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By *ustaman OP Man 50 weeks ago
weymouth |
So following on from my trip to WT Friday it confirmed to me that I don't enjoy large groups, small groups may be half a dozen I'm ok (mostly) but large I withdraw into myself and shut down. Perhaps I've always been like that tbh I can't remember my teenage years to work out if I was and why. Definitely began to notice it more in my 40's and it's got progressively worse.
So here's my dilemma do I continue to force myself to be in large groups pretty much knowing I'm not going to enjoy the experience in an attempt to de-sensitise myself, or just go not for me and accept that busy clubs are not for me.
Certainly I'm questioning whether it's worth the effort and subsequent psychological damage.
Apologies if this comes over as a pity post it's not meant to be more a conversation starter hoping that other folks experience the same thing and how they survived/conquered it
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I am not a fan of big groups - I just don’t like them so I tend not to go to events like that. I enjoy smaller parties etc where things can be split off easily. Play to your strengths, do what you want and ignore what others are doing if it is not right for you. |
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I suffer from social anxiety, however it seems to affect me less at swinging events and socials.
I can't explain it.
What I've done is just try and socialise and if I feel the anxiety rising I withdraw to somewhere quiet, calm down, then try again.
Don't be worried about having to leave and don't put pressure on yourself.
If it's a fab group social, perhaps mention it to the hosts and they could help. I've met loads of supportive people who have helped me at events.
Bed of luck.
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By *hrimper36Couple 50 weeks ago
Central France dept 36 |
Be you op and be comfortable being you that’s the trick I find.
Many possible reasons why you feel that way and mine is Autism but honestly knowing the reason you feel a certain way or act a certain way changes very little but I found that my label helped me deal with everyday life much better.
T |
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By (user no longer on site) 50 weeks ago
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I don't always do well in big groups, but it's less social anxiety now and more sensory overload. I've found a few things that make it much easier.
- Getting to the venue earlyish to scout out the quiet corners and to acclimatise before it gets busy.
- Having a familiar person to go with or meet there.
- Taking myself off for 5/10 mins or so when I feel overwhelm or shutdown setting in.
- Dancing, if there's a dancefloor, so I can take a break from chatting but still enjoy people's company. I know that's not for everyone and may even fill some people with horror, but I've always enjoyed it. |
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OP, as said by a few, having someone familiar there can help. Strongly suggest contacting one of the online help organisations set up specifically for people to get help for this and other conditions. They are a fantastic help. |
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Mr here. Depression and Social anxiety has played a big part in my life and only now really addressing it. Definitely prevented me doing things I know I would enjoy so can relate fully. Currently doing CBT and don't like to admit but it's had me in tears more often than not trying to confront this issue. Optimistic it might make a difference.
you should definitely reach out to GP or do what I did and self refer yourself to a mental health support organisation.
All the best |
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By *edeWoman 50 weeks ago
the abyss |
There is no hard and fast rules to be honest. It's about learning what is too much for you. Having someone with you that can help 'ground' you or notice when things may be too much, is really helpful.
Everyone has different triggers, for some it's the noise, some the space, some the reason for being there. Learning which is easiest/worst for you will help.
There a lot of good tips above like taking time out, finding a quiet corner etc.
So many other things will trigger you more too, for example being tired, sugar levels etc.
Most importantly - be kind to yourself. If you go to an event and find it's too much then you can always leave. There is nothing wrong with looking after yourself - you have to make yourself a priority  |
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By (user no longer on site) 50 weeks ago
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hey i suffer with depression and some anixerty
here is what i do when it hitting me hard
go for a 30 minute walk in which you take in every sight and sound you can
then i do a simple countdown
5 things you can see
4 things you can hear
3 things you can touch
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
then another 30 min walk again taking everything in
i hope you find this helpful or to anyone who needs it  |
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By *ustaman OP Man 50 weeks ago
weymouth |
"If you don't enjoy it and it's not vital to your life, don't do it.
Neither of us do well in large groups so we just avoid them.
Is there a reason you want to be part of large groups op?"
