Why is our language around this so negative? What is negative about not being attracted to everyone, only meeting those you are attracted to, only doing the sex with people you want to? Why do people feel they have to justify their choices by framing it as being picky?
Full moon musings 
Mrs TMN x |
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By *red333Man 39 weeks ago
Dorchester |
"Why is our language around this so negative? What is negative about not being attracted to everyone, only meeting those you are attracted to, only doing the sex with people you want to? Why do people feel they have to justify their choices by framing it as being picky?
Full moon musings
Mrs TMN x"
people like to analyse everything  |
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By (user no longer on site) 39 weeks ago
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Because as human beings, our ego doesn't allow us to believe that there's something wrong with us. So we create something wrong with them to cushion the blow of rejection. |
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By *eliWoman 39 weeks ago
I'll know it when I find it. |
I don't know. And I was toying with this as a thread so great minds and all of that.
I have to admit when I read the words "picky", "fussy" or "choosy"... more oft than not I think, 'really?'. They're wanky terms in my mind. In my mind because I know others have no issue with using them and that's fine. Undoubtedly it's because of confirmation bias that I see those words as being rather grim.
I guess to a certain extent we all like to believe or at least market ourselves as being selective. Having good taste. Not "fucking anyone" because heaven forbid we'd do such a thing.
I think it's great when people have standards. Not, as sometimes it can be used, to imply a certain superiority.
It's such a subjective, personal term.
I think people choose and have every right to choose who they have sex with.
That doesn't make them picky/fussy/choosy, whether it's being weaponised because someone is excluded from being chosen or touted as a way of saying they won't have sex with anyone.
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By (user no longer on site) 39 weeks ago
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It's a funny thing.
I am picky, in that my time is limited and I want to spend it with people I really like, where's there is mutual attraction and chemistry.
Although, I also have times when I feel I possibly have no right to be in that there's a whole world of women out there better than me in many ways.
Ultimately why would anyone have sex with someone they don't fancy though? Where would the fun be in that?
The language is really irrelevant but people do choose to focus on it quite heavily because maybe, it makes them feel better.
Humans are beautifully complex and fragile |
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By (user no longer on site) 39 weeks ago
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It's the British way and telling someone the truth is just not cricket.
We lived abroad for some time and the people there could not believe how many times we would say "sorry" and "Thank you" in every conversation.
We stand in line all day just to tell someone in a soft, gentle, pink and fluffy way we are not interested.
Look at how many threads appear on here by those offended or complaining they don't get a reply.. |
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By (user no longer on site) 39 weeks ago
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I honestly don’t get the thought process as why you’d want to just meet someone who literally meets anyone and miss out on all the chemistry, fun, flirting, connection, compatibility, personally I enjoy everything before sex just as much if not more than the actual sex itself …. But that’s just me  |
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By (user no longer on site) 39 weeks ago
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All of you have covered it beautifully.
I'm fussy. I'm not skinny because I'm a fussy eater lol just before someone points that out...
Everyone has the right to pick what they want, who they want and frankly, I've been rejected more times than many others yet again, I've been accepted more times than many others...
It's funny though, being picky is more often a negative term for knowing what we like...
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It's all dependent at how the words mean to you, I see them as a positive, if I'm not picky, I'd fuck them all.
I like picky men, as I want to be chosen, not just be an acceptable fuck because I have a vag |
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By *essaMayWoman 39 weeks ago
Fairytale Wood |
These words are not really anything other than defensive words/expressions. Picky, Fussy, fake, timewaster etc etc.
When people tell you they are blocking you as some kind punishment for some crime like saying no.
Nobody likes rejection on any level and we try and rationalise it in diferent ways, it is our instictive defensive reaction, not getting maybe a job you wanted or the response to a quip. They are too picky or humourless bunch.
Worse on sites like this as there are egos and entitled attitudes to deal with.
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Gawd this is such a good question. Broadly speaking I think we are entering into some existence where you can only be for or against something. So if you don't find someone attractive, you must find them unattractive. It's utter rubbish, we are all looking for something and not everyone fits the bill.
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By (user no longer on site) 39 weeks ago
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It’s not picky.
Its preference.
The negative element shows a lack of understanding in my eyes.
You wouldn’t go to a bar and speak to people or have to justify why you wouldn’t sleep with someone.
Why does that change just because you’re on a swinging platform.
Rather simple logic and manners in my eyes |
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By (user no longer on site) 39 weeks ago
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"If you have 10 different steaks in front of you and you pick the prime fillet over the braising steak you are not fussy, you are a connoisseur. "
Eloquently said!
Here here!
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"If you have 10 different steaks in front of you and you pick the prime fillet over the braising steak you are not fussy, you are a connoisseur. "
Perfectly put, a Big Mac is fine if you don’t have much choice but given the option a delicious steak is always going to win out. |
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We see it as having a preference. You know what you like, you know the people you probably won’t get on with.
Some people are looking for people similar to themselves and that’s their preference. It’s not picky in our view. |
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