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straight men.gay men.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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here is a thing to think about? Some straight men who are not 100% straight but wont admit to being bi. Then you have gay men who probs are gay and dont mind letting people know they are. So are they any gay men who are really bi? Or are they more honest when they say they are gay they really are? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve heard some gay friends who came out as Bi first and then just gay. As I think they were terrified to admit they liked men. So they eased into saying they are bisexual cos it’s like.. I still like women (lies) but I also like men
But there are people who are actually totally bisexual and like both sexes (potentially to different degrees) |
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There was a chap on here a while back who mentioned he’d previously thought of himself as gay and discovered his bi side.
I’ve also seen an increase in people identifying themselves as “homoflexible” in recent years.
The biphobia can be as pernicious from the gay side as it is from the straight, sadly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There was a chap on here a while back who mentioned he’d previously thought of himself as gay and discovered his bi side.
I’ve also seen an increase in people identifying themselves as “homoflexible” in recent years.
The biphobia can be as pernicious from the gay side as it is from the straight, sadly. "
What does homoflexible even mean  |
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"There was a chap on here a while back who mentioned he’d previously thought of himself as gay and discovered his bi side.
I’ve also seen an increase in people identifying themselves as “homoflexible” in recent years.
The biphobia can be as pernicious from the gay side as it is from the straight, sadly.
What does homoflexible even mean "
Heheh. The opposite of heteexible.
I think it’s more like “bi playful” than “bi curious”. I.e. wouldn’t date a guy, but would fuck one when hot and horny!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There was a chap on here a while back who mentioned he’d previously thought of himself as gay and discovered his bi side.
I’ve also seen an increase in people identifying themselves as “homoflexible” in recent years.
The biphobia can be as pernicious from the gay side as it is from the straight, sadly.
What does homoflexible even mean
Heheh. The opposite of heteexible.
I think it’s more like “bi playful” than “bi curious”. I.e. wouldn’t date a guy, but would fuck one when hot and horny! "
Oh I see, well isn’t that like being bicurious?
God so many labels |
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It's very natural for us to learn more about our sexual and romantic interests as we progress in life. And this especially as sexuality isn't as rigid and cleancut as historically it's been viewed.
There's perhaps been too much pressure from others as well as ourselves, to identify with a tribe. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There was a chap on here a while back who mentioned he’d previously thought of himself as gay and discovered his bi side.
I’ve also seen an increase in people identifying themselves as “homoflexible” in recent years.
The biphobia can be as pernicious from the gay side as it is from the straight, sadly. "
That is absolute rubbish, never come across biphobia from gay men, it must be extremely rare. However there is plenty coming from bi men against gay especially on this site  |
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My colleague who’s gay has admitted he does find some women attractive and has thought he could be bisexual. He was married previously and has two children from that relationship. So maybe that’s an influence as well. But he’s quite active on the scene so I don’t think he’s seriously considering dating women.
I have had thoughts myself of maybe trying out a gay relationship, but I do think of myself as bisexual and couldn’t really, outside of fantasy, think I would be happy with another man as a partner.
Also finding a gay or bisexual man who wants a TV as a partner isn’t easy.
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"There was a chap on here a while back who mentioned he’d previously thought of himself as gay and discovered his bi side.
I’ve also seen an increase in people identifying themselves as “homoflexible” in recent years.
The biphobia can be as pernicious from the gay side as it is from the straight, sadly.
That is absolute rubbish, never come across biphobia from gay men, it must be extremely rare. However there is plenty coming from bi men against gay especially on this site "
I appreciate your position, and it’s great that you’ve not witnessed any biphobia from gay men. As a gay man, though, it’s not really for you to say that it doesn’t exist.
As a bisexual man I can assure you I’ve come across more overt biphobia from gay men than straight men. That said, the biphobia from straight men is usually indistinguishable from run-of-the-mill homophobia, so I might be somewhat blind to it in that sense. |
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If fab and specifically the forums offer an accurate cross section of general opinions there is a definite increase in heterophobia.
I can't speak for the experiences of gay or bi men but as a straight man it's getting a little tiresome having to defend my sexuality and when I do am accused of protesting too much.
If a man or woman claims to be bi or gay I accept their word and would never think to challenge them on it and would expect the same level of respect in return. |
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"If fab and specifically the forums offer an accurate cross section of general opinions there is a definite increase in heterophobia.
I can't speak for the experiences of gay or bi men but as a straight man it's getting a little tiresome having to defend my sexuality and when I do am accused of protesting too much.
