FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Red Flags
Red Flags
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"‘No baggage’
Everyone does. The fact some wont accept it/don’t know it - concerning."
That's a really good point. Self-awareness and honesty are vital.
My mother used to train teachers. The student teachers she worried about weren't the ones who had occasional bad lessons - everyone had those sometimes. It was the ones who had bad lessons, then during the feedback afterwards loudly proclaimed their brilliance, that constituted a massive red flag. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When I see fun guy,genuine,no drama...  because its usually other way around  "
Damn, mine implies no drama (albeit worded differently)… perhaps some judicious editing is needed |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"‘No baggage’
Everyone does. The fact some wont accept it/don’t know it - concerning.
That's a really good point. Self-awareness and honesty are vital.
My mother used to train teachers. The student teachers she worried about weren't the ones who had occasional bad lessons - everyone had those sometimes. It was the ones who had bad lessons, then during the feedback afterwards loudly proclaimed their brilliance, that constituted a massive red flag."
I get that… when I was training to do what I do now, I was massively aware of my shortcomings, but worked my arse off to overcome them
Now I’m training my customers in a particular skill (even though I hope none would be on here I don’t want to give too much away), I find those who are over-confident and don’t take on board my advice are the ones who won’t succeed |
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Consistently poor grammar and spelling coupled with punctuation errors.
Everyone makes a few here and there, that's a given. However a whole profile riddled with them does raise an amber flag. An amber flag means, "Read the profile again more sympathetically. They might have a condition."
If I still cannot interpret the profile, I realise that no matter how genuine they may be, if I cannot understand them then we'd have a communication issue.
Of course interpretation is a two-way thing and perhaps it's me, so I amber/red flag myself and leave the profile.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Concur with the above, but I've found some very well written profiles, with personalities that don't match when you start chatting.
For me, any strange ranting about everything puts me off...oh and talking in third person  are you gollum? |
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To me if someone comes across as massively passive aggressive and takes themselves too seriously without showing an element of a nice personally / humour then we probably won’t be a match.
That and (as said above) lots of photos of different BB blokes hanging out the back of them!  |
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- a ‘couple’ where the female isn’t playing at the moment!!
- a couple profile where it is only ever the man who chats!
- a profile with loads of demands / do’s don’ts etc
- pictures where the background looks a tip. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"‘No baggage’
Everyone does. The fact some wont accept it/don’t know it - concerning.
That's a really good point. Self-awareness and honesty are vital.
My mother used to train teachers. The student teachers she worried about weren't the ones who had occasional bad lessons - everyone had those sometimes. It was the ones who had bad lessons, then during the feedback afterwards loudly proclaimed their brilliance, that constituted a massive red flag."
Positivity trumps reality..... |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"What do you guys see on profiles that makes you think ‘Hmm I think I’ll steer clear’?"
It can literally be anything.
A particular photo, a status update, the profile text or the content of a verification.
There's no one thing.
Good photos may mean there's less worry about the text.
A good profile write up may mean more forgiveness for bland photos.
A profile that has something to spark interest will always have more of a chance of getting attention than one that looks like hundreds of others.
The biggest turn off is a complete lack of personality, either in photos and/or text.
A |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Anything about Sydney university, any profile with a profile picture of a vagina whilst complaining about dick pictures in their profile, anybody that says “keep it the the forums” on a thread, I don’t know why but it just is for me, any profile that says “will fill in later” and anybody from Toxteth, oh and anybody that doesn’t like dogs, it’s just fucking odd to me |
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A long (very long) list of things they won’t do. That’s not to say they shouldn’t do that, and everyone has boundaries, but I joined this lifestyle to be open-minded, explore and adventure, to find that different “flavour”, some profiles are so rigid in what they do, it just wouldn’t do it for me. |
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By *rindnbumpCouple
over a year ago
Our little world of Kinky Fuckery in Durham |
No profile pic.
No public pics.
Single guys who have more pictures of women on their profile than they do of them.
Profiles with a long list of what they do and don't want.
Profiles with status's calling other.
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No profile text. If they're gay. Weird as.
It’s the one with no interest listed that sets off alarms. Are they a boring bastard or here to break penises"
Probably both.  |
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Pics which are clearly screenshots of other apps.
Minimal profiles
Ranty profiles about what a bad time they’re having.
No Veris or Veris from everyone in Christendom (I get there are group meets/socials but at least be a little bit selective).
