FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > When it comes to morals ..
When it comes to morals ..
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By *anBerks OP Man 38 weeks ago
Berkshire |
.. are you judgemental of others?
Or maybe you’re a live and let live kind of person unless it impacts you in some way?
Are your morals the “right” ones?
Do you look down on those who you would interpret as having ‘looser’ morals than you (for want of a better phrase!)
And are those with stricter morals just a bit stuffy and old fashioned?
Lots of questions, Fabsters! You don’t have to answer them all! 
Obviously on Fab we all know cheating is *always* wrong, irrespective of the journey taken to be on here.
But some would say any form of adultery (for that’s what swinging is, even with consent, oh yes it is!) is wrong.
And what about Poly? Or kinks?
Gosh, what a lot to contemplate! |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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I have my moral compass and it guides me well. I know it’s not the same as other people’s moral compasses and I try not to judge.
Sometimes tho….. people make it hard! |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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In regards to cheating, people are gonna cheat. It is part of life like it or not. I've been cheated on and yeah it's not good, but I know people go through different things and such and I do meet married men.
I just think there's ways to go about it, for one, don't broadcast what you're doing looking for sympathy. Don't slag off your other half. Have a little respect for the person you're disrespecting. Or something like that. |
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By *.T.Man 38 weeks ago
Glasgow |
I will make judgements based in a whole range of factors, it is human nature after all.
However I only allow my judgements to come into play when it is to protect myself and others. My moral compass is *ahem* wonky, so as a result I will not condemn others when I know I'm not in a position to pass judgement.
I guess I am morally flexible when it suits me and that influences my judgement too.
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".. are you judgemental of others?
Or maybe you’re a live and let live kind of person unless it impacts you in some way?
Are your morals the “right” ones?
Do you look down on those who you would interpret as having ‘looser’ morals than you (for want of a better phrase!)
And are those with stricter morals just a bit stuffy and old fashioned?
Lots of questions, Fabsters! You don’t have to answer them all!
Obviously on Fab we all know cheating is *always* wrong, irrespective of the journey taken to be on here.
But some would say any form of adultery (for that’s what swinging is, even with consent, oh yes it is!) is wrong.
And what about Poly? Or kinks?
Gosh, what a lot to contemplate! "
I’ve been well & truly judged. I’m ok with that  |
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By *anBerks OP Man 38 weeks ago
Berkshire |
"I wonder where the inspiration for this thread came from..  "
 ha, yes there’s clearly an inspiration but it’s meant to be a genuine thread and not a shitpost.
It’s exactly that: inspired by the other one but hoping to delve further into what people deem is right and wrong or acceptable or not in the world of sexual liberation! |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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"I wonder where the inspiration for this thread came from..
ha, yes there’s clearly an inspiration but it’s meant to be a genuine thread and not a shitpost.
It’s exactly that: inspired by the other one but hoping to delve further into what people deem is right and wrong or acceptable or not in the world of sexual liberation! "
In the world of sexual liberation id say morally right would be any and all participants having made informed choices and being in possession of all necessary information |
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People each have their own moral code, and as long as they're happy with what they're doing, that's their business. If it's horribly misaligned with my own morals, I just won't be involved.
Honesty is one of those things I'm not willing to compromise on. |
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I guess I have in my head what I think is right and wrong but I don’t tend to judge other people too much on their choices, well within reason. I recognise life is complicated and it’s rarely black and white. Even if I think someone is doing wrong I am unlikely to call them out on it unless I really think there is a good reason I need to.
Kx |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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People naturally judge others based on their own expectations which overall is pretty wrong. We don't know the ins and out of any situation so just because we wouldn't do it ourselves, doesn't mean we should beat someone with the moral stick who does. All morals and beliefs are individual to that person, there's no official right or wrong answer. The world would be a lot nicer if everyone did them and let others make their own life choices. |
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By *anBerks OP Man 38 weeks ago
Berkshire |
"I wonder where the inspiration for this thread came from..
ha, yes there’s clearly an inspiration but it’s meant to be a genuine thread and not a shitpost.
It’s exactly that: inspired by the other one but hoping to delve further into what people deem is right and wrong or acceptable or not in the world of sexual liberation!
In the world of sexual liberation id say morally right would be any and all participants having made informed choices and being in possession of all necessary information "
I think that’s a good answer : informed choices. Up to you then to decide if you want to proceed or not based on that information.  |
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"I wonder where the inspiration for this thread came from..
ha, yes there’s clearly an inspiration but it’s meant to be a genuine thread and not a shitpost.
