FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Dealing with...
Dealing with...
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
I'll know it when I find it. |
disappointment. How do you cope with it? I'm not talking about the disappointment because the hot person you fancied read and deleted your message - it's not that kind of thread (sorry). But day to day things that are disappointing. Or bigger. What do you do?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Step one don't set yourself up to fail. Don't get over excited about something that has the chance to not happen.
Step two try to frame your mindset on it being a win when things go right, not a loss when then don't. Glass half full behaviour. If you are down when you suffer disappointment, you may find yourself fearing that disappoinment and then merely being relieved when things go well, rather than pleased, and that's something to avoid, in my experience. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Try again usually.
Which when it comes to my food choices means I eat too much.
But yeah usually if one things disappointing I’ll do/eat/watch whatever something that I know will hit the spot & try & forget the disappointment.
Mister gets annoyed with me sometimes because I can be quite child like with my positivity. It can come across as naive, but if I don’t force on the smile & find a silver lining I know that I could easily slip the other direction. I’m a very black & white person. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"disappointment. How do you cope with it? I'm not talking about the disappointment because the hot person you fancied read and deleted your message - it's not that kind of thread (sorry). But day to day things that are disappointing. Or bigger. What do you do?
"
Are you ok?  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Well I go on YouTube and watch pacific sound 3003 !
https://youtu.be/zHHcnjEJYQg
This guy cheers me up every time I feel down ! I mean come on who enjoys their orange juice the way he does ?! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
I'll know it when I find it. |
"I try not to care enough to get disapointed anymore
I used to need to vent it somehow in say a tackle or type it out get it out kind of thing "
Venting can be good. Constructive sometimes. But also it can be negative if it becomes a misdirected anger/hurt sort of thing. I'm definitely a big fan of tackling things head on though. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"disappointment. How do you cope with it? I'm not talking about the disappointment because the hot person you fancied read and deleted your message - it's not that kind of thread (sorry). But day to day things that are disappointing. Or bigger. What do you do?
"
Difficult to say without specifics but in general Meli ...... I'd say this.
I'm glad you are disappointed as it means that something you wanted or expected meant something to you ...... So ....... bear in mind I don't know what it is....
Grab a coffee or walk or sit down. Ask yourself what it is inside you that led to disappointment. Did you take it for granted it would happen ? What steps had you taken prior to the expectation e.g. how many ways had you considered the possibility of it not happening ?
Generally disappointment is the gap between expectation and reality.
Once i've dealt with me, i'll deal with a.n. other ( if there is one ) by thinking about why they did what they did or what was their intent.
I'd also think about how relevant this 'thing' really is in the whole scheme of the wholly widey worldy and not let it affect the rest of my day or the future and i'd have probably decided by then whether it's worth pursuing again or putting to bed.
Over thinking an event leads to low mood.
Over thinking tomorrow denies you today.
Live today dearie xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well I go on YouTube and watch pacific sound 3003 !
https://youtu.be/zHHcnjEJYQg
This guy cheers me up every time I feel down ! I mean come on who enjoys their orange juice the way he does ?! "
i like orangina   |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I don't. I tend to blame myself for having hope in the first place and not seeing the disappointment coming. Even if that hope or expectation is something as small as others saying please or thank you, or treating you as a human. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well I go on YouTube and watch pacific sound 3003 !
https://youtu.be/zHHcnjEJYQg
This guy cheers me up every time I feel down ! I mean come on who enjoys their orange juice the way he does ?! i like orangina "
I do remember the link you sent me |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well I go on YouTube and watch pacific sound 3003 !
https://youtu.be/zHHcnjEJYQg
This guy cheers me up every time I feel down ! I mean come on who enjoys their orange juice the way he does ?! i like orangina
I do remember the link you sent me "
i dont like it as much as this guy tho the eyebrows say it all i never got orgasmic from it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well I go on YouTube and watch pacific sound 3003 !
https://youtu.be/zHHcnjEJYQg
This guy cheers me up every time I feel down ! I mean come on who enjoys their orange juice the way he does ?! i like orangina
I do remember the link you sent me i dont like it as much as this guy tho the eyebrows say it all i never got orgasmic from it "
and now im sat at work singing it again now |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well I go on YouTube and watch pacific sound 3003 !
https://youtu.be/zHHcnjEJYQg
This guy cheers me up every time I feel down ! I mean come on who enjoys their orange juice the way he does ?! i like orangina
I do remember the link you sent me i dont like it as much as this guy tho the eyebrows say it all i never got orgasmic from it "
You mean the guy drinking the orange juice ?