People who clearly need a bath.
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- "Legal" disclaimers which are longer than their profile text.
- More demands than information about them, demands which exclude about 98% of the population if they're being truthful 
- Joined within the last week and already has twenty pictures up with full face out and nothing more racy than what you'd see on Instagram or Facebook *hint hint*
LvM |
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"When they say 'not looking for a pen pal' or aggressively stating how straight they are."
These for me too. While I get that people want to meet rather than endless messaging that goes nowhere, anything that implies lack of patience and that they would be pushing for a meet after a couple of messages makes me not want to make contact. |
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A profile only containing negatives. Sure set out what you don’t want but find a balance. Are you really expecting anyone to make a genuine effort if all they have to go on in terms of a personality is a list of dislikes? What are they supposed to find in common, “yes, I also dislike dick pics?” |
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Any warning statements - they just bore me!
A single guy profile full of action shots where you mainly just see women
States safe sex, yet most of the action shots are them being bareback
Cannot accommodate would also prevent me from messaging as usually for guys it means “I’m attached” (ofc I realise that’s not always the case) |
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"
- Joined within the last week and already has twenty pictures up with full face out and nothing more racy than what you'd see on Instagram or Facebook *hint hint*
LvM"
So I think you're referring to fake profiles who have lifted someone else's images from elsewhere...but...generally...what's wrong with no racy photos I don't have anything racy in public, perhaps the naked scrabble pic but that's more naturist than racy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What do you guys see on profiles that makes you think ‘Hmm I think I’ll steer clear’?
It can literally be anything.
A particular photo, a status update, the profile text or the content of a verification.
There's no one thing.
Good photos may mean there's less worry about the text.
A good profile write up may mean more forgiveness for bland photos.
A profile that has something to spark interest will always have more of a chance of getting attention than one that looks like hundreds of others.
The biggest turn off is a complete lack of personality, either in photos and/or text.
A"
This  |
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"What do you guys see on profiles that makes you think ‘Hmm I think I’ll steer clear’?"
"I don't bite...unless you ask me nicely/want me to"
Using "female" when they mean "woman/women".
A couple that strictly only play together- you do you, but it's not for me.
People who won't kiss.
Couples profiles where it's 100 pics of her and only one of him, from 15 years ago, on holiday at dusk with sunglasses and a hat on, shot from 20 metres away. |
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"
- Joined within the last week and already has twenty pictures up with full face out and nothing more racy than what you'd see on Instagram or Facebook *hint hint*
LvM
So I think you're referring to fake profiles who have lifted someone else's images from elsewhere...but...generally...what's wrong with no racy photos I don't have anything racy in public, perhaps the naked scrabble pic but that's more naturist than racy. "
That was my point, yes. There's nothing wrong with having tamer pics at all! I was more stating the combination of recently joining, suddenly have a maxed out gallery, and as you said, pictures that looks like they've been lifted from someone socials. They generally don't last long but the flag is still there.
Also, Scrabble looks fun
LvM |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Arrogance, anyone who appears to believe their value is higher than anyone else... What puts one person above another... Get over yourself and be a better human being |
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"Discreet, discrete, discreet yada yada.
Different meanings but probably just spelt wrong.
If it’s in there more than once it means… attached and playing away. Well it does to me "
Does to most on here. |
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I don't think I have any specific red flag but when you read a profile you just know.
I dislike any kind of rules or lists but I have seen it done so creative and funny I really wanted to meet the mind behind that writing - and knew I would instantly like them. |
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By *lexV16Man
over a year ago
Welling |
Not too much but:
- overall negativity of bio
- long-long list of T&Cs
- no bi guys
I respect everyone’s preferences but I am sure we will not go anywhere even if we bump into each other in a club if any of the above is in profile. Hence it’s block on my side usually |
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- Status’ emphasising that they’re “receiving lots of messages”
- Profiles that refer to whose they aren’t into in a objectifying or derogatory way
- A long list of demands or stating more what they’re not looking for as opposed to what they are looking for
- A sense of entitlement
- No indication of what they have to offer |
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"What do you guys see on profiles that makes you think ‘Hmm I think I’ll steer clear’?
"I don't bite...unless you ask me nicely/want me to"
Using "female" when they mean "woman/women".
A couple that strictly only play together- you do you, but it's not for me.
People who won't kiss.