It’s exactly that: inspired by the other one but hoping to delve further into what people deem is right and wrong or acceptable or not in the world of sexual liberation! "
There's individual morality and there's a group or collective morality that's found in the forum. Most are wise enough to keep schtum when their personal code conflicts with the group code. |
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Of course I judge. I judge in different ways. I have an initial judgement and then I'll judge again based upon any context I have about a situation. It may not change the initial judgement.
The way I project my judgement and choose to do so is what is important ass far as I'm concerned. I can judge against and still be civil, or I can judge and act a cunt.
I judge my "Friends" but I also support them. I'll tell them of my judgement and if that will affect the way my support is. I'll tell them if I feel I can't support if I feel that strongly. |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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I try not to be judgey, especially those having an affair as I have been that person that had multiple (well 2) and I hold my hands up to that, it was a long time ago and thankfully I found a partner that understands I can't be monogmas but I can sleep with whom I like (within reason) as long as he knows and vice versa. If people judge us for that, they are the ones with the problem not me/us.
Danish x |
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I’m live and let live. Unless it affects me.
If people ask for opinions on here though I’ll sometimes give one. Opinions are often seen as judgements though. I’d never ask for opinions on anything I do as I don’t need validation or opinions on any of it. I’m happy with me and my morals. |
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"Morals are very fluid and change if there if there is something to be gained, it is the nature of people.
"
My moral compass hasn’t shifted for 20+ years , I’m very secure in my core beliefs and one of those is not judging others. Another is never excusing bad decisions as human nature, everyone has a brain and can think before they act. |
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"I wonder where the inspiration for this thread came from..
ha, yes there’s clearly an inspiration but it’s meant to be a genuine thread and not a shitpost.
It’s exactly that: inspired by the other one but hoping to delve further into what people deem is right and wrong or acceptable or not in the world of sexual liberation!
In the world of sexual liberation id say morally right would be any and all participants having made informed choices and being in possession of all necessary information "
I would just add being decent enough to consider the impact on those you’ve made promises to or those who may be hurt by your informed but bad choices & being good enough to do the right thing even if it deny’s you a little pleasure |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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I’ve learned not to judge, having fallen myself. The heart is a funny thing. You think you’ll always be happy with the one you love - you think they’re perfect. You’ll never hurt them. Until the one you never saw coming enters your life.
I don’t judge because I’ve been there. And whilst you may not have been there, it could happen to you tomorrow. Or this weekend. Or next year.
My situation is sorted now. Some regrets about my behaviour, of course - but no judgment of others. |
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By *anBerks OP Man 38 weeks ago
Berkshire |
A follow up question really that I’ve just thought of (like I didn’t pose enough in the OP or anything, right?  ): does the *environment* you’re in change your morals?
Some people have told me that in a club situation they tend to be more “flexible” who they play with than a meet direct off Fab.. so if you’re in a “bubble” at any moment in time does normal morality go out of the window?
I must admit that in the heady atmosphere of a club it does feel a bit more like anything goes, or am I wrong?
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As a child I read a book called The Water Babies. There was a character called "Miss Do As You Would Be Done By". It had a huge impact on me and I've tried to live my whole life in that way. Sexually, relationships, friendships, at work, everything.
People will bend over backwards to justify their own dickish behaviour and the cognitive dissonance is real when they find themselves looking at their own arsehole.
So if someone is being a selfish dick, I will go some way to try to understand why but they will lose my respect and trust.
Not sure I answered the OP but it felt good to write it down 
J |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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"A follow up question really that I’ve just thought of (like I didn’t pose enough in the OP or anything, right? ): does the *environment* you’re in change your morals?
Some people have told me that in a club situation they tend to be more “flexible” who they play with than a meet direct off Fab.. so if you’re in a “bubble” at any moment in time does normal morality go out of the window?
I must admit that in the heady atmosphere of a club it does feel a bit more like anything goes, or am I wrong?
"
I don’t think morals change but you don’t ask as many questions in a club. |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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"As a child I read a book called The Water Babies. There was a character called "Miss Do As You Would Be Done By". It had a huge impact on me and I've tried to live my whole life in that way. Sexually, relationships, friendships, at work, everything.
People will bend over backwards to justify their own dickish behaviour and the cognitive dissonance is real when they find themselves looking at their own arsehole.
So if someone is being a selfish dick, I will go some way to try to understand why but they will lose my respect and trust.
Not sure I answered the OP but it felt good to write it down
J"
Omg i remember that book! Gonna get a copy and read it again! |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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"A follow up question really that I’ve just thought of (like I didn’t pose enough in the OP or anything, right? ): does the *environment* you’re in change your morals?
