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By *sWyld OP Woman 25 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
Chatting with friends tonight and so many of them are feeling like they are taken for granted by their partners or fwb. Most can't remember the last time they were paid a genuine compliment by these men in their lives.
Looking back at most of my relationships or dalliances this was also a common theme. Being surprised when someone did.
However as friends we compliment each other all the time ,infact I'll often compliment strangers too and would frequently compliment partners.
When does it stop? Why does it stop?
Is it weird to want this? Or is great sex just enough? |
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I think any relationship/connection where that is completely absent has lost an important element.
On the other hand casual compliments on Forum or in messages are cheap currency, nice to receive but not to place much value on.
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By *sWyld OP Woman 25 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
"I think any relationship/connection where that is completely absent has lost an important element.
On the other hand casual compliments on Forum or in messages are cheap currency, nice to receive but not to place much value on.
"
I agree. It's pretty meaningless here but from someone I'm close to it means a great deal.
When that doesn't happen,there's definitely something lacking. Sadly sometimes we don't always notice until it's too late.
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"I think any relationship/connection where that is completely absent has lost an important element.
On the other hand casual compliments on Forum or in messages are cheap currency, nice to receive but not to place much value on.
I agree. It's pretty meaningless here but from someone I'm close to it means a great deal.
When that doesn't happen,there's definitely something lacking. Sadly sometimes we don't always notice until it's too late.
"
Thats a good point. We don't miss it until we notice its no longer there.  |
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"Chatting with friends tonight and so many of them are feeling like they are taken for granted by their partners or fwb. Most can't remember the last time they were paid a genuine compliment by these men in their lives.
Looking back at most of my relationships or dalliances this was also a common theme. Being surprised when someone did.
However as friends we compliment each other all the time ,infact I'll often compliment strangers too and would frequently compliment partners.
When does it stop? Why does it stop?
Is it weird to want this? Or is great sex just enough?"
Who doesn’t love to be complimented regardless on what. It’s nice to be nice |
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By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
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It's not weird to want it. You're not entitled to it, and if you want it you'd do well to ask for it - communication is key and all that.
For what it's worth, I don't really like to be constantly complimented. I like to be complimented for things I do well, I don't like to be complimented to make me feel good. The latter comes off as fake and if you do it you might find I hold you at arms length because it comes off as manipulative and makes me suspicious of your motives.
Since you're addressing this as a gendered thing, I generally find women do this a lot more than men. Maybe other men feel like me, I dunno, but for what it's worth my wife agrees with me and also finds these people to generally be quite manipulative (and also holds them at arms length).
On the other hand, my wife does things worth complimenting - so she does get compliments 🤷 and I thank her for things, much more often than I compliment her for things. |
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By *sWyld OP Woman 25 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
"It's not weird to want it. You're not entitled to it, and if you want it you'd do well to ask for it - communication is key and all that.
For what it's worth, I don't really like to be constantly complimented. I like to be complimented for things I do well, I don't like to be complimented to make me feel good. The latter comes off as fake and if you do it you might find I hold you at arms length because it comes off as manipulative and makes me suspicious of your motives.
Since you're addressing this as a gendered thing, I generally find women do this a lot more than men. Maybe other men feel like me, I dunno, but for what it's worth my wife agrees with me and also finds these people to generally be quite manipulative (and also holds them at arms length).
On the other hand, my wife does things worth complimenting - so she does get compliments 🤷 and I thank her for things, much more often than I compliment her for things."
You raise many good points.
I think being appreciated is super important too. Another thing that's very often been lacking. |
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By *sWyld OP Woman 25 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
"Does too much complimenting devalue the compliments, are people who want, need or expect a high degree of compliments a bit needy ?"
Knowing its ok to want ompliments and appreciation is something that's taken me a very long time . If it makes me needy, so be it |
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By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
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"Does too much complimenting devalue the compliments"
I don't think so - I think complimenting people for things they don't think are worth complimenting devalues your compliments. If I genuinely make a great omelette every morning, and you compliment me on a great omelette every morning - fair enough, I do make great omelettes, and I'm always thinking about how to make them just a bit better.
