This is a shout out to anyone and no one in particular but felt it needed to be said
Yesterday we were messaged by an older single guy with what can only be described as omg where did that introduction message come from. Vile, disrespectful and downright vulgar names some of it
His profile clearly shows he's into hard core SM , BDSM and stuff not relevant to us
Nowhere in our profile does it show we entertain this side of fun
So we tell him straight we feel vile n disgusted by his message n point out we don't have any of these interests on our profile nor wanting single men to message
We block so we don't have any more issues but then find he names n shames us on a status stating we are "drama queens"
Still waiting for admin to remove after reporting
So please anyone when messaging profiles please actually think twice about what you put to people when messaging
Yes we normally use filters but had been changing things n forgot to register
To say this has on this occasion has upset us an understatement. Past history of abuse in a previous relationship has now been bought to the forefront due to someone not thinking. Ok so they don't know about pasts like we don't but come on guys show some respect
This is not aimed at anyone who shows care and decency on this site in the slightest but the idiots who are slowly letting this site sink to depravity |
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I've just read your profile and at no point did it indicate you were up for any BDSM. Even if it did you would start off with a polite message. Well I would lol. Shame some people dont seem to have any etiquette. |
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Sorry to read you received this and feel this way.
You gotta have thick skin in this game. The best bit of advice from Fab, and the most difficult to follow is “ignore and move on”
Hit the block button and don’t seek the endorphin rush by replying with a ‘piece of your mind’
Keep smiling
Xx |
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One thing that never fails to turn me off is the 'daddy' thing. I had a similar message, with daddy dropped in.
When I explained it was a turn off and I wasn't interested, all I got was vile messages questioning my own interests and being on here in the first place.
Very quickly blocked |
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"All this person has to do is delete and recreate their profile under the same name and they're free to contact you again, again and again (speaking from experience)."
Block newbies. They’ll soon get fed up |
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Best thing to do is just delete and block op. Don’t bother replying. I don’t. He probably wouldn’t have named and shamed you if you’d ignored. Chances are he won’t be on the forums to see this either. |
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I got so fed up of some of the vile messages I used to get, so I put all my filters on and now no one can message. One message I received in particular really turned my stomach, so I do understand how you’re feeling OP. I think some people get a kick out of sending really vulgar messages. I think the best way to deal with them is to mark the message as unread, block, delete (and report if necessary). |
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By *utualMan 25 weeks ago
Bawtry |
I just don't understand how people behave on here (and often in society). I guess the good ones just need to remain decent, polite and kind individuals who give each other the common decency of reading a profile and then responding if it matches your needs/wants. But alas, we have to block and report and I doubt this position will ever change.......but we can live in hope! |
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Why can’t you just delete and block ? Just treat messages like spam and don’t take it personally. If you engage you’ll just invite abuse & trouble. If you wanna report them to admin and great, but it’s not ready your site to police, they let the weirdos in |
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It doesn't matter what you are into a first message should still be respectful.
I am into BDSM but I wouldn't entertain anyone who sent me a vile first message. BDSM only works with trust and respect between all participants so that kind of message would have been reported by me too. |
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By *ickD80Man 25 weeks ago
Wolverhampton |
You say that it was an introduction message so you obviously don’t know this man, which means that whatever he said to you was just generic insults and name calling that he probably copies and pastes to lots of other people rather than being specifically aimed at you, so don’t take it personally. It might help to consider how lame and pathetic he must be to have nothing better to do with his time than send offensive messages to complete strangers. You should pity him rather than be upset by him.
Unfortunately though you have pretty much played into his hands and given him exactly what he wants. People don’t send messages like that to strangers with the hope of it being the start of a long and happy friendship or relationship, they send them to get a reaction from the recipient, to get their attention and to cause a bit of drama, they aren’t expecting a positive response at all. By replying to his message and posting in the forum about it you have given him the attention he was seeking.
It’s like a child who is being ignored by its parents, they normally do something that they know is wrong so that their parents get angry at them and give them some attention by shouting at them. When someone is deprived of any attention they tend to behave in a way that will attract negative attention because receiving negative attention is better than not receiving any attention at all. The man who sent you that message probably lacks basic social skills and struggles to build relationships with people and has little self confidence. He didn’t send you the message because he enjoys offending and upsetting strangers, he sent it to you because he wants some attention and that’s the only way he thinks he could get your attention.
Why did you read the whole message and subject yourself unnecessarily to reading something you found so upsetting? Surely you didn’t need to read the whole message to know that you weren’t interested in him. Maybe if you ever receive a similar message it will be less distressing and triggering for you to stop reading and blocking the sender after seeing the first offensive comment. If you were allergic to nuts but inadvertently started to eat something containing nuts you wouldn’t continue to eat it all after finding out it contains nuts would you? So why would you continue to read a message after finding out it’s an offensive message? |
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