ghost face killer thing attached to a pole in my garden, which looked really cool in the advert but in reality it looks like a fucking bin bag stick to a pole. Anyway my decorations are blowing outside my windows and making me jump every time I catch them in my peripherals. |
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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago
Bedford... (or anywhere beginning with B..!?) |
"Not a joke but my Halloween decorations are actually scaring me. I have things hanging outside, grim reapers, skeletons and this ghost face killer thing attached to a pole in my garden, which looked really cool in the advert but in reality it looks like a fucking bin bag stick to a pole. Anyway my decorations are blowing outside my windows and making me jump every time I catch them in my peripherals. "
...sounding like The Lost Boys |
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By *yron69Man
over a year ago
Fareham |
"Not a joke but my Halloween decorations are actually scaring me. I have things hanging outside, grim reapers, skeletons and this ghost face killer thing attached to a pole in my garden, which looked really cool in the advert but in reality it looks like a fucking bin bag stick to a pole. Anyway my decorations are blowing outside my windows and making me jump every time I catch them in my peripherals. "
You get goose pimples on your boobies? |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
Meanwhile over in Bucharest. The company MONDIAL ELITE EAST S. R. L., have moved into ultra portable fridge units to go by drones, thus reducing travel times and saving live.
These drone remote access containers, will be sold under the name DRAC-Coolers.
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
Two cannibals on a romantic date, in a jungle restaurant. Halfway through the main course...
Male: You! Give me the bone.
Female: Shush, everyone can hear. (blushing like mad)
Male: Don't be silly, give me that femur now!
Nom, nom, nom
--------
Bill please, I'll get me coat. |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"A ghost walks into a bar.
Bartender asks "What will your have?"
Ghost replies "I'm only here for the BOOs!".
"
So that's:
Ghost ship
Hobgoblin
Wychcraft
Spooks
Witch's brew
And from America
Coffin juice.
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How can you tell a female ghost from a male ghost? - Boooooooobs!
For Halloween I've got a job making plastic Draculas - There's only two of us working there so I have to make every second count.
Why should you never goose a ghost? - You might get a handful of sheet!
What is a Halloween themed Fleshlight called? - A Jackoff-lantern.
Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly, one said to the other, "Wow, a lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do now?" The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her".
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mam, Mam all the kids at School are calling me Werewolf head "Aww don't let them upset you Son, now go upstairs and comb your face, we're going to Grandads" |
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