Struggling to make connections so visiting clubs is (I thought) the most likely for me to gain those. As a solo fella of a certain age clubs seemed to be the best route - I'm having to re-assess that thought and tbh feeling a little lost |
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By *assy69Man 50 weeks ago
sussex and Wales |
"So following on from my trip to WT Friday it confirmed to me that I don't enjoy large groups, small groups may be half a dozen I'm ok (mostly) but large I withdraw into myself and shut down. Perhaps I've always been like that tbh I can't remember my teenage years to work out if I was and why. Definitely began to notice it more in my 40's and it's got progressively worse.
So here's my dilemma do I continue to force myself to be in large groups pretty much knowing I'm not going to enjoy the experience in an attempt to de-sensitise myself, or just go not for me and accept that busy clubs are not for me.
Certainly I'm questioning whether it's worth the effort and subsequent psychological damage.
Apologies if this comes over as a pity post it's not meant to be more a conversation starter hoping that other folks experience the same thing and how they survived/conquered it
"
All my life I have avoided large groups, like you, I’ve just shut down and found a dark, quiet corner where I can be left alone. When I began my current job, around 7-8 years ago, marketing was to be a big part of what I do. I made it clear I just wouldn’t do it, and the deal was that I wrote presentations etc and others would present them. Recently, my lack of participation has become a bit of an issue so, I’ve begun attending local business network events. As I enjoy the outdoors, I have been attending g outdoor events and have found this to be a good way to be in a group, take part in an event, but have the ability to withdraw without being too obvious. Have done a few now and am hoping that this will give me the confidence to participate in events that take place at indoor venues. Will still not present anything, but this is helping me to engage with other people in a larger group setting …… and think I may have begun to waffle a bit, sorry, but hope this all makes some sense |
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"If you don't enjoy it and it's not vital to your life, don't do it.
Neither of us do well in large groups so we just avoid them.
Is there a reason you want to be part of large groups op?
Struggling to make connections so visiting clubs is (I thought) the most likely for me to gain those. As a solo fella of a certain age clubs seemed to be the best route - I'm having to re-assess that thought and tbh feeling a little lost "
I understand.
Would smaller organised socials be the way forward for you? I don't know if there are any in your area.
We used to visit Eureka and Silverleigh during the day. There were far fewer people do it was less overwhelming.
The downside to that of course is that there are fewer opportunities to meet people. |
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By *ustaman OP Man 50 weeks ago
weymouth |
"If you don't enjoy it and it's not vital to your life, don't do it.
Neither of us do well in large groups so we just avoid them.
Is there a reason you want to be part of large groups op?
Struggling to make connections so visiting clubs is (I thought) the most likely for me to gain those. As a solo fella of a certain age clubs seemed to be the best route - I'm having to re-assess that thought and tbh feeling a little lost
I understand.
Would smaller organised socials be the way forward for you? I don't know if there are any in your area.
We used to visit Eureka and Silverleigh during the day. There were far fewer people do it was less overwhelming.
The downside to that of course is that there are fewer opportunities to meet people. "
That's a good point  |
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By *bi HaiveMan 50 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"So following on from my trip to WT Friday it confirmed to me that I don't enjoy large groups, small groups may be half a dozen I'm ok (mostly) but large I withdraw into myself and shut down. Perhaps I've always been like that tbh I can't remember my teenage years to work out if I was and why. Definitely began to notice it more in my 40's and it's got progressively worse.
So here's my dilemma do I continue to force myself to be in large groups pretty much knowing I'm not going to enjoy the experience in an attempt to de-sensitise myself, or just go not for me and accept that busy clubs are not for me.
Certainly I'm questioning whether it's worth the effort and subsequent psychological damage.
Apologies if this comes over as a pity post it's not meant to be more a conversation starter hoping that other folks experience the same thing and how they survived/conquered it
"
Do you mean WT as in the club in Torquay?
Having been recently I found it like many clubs. Large enough for a good sized crowd but small enough and with enough variety of rooms that it's possible to find yourself in a relatively small group.