Couples profiles where it's 100 pics of her and only one of him, from 15 years ago, on holiday at dusk with sunglasses and a hat on, shot from 20 metres away."
That's a new one on me, someone preferring couples who play separately!  |
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"
That's a new one on me, someone preferring couples who play separately! "
Been stung in the past with jealousy issues from this kind of couple before (the ones that strictly only play together all of the time). Of course I know this doesn't apply to everyone, but i personally find it an exhausting situation to navigate. Inevitably I will find one of them more attractive than the other, but you have to hide that, and I am exhausted by not wanting one person to feel left out/like the other is getting more attention/better connection/etc etc. Doesn't always rule them out for me, but definitely makes me wary! |
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"
That's a new one on me, someone preferring couples who play separately!
Been stung in the past with jealousy issues from this kind of couple before (the ones that strictly only play together all of the time). Of course I know this doesn't apply to everyone, but i personally find it an exhausting situation to navigate. Inevitably I will find one of them more attractive than the other, but you have to hide that, and I am exhausted by not wanting one person to feel left out/like the other is getting more attention/better connection/etc etc. Doesn't always rule them out for me, but definitely makes me wary!"
That makes a lot of sense, I appreciate your explanation so much!! I'm always keen to understand other perspectives and dynamics on fab |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I didn’t realise the getting lots of messages statuses were so annoying, I’ve written similar before, saying - ‘getting messages from people from all corners of the country, it ain’t gonna work dudes’
That puts people off, huh?
Cool
 |
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"I didn’t realise the getting lots of messages statuses were so annoying, I’ve written similar before, saying - ‘getting messages from people from all corners of the country, it ain’t gonna work dudes’
That puts people off, huh?
Cool
"
I use mine to put people off |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"I didn’t realise the getting lots of messages statuses were so annoying, I’ve written similar before, saying - ‘getting messages from people from all corners of the country, it ain’t gonna work dudes’
That puts people off, huh?
Cool
I use mine to put people off "
Yeah but…. You’l make an exception for me this one time right? I mean go on you know you want to… I am nice…. Why aren’t you replying…. /cry |
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"I didn’t realise the getting lots of messages statuses were so annoying, I’ve written similar before, saying - ‘getting messages from people from all corners of the country, it ain’t gonna work dudes’
That puts people off, huh?
Cool
I use mine to put people off
Yeah but…. You’l make an exception for me this one time right? I mean go on you know you want to… I am nice…. Why aren’t you replying…. /cry"
Awww… don’t cry. Do you have Haribo? |
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I don’t think you can tell until meet and see how you get on. Learnt a lesson recently and missed out big time as got an invite. Was convinced fake profile as looked too good to be true. found out later they genuine nice people. Sadly was too late as they blocked me. Have had fake though and not there when turn up as washing their hair or some other stuff |
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By *erces LetiferMan
over a year ago
Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters |
"I didn’t realise the getting lots of messages statuses were so annoying, I’ve written similar before, saying - ‘getting messages from people from all corners of the country, it ain’t gonna work dudes’
That puts people off, huh?
Cool
"
Something that's seemingly true on here; practically anything and everything you do puts people off, and similarly, anything and everything you DON'T do... also puts people off.
Or maybe that only really applies to the men. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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420 friendly I’ve even seen people put that they use c0ke openly on their profiles I’m like seriously?!
Bareback pictures just ew!
People who imply they will meet just about anyone just because their in the area and are horny.:
The list goes on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What do you guys see on profiles that makes you think ‘Hmm I think I’ll steer clear’?"
Couples profiles that are too forth coming. Male is saying hes straight but my spidy senses are telling me something else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I didn’t realise the getting lots of messages statuses were so annoying, I’ve written similar before, saying - ‘getting messages from people from all corners of the country, it ain’t gonna work dudes’
That puts people off, huh?
Cool
Something that's seemingly true on here; practically anything and everything you do puts people off, and similarly, anything and everything you DON'T do... also puts people off.
Or maybe that only really applies to the men. "
Maybe. Or maybe not. No one is everyone’s type regardless of gender x |
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"Couples profiles where it's the guy whos only ever available
I mean - do you think we were born yesterday!"
I came hear to say this. Especially when they’re asking to swap pics / phone w@nk / whatever. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Looking for ….