At least, I think it's a bit shitty if you were to hold back compliments (or, at least, recognition) when someone has done a good job, because you've already complimented them recently. |
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"Does too much complimenting devalue the compliments, are people who want, need or expect a high degree of compliments a bit needy ?
Knowing its ok to want ompliments and appreciation is something that's taken me a very long time . If it makes me needy, so be it "
I think it rests on the ‘high degree’ aspect. Just wanting some appreciation shown and to be complimented on things, particularly things you feel deserve it, would be pretty ‘normal’ for most.  |
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By *sWyld OP Woman 25 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
"The fab conundrum. You give a compliment out, and you then read that people don't accept them, as they're from random people off the Internet. Damned if you do, or don't 🤷♂️🤓"
It's not really about here but I do take that point and understand that frustration |
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By *EAT..85Woman 25 weeks ago
Nottingham |
Relationships take a lot of work.
They naturally settle into the mundane if you let them, people take each other for granted and compliments go out of the window.
I find that a day to day healthy energy and the giving of compliments encourages the energy and compliments to flow on around you (not just in a relationship) 
Fab compliments I would take with a pinch of salt unless I were chatting lots with someone. |
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"The fab conundrum. You give a compliment out, and you then read that people don't accept them, as they're from random people off the Internet. Damned if you do, or don't 🤷♂️🤓"
I think it depends what the compliment is. If it’s about something specific they’ve said or meaningful about their profile, it’s got a better chance of landing than “you’ve got a cracking pair, luv” |
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"The fab conundrum. You give a compliment out, and you then read that people don't accept them, as they're from random people off the Internet. Damned if you do, or don't 🤷♂️🤓
I think it depends what the compliment is. If it’s about something specific they’ve said or meaningful about their profile, it’s got a better chance of landing than “you’ve got a cracking pair, luv”"
How uncouth! That's message 2 😬🤣 |
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"The fab conundrum. You give a compliment out, and you then read that people don't accept them, as they're from random people off the Internet. Damned if you do, or don't 🤷♂️🤓
I think it depends what the compliment is. If it’s about something specific they’ve said or meaningful about their profile, it’s got a better chance of landing than “you’ve got a cracking pair, luv”
How uncouth! That's message 2 😬🤣"
It’s like David Niven is in the room  |
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"The fab conundrum. You give a compliment out, and you then read that people don't accept them, as they're from random people off the Internet. Damned if you do, or don't 🤷♂️🤓
I think it depends what the compliment is. If it’s about something specific they’ve said or meaningful about their profile, it’s got a better chance of landing than “you’ve got a cracking pair, luv”
How uncouth! That's message 2 😬🤣
It’s like David Niven is in the room "
Dear heart, I'm in my smoking jacket, silk pyjamas and lambswool slippers 🤭🤓 |
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I feel super awkward when I get compliments I believe are coming from a good place. My partners are a mix of masking them with sarcasm and jokes or just expressing appreciation in other ways that don't make me feel weird. Words of affirmation are not a language I receive well. But I always feel adored and pretty and wonderful with my people because they make it clear in their actions and other languages.
I make sure I do verbally express the things myself though. I know that just because my brain doesn't process them well doesn't stop them making good feelings in other more functional humans. And in those moments when something shines for me and highlights the beauty or wit or whatever else it is, I like to tell them 💜 |
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By *ags73Man 25 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
Maybe just me and after losing my person over five years ago but if I lived day to day with a women she wouldn’t be taken for granted and I compliment her about everything every day.
When they’re gone, you realise the futility of the stupid petty arguments , sarcasm and the day to day grind life has on both of you.
There’s no rewind button on life and hey ho.
Maybe if I’m very fortunate it may happen again, but sadly doesn’t look likely |
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