FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Ever feel lonely?
Ever feel lonely?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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If so , how do you deal with feelings of loneliness?
I was an only child til the age of eight so I'm totally comfortable being on my own, but I know so many people who need to be around others, need attention or simply get bored of their own company.
I can honestly I never tire of my own company, but I really enjoy being around others too (though I have my limits ha!). |
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I felt incredibly isolated during lockdown. I love to spend time by myself but the last 18 months have taught me that I have limits.
I will go outside and spend time around people - even not interacting with them I find the presence of other people to be grounding.
I will message family and friends, reach out to the people I love and I'm comfortable telling them I feel lonely when it happens and I'm in need of company.
Other times I'll do something to physically pamper myself- a hot shower using all my favourite products, a spritz of gorgeous perfume, wearing fabrics that feel lovely against my skin, anything I can do to self-soothe. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I very rarely feel lonely. So much so that I crave silence and stillness and when I get it's utter bliss. It takes quite some time to get to feeling lonely. I had way too many kids for that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I watch videos on YouTube and TikTok. Anything from earwax removal to how to professionally ribbon a Xmas tree.
"
I can totally relate to this, origami videos too  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I very rarely feel lonely. So much so that I crave silence and stillness and when I get it's utter bliss. It takes quite some time to get to feeling lonely. I had way too many kids for that. "
Yeah I also crave silence and stillness. I meditate most days and find it very blissful. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I felt incredibly isolated during lockdown. I love to spend time by myself but the last 18 months have taught me that I have limits.
I will go outside and spend time around people - even not interacting with them I find the presence of other people to be grounding.
I will message family and friends, reach out to the people I love and I'm comfortable telling them I feel lonely when it happens and I'm in need of company.
Other times I'll do something to physically pamper myself- a hot shower using all my favourite products, a spritz of gorgeous perfume, wearing fabrics that feel lovely against my skin, anything I can do to self-soothe."
Yeah it's been brutal at times eh.
Oooo, pampering one's self is always a great thing to do. I did an intimacy course recently (which was all about being intimate with yourself, not so much others) and one of the exercises was to make time for a nice hot bath, and then to moisturise afterwards but really take time to touch your body and honour it. Really need to do that again sometime! It was lush. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I watch videos on YouTube and TikTok. Anything from earwax removal to how to professionally ribbon a Xmas tree.
I can't get the idea that this is just one video out of my mind  "
HAHA!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Have been living alone for three years. Lockdown was horrible. Otherwise, I always find something to do outside and make sure that I come home late."
How you getting on now then? Any better? |
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Mr KC could probably quite happily live in solitary forever.
Me? I hate being on my own. If I'm WFH on my own, u have music or the radio on constantly. I was brought up in a house where there was always someone around, often cared for by family members/friends and so people were always coming and going. I never really spent time on my own and have been a parent my entire adult life, so never had any peace/quiet. I find silence very unsettling, actually  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have been living alone for three years. Lockdown was horrible. Otherwise, I always find something to do outside and make sure that I come home late.
How you getting on now then? Any better?"
It's better now. But still not as good as pre-covid times. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Mr KC could probably quite happily live in solitary forever.
Me? I hate being on my own. If I'm WFH on my own, u have music or the radio on constantly. I was brought up in a house where there was always someone around, often cared for by family members/friends and so people were always coming and going. I never really spent time on my own and have been a parent my entire adult life, so never had any peace/quiet. I find silence very unsettling, actually "
It almost always comes back to how we were brought up. It's so fascinating...
I think most men I know seem to be more capable of being solitary than women (generalisation I know, but based on my friendship circle). I wonder if there's something genetic in that, too. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Have been living alone for three years. Lockdown was horrible. Otherwise, I always find something to do outside and make sure that I come home late.
How you getting on now then? Any better?
It's better now. But still not as good as pre-covid times."
Sorry to hear that. The past year/two years have really taken their toll across so much of society.
Hopefully, at least being on here can alleviate any difficulties you've faced? |
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"Mr KC could probably quite happily live in solitary forever.
Me? I hate being on my own. If I'm WFH on my own, u have music or the radio on constantly. I was brought up in a house where there was always someone around, often cared for by family members/friends and so people were always coming and going. I never really spent time on my own and have been a parent my entire adult life, so never had any peace/quiet. I find silence very unsettling, actually
It almost always comes back to how we were brought up. It's so fascinating...
I think most men I know seem to be more capable of being solitary than women (generalisation I know, but based on my friendship circle). I wonder if there's something genetic in that, too."