Clubs can be daunting. A potential solution is to network in advance, find a few people that are going and get together as a small group. People often accuse this of being 'cliquey' but it can help with social anxiety and mean a more comfortable evening. You don't have to attempt to interact with everyone there. Finding 'your people' is often a great way to enjoy a club/social night.  |
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No, don't do it to yourself. I'm very much a one on one person, even small groups are a bit much for me unless I actually know everyone.
I mean I can go to big events where I don't have to actively socialise, like a gig or festival. But I don't enjoy the idea of having to put a face on and look like I'm having a great time at something like a birthday or wedding. |
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I very much used to suffer from stage fright, never could stay hard with an audience. Small (no more than 5 or 6) group sessions only with people I knew.
Then for no reason I can explain, 2 or 3 months ago there I am banging away in front of strangers, last time being yesterday *shrugs* |
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By *ustaman OP Man 50 weeks ago
weymouth |
"So following on from my trip to WT Friday it confirmed to me that I don't enjoy large groups, small groups may be half a dozen I'm ok (mostly) but large I withdraw into myself and shut down. Perhaps I've always been like that tbh I can't remember my teenage years to work out if I was and why. Definitely began to notice it more in my 40's and it's got progressively worse.
So here's my dilemma do I continue to force myself to be in large groups pretty much knowing I'm not going to enjoy the experience in an attempt to de-sensitise myself, or just go not for me and accept that busy clubs are not for me.
Certainly I'm questioning whether it's worth the effort and subsequent psychological damage.
Apologies if this comes over as a pity post it's not meant to be more a conversation starter hoping that other folks experience the same thing and how they survived/conquered it
Do you mean WT as in the club in Torquay?
Having been recently I found it like many clubs. Large enough for a good sized crowd but small enough and with enough variety of rooms that it's possible to find yourself in a relatively small group.
Clubs can be daunting. A potential solution is to network in advance, find a few people that are going and get together as a small group. People often accuse this of being 'cliquey' but it can help with social anxiety and mean a more comfortable evening. You don't have to attempt to interact with everyone there. Finding 'your people' is often a great way to enjoy a club/social night. "
I try to reach out to folks before to be in general met with a wall of silence. WT was the Torquay club, nothing wrong with it and yes lots of rooms often occupied with folks having fun and I've never been a fan of acting the voyeur - given the chance I'm more an exhibitionist but that requires me to be out of my shell and not withdrawn in it  |
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We were really nervous on a first club visit and still get butterflies before a meet (although they are now mostly naughty butterflies). It's ok, this too shall pass.
Nice people will gravitate to other nice cool people, idiots and morons inherently make themselves known. Stick with the former and leave the latter to bukld your confidence.
And keep an eye out for those butterflies |
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I can experience similar experiences in large groups. I've recently discovered that I have ADHD and medication makes a difference. I get overwhelmed and can't focus when there are too many simultaneous conversations going on. When I am in smaller groups, I am completely in my element and can focus really intently.
It's possible the anxiety is secondary to Neurodiversity. In the sense neurospicy people experience situations differently to those weird neuronormie types. No offence.
Of course it could be anxiety, but if it is secondary you could end up treating the symptoms rather than the cause.
My answer to it when I was younger was to get wasted, but I wouldn't advise that as a coping strategy. |
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"
It's possible the anxiety is secondary to Neurodiversity. In the sense neurospicy people experience situations differently to those weird neuronormie types. No offence.
"
Imagine the reaction if someone openly called those neurospicy types weird |
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It's possible the anxiety is secondary to Neurodiversity. In the sense neurospicy people experience situations differently to those weird neuronormie types. No offence.
Imagine the reaction if someone openly called those neurospicy types weird"
I was being playful, but I've been called weird many times. Told to just get over it, it's no big deal. Punished in school because of it, put in isolation etc.
I embrace my weird. |
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By (user no longer on site) 50 weeks ago
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I have this too. Many a time we have been invited to something and as the date gets nearer the anxiety increases. On the day I don't want to go.
It's why we prefer spontaneous things rather than arranged meets. |
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