And then a list of physical attributes I will never fit into. "
As I’m in a much more positive mood, I take this back. After all, I’m a growing boy aren’t I? That what I was told when I was younger. |
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When:
Floppy cock pics.. not sure what they’re trying to show
Sentences or the whole profile in capital letters… feels aggressive, like they’re shouting
Can only meet during the day… he’s attached
Discreet… he’s attached
No pics … attached?
Emphasising numerous times NSA, no drama blablabla… he’s attached
Not really into attached people… haha
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By *oufouCouple
over a year ago
Somerset |
TEXT
Will fill this in later, poor grammar, 420 friendly, genuine people only (it’s often an irony)…
IMAGES
Dick pics that don’t match, old pics, constantly recycled pics, pics from the web! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sex talk.
Referring to themselves as well hung.
Do you just rock up to strangers houses without asking about kinks. What is he only want a gum job? "
I like surprises |
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By *omvampmMan
over a year ago
gillingham |
It’s so difficult to know now what to put in a profile as people see different things different one persons red flag is another’s green go. I guess we just got say who we are and be honest with ourselves and what we want and when reading others be the same like what we read say hi if we don’t then don’t or maybe give it a go and see lol
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By *glyBettyTV/TS
over a year ago
About 3 feet away from the fence |
Also the bed wank pic.
You know, the one where somebody lying down with a duvet half draped over them has taken a pic of their dick mid-wank in terrible lighting.
Just screams laziness. |
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"When they say 'not looking for a pen pal' or aggressively stating how straight they are."
Oioioiiii i have to say.. ah... My profile mentions penpals... Simply because although i am a chatterbox, i get bored of people after a while... So yea, lets chat, and chat as long as we can arrange a meet, but if there's no intention of meeting, just chatting... There are other sites for that, and simply, they may just be wasting my time.
So, no.
No penpals.
Next steps could be cam chat,
Meet half way for a social... Or so. |
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By *glyBettyTV/TS
over a year ago
About 3 feet away from the fence |
""Dom"
In my experience, invariably seems to mean "I'm going to be extremely selfish", and often purveyed by people who are not good looking enough to be selfish.
What if it's someone's name"
Collateral damage, Unfortunately. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I get accused that my profile info is too long, and in reality it really is. I just want people to be informed before they start chatting with me. You know, the whole managing expectations.
However, given that most don’t read my profile any way, I don’t know why I bother.  |
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(1) To many criteria a person has to fit (absolutely nothing wrong with that but we don't like it)
(2) moaning/negative in there bio
(3) "I get 1000s of messages and often bulk delete" (again nothing wrong with that but it definitely puts us off messaging at all) |
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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
somerset |
"I get accused that my profile info is too long, and in reality it really is. I just want people to be informed before they start chatting with me. You know, the whole managing expectations.
However, given that most don’t read my profile any way, I don’t know why I bother. "
no profile is to long ...i get moaned at all the time but at the end of the day if a guy cant read a five mins profile then they are not going to be to good between the sheets ..
then they moan they are not going to jump thro hoops to meet and i then have to tell them good i dont want you too thats the point i jump for no one nor should you .. we match or we dont ..get over it..
guys start these type of post so they can avoid this is why i disagree with advice for profiles or advice how to meet or advice where they are going wrong sorry guys but all those things you ask advice for are my filters im not going to help anyone get around them ..
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By *host63Man
over a year ago
Bedfont Feltham |
"‘No baggage’
Everyone does. The fact some wont accept it/don’t know it - concerning."
Well I have never married have no kids always worked . House,car, outside hobbies. I an honestly say I have no baggage. So doing the right thing g all my life makes me a red flag? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People describing themselves as ‘elite’. Each to their own but it sounds big-headed and just puts us off. "
Do people actually do this?!
I'd die of cringe! |
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"I get accused that my profile info is too long, and in reality it really is. I just want people to be informed before they start chatting with me. You know, the whole managing expectations.
However, given that most don’t read my profile any way, I don’t know why I bother. "
I just ready your info, it isnt at all long, and has all the basic info for me to decide if I want to meet you or if i am the sort of person you are looking for.
My profile thingie is rather long too, some would say it is messy, some would say it is interestesting, but most never read it before they send me a msg - so thats a no no right there.
So umm, cool profile |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I get accused that my profile info is too long, and in reality it really is. I just want people to be informed before they start chatting with me. You know, the whole managing expectations.
However, given that most don’t read my profile any way, I don’t know why I bother.