If a man or woman claims to be bi or gay I accept their word and would never think to challenge them on it and would expect the same level of respect in return. "
What do you mean by heterophobia? People not believing you’re straight or people acting with ill will of malice towards you on the basis of your heterosexuality? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There was a chap on here a while back who mentioned he’d previously thought of himself as gay and discovered his bi side.
I’ve also seen an increase in people identifying themselves as “homoflexible” in recent years.
The biphobia can be as pernicious from the gay side as it is from the straight, sadly.
That is absolute rubbish, never come across biphobia from gay men, it must be extremely rare. However there is plenty coming from bi men against gay especially on this site
I appreciate your position, and it’s great that you’ve not witnessed any biphobia from gay men. As a gay man, though, it’s not really for you to say that it doesn’t exist.
As a bisexual man I can assure you I’ve come across more overt biphobia from gay men than straight men. That said, the biphobia from straight men is usually indistinguishable from run-of-the-mill homophobia, so I might be somewhat blind to it in that sense. "
I been around gay and bi men since 1996 and can safely say I have never witnessed this, even in private conversations with other fully gay men. I have heard all sorts over the years but not what you are claiming |
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"There was a chap on here a while back who mentioned he’d previously thought of himself as gay and discovered his bi side.
I’ve also seen an increase in people identifying themselves as “homoflexible” in recent years.
The biphobia can be as pernicious from the gay side as it is from the straight, sadly.
That is absolute rubbish, never come across biphobia from gay men, it must be extremely rare. However there is plenty coming from bi men against gay especially on this site
I appreciate your position, and it’s great that you’ve not witnessed any biphobia from gay men. As a gay man, though, it’s not really for you to say that it doesn’t exist.
As a bisexual man I can assure you I’ve come across more overt biphobia from gay men than straight men. That said, the biphobia from straight men is usually indistinguishable from run-of-the-mill homophobia, so I might be somewhat blind to it in that sense.
I been around gay and bi men since 1996 and can safely say I have never witnessed this, even in private conversations with other fully gay men. I have heard all sorts over the years but not what you are claiming "
That’s good. Really reassuring that you’re surrounded by welcoming people with the right attitudes.
We’re about the same age, though, and have been around gay and bi men for about the same length of time. Right from those very early days I experienced negative attitudes. Back then it was primarily from older gay men who assumed (no doubt based on their experiences of having to appear straight for their own safety) that I was gay, and would one day realise I preferred men and would settle down. 25 years later it is still yet to happen!
I’m not going to rehash the experiences I’ve already shared in these forums about biphobia in the community, but it is a very real phenomenon. Have a look at Stonewall’s resource library where there are several studies on this very issue.
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"If fab and specifically the forums offer an accurate cross section of general opinions there is a definite increase in heterophobia.
I can't speak for the experiences of gay or bi men but as a straight man it's getting a little tiresome having to defend my sexuality and when I do am accused of protesting too much.
If a man or woman claims to be bi or gay I accept their word and would never think to challenge them on it and would expect the same level of respect in return.
What do you mean by heterophobia? People not believing you’re straight or people acting with ill will of malice towards you on the basis of your heterosexuality?"
A straight woman on fab comments on a thread about couples assuming that all women are bi and the vast majority of replies are supportive and tell her never to compromise.
A straight man on fab comments on a thread to say he doesn't have any bi or gay tendencies at all and half the replies say he has to be fab straight or he is suppressing his true desires and should be more open to new experiences.
I've been challenged numerous times in various threads and also had messages from couples telling me they know I'm only pretending to be straight or that I won't get anywhere on fab by being straight and I need to start playing bi.
Imagine the reaction if I contacted a gay woman and challenged her choices and told her she would be better off embracing her hetero side.
I've no reason to explore a non existent bi side but at the same time I don't challenge those who do.
I've never had anyone acting with ill will towards me irl in regard to my sexuality because as unlikely as it may seem I don't know any openly gay or bisexual men so those conversations have never arisen. |
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"If fab and specifically the forums offer an accurate cross section of general opinions there is a definite increase in heterophobia.
I can't speak for the experiences of gay or bi men but as a straight man it's getting a little tiresome having to defend my sexuality and when I do am accused of protesting too much.
If a man or woman claims to be bi or gay I accept their word and would never think to challenge them on it and would expect the same level of respect in return.
What do you mean by heterophobia? People not believing you’re straight or people acting with ill will of malice towards you on the basis of your heterosexuality?