Some people have told me that in a club situation they tend to be more “flexible” who they play with than a meet direct off Fab.. so if you’re in a “bubble” at any moment in time does normal morality go out of the window?
I must admit that in the heady atmosphere of a club it does feel a bit more like anything goes, or am I wrong?
I don’t think morals change but you don’t ask as many questions in a club. "
That's what I used to think as well |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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Think we all judge but try to keep my views to myself as never been in their shoes
My morals have stopped me having certain meets no matter what the fantasy was |
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Moral codes are great until you need them. I think Sartre pointed that out. The very existence of moral dilemmas demonstrates that there's no definitive rules. So all we do is use that knowledge to justify our decision, whatever it may be. Some people can justify their way out of anything.
However, I do believe we have a natural BS detector. And I do believe we know when what we are doing may hurt a partner. If you didn't then why hide it in the first place?
That's something to work out with the people I am intimate with - what our boundaries are. How other people do that is their business.
I find judging people I don't know a peculiar notion, in most circumstances. I guess it comes from believing there is some universal objective moral rules to judge people by? What gives me a monopoly on what they are? The greatest philosophical minds since the dawn of time can't agree - but I got that shit all worked out?
I'm pretty smart, but I'll stick to deciding what the rules are for myself rather than telling other people how to live their lives. |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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We all judge, it's human nature.
We all judge differently though, some with a knee jerk reaction, others with a try to understand.
Our own personal experiences, upbringing, personalities etc will form our views and tolerances.
I realise that anyone I disagree with, and they with me, if we were to swap shoes, there's a chance we'd change opinions and judge differently.
I try to view all angles, to put myself in the position of anyone involved in the issues.
It can sometimes irritate my partner when I say .... In his defence.
When speaking of her horrible bastard of an ex.
Regarding cheating, I've been cheated on and I've cheated, both in the long past.
I've managed to forgive (or at least let go) of she who cheated, but not forgive myself for my actions.
The regret though does serve me well, because there's no chance I'll do that again.
Also regarding cheating, it's wrong, very wrong, however I do feel it can be excused under certain circumstances, and not the circumstances on why I cheated back then, this view isn't too excuse my past disgrace.
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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".. are you judgemental of others?
Or maybe you’re a live and let live kind of person unless it impacts you in some way?
Are your morals the “right” ones?
Do you look down on those who you would interpret as having ‘looser’ morals than you (for want of a better phrase!)
And are those with stricter morals just a bit stuffy and old fashioned?
Lots of questions, Fabsters! You don’t have to answer them all!
Obviously on Fab we all know cheating is *always* wrong, irrespective of the journey taken to be on here.
But some would say any form of adultery (for that’s what swinging is, even with consent, oh yes it is!) is wrong.
And what about Poly? Or kinks?
Gosh, what a lot to contemplate! "
I'm judgemental of everyone.
My morals are right for me.
People with loose morals are ok if I like the person and not if not.
Cheaters are shit but I still may fuck one.
Adultery as swinging is fine. Unless the swingers are cheating on each other then it's shit.
Polywhat
Kinks- some are ok and some make me 
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Yes I judge ,probably more harshly than Jack does.
We all judge and I do think some people who are doing things they know are wrong, use the judging card as a criticism of others too.
I try to consider others ,that's why I'd never knowingly meet someone cheating.No not even in a club,I'd still ask.
If their Mrs knows ,as long as it can be verified that's all cool.
Other people's morals do sometimes surprise me,but that's for them and their conscience.The morals sometimes vary depending on who is asking though it seems.
With kinks many might not be for me ,but as long as they're not hurting anyone then each to their own.
People are different and complex & as I said in the other post ,we're often shaped by our own past experiences I think .
Miss |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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Everyone here would be judged harshly by the world outside of fab, outside of swinging, even though those judging wouldn’t be in possession of all the facts, knowledge and wisdom to make such judgments.
Judgement is a complex issue, and while most do judge, they shouldn’t. I try to avoid judging, wherever possible, but may form an opinion which may be based on uncon scious judgment.
The the M word. It’s called personal morality for a reason. You have to be able to stand by your own moral judgments.
I loved the comment about morality going by the wayside when personal gain is available… politicians anyone? |
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Yes I judge. I try my hardest not to impose my judgement unto others. As after all it's not my life to lead, I just distance myself from that person.
Unless I lose my temper and it all sort of spills out  |
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Of course, everyone is judgmental anyone who says they aren’t is a liar.
Society has always been judgmental from day one, how do you think the class system begin.
People are judging me now based on this comment good or bad it’s just the way we’re programmed.
The mr |
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….I think 