Isn’t he just fab ?
I mean honestly when I feel down, I just look at him and think, well if a guy in the middle of the pacific (Martinique island) drinks his juice like that, I don’t have the right to feel down with my life |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well I go on YouTube and watch pacific sound 3003 !
https://youtu.be/zHHcnjEJYQg
This guy cheers me up every time I feel down ! I mean come on who enjoys their orange juice the way he does ?! i like orangina
I do remember the link you sent me i dont like it as much as this guy tho the eyebrows say it all i never got orgasmic from it
You mean the guy drinking the orange juice ?
Isn’t he just fab ?
I mean honestly when I feel down, I just look at him and think, well if a guy in the middle of the pacific (Martinique island) drinks his juice like that, I don’t have the right to feel down with my life "
what a legend that guy is i also use this video to boost my day
https://youtu.be/Kg5cdZ-Fnpc
Its funny as |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *red333Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"disappointment. How do you cope with it? I'm not talking about the disappointment because the hot person you fancied read and deleted your message - it's not that kind of thread (sorry). But day to day things that are disappointing. Or bigger. What do you do?
"
its a difficult one really I kind of feel disappointed with my life so far but I maintain a happy outlook, that old addage you get one life so make the best of it is so true, my mother has outlived my father who'd have believed it, suppose you've just got to surround yourself with people who appreciate you and make you feel good about yourself, I think my mind just separates the bad from the good that's how I cope, anyways good luck with whatever your disappointment may be, in time it may get better. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
It's when you constantly ask for help and don't get given it.
Try thinking like a Buddhist, when you've been on hold for 30 minutes, trying to get a GPS appointment. It doesn't work. Neither to having to pull their collective teeth out trying to get them to tell you how long waiting lists are at the hospital.
Even when the hospitals do write, they still won't include the timescales.
Ho-hum c'estt la vie, does not cut it here.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well I go on YouTube and watch pacific sound 3003 !
https://youtu.be/zHHcnjEJYQg
This guy cheers me up every time I feel down ! I mean come on who enjoys their orange juice the way he does ?! i like orangina
I do remember the link you sent me i dont like it as much as this guy tho the eyebrows say it all i never got orgasmic from it
You mean the guy drinking the orange juice ?
Isn’t he just fab ?
I mean honestly when I feel down, I just look at him and think, well if a guy in the middle of the pacific (Martinique island) drinks his juice like that, I don’t have the right to feel down with my life what a legend that guy is i also use this video to boost my day
https://youtu.be/Kg5cdZ-Fnpc
Its funny as"
imagine that happening to you at work |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well I go on YouTube and watch pacific sound 3003 !
https://youtu.be/zHHcnjEJYQg
This guy cheers me up every time I feel down ! I mean come on who enjoys their orange juice the way he does ?! i like orangina
I do remember the link you sent me i dont like it as much as this guy tho the eyebrows say it all i never got orgasmic from it
You mean the guy drinking the orange juice ?
Isn’t he just fab ?
I mean honestly when I feel down, I just look at him and think, well if a guy in the middle of the pacific (Martinique island) drinks his juice like that, I don’t have the right to feel down with my life what a legend that guy is i also use this video to boost my day
https://youtu.be/Kg5cdZ-Fnpc
Its funny as
imagine that happening to you at work "
i want his job hahaha
Hey janice |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago
Chinese Takeaway near you |
"disappointment. How do you cope with it? I'm not talking about the disappointment because the hot person you fancied read and deleted your message - it's not that kind of thread (sorry). But day to day things that are disappointing. Or bigger. What do you do?
"
My dad taught me: “No point crying over spilt milk” and if it won’t matter in 5 yrs don’t spend more than 5mins worrying about it  just move on |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"disappointment. How do you cope with it? I'm not talking about the disappointment because the hot person you fancied read and deleted your message - it's not that kind of thread (sorry). But day to day things that are disappointing. Or bigger. What do you do?
My dad taught me: “No point crying over spilt milk” and if it won’t matter in 5 yrs don’t spend more than 5mins worrying about it just move on "
Does that apply to job losses and bereavement? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"disappointment. How do you cope with it? I'm not talking about the disappointment because the hot person you fancied read and deleted your message - it's not that kind of thread (sorry). But day to day things that are disappointing. Or bigger. What do you do?