A straight woman on fab comments on a thread about couples assuming that all women are bi and the vast majority of replies are supportive and tell her never to compromise.
A straight man on fab comments on a thread to say he doesn't have any bi or gay tendencies at all and half the replies say he has to be fab straight or he is suppressing his true desires and should be more open to new experiences.
I've been challenged numerous times in various threads and also had messages from couples telling me they know I'm only pretending to be straight or that I won't get anywhere on fab by being straight and I need to start playing bi.
Imagine the reaction if I contacted a gay woman and challenged her choices and told her she would be better off embracing her hetero side.
I've no reason to explore a non existent bi side but at the same time I don't challenge those who do.
I've never had anyone acting with ill will towards me irl in regard to my sexuality because as unlikely as it may seem I don't know any openly gay or bisexual men so those conversations have never arisen. "
Okay, yeah, I totally agree. That’s a creepy and nasty attitude to be on the receiving end of.
I’d be inclined to call what you’re experiencing is a form of biphobia (in that they are perceiving you to be a member of a group and then directing their ill will on that basis).
For the same reason someone who gets called a f***ot and beaten up is still a victim of a hate crime even if they are straight.
Either way, whatever we call it, it’s unacceptable. |
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"
A straight man on fab comments on a thread to say he doesn't have any bi or gay tendencies at all and half the replies say he has to be fab straight or he is suppressing his true desires and should be more open to new experiences."
Ironically the “fab straight” phenomenon in many cases is a direct result of biphobia. Both external (lots of people won’t go near you if you’re bi), and internalised (not everyone is comfortable with their sexuality, as described above).
I’ve had differing opinions on this over the years, but I’ve settled that people can describe themselves however they feel comfortable (as long as it is in good faith and not a way of attacking someone - like the “i identify as an attack helicopter” trope). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it varies from man to man
Men get a lot of stick when they identify as anything other than straight, where as women tend to be celebrated
I can totally see why a man would have trouble being open/embracing his sexuality when society attaches so much stigma towards it |
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By *lex46TV/TS
over a year ago
Near Wells |
I think ladies are the prettiest things ever, possibly one of the reasons I try and look like one. I would enjoy sex with a lady. My favourite thing is sucking cock though.
I suppose I'm pretty fluid? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
A straight man on fab comments on a thread to say he doesn't have any bi or gay tendencies at all and half the replies say he has to be fab straight or he is suppressing his true desires and should be more open to new experiences.
Ironically the “fab straight” phenomenon in many cases is a direct result of biphobia. Both external (lots of people won’t go near you if you’re bi), and internalised (not everyone is comfortable with their sexuality, as described above).
I’ve had differing opinions on this over the years, but I’ve settled that people can describe themselves however they feel comfortable (as long as it is in good faith and not a way of attacking someone - like the “i identify as an attack helicopter” trope). "
Talking of internalised biphobia …
I’ve heard a lot of ladies who straight refuse to sleep with somebody (a man) who has somehow slept with another man. Even if it happened once.
And claims it to be preference. I mean, first of all
How do you do a background check on that?
And second, does it really matter if somebody might have had a fondle with another man, once or whatever?
I bet that’s a bit of internalised biphobia?
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"
Talking of internalised biphobia …
I’ve heard a lot of ladies who straight refuse to sleep with somebody (a man) who has somehow slept with another man. Even if it happened once.
And claims it to be preference. I mean, first of all
How do you do a background check on that?
And second, does it really matter if somebody might have had a fondle with another man, once or whatever?
I bet that’s a bit of internalised biphobia?
"
It does sometimes seem to be Locard’s principle (every contact leaves a trace) applied to cocks! If a guys been within touching distance of another man’s* cock then you’re tainted forever.
As you say though, the quality control in this rule being applied is not great.
(*thinking about it, it might be just cocks in general - you tend to see the same people worried about men who’ve been near another willy whether it’s attached to a guy or a girl…) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"here is a thing to think about? Some straight men who are not 100% straight but wont admit to being bi. Then you have gay men who probs are gay and dont mind letting people know they are. So are they any gay men who are really bi? Or are they more honest when they say they are gay they really are?"
Puts hand up
Me, Me, Me
I live with a guy, but I fancy women too
I was in straight relationships before I started dabbling with other blokes
It's been a while, but that's more to do with circumstances than will
A bi-mmf is a horny thing
I don't think I could have another relationship with a woman, but that's cos I like easy relationships and men (in general) aren't as demanding as a partner  |
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