I just ready your info, it isnt at all long, and has all the basic info for me to decide if I want to meet you or if i am the sort of person you are looking for.
My profile thingie is rather long too, some would say it is messy, some would say it is interestesting, but most never read it before they send me a msg - so thats a no no right there.
So umm, cool profile "
Well thank you kindly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"‘No baggage’
Everyone does. The fact some wont accept it/don’t know it - concerning.
Well I have never married have no kids always worked . House,car, outside hobbies. I an honestly say I have no baggage. So doing the right thing g all my life makes me a red flag?"
Equating kids with the term baggage doesn’t come across great |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Profiles that discount people based on race/colour.
There's been several times when i've received a friend request and when i read the profile that sent it, it excludes an ethnicity that I'm partly connected to. (I'm a mixture of lots of things).
I told this to a friend who jokingly told me that perhaps some people may have a colour chart on their wall.. |
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By *glyBettyTV/TS
over a year ago
About 3 feet away from the fence |
"Top only"
If they say this during a message exchange or in person it's usually the truth.
If they say this on their profile there's half a chance when I turn up they're wearing their wife's pants/stockings/bra pointing their behind at me asking me to fuck them in the ass.
It's almost like catfishing, you turn up expecting one thing & get the other. |
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By *outhwilts63Man
over a year ago
Gazing into the fist of Dredd |
"‘No baggage’
Everyone does. The fact some wont accept it/don’t know it - concerning.
Well I have never married have no kids always worked . House,car, outside hobbies. I an honestly say I have no baggage. So doing the right thing g all my life makes me a red flag?"
Baggage isn't all about whether you have kids and exes - assuming you have exes, or have you never been in a relationship?
Every one carries around something from their past and/or present. |
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Profile reads "will fill in later" or "new to this" but they've been on FAB over a year.
Will only meet "exceptional" people. Just screams arrogance.
Self entitlement.
Text speak.
No pics whatsoever. |
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Consistency has always been my favourite fab word in regard to pics, bio, veries, pm's and forum comments.
My red flag alarm isn't infallible but checking consistency has always worked reasonably well for me and as a result I've never had a no show, been scammed or catfished or engaged with a fake profile. |
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"When:
Floppy cock pics.. not sure what they’re trying to show
Sentences or the whole profile in capital letters… feels aggressive, like they’re shouting
Can only meet during the day… he’s attached
Discreet… he’s attached
No pics … attached?
Emphasising numerous times NSA, no drama blablabla… he’s attached
Not really into attached people… haha
"
And the essential dick hovering above a toilet bowl in a public convenience picture.
You're right about the cheaters though. FAB Swingers or FAB cheating husbands? It's beginning to feel like the latter these days. |
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By *glyBettyTV/TS
over a year ago
About 3 feet away from the fence |
"
Hate these threads.
Red flags are there for a reason to protect people FFS.
Why teach people how to hide thier undesirable traits, options, attitudes situations etc
KJ"
I feel the same about responding to "profile advice" threads.
I don't think we should help these people to work out how to get positive responses from established users, they need to work it out for themselves. |
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"Our pictures being passed of as there’s is usually a big red flag for us "
I always use the search image with Google lens option. The sheer number of profiles with images nicked of 'tinternet is quite staggering. |
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By *JCouple
over a year ago
Teesside |
"
Hate these threads.
Red flags are there for a reason to protect people FFS.
Why teach people how to hide thier undesirable traits, options, attitudes situations etc
KJ
I feel the same about responding to "profile advice" threads.
I don't think we should help these people to work out how to get positive responses from established users, they need to work it out for themselves. "
Exactly.
It's like when they tell them to remove the 420 reference to increase thier chances er no!
That's a very important red flag for many people. Plus surely they would feel most comfortable with other drug users anyway?
KJ |
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"When:
Floppy cock pics.. not sure what they’re trying to show
Sentences or the whole profile in capital letters… feels aggressive, like they’re shouting
Can only meet during the day… he’s attached
Discreet… he’s attached
No pics … attached?
Emphasising numerous times NSA, no drama blablabla… he’s attached
Not really into attached people… haha
And the essential dick hovering above a toilet bowl in a public convenience picture.
You're right about the cheaters though. FAB Swingers or FAB cheating husbands? It's beginning to feel like the latter these days."
Totally agree.
Oh yes a cock above the toilet is not sexy lol |
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