My dad taught me: “No point crying over spilt milk” and if it won’t matter in 5 yrs don’t spend more than 5mins worrying about it just move on
Does that apply to job losses and bereavement?"
Not sure I'd describe either of them as a "disappointment". |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *anBerksMan
over a year ago
Berkshire |
I used to dwell on things, OP.
Now my defence mechanism is to let things wash over me more, some things you can’t influence (the economy, the price of cheese etc) so I’ve learnt to not things stress me and what will be, will be.
Where I can influence things I’ll try, and if disappointment results then it’ll grate for a while and then I’ll move on. I think as I’ve got older I’ve learnt to accept that shit happens and once it’s done it’s done, you can’t rewrite history. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I think there's varying levels.
1. Were you unreasonably optimistic in the first place?
2. Did something completely unexpected and impossible to anticipate cause the disappointment?
3. Did someone else make you feel disappointed?
For 1. That's a life lesson and can be hard to manage but life isn't perfect and realising that is a huge step. It's something I see younger people unable to grasp. Eg, if something bad happens it's unfair rather than just life.
2. Similarly to 1, but accept that if you never committed to anything incase of some sort of failure, you'd never succeed at anything.
3. This is more difficult because it depends on you trusting someone else, but flip it around. If you're disappointed because they cancelled a nice day out, consider how you'd feel if you had to cancel it. They probably feel terrible.
Ultimately I feel its down to setting realistic expectations of life and accepting that failure thus disappointment is the only way to achieve success. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *rolicUsCouple
over a year ago
Alluringly mysterious |
"disappointment. How do you cope with it? I'm not talking about the disappointment because the hot person you fancied read and deleted your message - it's not that kind of thread (sorry). But day to day things that are disappointing. Or bigger. What do you do?
"
Increasingly I let myself feel the feels for a while. And then try to work out what’s going on for me about it.
Quite often it’s related to my ego or a child-like need to impress/ be perfect/ liked/ admired. Talking to friends helps me be more objective. And then be self-compassionate.
It’s okay if you feel shit. It might well be shit. And often I understand a situation or myself better as a result.
Big love |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
It depends on what it is but if it’s a big disappointment then I tend to let myself feel it, move through it and then pull myself back. It’s usually a few hours or a day for the process to last.
I think it’s important to allow the emotion to sit and process, understand why and then move past |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
I'll know it when I find it. |
"disappointment. How do you cope with it? I'm not talking about the disappointment because the hot person you fancied read and deleted your message - it's not that kind of thread (sorry). But day to day things that are disappointing. Or bigger. What do you do?
Difficult to say without specifics but in general Meli ...... I'd say this.
I'm glad you are disappointed as it means that something you wanted or expected meant something to you ...... So ....... bear in mind I don't know what it is....
Grab a coffee or walk or sit down. Ask yourself what it is inside you that led to disappointment. Did you take it for granted it would happen ? What steps had you taken prior to the expectation e.g. how many ways had you considered the possibility of it not happening ?
Generally disappointment is the gap between expectation and reality.
Once i've dealt with me, i'll deal with a.n. other ( if there is one ) by thinking about why they did what they did or what was their intent.
I'd also think about how relevant this 'thing' really is in the whole scheme of the wholly widey worldy and not let it affect the rest of my day or the future and i'd have probably decided by then whether it's worth pursuing again or putting to bed.
Over thinking an event leads to low mood.
Over thinking tomorrow denies you today.
Live today dearie xx "
Thanks GC. And a general thank you to everyone who contributed, I liked the glass half full mentality, the reframing ideas floating around. And just sitting with it. But not for too long because then it becomes a Thing. I'm generally good at dealing with things but I'm human. Bit flawed and daft. Anyway, thanks again random sexsiters. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Just never expect things and you'll never be disappointed. Take each minute as they come. If someone says they'll do something for you or something was supposed to happen just don't expect it too. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
I'll know it when I find it. |
"Just never expect things and you'll never be disappointed. Take each minute as they come. If someone says they'll do something for you or something was supposed to happen just don't expect it too. "
Oh I don't know. Life is too short and if you do the latter (not expecting things to happen), don't you end up a bit jaded and cynical? I think I'd rather stay a tad naive, optimistic and once in a blue moon experience disappointment. The highs are worth the lows I guess. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just never expect things and you'll never be disappointed. Take each minute as they come. If someone says they'll do something for you or something was supposed to happen just don't expect it too.