My brother seems to be just as bad as me for not liking silence/being alone for any length of time. I don't actually have that many friends but I do like to have stuff to do, places to go etc. I found that aspect of lockdown hard, whereas Mr KC thought staying at home was brilliant. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My brother seems to be just as bad as me for not liking silence/being alone for any length of time. I don't actually have that many friends but I do like to have stuff to do, places to go etc. I found that aspect of lockdown hard, whereas Mr KC thought staying at home was brilliant. "
I think it's widely reported/known that women are generally more social than men. But not the same for everyone of course.
Do you have not so many friends out of choice?
I know loads and loads of people but I only have less than 10 people I really consider to be my true friends. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Be careful what you wish for. In my early 20s I wished to live alone ( just moved to London after university) Now as a single man in my mid 30s, and an only child who lost his father 8 years ago and his mother 9 weeks ago, I would give anyone just to ask me how my day went when I get back from work
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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago
Birmingham |
I’ve felt lonely before, but not for a very long time.
In my twenties, a few times most or all of my close mates got into relationships and just stopped going out. I remember not going out for six months once, which is torturous at that age. I felt very lonely then.
Now it sounds like bliss 
I’m very comfortable in my own company and need it quite regularly (and thankfully get it). |
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"My brother seems to be just as bad as me for not liking silence/being alone for any length of time. I don't actually have that many friends but I do like to have stuff to do, places to go etc. I found that aspect of lockdown hard, whereas Mr KC thought staying at home was brilliant.
I think it's widely reported/known that women are generally more social than men. But not the same for everyone of course.
Do you have not so many friends out of choice?
I know loads and loads of people but I only have less than 10 people I really consider to be my true friends."
I have many acquaintances. But true friends? Single digits. I feel like some of those drifted away when I acquired a disability. I can no longer do a bunch of the things we used to do as a group and it feels like it's too much hassle to include me. I became resentful (and lonely) so I joined a wheelchair basketball club and made new friends. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I have many acquaintances. But true friends? Single digits. I feel like some of those drifted away when I acquired a disability. I can no longer do a bunch of the things we used to do as a group and it feels like it's too much hassle to include me. I became resentful (and lonely) so I joined a wheelchair basketball club and made new friends. "
Bless you. x
How are your hoop skills coming along?! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Be careful what you wish for. In my early 20s I wished to live alone ( just moved to London after university) Now as a single man in my mid 30s, and an only child who lost his father 8 years ago and his mother 9 weeks ago, I would give anyone just to ask me how my day went when I get back from work
"
Ah man, that must be rough. So sorry to hear that. Do you have anyone local you can reach to for support? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like my own company, I can be so boring. If doughnut isn't home (very rare as he wfh) I won't even have the TV or radio on, when we lived in a room many moons ago and I didn't have a job and he worked in London, I wouldn't talk to a soul until be got home.
Which is strange because during the first lockdown we invited a friend to stay and as soon as we have free time we make time for friends etc, I have a good balance I think.
Danish x |
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I feel lonely most of the time. I had no friends as a child and struggled to make any at university. After graduating I got used to spending my time alone. Then I made the fatal error of trying to make friends again. It worked, for a time, and I started to feel like I was part of something, then it fell apart and I'm back to being alone again. I have a few people who I share hobbies in common with, but I feel alone most of the time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes I consider myself lonely. Some of which could be considered my fault but the person I threw out of my home made me want to be alone, most of the time. Having bad relationships makes it so much harder to want another. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve felt incredibly lonely since I had my son 12 weeks ago. Some days I feel so isolated so I’ve joined us in lots of clubs and classes but then that seems to just exhaust us so there is no happy medium. I didn’t realise how hard maternity leave would be |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I just talk to myself,and then answer myself.
Shh don't tell people,they'll think you're weird.
Oh hush it's ok,I am weird. 
Seriously though,never be afraid or too proud to reach out to somebody...even if just for a chat or a message, nobody has to be lonely.
I'll chat shit with anyone so by all means,anyone fire me a message anytime 
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
I'll know it when I find it. |
"I’ve felt incredibly lonely since I had my son 12 weeks ago. Some days I feel so isolated so I’ve joined us in lots of clubs and classes but then that seems to just exhaust us so there is no happy medium. I didn’t realise how hard maternity leave would be "
Congratulations on having your son!
It must be difficult to find that happy medium, do you have any local mums groups that meet once a week? Even if you just go for a hour or so it will be enough to start developing friendship and you won't exhaust yourself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve felt incredibly lonely since I had my son 12 weeks ago. Some days I feel so isolated so I’ve joined us in lots of clubs and classes but then that seems to just exhaust us so there is no happy medium. I didn’t realise how hard maternity leave would be
Congratulations on having your son!
It must be difficult to find that happy medium, do you have any local mums groups that meet once a week? Even if you just go for a hour or so it will be enough to start developing friendship and you won't exhaust yourself."