Oh I don't know. Life is too short and if you do the latter (not expecting things to happen), don't you end up a bit jaded and cynical? I think I'd rather stay a tad naive, optimistic and once in a blue moon experience disappointment. The highs are worth the lows I guess."
I love not knowing what's going to happen. It shouldn't affect your mood or anything. It should improve it if anything. Just dont make too many plans in life as you're bound to get disappointed.
Learning to forget quick is also another good coping technique. If something bad happens just try and forget about it. The only that matters really is the present, the past is the past can't change that and the future hasn't happened yet. So why worry about it. Live in the moment and don't worry about anything. Like you said life is to short.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Depends what it's about if it's something trivial I'll pout and flounce. Then I'll calm down and sort whatever needs doing or distract myself with something fun.
If it's something better I do the above initially. Then I'll try and figure out why things didn't work out as planned. And if it's something I need to work on or work on letting go. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Increase the stakes ! Start thinking about or planning something new to look forward to. It will help forget the disappointment and if it works out you've gained a positive from a negative. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago
I'll know it when I find it. |
"Depends what it's about if it's something trivial I'll pout and flounce. Then I'll calm down and sort whatever needs doing or distract myself with something fun.
If it's something better I do the above initially. Then I'll try and figure out why things didn't work out as planned. And if it's something I need to work on or work on letting go. "
Pout and flounce.  I don't really feel disappointed oft. It's one of those emotions I rarely experience. Maybe a handful of times in the past decade. Think that's why I'm a bit of a numpty. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I work through why my expectations were so high in the event/person and then evaluate on whether I am placing unrealistic expectations, because of my mindset or that the event/person was never going to deliver I just misunderstood the situation. Either way I embrace it as I can only grow |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I used to get disappointed when people said they’d leave regular voice notes but now I just shrug it off - their loss that they don’t get to hear my wonderful tones - so what they have a sultry voice - so bloody what!
I’m fine! Honestly I’m fine!
K |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Have a Guinness and a good chunk of mature cheddar, reflect for a moment and then realise that tomorrow is another day and the world ain’t stopping anytime soon, so best get off me arse and crack on |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago
Durham, North Yorkshire and can travel |
Ahhhhh disappoinment can be awful. I'm feeling disappointed with a few things at the moment. I try to just think that everything in life happens for a reason, look for a positive and move on. Sometimes though I also need to allow myself to feel disappointed for a while, eat some chocolate and have lots of hugs from my husband until the feeling passes. Thankfully the feeling of disappointment doesn't last long for me. Hope you're ok Meli. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
Depends what it is?
Not winning the lottery again? Disappointing yes, but unsurprising.
Not getting a new job after what you thought was a great interview? If you know you've tried your best then it just wasn't meant to be. There'll be another opportunity at some point in the future.
Someone letting you down? That's not on you, you couldn't have predicted it and it's beyond your control so not worth beating yourself up about or overthinking things.
You upsetting or letting someone else down? That's the tricky one. When you've disappointed someone else then that's on you. It's nobody else's fault
So it's up to you to recognise your behaviour/actions, re tify if possible and learn from the impact it had and move on hoping to not repeat it.
Disappointment is part of life.
But dwelling and moping and letting it shape your mood and behaviour for any longer than absolutely necessary is unhealthy.
When it happens recognise it and deal with it as quickly as you can and move on. Find something else to occupy your mind, focus your attention on and new targets/goals to aim for. The more you focus on something else the sooner the disappointment fades and you can move on.
A
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Depends what it's about if it's something trivial I'll pout and flounce. Then I'll calm down and sort whatever needs doing or distract myself with something fun.
If it's something better I do the above initially. Then I'll try and figure out why things didn't work out as planned. And if it's something I need to work on or work on letting go.
Pout and flounce. I don't really feel disappointed oft. It's one of those emotions I rarely experience. Maybe a handful of times in the past decade. Think that's why I'm a bit of a numpty. "
It's one I feel quite often, but more often than not in myself. But that's often because I set myself unrealistic expectations on myself. Something I'm working on though. Until that time I'll continue with my pouting and flouncing techniques |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Depends on what it is. My family disappoint me and that does get to me which then affects my mental health. If anything else disappoints me I don't really bother or care about it x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