Thanks so much. I’m at a group Monday Wednesday and Thursday at the moment - organised classes and baby swimming. Also arranging meets with other mums. The issue is my baby just doesn’t sleep and us getting out of the house can be a military procedure as he doesn’t like to be put down either. Add to that a husband who is working 14 hour shifts because he has no staff and it just feels like we are existing. The upside is my baby is going to know how to swim and sign language, the downside is i feel that every spare moment I’m rushing around doing whatever chores I can fit in for the 30 minutes he decides to nap. Then I’m the evenings I’m just sat there exhausted wishing I could be having adult conversation and a nice glass of wine. I think I’m really noticing the fact that I don’t have my mum to help me out and the fact no other family live close to me. He’s worth it though |
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By *essie.Woman
over a year ago
Serendipity |
"I’ve felt incredibly lonely since I had my son 12 weeks ago. Some days I feel so isolated so I’ve joined us in lots of clubs and classes but then that seems to just exhaust us so there is no happy medium. I didn’t realise how hard maternity leave would be
Thanks so much. I’m at a group Monday Wednesday and Thursday at the moment - organised classes and baby swimming. Also arranging meets with other mums. The issue is my baby just doesn’t sleep and us getting out of the house can be a military procedure as he doesn’t like to be put down either. Add to that a husband who is working 14 hour shifts because he has no staff and it just feels like we are existing. The upside is my baby is going to know how to swim and sign language, the downside is i feel that every spare moment I’m rushing around doing whatever chores I can fit in for the 30 minutes he decides to nap. Then I’m the evenings I’m just sat there exhausted wishing I could be having adult conversation and a nice glass of wine. I think I’m really noticing the fact that I don’t have my mum to help me out and the fact no other family live close to me. He’s worth it though "
I expect more new mums than you realise are feeling just like you. Those first few weeks are lovely in some ways, but also really tiring. Especially if you’re used to being at work, it suddenly feels very different. Hopefully you’ll make some close friendships soon with other mums and dads.
Have a chat to your health visitor too, they’re a mine of information. They might have some good tips for you to help your son sleep. I remember driving round with one of mine, yet nowadays they’d sleep all day. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’ve felt incredibly lonely since I had my son 12 weeks ago. Some days I feel so isolated so I’ve joined us in lots of clubs and classes but then that seems to just exhaust us so there is no happy medium. I didn’t realise how hard maternity leave would be
Congratulations on having your son!
It must be difficult to find that happy medium, do you have any local mums groups that meet once a week? Even if you just go for a hour or so it will be enough to start developing friendship and you won't exhaust yourself.
Thanks so much. I’m at a group Monday Wednesday and Thursday at the moment - organised classes and baby swimming. Also arranging meets with other mums. The issue is my baby just doesn’t sleep and us getting out of the house can be a military procedure as he doesn’t like to be put down either. Add to that a husband who is working 14 hour shifts because he has no staff and it just feels like we are existing. The upside is my baby is going to know how to swim and sign language, the downside is i feel that every spare moment I’m rushing around doing whatever chores I can fit in for the 30 minutes he decides to nap. Then I’m the evenings I’m just sat there exhausted wishing I could be having adult conversation and a nice glass of wine. I think I’m really noticing the fact that I don’t have my mum to help me out and the fact no other family live close to me. He’s worth it though "
My daughter is two now but I remember that first year vividly. It was brutal. Such a massive shock to the system.
Please try not to push yourself too much because it’s such a huge upheaval and adjustment to make to your life, overnight! At the moment you’re still in freefall trying to adapt and find that balance but seriously it is so so important to go easy on yourself. Especially if you don’t have much support. Also can you ask any mates to help you out?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve felt incredibly lonely since I had my son 12 weeks ago. Some days I feel so isolated so I’ve joined us in lots of clubs and classes but then that seems to just exhaust us so there is no happy medium. I didn’t realise how hard maternity leave would be
Congratulations on having your son!
It must be difficult to find that happy medium, do you have any local mums groups that meet once a week? Even if you just go for a hour or so it will be enough to start developing friendship and you won't exhaust yourself."
Have you spoken to your GP about post natal depression? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Before lockdown I genuinely thought that I’d be ok if no I ne else was around. Bring in my house alone for the duration of the lockdowns has altered that thinking. K like bring around people, but If they don’t talk to me then I’m fine either that.
The loneliness of lockdown was hard to manage, that we all did is something we should recognise and be proud of I feel.
My work ethic was still there but productivity was lower and I think that contributed to the redundancy that I’m now facing.
Shit times! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I never feel lonely now that I live alone. However, I felt very lonely when I lived with my partner."
I get that sometimes the loneliest pla vs is with other people. For me I think it's because I'm no comfortable to let people see the full me so I don't really connect. |
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